Thursday, October 28, 2010

you don't want us.


I had just found out my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me when I was on vacation. I came home only to find heartbreak, but then you appeared.

You had always been there, just kinda in the corner, and I never gave you much thought. But now, suddenly you were the one person who could get me out of the mess I had fallen into. Talking to you became the best part of my day, and I began to forget what life was like without you. Then your girlfriend broke up with you, and suddenly I realized I loved you.

A month passed, finally that fateful August night we went on our first official date, and after that night you were mine. We never skipped a beat, there was never that awkward first phase. I remember when you asked and I said yes, and you said, "No way." As if you thought you didn't have a chance.

The fall came, every day got better and better. You told me you loved me when we were laying on the couch. You were shy, but I wanted to say it too. We each drew the letters on eachothers arms. I drew an "I" you drew a "L" I drew an "O." And thats how we said it, together. I was in over my head.

For christmas, we went to New York. We waited in line for two hours to go ice skating, but it was all worth it. You told me you already knew how you were going to propose, you had our life planned. Later that night, we went to Central Park, you shyly gave me a bracelet with our initials engraved in a heart. It was the sweetest gift I have ever received.

The months were going by, but all I could focus on was you. You were my world, you were absolutely everything. You would sing to me, and write me notes. When you held me, I didn't want to be anywhere else. You called me perfect, and I told you that you were wrong. But I loved every second. I loved you, I adored you with all my heart. It took everything to learn how to trust again, but you brought me back to life. I owe you everything for that.

April came, prom was around the corner. I remember every second of that Saturday night in excruciating detail. I went to your house, we went down to the basement. You put in a movie and we laid down on the futon. You told me about your dad. I cried in fear of losing you, of you getting hurt again. I held on to you and said I couldn't imagine my life without you. How could I not have known that that night was our last one? If I knew, I would have held tighter, and begged you not to leave. I wouldn't have left if I knew.

That week you went out west to visit a college. That Thursday was 8 months. The entire week, you told me you missed me, you loved me, you couldn't wait to come home to see me again.

Friday. You changed your status on Facebook to single. I became frantic, calling you, thinking it was a mistake or some silly joke. We were so good. So so so good. There would be no reason to lose us. To take everything we built together and throw it away.
But it wasn't a mistake. You said "I just want to be single."

That's it. That's the explanation I got. There was no more, no less. You told me I had nothing to do with it, how could I not have everything to do with it. You just want to be single, you don't want me. You don't want us.

But we were perfect. I can't get over you, I miss you. My heart breaks every time I think about you.

I dream about you, just to wake up to realize you're gone.

I still love you.

Why did you have to absolutely destroy me.


  1. why don't you just find another guy.....

  2. You can't just find another guy. Love isn't like that. I've been through something similar. When you are in love, you can't get over someone in a blink of an eye...

  3. Lovers are miserable...I know that because I'm miserable

  4. you don't deserve him dear.
    you deserve better!
    *huggggg* be strong...

  5. Your story sounds so sad. I almost had tears in my eyes cause it reminds me so much of my own past story with my ex-boyfriend.
    But it's true, you deserve better. A guy who changes his facebookstatus instead of talking to you is a loser.

  6. The hardest part is to accept what no longer is. The pain is excrutiating every time you see/hear something that reminds you of them or when something happens and your first thought is to run to them but they're no longer there. Not wanting to sleep because when you wake up, it'll mean that another day has passed - another reminder that they're gone. All the little, shitty, constant reminders. It really tears at you and breaks you down.

    But that doesn't mean that everything's pointless. Although it's hard, smile that it happened. That you were able to experience such love. That you had something not everyone has; something that many search for but can't always find. Be as positive as possible. Look at the relationship and take what you can to learn from it. Use it to help yourself grow better as a person. Don't be bitter.

    You may not want to be with anyone else nor will you be able to see yourself with anyone else right now, but you'll eventually find someone who will love you as much as you love them - if not more. Someone who'll stay with you throughout all the thick and thins.

    Chin up. :)

  7. Ohmy, this is just what I went through... though he came back and explained why. I don't want to give you hopes and stuff, but still.. don't hate him. He may have done that to protect you or just because he thinks you're out of his league.
    Be strong and take care! Love will find you again :)

  8. Oh dear ... I went through this just 2 months ago , we were so perfect , we were together that day , and then he just disappeared , for no reason , without any explanation , he just left me .
    It has been 2 months now , I have no idea what he's doing or if he's seeing someone , but now I'm trying to move on , I know it's hard , trust me , but we have to forget , don't wait for him or even thinking about it , look after your life , we deserve better than this .

