Sunday, December 12, 2010

it's winter now


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Dear Friend:

I miss you more than I can bear. It feels like I have heartburn from eating too much spice…all the time…but I know it’s just heart ache from missing you. You may be miles away and the possibility of being together, parallel universes and light years apart…but I can’t stop thinking about you, about the times we spent together. Our time together was brief but perhaps it’s better that way; I remember every detail about the moments we spent together…remember verbatim the jokes you told me, the stories, everything. And I can’t help replaying these memories…on the train, in class, while I’m supposed to be studying. I can’t listen to Pandora anymore because every song is about love and every song reminds me of you.

We live in worlds apart and that’s the problem with summer…trips and internships bring you into different worlds that just seem to be detours on the way to real life. But I must admit, I’d leave everything behind to be with you if you cared more…and perhaps if in this day and age, it wouldn’t be ridiculous and foolhardy. To be honest, I don’t know why I’m still so stuck in summer. Thinking about you has been so much wasted time…so distracting for my studies when it’s most important. And besides, it’s been months since we had a real conversation. I should be mad at you but I can’t help but think how well we click, how perfect I think you are for me. It’s funny though because I never believed in Romeo and Juliet, in love at first glance, or in soul mates. Now my heart aches because we would have been amazing together. But really, I should be so mad at you. Mad for telling me you liked me…it would have never occurred to me to be something other than friends if you hadn’t. Mad for telling me when there was nothing either of us could really do about it. Mad for leading me on…when were you going to tell me that you got back with your ex-girlfriend? Mad for telling me you liked me…when it seems like you want to marry your girlfriend. Mad because you are getting in the way of me leading my life…you are so much wasted time.

We are just friends now…and I hate that we are still friends, that you still talk to me, though always briefly. I think it keeps me hoping that someday we might be together…but even if that impossibility occurs, a relationship with you will be fraught with its own thorns (hello ex-girlfriends!...why do you have so goddam many?). But I hate the idea of losing you as a friend even more because let's face it, you are good one. So I am still friends with you, hoping and praying everyday that I think of you a little less every day. I know it will happen. I know one day, I will look at you as just a friend, really, sincerely, genuinely. But right now, I miss you and want you, and I can’t help thinking to myself…goddamit, we could be so sublimely happy together.

I miss you, I miss you. I miss you. And I am still stuck in summer.

XX

Dear Self:

It’s winter now. Get over it and get on with life. You’ll find someone who seems perfect for you in every way. But now…it’s really time to focus on life.

KTHANKS!

XX

30 comments:

  1. Your a little spoiled brat, but I love You anyways..

    Merry C Darling...

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  2. I firmly believe that there is a reason that each person comes into and goes out of our life for a reason.

    i met someone a few years ago as well, we clicked, immediately. He just got me, i was with someone else at the time that never got me the way he did. In two weeks I had managed to fall inlove with this guy, i had forgotten all about my current boyfriend. The problem was he went home and so did I. we had to continue our lives on two different parts of the planet, two different continents, two gigantic oceans apart. over time, the contact became less and less.

    Today, i am with someone else who makes me really happy. And he is married to another woman, one who he gets to see everyday. But I still cannot help but wonder, how differently things could have been. I wonder if he called me today to say, lets run away together and be together forever, if I would.


    I really hope you do find a way to move on, the romance in what could have been, is always more alluring than the reality of what is, i find

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  3. beautiful letter... monologue, confession... i loved it.
    xx

    http://www.moneasywardrobe.com

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  4. Im not back with My ex, Who the hell has been telling You that?! We dont even have contact anymore!! How many more lies have they said about Me???

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  5. Great blog. Awesome post with nice picture.

    Like it

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  6. this is exactly like my story.
    i've been thinking him constantly for 6 months now. things tend to fall into right places, though. i'm going to visit him on the other side of the planet in a couple of days. i've never been this excited.

    time was never on our side, but i don't want to worry about it yet.

