Thursday, February 10, 2011

if he doesn't want me in his life, then I don't need him in my world


weheartit

I met him at a language course in my country. He seemed like an interesting man. We were seating next to each other and worked together. I slowly started liking him. Than I was told he was 29... and I was 18. But this age difference didn't stop me from liking him. I liked him even more.

We were always laughing, talking about everything. Than we started going out like friends. His company was the only one I loved. I already knew that I was in love with him. He, on the other side, wasn't. I used all of my woman powers to make him fall for me. Sometimes he acted like he was in love with me, other times he acted like an older friend who helps me out. I couldn't understand what was going on in his mind. And I was too afraid to tell him about my feelings.

Time passed and we were still just friends. But than (after a year) he suddenly told me "I think I like you". My mind was showing me a perfect picture - me and him in a beautiful world of love, butterflies and pink clouds. We started dating. But something was going wrong. We didn't have time for each other and we were fighting because of that. I decided it was better if we broke up. He told me "if it's ok with you, let's get back to the friendship we had" and of course I said "ok". And everything seemed back to its normal self. We were hanging out, talking about everything in the world, he was calling me his little genius again and I was happy being able to be with him that way.

But then he suddenly disappeared. I couldn't find him anywhere - he didn't answer his phone, he was never online in skype or facebook, his home was empty. It was like he was dead. The first month I was afraid that something might have happened with him. Then I got used to it - he wasn't in my life anymore. 3 months passed and I still didn't hear anything from him. Then one day I was walking down the street and I saw him. He was coming to me. I was so happy that he was alive and healthy. As he came nearer I smiled at him and he smiled back, but than he passed me by and didn't say a word, as if he was just a stranger. I couldn't understand what was going on. Why was he doing this to me? After that, I saw him a couple of times, but from far away, so I couldn't get to ask him what happened.

But the next time I saw him, I got the answer. I was clothes shopping and on the other side of the line with the clothes was a woman. She was pregnant. I smiled and looked at the shirt I liked again. Than I heard a familiar voice: "Hey, honey, what did you pick... oh that's a nice sweater! It will keep you two warm". I looked at the man saying that and it was HIM! I couldn't believe what I saw... I was so hurt. I never imagined that this will happen to me!

Now, I am fine. I decided that if he doesn't want me in his life, then I don't need him in my world as well. First I wanted to forget about him, but then I decided that I will keep the wonderful moments we had locked up in my heart. When I need it, I will unlock them and remember what we used to have, but than I will keep them locked up nice and save in my heart again and never think about him.

18 comments:

  1. amen. i couldn't have said it better myself.
    much love,
    b

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  2. i honestly wish i could do the same :T

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  3. Yes... "if he doesn't want me in his life, then I don't need him in my world". Very true. I should stick to it.

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  4. that guy is heartless,am very happy you are strong and determined.kudos

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  5. What a jerk! I hate it when guys do that to innocent girls! Urrgh, I'm glad he's out of your life!

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  6. That's a great phrase!!!! and well yes just move on...keep the good things! sometimes is just unbelievable how we can give everything for someone, how can we picture a perfect relationship and in just a sec everything falls apart!
    keep going sister! he's then not worthy!

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  7. My ex boyfriend had that same 11 years age gap too. But it was a totally different story and we broke up because of the huge age gap- different stages in our lives. It was an amiable break up but I miss talking to him.

    Except that now, the talking would probably have been interspersed with lots of awkward pauses.

    Still, thanks for sharing.

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  8. Know how you feel. I'll keep the good memories, and I don't need him, cause now I know he didn't pick me, but another one in the end and now he won't talk to me. It hurts, but I'll be fine... someday.

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  9. You haven't seen him such a long time because he has been making a baby to another woman. Asshole.

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  10. I had a very similar situation and I wish I could just throw him out of my head and heart like you did.But it`s impossible,these memories makes life so hard..

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  11. I think he knew deep down that the age thing was going to be a problem and that's why he waited so long to say "I think I like you". And you both did try to 'date' but you said it didn't work out, right? In fairness to him, he was friends with you after the dating for a while before he left. Though he didn't leave in a nice way, I think you both knew it wouldn't work and he moved on before you did.
    I'm sorry for you but I think finding someone closer to your age would be better.
    H

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  12. I just wanted to share my story. I'm really really sad and I need some empathy... I'm alone in a country that is not mine and broken hearted. I just need some empathy please :( Thanks xox
    http://vanillacookiecatlali.blogspot.com/2011/02/way-you-cry-is-same-way-you-love.html

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  13. What an asshole. And it sucks because if anyone found out about you guys, you'd get blamed for being the "other woman". Glad you're doing OK!


    -Anna

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  14. Please learn the spelling rules first... Especially the difference between "then" and "than". Basic stuff ;)

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  15. I like the idea of keeping the wonderful moments locked up in the heart. I'll try to do the same:)

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  16. i love your idea and how you write your posts up into this blog, so in love and really make sense.:)

    Must Visit -fashion-and-me.com

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  17. love this post and even your other post, so eye catching and looks interested

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  18. Well sometimes the difference of age makes a difference but not all the time, I can't really understand what you feel in that moment, but I can't tell that it hurts, it's curious because we always ask ourselves, what I have done ? or what I did ? what goes wrong ? and you suffer a little, until you realize what you just wrote in here, he doesn't want you in your life or he did it out of spite, who knows.

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