  9. oh sweetheart i know how hard this is. that your heart just breaks and you can't imagine that you will ever love anyone, or be loved like that again.

    but you will. trust me. now is your chance to fall in love with YOU. embrace being alone. find out what you like, without being influenced by any other person.

    and when you meet the right person who is ready for you in all your awesomeness, you wont be afraid of getting hurt again because you will know yourself.

    be the flame, not the moth.

    trust that this will pass.


  10. Shame man. So sorry to hear. Clearly it wasnt the same for him as it was for you. Dont worry dear, you will find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. He clearly wasnt that person. No matter what always beleive that everything happens for a reason and every person in your life plays a role. You will look back on things one day and know why you and him werent meant to be.

    All the best, i know its gonna be a very hard time ahead.

  11. Keep thinking about what a person were he if he really loved you, adored you too and the only explanation he gave you was that he wanted to be single. He wouldn't tell you about it at all? Anytime? He just changed his profile information on Facebook?? It's childish. Sorry.. but I have read the story and it made me upset. A real man would never do 'JUST' that. At least he should have told you face to face. And not just that: 'I want to be single', but thte real cause of changing his relationship status. Because it is even not a real break up.
    He were never good enough for you if he walks out your life like this. :/ Stop being sad about a boy like him. Life causes dissappointness. <3

  12. When I was younger I would have thought what this guy did was so wrong.

    But now I realize that sometimes there is no right answer.

    Would you prefer a reason to hate a former lover? Anything than face the possibility that he or she fell out of love and there is nothing you can do to ever capture those eyes again?

    Hearts take time to heal. For some reason people forget that scars are healed wounds.

  13. Wow, the guy actually broke up with you over facebook. What a loser. You deserve better. So many times, so many people asked themselves how can perfect change just like that. Really a question that doesn't or don't deserve an answer.

    Cheer up. :)

  14. I asked myself the same question countless of times too. Why didn't you want me? I never found an answer, but I've come to understand that perhaps we just weren't meant to be.

  15. Holy God, this is soooo sad! You to were so perfect!

  16. Ohoow this one almost made me cry ): why are some guys so evil?

  17. He's not good enough for you, I'm afraid. Maybe once upon a time, but you deserve better!

  18. your story nearly made me cry

  19. he´s not the one. how could he possibly be, doing that to you? cry your heart out and than move on. there will be a better one, a true one...

  20. The feeling of a love lost , is the worst in the world , Id rather be laying in a hospital bed . However , I keep telling myself this to shall pass and it will , Its good to know im not alone . To have another soul , who know that empty whole inside you , when a heart breaks its this lingering pain , that feels like it last to long for life.
    I dont know what to do , I always go back to this blog .
    Sometime its makes me cry , sometimes it makes me feel like im not alone , misery loves company .
    I don't know how men do it , Not care . I wish I was mad like that . Ive been wallowing for 12 days , I think its time to face the world . I see his face ever where he was my first and I just wanted to be his last. He was my life but I wasnt his , thank you for your story . It helped me get through today ..

  21. Any guy who would do this through Facebook never deserved you to start with.

    Remember that.

  22. I'm so sorry to hear this! I have my heart broken by someone who I thought was a decent guy but he turned out to be a jerk. You don't deserve this and please know that there are plenty of reasons to smile! You have so many things to look forward in life. Be strong! xoxoxoxoxoxoo

  23. This comment has been removed by the author.

  24. Ughhhh.... some men are such f*cking douchebags. Chin up girl, someone worth your time is around the corner waiting for you.

  25. Aww. I'm sorry. :(

    So, since then, you guys haven't talked or anything?? AT ALL?

  26. hang in there, dear.. the worst will be over.. keep shall pass..keep hanging in there...don't lose hope.. turn to your loved ones.. they will hold u for u..

  27. Oh damn .. :(
    You deserve better! He's such an asshole!!
    I'm sure you'll find someone better in the future!
    Wish you all the best!

  28. The last three lines give me chills, you're not alone.

  29. i hate that i know what you're talking about. but we'll get through this, i'm sure of it.

