Tuesday, October 26, 2010

i just want to jump in there


unknown

When I read all these stories, all these sad love stories about broken and tough love, I can’t say I don’t want to be there. I’ve never even had a boyfriend, and I’ve never kissed someone, just for fun. I really want someone who loves me. You all have or have had someone, so you know what it’s like. But I don’t. So I don’t care if it doesn’t work out, or if I get broken the first time. I just want to feel what it’s like to be in love, to have someone. Therefore I almost wish to be where you all are. Though I’m not saying you should feel good when someone breaks your heart, I’m saying I would prefer getting broken than not feel love at all. Everything is about love. Movies, books, songs, reality. And I’ve never even felt it. It feels like I’m outside, watching everyone else walk two and two, hand in hand. I just want to jump in there and be a part of it. But how? I have no idea…

82 comments:

  1. i somewhat know what you mean.
    ive never had one either.....

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  2. I've followed this blog forever, and I've never felt like I related so much to someone's story. I don't know how either...

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  3. 8 months ago I was in your boat too but someone found me. I understand your desire to have what these stories have good or bad but remember that you will find it soon enough. When my guy found me, he was nothing that I had expected but everything that I had hoped for and even if it ended tomorrow I had a blast.

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  4. same exact way here! i just like to think that one day, it really WILL happen.

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  5. OMG! Finally a post I can relate to!! Watching everyone love and even loose is so hard!! Well written hunne!!

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  6. I know a friend who is envious of me because she has never been in love before, never been on a date, never kissed a guy before, however Ive been in a long term relationship which ended in heart break. I told her Id rather be in her shoes and have never felt love because then I wouldnt have had to suffer the heartbreak. She tells me the same thing you have said and she wishes she could feel love even if it ends in heartbreak. I guess we always want what we cant have. But love can always wait, remember that, you have your whole life to fall in love. Theres really no need to rush love. Wait your turn and when it comes it will be worth the wait and oh so special.

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  7. All this time, I thought I was the only one. You've given me a reason to breathe a sigh of relief. Thank you. Maybe it's not our time yet, but I witness so many people taking the love people like us wish we had for granted and it's like, why can't I have that?

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  8. You just described everything I've been feeling too! It almost hurts to read all these stories about all different types of love and you can't relate because you've never even felt love and you just wish that you could feel something. Have someone to want, and someone that wants you back. A hand to hold, someone you know you can come home to, arms to be held in...Ahhhhh. It's in the cards for us all at some point in life, it's gonna happen when it's meant to!

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  9. My two best friends (and roommates) both have boyfriends that are either in love with them or falling in love with them. Whenever I feel down, I think about this quote:

    "Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love, because you don't force yourself to fall, you just fall."

    follow me <3

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  10. i never had one too. so i understand how you are feeling. i guess, we just have to keep on waiting. i know it sucks, but what can we do? i don't wanna be label as slut in order to get in love.

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  11. i was there for so long. I have found a couple people, and these stories have related to my life in more ways than one.

    rather love and lost then never love at all.


    you will find it! dont worry. just be yourseld

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  12. I have never been in love either--at least not the kind that is mutual. It's better to wait than to jump into something that isn't right. Explore the world, meet people and keep your heart open; that's what I have to tell myself. I used to get so discouraged seeing all of my friends in their relationships, but I am realizing that right now is the time i'm supposed to be working on the relationship I have with myself. When the time is right for me,and for you, it will happen.

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  13. I used to be in your shoes, always watching but never having anything of my own. The thing is, there is no how. It will just happen when you least expect it. And you're right- for me, it didn't work out. but knowing that I'm capable of feeling, of being loved, just knowing that it exists, that's enough.

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  14. i know what you mean as well. i'm not in desperate need of a relationship or even set on getting married or anything of the sort...but i would like to know what it's like to be in love at least once. and like you said...even if it ends in heartbreak, at least i'll finally know what it's like.
    it's just yet another thing in a long line i'm waiting for. i'm fine with the waiting sometimes, but it does get old at others haha

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  15. i feel the same way!! all i want is to fall in love with someone who falls in love with me back. i watch all the tv shows, movies, read all the books, listen to all the music.. and still has not happened for me. im still waiting though. it will be soooo worth it.
    hope you find it soon sweetheart! =]

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  16. I've been there, just few weeks ago. Seriously, I know what you mean. But then, this one day, I wasn't expecting love, I met him. I dunno if it is love, if it is going to last, I have no idea what this really is, since I dunno what love is. But what I feel know, it's freakin wonderful and torturing me and I'm smiling 'cause it hurts so much. And then again, it doesn't. And I hate everybody being right, saying me that you'll meet that one when you least expect it. And it happened like that, I sure wasn't expecting anyone. And I was good with that for that day. Now he came and turned my life upside down with his eyes.

