Sunday, February 27, 2011

and i wonder, do you remember me after all this time?

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We grew up in the same neighborhood. We never hung out because our neighborhood groups never seemed to come together. I only knew you as one of the neighborhood boys. It wasn’t until high school that the way I saw you changed. I was a sophomore and you were a senior. I don’t know what it was. Your height? You always towered over everyone. Or how quiet you seemed when you were hanging out with your friends during break? I used to make my group of friends stand near your group, that way I could sneak glances at you. But I wasn't slick. You’d catch me staring and when our eyes would meet, my heart would skip a beat and my cheeks would burn. Then after months of always staring from a distance, I was in desperate need of a ride home because my sister had to go to ballet practice and I didn’t know which school bus went to my neighborhood. So, you offered. And the whole ride there, I stared out the window, paralyzed with fear. Fear of how I felt. Fear of saying something utterly ridiculous and ruining any tiny chance I had for you to notice me as more than that girl who lives in the same neighborhood. You asked me vague questions. Isn't your sister _____? What kind of music do you like? Is this radio station okay? When you dropped me off at my house, I quickly said 'thank you' and ran inside. We never talked again after that. Never acknowledged each other in the hallways or at break. It was like it never happened. But my feelings still remained.

You and my best friend had the same class. I would wait for her to get out so we could go to our next class together. I would make sure I never looked your way because I didn't want you to think I was waiting there because of you. One day, I was waiting and suddenly my best friend comes running out of class, grabs me and drags me away from everybody. She tells me that she has something to tell me but I can't freak out. At this point, I assume the worse. You know and you've told everybody that I'm a pathetic lower classmen who's in love with you. Was I that obvious? But my best friend tells me to relax; the news is good. She tells me you came up to her in class and asked about me. Were her and I best friends? Was I cool? What was I like? Did I have a boyfriend? I don't know how I didn't just drop dead right then and there and float off to heaven after hearing that.

I started noticing you notice me. I'd catch you staring at me more than you'd catch me staring at you. But still, I never did anything. And you never did anything. I was sure you asking about me meant there was some interest. I'd dream that one day you were going to come up to me in school, in front of everyone, and ask me out. Or you'd ring my doorbell and be there on my porch. It neared the end of the school year and I'd try desperately to muster any courage to talk to you but I couldn't. I was sixteen, not confident, and utterly in to you. I didn't want any other guy, period. Essentially, you were my Jake Ryan and I was Molly Ringwald, pining for you.

You graduated and I never saw you again. It's been 8 years and I still think about you. Sometimes I think I'm crazy to hold on to my feelings for you. When it comes down to it, I don't even know you. We talked once in all the years of existing around each other. So why do I still want you? Why do I still want to get to know you? Is it because there's the possibility of 'what if'? Is it because you're a fantasy I can sometimes revert to when I'm feeling sad and lonely? You have a hold on me that I've tried shaking for years.

And I wonder, do you remember me after all this time?

39 comments:

  1. That was beautiful.

    It's so weird how now that technology allows us to easily gain contact with people, we're too scared to do it. Don't get caught up in the perils of Facebook and social networking, but I think this would be a good limb to climb out for. I'm still a teenager and reading this, somehow, restores my faith in boys.

    Don't let him pass you up again. =)

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  2. I have a really similar story. To this day, I really wish we would have talked more :( I really think I would have had something with him.

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  3. wow. incredible story! hold on to that hope, anything could happen. I'm with the love of my life now because of it. xo

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  4. Omg this is like MY story.

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  5. I once heard someone say something profound and it struck a chord with me, after i was stuck on a guy for such a long time. " Its what didn’t happen that makes it romantic, if it had happened, it would just have been life"

    Think about it. i really hope it does work out and you guys reconnect though, ever the romantic that I am

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  6. I'm afraid we'll both graduate at the end of this year and not see each other again except for the annual class reunions.
    We could have been so much more and you know it too.4 years. I still like you. Please ask me at the end of this year. Why keep staring at me and yet not talk?

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  7. My story is also kind of similar. He is staring at me, I am staring at him. And he has got a girlfriend. It's terrible.
    Don't let him go just because you both are to shy, ou will regret it either.

