Tuesday, January 18, 2011

good bye forever


I don’t understand why every time I see a picture of you, my heart stops and you take my breath away. Each time. I’m not supposed to feel this way about you anymore, I’m not. It’s been two years since you left me but it seems you still have a part of my heart. I don’t know if you even think about me every once in a while or feel something whenever you see my face. Part of me hopes you do, which is bad. I still have hope and I have been unaware of that or simply been trying hard to avoid that fact.

We met in the year of 2008. The first time I saw him I knew he was going to be my first love. We’d talk every day and spend hours behind the computer. I wanted to know every thing about him. I wanted him to know every thing about me. I wanted him, all to myself. Whenever he would call, my heart would scream of joy and suddenly all my troubles went away.

Our love was beautiful and lasted for about three months. But it only took a couple of weeks for me to fall head over heels in love. I fell so hard but he wasn’t there to catch me. That’s all I wanted, to be caught and he failed to do just that. My heart got destroyed. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Just the thought of him made me burst into tears. I swear I’ve cried a river.

I had a hard time with accepting the break up. Part of me could not believe that he could just leave me there to bleed with my broken heart. I’d spend hours and hours thinking on what I possibly did wrong, or maybe it was something I said. It took months for me to come to my senses. But it happened. I told myself I am not going to spend any more time crying or feeling depressed over this guy because it is a waste of time!

And so the naïve girl died.

I know I deserve so much better, and you’ve told me before. But now I finally believe it. I hope true love finds you, and that you’ll be able to put down your walls one day to finally experience how it feels like to truly love someone. Then maybe you will know how I’ve loved you. I’m writing this because I want this off my chest for good and to permanently forget about the thought of us ever getting back together.

So this is my heart telling you good bye forever.

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