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  17. I have always dreamed of finding my perfectly flawed prince charming. thing is i expect that you are young whike i am already 21 and have never been kissed nor have i ever had a bf. idk what it is its not like i am shy around guys i grew up with guys. uuhh i totally love your story because for the first time i feel as though i can really relate. i figure it is just easier to give up on love and ever finding it. although i would love to feel the pain of love i think it will never happen to me :[

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  18. I'd rather feel love even if it is followed by heartbreak, than nothing at all.
    Good luck.

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  19. i've never been in love either.
    i know what you mean though.
    i just wonder when it's going to happen for me :L

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  20. i love this post!! it's exactly how i feel....:(

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  21. Well it's not just said for the sake that you rather 'Feel the Pain of love than not love at all!'

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  22. I felt just like you for about three months ago. I had never been with anyone, never been kissed, then I met my boyfriend. I had almost given up. Nineteen and never experienced love. Suddenly it was just in front of me. Now I am glad he is my first love. Because I'm really in love.

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  23. from my point of view, I wish I could be in your place. honestly, it`s not good at all to have a broken heart, and right now, I wish I couldn't ever felt love, or anything like this. there is just too much to say about this subject, but I will shut up, I don`t want to ruin your love'dreams..because maybe there are not many who agree with me.

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  24. i would say i can relate. i want to feel love. i want to feel like i've lived and it seems like a part of living an extra ordinary life is falling in love, falling out of love then being heartbroken. this may go on for a while repeatedly or it may just happen once but at least it's happened, right? at least at the end of the day you can say you've felt like you've lived. that's all i want.

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  25. IMO, it always seems that the grass is greener on the other side.. and wanting what is not. But i'm lovin' my single life! no crap from another guy.. :)

    We've been brainwashed by others (tv, radio, blogs and what have you) making us think that we aren't complete til we've been in love. Plus, you can't miss what you've never had. Or maybe it's just me. lol Anyone here feels the same?

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  26. Even if someone breaks your heart, you still want to jump there!

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  27. I can only say one thing: Take chances. It worked for me. Dont expect things to be perfect :) I met my boyfriend at a party, and it was not very romantic in any way, we were both drunk and stupid. But somehow we found out that we had that important connection between us. Now we have been together for over a year and its amazing.
    Some day love will find you.

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  28. i was about to send a post almost identical to this.
    (Y)

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  29. I feel exactly the same way. I´m 17 years old, and I´ve never had a boyfriend. I´ve kissed one guy, who "left" me a few days after. I text with a guy from my school now, but I think that all he want out of this, is to get me in bed. And sure, he is one of the hottest guys in the town, but we go on the same school and it would be so embarising if I just slept with him and nothing more happened.
    Ouf, I dont know what to do.

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  30. I felt the same way for the longest time. I was always the one who stayed home while everyone else went out to spend time with the men they loved. They would tell stories about their wonderful boyfirends which only made me feel more bitter about the prospect of love. I kept trying to find it with someone and it kept running away with every drunk and stupid attempt I made. Then I decided to stop looking, I got a new job and moved to a new place for the summer assuming I could finally not worry about finding someone. Then I fell in love. And the most amazing thing is he fell in love too. I promise that one day, where you're least expecting it it'll find you.

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  31. i dont know that i would be wanting to feel the way so many of us feel. part of me almost envies you because even though its painful to want so badly something you've never had, i think its worse to want so badly something you've had and lost. i actually cried myself to sleep last night wondering why when i was 13 i could keep a relationship with an older guy for 2 years but now the only think i ever think a guy wants from me to get on and get out..being broken is not a feeling i would wish upon anyone because it causes me more hurt than anything else...

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  32. a little more than a year ago I was saying the same as you. I just would feel something, something big, clearly I wasn't know exactly what. I had done some things because of that and for this things I am really not proud. I had just kissed and a little more, not really something that someone would call me bitch, but I felt me so sometimes, sometimes really not. Mayby because all the boys, include my bf, I didn't like that much, that I would call it love. Truth I just don't know what it means to me. I missed my waiting selfe who I was a year ago. Now I just think perhabs I'm not that realationship type or whatever.