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  8. We only have one life. Take a chance. He may have felt the same way you did. I agree with what floopsie said. Go live your life. Create your own opportunities.
    -Neyo

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  9. I always wonder questions like this... Don't make your "What if" a "Never did". I'd say contact him!!

    Hey everyone I'm running a Shabby Apple Dress giveaway today! If you get a chance be sure to enter!!

    Shabby Apple Dress Giveaway!

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  10. Of course he remembers. One way to see it is that you too had nothing. But the way I see it, you had everything.

    Because in everything you did, he was with you in some sense, even though not physically. And you were probably with him in quite a few things too.

    And things like that you don't forget. You might live your life as if it never happened. You might not think about it regularly. But you never forget soemone who's been a part of you.

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  11. this story totally hit me!
    one year ago the same happend to me.
    until today I ask myself if he still remembers me. If he also thought of me like I did all the time.
    Sometimes when I am miserable I think of him and I get totally sad and just want to cry. Maybe there could have happend something. Who knows.
    Isn't it crazy that looks can create such a strong obsession that you fall in love? and still nothing happend. Nothing.

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  12. Wow.. Really heart touching story. You narrated this story so beautifully. This story inspired me. Now coming to your feeling, i can understand how you would feel when the guy whom you love so much was sitting next to you while he is dropping you, near your home. I know you will be so excited and nervous to be there with him. I Would say pls go and confess your feelings other wise he may fall in love with some one else. So Be brave and tell about your feelings. I wrote HOW TO PROPOSE A GUY IN A CUTE WAY in my blog if you wish you can follow those instructions. www.defectiveseven.blogspot.com if you like ma blog then be pls be my Follower.

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  13. "Does she have a boyfriend?" GIRL why didn't you go for it!?!? Touching story nonetheless..

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  14. This made me so depressed. I hope you arent suffering too much, whoever wrote this. It is probably one of the worst feeling ever, the one you are feeling.. the typical "what if". 8 years seems like a lot to me, but who am I to judge.
    Good luck xxx

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  15. I remember going through this stage in high school. your blog made me reminisce about my silly tactic to pass my high school crush in the hallways in hopes that he would one day stop me in the halls and talk to me. But now that I'm about to graduate college I look back on how childish I was. I wish I had the confidence I have now and just talked to the guy. Part of the reasons why I liked him was that he was a 'nice' guy and was open-minded.

    When my mind starts to drift into 'lala land' I turn on music that changes my lovey-dovey mood. Try listening to encouraging pop song that will empower you to be courageous the the things that you desire.

    MAKE IT HAPPEN!

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  16. I think you know exactly why this is so profound and so easily close to the heart - there is something there to be wistful about. For him to have plagued your mind for so long, I think - taking the chance to see if any of the residual effects of the past still lingers would be worth it. Even if nothing comes of it - wouldn't that closure be nice?

    What you are feeling makes me feel very wistful - for something that might have been, for something I don't know if I've ever experienced or will. And you know, it makes me think of this quote from this tv show - the two main characters always have this tension between them, this "why aren't you together yet?" kind of question hanging between them, and in one episode, when we explore the history of their relationship, one of the background characters muses "[Do you] feel like we saw something great that almost happened but never did?" Maybe that's what it is - something great could have happened between you two, but for some reason ... it hasn't - I say hasn't because I want you to believe that if it was possible, it still is - don't just let time and unsaid words get in the way. Please find the courage and motivation to seek out the possibility.

    I hope you find a wonderful peace.

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  17. thats so touching story, don't wait for him, just go and make it happen! good luck xxox

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  18. Oh please go find him!!!!
    Don't you know his name? Don't you know his parents? Some of his old friends? Please go and find him and tell us all about it!!

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  19. I think it's the''what if" moments that follow us for the rest of our lives. It's so easy to wait for someone, but so much harder to realize they might have been waiting for you to make the first and most definitive move.

    this was great.

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  20. omg. this is one of my fears. i admire you for keeping up a memory of a person for so long, for not forgetting how you once felt.

    i'm kind of in the same situation. but i have decided now for it to stop. thank you for makin me realize that.

    love.

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  21. Keep the dream and the hope. I met up with MY "love" from high school 24 years after NOT talking to him. It was as perfect as I always dreamed and makes me feel my smile from my head to my toes.

