Saturday, December 18, 2010
trying to hide your love
At first you loved me, I didn't care, it was fun. You were beautiful, not as much in your body as in your smile and your all-loving nature. I got addicted to your attention but I wasn't ready for the closeness. At last i surrendered, and that is the story of how I lost it all. It endured for 12 agonizing months. We both changed in the wrong direction. We came too far from what we really were inside. Now love is gone. It was untrue to my heart, and cruel to yours to be like that. I'm too selfish. I always ended up getting hurt from some indifferent things you said, and I always thought it was something terrible about how you didn't like me anymore - anything could be translated to this.
It's like this baby I once heard of. She lived in an orphanage where the "parents" didn't give the children enough to drink. After 1½ year of only the very smallest amount of water the girl was taken away, she was placed in a new family. The new parents wondered why she would go around hiding cups and glasses of water all over their house, in the strangest of places. But knowing her story, they wouldn't have wondered at all... I wish I was wise and knew always what to say. I wish I was cool and always sweet and helpful. But the fact is I wasn't. I was just too busy running around trying to hide your love in so many places that in the end we both got so confused that we even forgot how to be friends. I wish I could go back and change it all, maybe slap my self in the head and make me understand that sometimes saying and doing nothing is the most loving thing you can do. Love is, when you write about it, easily becoming clichés, that is because love in its form IS a cliché, but love in its art is very rare. I think I've learned my lesson. Wish you'd come back to me Elaine...