Wednesday, January 5, 2011

i found you.


Things had become more or less the same for me nowadays. Everything was generic. I used to believe in love, and all of that fuzzy stuff. The first boy i was with screwed me over, and then the next one and the next one and eventually i found myself slowly losing faith in all things love related. It happened around the time i was 19, that was when i thought that i would adopt the ways of the male. To unconditionally be with guys with no strings attached therefore eliminating any chance of being hurt again. At the beginning things were good, i was able to be with the bad boys i had always wanted without being hurt by the baggage that they carried with them.

And then I found you.

You teased me about all the boys i spoke to at the same time and while i knew it was true i also hoped you said it out of jealousy hoping i'd realize. We began speaking after first meeting at a bar, first occasionally then everyday, once twice and eventually every moment that we could. But the problem is that you and your bad reputation are beginning to dent me. Not only are all my friends against your past actions. So i hide the fact that we talk, in the hopes that eventually they will forget.

When I found you it all changed.

I began spending every moment thinking about you, wondering what you were doing and what you were thinking. And when I saw you everything else seemed so out of control but in order at the same time. Both of us were not ones that were usually used to being tied down, we had both been with our fair share of people-and it was because of this that both of us found it hard to open up. I so desperately wanted to tell you about all the men i had been with but didn't want you to think any less of me-i guess its silly because we both know that no matter what you will be mine.

When I found you I became the jealous type.

The type of person i had always hated. The idea that someone could get jealous when the guy wasn't yet theirs seemed foreign and somewhat hard to comprehend until now...until the moment where i found you. Everything is so easy for us, that feeling of butterflies sits in my stomach constantly and the feelings i get when your name comes up on my phone are the type of feelings i never thought id feel. So now i wait, i wait for you to tell me how you feel, to confess it all, let me know everything and open up.

When I found you I changed, you changed me.

You really have changed me ben, and I know that the moment you tell me it all will be the best moment of my life. But until then I will wait, and I will hold onto our first, second, third and twentieth kiss.



  1. This is so beautiful and extremely relatable. Your blog is fabulous btw :)

  2. love what you wrote! great blog


  3. It's fantastic :) I love it!
    Hope 3kings brought you a lot of presents! kisses

  4. These are the dreams i'll dream instead. My dream is you but i know you'll not come, you'll not confess it all.
    If happy little bluebird fly beyound the rainbow why, oh why can`t i?...
    just lyrics, just dreams,just thoughts.

  5. bleedy brillig, as always! LE LOVE, remains one of my top fave blogs for 2011.


  6. Lovely words.


  7. Wow, I love this. Couldn't stop reading.


  8. this is deep;so did this ben person break up with you or soething or how are you jelious and who are you jelious of. Did you get him back you should post another piece about what happened

  9. ohhh nvm i get it now he moved away

  10. My favorite part it the end. It's so beautiful.


  11. Mmm this is soo relatable as alexandra already said I sort of have the same thing going on I get jealous over a guy whose not mine and I'm telling my self like WHY! Are you getting jealous you used to hate those type of people its a sad state of affairs -_- but its life :) btw this is a lovely blog I'm totally hooked

  12. You shouldn't be waiting around for the guy to come to you. Maybe you have to wait forever, it's better to just talk to him and really know what he feels instead of going around wondering. Maybe he's thinking the same as you, waiting for you to come to him.

  13. haha I still avoid love I don't want to find it, I don't get hurt again...


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