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  7. It's winter outside but summer in my heart...

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  8. Sound so much like my story despite it happened in last summer, and i am still caught up by him. Rescue me !

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  9. Agh it was like I was reading an exact extract from my heart! I have the same thing going on right now.

    Couldn't have put it better myself...it's a beautifully torturous situation to be in x

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  10. Nice post.. I dont know how you can write so well about love. Even i am writing a blog but i couldn t write so well like you. I am still trying to write. Any ways . I think anybody can relate to this post. If you have time then check my blog . If you like it then be my follower

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  11. a little annoyed by those ridiculous anonymous comments...ive always come to le love for the great community and support everyone expresses for each other's heartaches and joys...not for the snark. it seems especially rude given how honest and genuine all the letters, poems, pictures, etc. posted all are... but whatevs, these anonymous comments are probably from a 13 year old boy.

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  12. I've been in the same situation as you, but in my case I was the ex-girlfriend. We had been toghether for two years, in summer we broke up and after 2 weeks he met a girl in a trip. He told me "I've fallen in love with her". I think I was going to die that summer, the worst months of my life. When we were back on September we started being together again, and we're still together, 3 year and a half.
    When I think of that girl, I can only think how sweet she'd remember those few days with him, and how I still cry when I remember the phone calls and all his words, seeing the photos of the trip in facebook and how nobody thought of me and what I felt in that moment.

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  13. anon - i can't imagine getting back with that guy but that's just me. boys in general seem to be out of sight, out of mind. it sucks to be in that position and i hope your bf knows how much he hurt you so he'll think long and hard if he's ever tempted to that again.

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  14. you can follow my photo booth dairy if you want. he is soon coming.

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  15. Don't let yourself be another one of his ex girlfriends. Even if he is a great guy, it sounds like he likes to collect girls, likes the attention, and has not been really respectful of your feelings. Pick yourself up and move on!

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  16. Ohmystars. That last paragraph brought me to tears. This is the exact position I am in right now with the most amazing guy I have ever met. After a week of sheer happpiness and us cuddling and holding hands and kissing all the time he just went cold and decided he just wanted to be friends. I thought my heart had been completely ripped apart. But since we made the decision to just be friends I've found myself feeling less and less attracted to him and I hate it so much. I want to be with him so bad and it kills me that he doesn't want it as well. I've never been so conflicted by a guy in my life. </3

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  17. Same situation right here! Wonderful blog i must say. Thanks for sharing :)

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  18. I feel the same way.
    Summer gives way to so many illusions.

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  19. It really is winter now. :) spring will come soon bearing hope, sunshine and new love.

    Http://diaryofaccidentalhousegf.blogspot.com
    www.etsy.com/shop/Jessicatmeows

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  20. My story got posted on here recently and it was great to see that others felt the same way! You guys helped me a lot and I love seeing posts like this :)
    You never know who is gonna walk into your life tomorrow!

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  21. Beautifully written...I felt everything you wrote in that passage, mainly because I know exactly how it feels, I'm there right now too!

    It's unfair but as they say, Don't frown coz you never know who's falling in love with your smile :)

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  22. this is amazing, i almost teared up. its EXACTLY what im going thtough

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  23. I wish I could explain to you how much I relate to this post but there really are no words for it. I am feeling the exact pain you are and it sounds like the exact same situation. Even worse, I think he maybe coming into my city soon. I am wishing the best for the both of us in the time to come.

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  24. HEY, get out of my head! *sigh* sucks, doesn't it?

    thanks for the last bit. slapped some sense of reality in me.

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  25. it's comforting to see that other ppl are having similar issues, that it's not just me. i'm choosing to move on. i also felt that it was too much to give up a good friend but i know i'll get hurt in the end. i need to have the common sense and self-respect to just move on. to stop the mind games. if it was meant to be, it would have unfolded differently a long time ago. best wishes to all in the same position <3

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