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  22. Good to know I'm not alone.

    But I had the guy, we were together for quite some time and he ended it on a blank note. A month afterward we talked, cried, and missed each other. He told me I made him a better person, but nothing happened. We would exchange glances, and get information from our friends about each other, but he moved (his parents were in the military). I still wonder if we could've started over.

    It's been about 4 years now...

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  23. PLEASE GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM YOU DESERVE IT !

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  24. fantastic story and I hope for this girl so much. x

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  25. wow loved the post, it's a shame is the mark be so expensive

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  26. PRECIOUS story... i think that everybody has a crush like yours... its horrible that youll always have the question: what if?

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  27. if it's already been 8 years, why wait any longer? Give it a try, the worst thing that could happen is that you can finally get over him, and that's not so bad either, eventhough we all hope for the best!

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  28. oye, feel your pain. time doesnt heal everything, sometimes it makes it worse

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  29. FIND HIM ON FACEBOOK ADD HIM. NOW!!

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  30. a little bit same happened to me. it was last year. i met a guy, and we spent just a night together, but it was just like watching movies and stuff. we didn't even kiss each other. and after that we never met each other again. If yes, then we were around our friends. I never talked to him, an he neither.
    But i still like him. I still think about him. And i wish i had some more courage to talk to him, or bi confident when i was around him. I think we'll never forget something like this, because we didn't reach what we wanted.

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  31. Ahh sweetie my heart just broke. I know how you feel, I wish you the best in finding him someday.

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  32. noooooo i really raelly want this story to have a happy endin :(:(:(

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  33. you know my girlfriend keeps asking me: why did you fall for me I didn't even say so much, I thought I was a weirdo doing that, but now I reed this I know i'm not the only one...(:
    btw i'm Dutch so don't look at my spelling please:$

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  34. wow nice story, I believe that when things happens, they happen for a reason, right now I wonder if "she" still remembers me, I guess she hates me because when all finish I just ignore her, but well I'm still young and have to much to learn, you never talked to him because maybe you never got the guts like you said, or your real destiny wasn't with him, who knows maybe something better will come, and I'm not referring precisely a relationship, maybe you will find passion in something else, life it's just like this "crazy".
    Good luck

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  35. Wow this whole experience you went through related to me sooo much. He was a senior, I was a sophomore. Before I met him, I always saw him in the hallways. This girl pointed him out to me and how she found him attracted, I didn't agree with her but second thoughts came to my head when I found his facebook on the side where it said "People you might know". Unfortunately I didn't kno him but from that one pic I felt attracted, I added him and realized he is actually beautiful than what I saw in the first place. My friend encouraged me to make up an excuse to meet him and I found out he was in a band so I wanted to go see his concert and when we decided to meet up so I can buy his tickets, I felt butterflies and I thought to my head he really is beautiful. I got even more butterflies when he needed to deliver a second set of tickets but this time to my house. But I always felt there wasn't much there when I first met him and hopelessly, I would wait days for him to talk to me. He would pass by me several days a week in school and catch my eye by always saying hi and just the usual greeting. Too bad we never actually made a completely amazing conversation. I've heard he is awkwardly social and shy and he's into music alot, making me think we probably can become strong friends if we share our love for music. But sometimes, God makes a pass to you of something too quickly, and then it makes it harder for you to grab on. I wish I had gotten to know him... It's the "what ifs" that make someone go crazy about such an unsignificant event. I dont think I would ever forget him, he will always remain as the one stranger I wish I knew even if he goes on moving on with life. He graduated and I will always wonder what did he think of me too? Just a stranger? That's the funny thing about life. Even when I asked him if we can hangout via facebook, those plans never happened.. that I really wish I had the courage to stick with the plans to happen. Good luck finding him again or atleast someone else that makes you go crazy the way he did to you. :)

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  36. :,( I've had the exact same story.. i went through the same thing, only worse.. it's been 9 years for me.. What struck me so bad was the last paragraph.. That is exactly how i felt.. :.( I feel like writing my story now that I've seen yours.. We're both hoping for a miracle.. and I truly, sincerely hope that one day.. we'll get our miracle, our hope, our lover.. because there's a special love story in store for us.. Good luck :)

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