  30. What an asshole! Over facebook, really?? Yes, you had a great relationship, and you are lucky to have experienced it, but if he could not as much as meet you face to face and tell you why, he is not worth it. What he has done, has made you wonder why, what did I do wrong? The answer is nothing, you did not do ANYTHING wrong, and this is not your fault at all. You put yourself out there again, despite your trustissues, and he broke your heart with the reason that he wanted to be single. Remember that, every time you think you were not good enough, you want him back etc. Remember that HE is not good enough for you, not anymore. And also remember, you made it the last time, and you will get trough it again :)

  31. You only feel what you want to feel and this story is just one sided. But I'm not saying whatever what you feel is wrong or untrue, I'm just saying there's only so much you can do about what other feel. One thing for sure, good things falls apart so that GREAT things can fall together :)

  32. Wow! My heart aches for you doll, keep you chin up boyfriends leave but it's for the better you'll get that prince charming in the end.

  33. It may take a long time, but one day everything will be fine. In the end everyone lives happily ever after. A big hug and a lot of love are my wishes for you.

  34. I know how you feel and I've been there. As I read, we have ALL been there and it just sucks. There is nothing much else to say that it just sucks. My ex broke up with me but we were living together so it was kinda tough to just walk away. We tried to work things out while I was still there looking for a new place to move to, but it didnt work. He also changed his facebook status to single in front of me while we were fighting...Guys like this do not deserve amazing beautiful women like us.

    One day, I promise you, prince charming will come and blow your mind away. It will happen. I'm still waiting for it to happen and the only thing you can do is move on. I know it's incredibly hard to that, but its the only thing you have left. This happened to me at the end of the summer and I've moved on. I can 100% say that. You will too with time. I just know it. I've decided to blog my process of finding love again and if you want to read about it to make you laugh, on! You can survive this. Chin up buttercup! It can only get better :)

  35. He is just playing with your heart.Ignore him for a while and he will come back...maybe he got scared that you two were getting too close.He just needs to be alone for a while.One thing is sure,you don't have to quit if you love him and if you feel that he loves you too.I know what I'm talking about because I've recently been in a similar situation.

  36. I feel your pain. I'm going thru something very similar and I'm still trying to stand back up after more than 6 months. It's very difficult but I'm sure it will heal. My boyfriend of 4 years suddenly broke up with me (when we have discussed about marriage and how he wanted to get married). I was devastated. Someone you have been so close to suddenly become so distant. It is scary. He built all these wonderful loving pictures of our future and single-handedly shattered them and it still pains me to think about everything he promised in the past ... and the sweet times.

    But it happened. There's no way to go back to the old times. Let the past be the past. Be strong. We can get through this and be a better person.


  37. My ex said exactly the same thing. They are cowards and idiots. Don't waste your time or thoughts on somebody that clearly doesn't respect you the way you thought. They don't deserve it.
    Do things that make YOU feel happy, focus on yourself and one day someone will come along and love you so so much, because if you love and respect yourself, you will get that love and respect back in equal measures. :)

    Much Love, hugs and happy thoughts,
    take care hun

  38. when i read this my heart winced. i'm so sorry for what you had to go through. i really do. D:

    it always scares me, when i hear stories of how love between two people can be so strong one day, and then be totally gone the other.
    how can this be? did the ones who lost their love for their partners really just wake up one day and realise all those feelings, memories and attachments forged totally gone, just like that? or are there other reasons - factors they're not willing to say?

    being in love is so hard. sometimes i wish i had no feelings. like a defect that doesnt need or want love. no matter what it is, time heals all wounds. you'll be okay again. just give it time.

  39. I like the way you wrote this. You have a strong voice.

  40. It sounds kind of like how my last relationship ended after 14 months it sucks and I´m still friends with the guy :(

  41. Way too dangerous
    The most dangerous time to get emotionally involved with someone is when you are emotionally unstable - especially coming off of a broken relationship. You become a prey of your own emotional booby traps when you mistakenly consider "falling in love" the mere action of "pouring out" your emotional depression to someone. - Lester B. Panem

  42. To Whom It May Concern:

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    ZL Publishing House would be more than welcomed to send you a free desk copy of the book.

  43. OMG dear..we have the same situation here.i know how bad this make u feel.all i can say here is just be strong,u deserve someone better..just move one with ur life ya. *hugs*


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