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  33. i think it starts when you genuinely care for another person and accepting that he is not perfect, and so are you. i'm the same as you, i've never had anyone. but until i get over being selfish and self-absorbed i don't think i can truly love someone. and when i fall in love i want to be good to him. but i'm not ready yet. unless someone comes along, someone who'll believe me when i say "i want to be good to you, but i have to make mistakes to find out. please don't give up on me." till then, i will keep loving the people around me, and it doesn't have to be romantic.
    we are a part of every one around us, of each others lives.. we affect each other, .. so don't think you're on the outside.
    -ven

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  34. *to find out how
    -ven

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  35. I felt that way for a long time too. Watching everybody else fall in love was quite painful sometimes. But believe me you will experience it too. I did, too bad it happened to be the heartbreaking kind of love.

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  36. You're not alone, I can tell you that. I feel just the same.

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  37. Once you truly accept and love yourself, from deep down inside, God will put someone in your life. In my past, I had many "flings" and "lovers", and kept lying to myself saying that I liked who I was and what I was doing and how I was living my life. As soon as I acknowledged that I wanted to change and did start making changes, God put the most wonderful and loving man in my life. I feel like it was a surprise gift to me for working so hard. Someone will come to love you, it may take a while, but in the end - it's worth waiting for.

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  38. It's great to see that so many people are relating to this because I think we all feel this way but don't admit it. It's nice to know I'm in good company.

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  39. everyone says when you stop looking for love it finds you, but i have a problem with that, cause i always feel like i gave up on looking, then i meet a new guy and start to have feelings for him and then im "looking" for love again.. therefore the plan is flawed because every time a boy you like comes into the picture you screw yourself over by falling for him and HOPING he could be the one.. because according to the saying when you look for love it evades you..

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  40. I read lots of blogs, there are lots of beutiful people who write well/take wonderful photos/other great things you can post in a blog. I have a few blogs myself, some that I used before, and two which I'm writing now. One of them is about me and the other one is also about me, but more of the sad me. Thoughts so to speak. However, this blog is one of the best that I've found when it comes to writing and I couldn't explained this better, this feeling is so familiar. All I want is love, like boyfriend kind of love. Someone to call whenever I feel like it, someone who would text me simply 'cause he miss me. You know, a person who is mine, a relationship, a romantic-love-relationship. I shouldn't think of it so much, maybe I should just live and not pay attention, love will find me or whatever you say. But it hasn't happend yet, will it ever happen? I have never had a seriuos boyfriend, so many of my friend have. Why not me?
    I belive i'm ready to love someone but I can't find him, it's not like I'm looking, not really, but still. I try to tell myself that there is hope and that he will find me but I don't know if I belive in it. Does love find everybody? Do you really belive that? I need some sort of answer even though I know that there are no answers.

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  41. i have been seeing this blog reading others heartbreaks and joys.... And it is your post that I totally relate to sadly.

    Everything is about love. But I have never felt my share of it. How it would be to be loved by somebody. Even I do not mind the heartbreaks.. just some love.. life is so sad now..

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  42. i just feel the same way!
    there was just one post i could relate to and it was "never had luck in love", it think it she felt the same way...

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  43. I'm almost 19 years old, and a Freshman in college. I have never "had a thing", kissed, held hands, hugged, or even talked with a guy in "that way" before. I watch my friends live out their lives-I read the stories of peoples experiences in this blog, and I'm just left desperately hoping I'm not going to end up "the cat lady". I have faith that everyone else will find these experiences, I just lack faith in myself. Sometimes I doubt it will ever happen. Ill remain "just friends" with every guy I meet in the future.

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  44. I wish... I could go back to that feeling.
    Don't get me wrong being in love was... Amazing and beautiful but when that stops it's literally heart shattering I wish I had never wished for love. don't get mr wrong though. Pray for it. Hope it comes your way. And when it happens be totally and completly in love because trust me I felt the same way as you. But it will happen one day and it will turn your world upside down. But the aftermath of Turning that world upside down if you should ever fall ou of love is even more earth shatterig than the actual feeling. So never wish for love. The pain isn't worth it. You can't take it back. It's forever molded in your heart. And it hurts.

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  45. I know how you feel, and be here, reading all these comments makes me feel not so weird and outsider like I usually do. Thank you for share your feelings with us.

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  46. I know exactly how you felt...wishing that your "love" emotion could be turned on just for a second to see what it felt like.
    I was like that..then mine got turned on (no pun intended haha) and I loved it and then it was off again and It's like I din't even remember what it was like to be in love.
    It's tough having faceless strangers tell you that your time will come because they have to say that but from what I have seen here, you have a big heart and a good head on your shoulders and any guy who sticks around long enough to uncover this should be sticking around for a while <3

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  47. I never had love before. I found it before my 22nd birthday! which is really late compared to some but it was worth it! I guess you just have to pray for it and never force yourself into anything. become that someone that guys will fall in love with-- yourself!

