Thursday, October 21, 2010

my past


I am a shallow person and I seek my family’s approval too much. I have to be honest with myself. I may have kept myself from love from the past 9 and a half years.
Through all the years I still think of him often. Sometimes I long for him. This is for you x

You were my first love, before I knew what a mature relationship was. The sweet innocence of a childhood romance… we played outside and did fireworks. I fell in love with you at the age of 12. Some may say that’s too young, but I knew it was real love. It felt just as real as the love I have felt at the age of 21. I knew you in your awkward pre-teen phase. You knew me before I cared about fashion. When I wore skater shoes, because I thought I had to dress like the music I listened to. We spent every Christmas together. Then two years later you decided you wanted me romantically. You were persistent. You protected me from the crowd at a concert. You said that’s when you knew. I resisted because I didn’t want to be hurt. We had already tried so many times before. You held my hand and begged me to hold yours. You told me I was different. I wouldn’t give in. My Dad didn’t think you were good enough. You told me you missed talking to me so much. That you were there for me and always would be. Three and a half years out of high school I have had many, many suitors since you. I have had a serious boyfriend since you. My first “adult” relationship. Well he is long gone now. I’ve moved away from our hometown. At friend’s weddings I see you. You flirt and walk me to my car. Your best friend stopped through my college town tonight. He told me some of your secrets. They are currently keeping me from sleep. He said that you considered me the girl that got away. You never thought you could really have me. Your friend thinks we should have gotten married. When you say we should see each other, I know you mean it, but it’s been a year and half since we were alone together. Are you just a sweet relic of my past?


  1. Even though I'm a long time reader of Le Love, this is the first time I'm commenting because your story rings true to my own.

    I barely know what to say and my mind has been a disaster over this exact situation for months, even years. Please, give him a try. Please, take a chance. It's better to get hurt than to one day regret; to one day wonder what if.

    I left my first love thinking the same thing as you did. I was with several different boys and even though I loved each one, it was never the same. It's been 4 years since we've broken up and over 2 years since we last spoke. He's deeply in love with another girl now and I know he's happy and I wish him all the best.

    But I can't help but yearn for him at night and feel empty during the day. Maybe we weren't meant to be together and maybe I'll find someone better. But I can't help but feel that no matter who I'm with, no matter what the circumstances are, that if given the chance, I would take him over the world.

    Please, give him a chance.

  2. it's obvious you need to get in touch with him and get married..

  3. Of all the words of tongue and pen, "it could have been..." are the saddest. I can't help but agree with what the previous two posters said also - give him a chance.

  4. You never know until you take that chance. You could get hurt, but thats life, we are stronger than that. But, if you dont take the chance, you will never know. You will spend your life wondering what could have been, instead of knowing.

    We cannot live our lives for our parents or anyone else, at some point we have to remember that our happiness needs to come first too. I say call him, reach out, whatever. Before its too late.

  5. Please girl, give him a chance! Even if you get hurt - that's life, you will be stronger than that!
    Good luck!

  6. "In life it is the things you don't do that you regret more than the things you do"

    As cliche as this is it is absolutely true. Life is for the living. See him, find out if he's the one and just enjoy the ride x

  7. GO FOR IT!

    You might not be the same people you used to be, but that might be the key into letting you two make something beautiful this time around. Don't go into it with any expectations from your past, but if you've any feelings for him at all, you can at least say that you tried.

    And do try, please. Try your best and free your future of wondering or regret.

    It's a beautiful opportunity you've got there. You're a lucky gal. Take it slow, but take it by the reigns! Go for it :)

  8. Why are you dog-headed? I think that you should give the guy a chance. You're risking to lose him forever if you continue doing what you're doing to him.

    Lovers' Shore

  9. What's stopping you? Distance?
    I've been there... it's a torturous path, but if he's willing, you should just jump right in!

    xo, colby
    electric fringe

  10. this is so beautiful and romantic! :) I can only yearn for a love like this....maybe one day he will come back :/

  11. Spana gärna in min blogg på
    Ikväll blir det bland annat livebloggning till idol och lite modetips.
    Trevlig kväll!

  12. There's somethings we regret but can't go back to do again, in the right way. In this case, everything can change. You still have time to see that he can be your soul mate. Go girl!

  13. dear, you won't know untill you go out, and meet him.

  14. “It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.”
    - Bette Midler

    How else will you ever know?

  15. I feel it still after almost 4 long years. Those feelings don't fade, they don't soften or become eclipsed by a greater love....they linger. You may never find someone else who makes you feel so certain about you have to try. I wish I would - j

  16. Sometimes love means loving.

    He deserves to be loved by the one he loves.

    You deserve to be loved by the man who loves you.

  17. Hi, this is Rajib. Hope you have a successful love life. Now it's really upto you to decide. And yes, another thing which I feel is : If you both are comfortable with and accept each other for what you are or have been in the past (and also what you do or have done in the past), then go ahead. Anyways, again wish you luck in love ! :-)

  18. Wow ... I wish I experienced that in my life , that's the true love in my opinion , if you're sur deep inside that he loves you , go for it , don't drop the chance , if I were you , I'll do whatever it takes to make him mine , 'cause I know , someday I'll regret it if I didn't try .

  19. go for it! you will lose nothing and can gain A LOT!

  20. I love this blog!!! Reading it helped me survive a horrible breakup. Thank you for doing this blog, and never never stop ♥ Love Mica

  21. I Say give that Guy a Chanse.. LOL!
    I miss My Lovesanity, other People dont intrest Me right now, but You.. You are so spiritual, and have more energy than a powerplant, and most important You are in the good Guys team. ;) I have been asking You out so many times, so I cant even remember how many.. Do You want Me to Do it again, Ill do it!? I need some heat, after have been frozen to ice in this cold Country...
    Love You NMW

  22. Just ask him out!
    Do it now or feel despite for the rest of your life.
    Take the chance and do it.

    I've been hurt because I was rejected but from that pain I learned and I'm falling in love again.

    I will love this guy like I've never been hurt before and I will go all in.

    There's no such thing as a safe good bet when it comes down to love.

  23. you're absolutely crazy and insane and stupid for letting him go. most women can only dream of having a man who would go so far as to think of her as "the girl who got away." you clearly love/d him--i don't understand why you can't go for it. if you're keeping away from him in account of your family--i pity you. you have no backbone nor courage. you won't go far because you're so fucking afraid of taking risks--but honey, taking risks is what gets you places. if you don't take this chance with him, if you don't learn to take risks, you're bound to end up with some cold, bland old man devoid of any emotion even remotely close to that of the first guy's. i'm sorry but you;re going to end up settling for a second-rate love.

  24. the only way you will know is to give him a chance. i would give anything to be able to go back into your situation and say yes and just hang out with him alone and see how it goes because you never want to have any regreats in life and foe me i wish i atleast spent some time with him instead of ignoring him. now he's been dead for 2 months and imiss him so much. all the best

  25. ~~ the love without the saddest and always happiness forever~~ i wish i would have that , but no one ever has it .

  26. This won't really have success, I consider like this.


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