    I dedicated the song "I Didn't Know I was Looking For Love" to myself before and now I dedicate this song to you!:P

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  48. I'm a french girl. I like this blog, I can understand a little of these stories and I understand the important things. I fell in love 5 months ago. But now, I feel myself just so bad. Because, when you fall in love you give all the things to your honey, your love. And when your love go away... or does not give any news, you feel lost. Just lost. And you don't know how to stop it now. You will fall in love soon actually, you have the whole life to do that. Love is the life. You have love in you, in your family, your friends, and everything in the life. You have just to open your eyes to see it and fall in love when he or she will arrive.

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  49. Isis said..."I can only say one thing: Take chances. It worked for me. Dont expect things to be perfect :)"
    I absolutely agree. And maybe even more important: fall in love with yourself first. As long as you love yourself, your heart is strong and can defend itself from being broken. Because even if a relationship fails you can accept and cherish the good times you had in the relationship. I'm not saying that this is easy or pain-free, but the pain will have an end. It gets better.
    Don't look for perfection. Perfection is something that can grow, if you are lucky.
    Good luck!

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  50. I feel the same. My sister's always in a long term relationship, and I feel happy for her, I think she's in love now :)
    But I can't see myself working in a relationship, I think I'm afraid to take the leap from friends to more than that in case I muck it up and ruin what friendship we had.
    I like someone now, and I've heard they like me, but the guy I used to like apparently still wants something to happen, and I just don't want to hurt anyone.
    Here's hoping it all turns out ok and I can finally have a proper relationship <3

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  51. it's true, everybody wants to feel love. everybody needs to fell the love if it so just once in a lifetime!
    i realley enjoy reading you'r text! it's acually pretty beautiful, even though you just write down what you wanted. but it was really beautiful!
    (again! :P)
    Hope you'll find you'r love

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  52. yes girl we all relate to you
    you guy will ocme though
    just like mine will
    bne patient and it'll come to you
    <3

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  53. I know how you feel. I've never had one either. I have been in love but the boys never knew. But I live like i don't want a relationship. But that is just because I'm scared. Scared to let people in. Deep inside my heart i wish I had someone who loved me. I think that's whats everybody wants. And I think that we all will find that someone some day.

    Don't stop believing :)

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  54. I'm with you! I've never felt like I can really relate to any of the other posts, but I can definitely relate to this one. I get so frustrated sometimes and wonder where the heck love is and why it's taking so long to find me. I guess we've just got to keep waiting, as awful as that sounds, for love someday, whatever day it chooses.
    Just keep holding out for someday.

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  55. I agree it's better to have loved and lost then never of loved at all. As much as my first love crushed me I'd do it all over again because there's nothing in this world like being in love

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  56. i love this. it's so honest and real. but hold on love, you'll experience it one day.

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  57. I was exactly where u are probably 10 months ago... never kissed anyone for fun, i was waiting for the right person! and i am happy to say i found her but unfortunatly she had a boyfriend, and for the past 10 years (her only boyfriend). Even if not single I was lucky to be loved in return.. we kissed (without any of us expecting) and I can honestly tell u I felt like it was my "forever". In the beggining I thought she whould leave him... I know she loved me!!! she loves me!! but she also loved him... she would say i was perfect, if she cuold she would stay with me... but always the "this will evebtually end" was there!!!! I was never considered and affair or never did we established what we were... except best friends!!! and we were/are... i met the boyfriend, i hanged with both... jealousy started to be a problem. I loved every moment of being with her... i wouldnt change it for the worl but now.... now i am in a position where i no longer have hope of ending up with her and is killing me. breaking my heart!!!! and the problem is that is affecting my behaviour... towards her... i am hrting her and hurting me even more... its very very hard!!! i lve her more than anything... i love her more than life!!! i am not stupid and know that probably it will pass and it will all be ok.. that i might find someone... that more people pass by this and survive. Buti want her!!! i want to be with her... if i had her i wouldnt need anyone else.... i never thought of marriage or kids and with her i did.. even in the beggining... and the thing is we didnt "break up" and i am like this.. just the thought of loosing her... the thought of her being with him, in his arms, next to him at night.... it kills me!!!!!! she says she wishes it was me.... but while she wishes it was me i still know its not me there. there are some variables that make it more complicated as the fact that she really wants kids and me being a girl doesnt allow that.. or the fact that probably her dad wouldnt accept a homosexual relationship but.... in my heart i now know she need him.. she cant leave him... and its very hard.

    so even if u wish u had it... a broken heart is not something i wish on anyone... really!!! i dont change what i had but now.. the way i feel... i wish i could just not love her anymore... i do... its too painfull. and something else... LOVE is not enough sometimes... not in my case =(

    and about wanting it... i also thought like u "when is my turn?" "i want love" and believe it will come to u. i dont regret waiting for her... i am just sorry i cant have her

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  58. OMG! eu sou brasileira e sinto a mesma coisa, é horrivel , é como você disse , tudo é sobre amor, e escrevi sobre isso ontem no meu blog!

    estou feliz por nao ser estranha. HAHA

    desculpe escrever em portugues mas precisava dizer o quanto estou feliz. (:

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  59. hello dearie. i'm not sure if you'll be checking back on this comment. i haven't been in a relationship before. i've never been loved back. i believed i loved a few only to break my own heart.
    i'm so tired of people telling me the day will come, the right one will come, it will be so worth it, it will be special. i'm so tired of friends with their boyfriends and their related problems.
    in a way i'm glad i don't have to deal with that shit and i am happy with my life BUT i would like to love and be loved. how can that be SO much to ask?????

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  60. you are not alone! I have never been in love or felt love, but I've seen what it can do to people. my friends had broken hearts, and it's nothing I want so I have the tendency to protect my self when some guy comes too close my heart or my mind, I become like a closed book. I hate everything associated with emotions things to do.

    But you will find the love, and when that day comes.. are you ready too meet it, even I. We just have to stop think so much.

    and I realy love your blog!

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  61. I guess everyone experienced it differently, maybe you're already in love but you don't realize that since it's not the same as how other people expressed or described it~

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  62. Take it easy, one day love will eventually catch you. Love.

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  63. I've never felt I could relate to any of these stories, not until now. I would read these just for the sake of imagining, escaping this reality for just a second to imagine what it would be like to feel something, anything like that. I think this post has in many ways pointed out that there are so many among us who actually feel this way, albeit it may look as if we are perfectly fine on the outside. I know that I'm the wrong person to say this since I've never had the courage to, but people should speak out. About their feelings, towards anyone. Be more open. God knows I can't bring myself to before the first to say anything. But if a wave started, where people are more open with each other, I'm sure many more would join in - and perhaps, with people being more open, it would be easier to find someone. Making that first move is the hardest.

    Male, 17.

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  64. I'm really glad someone posted this. Thanks for your honesty. :)

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  65. I believe there are those who fall in love and those who don't. Those wo don't are doing something wrong.
    Maybe you're hurt by some past relationship or too realist to believe that the love you want for yourself is like a fairytale, so u'll never have it and all those experiences lock your heart and avoid you from getting involved. People who spend their time thinking too much about love(Like I do) kind of destroy all possiblities of life to bring love till them. Love happens by surprise. Being always aware waitting for it only pushes it away.

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  66. for myself, i like guys who never liked me back, and i don't like the guys who did like me. why is it so hard to find mutual love? especially when friends around me are all happily attached. sigh, when will it be my turn.

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  67. don't rush into it. love ain't something you jump into. love is something you love to be into. you don't need to jump into it because you'll find yourself just right there.

    htt[://lbpenmaster.blogspot.com

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  68. Oh! I am 23 and I've never had a boyfriend or been kissed or anything romantic at all. I've never even been in a one-sided love...

    When I was younger I was sitting around waiting for "it" to happen. But I think all of us that are waiting like this, we must somehow start to live life on our own, find out what we like and go for it whole-heartedly. Because that's something everyone has to do, single or not - a boyfriend or a girlfriend can not do that for you.

    Life is not all about finding a soulmate, or finding the perfect man/woman to share life with. Life is so much more!

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  69. Hey, just don't worry, because love always come when you don't expect it. It's true.
    And, if it takes time to come, think that you can always love your friends and family. It may not be the love you want so bad, but believe me it's a stronger love.

    Keep smile !

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  70. Hey everyone! It is my first time in a online dating blog, so I am not much aware about the concept here. I think this may help me sort out my issues that I am having trouble with. The Blog is doing an excellent work for people like us.

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  71. hi.. im speaking from a broken relationship of nearly 6 years, of which the cause is me. those 6 years were filled with ups and downs, but when it all ended, the heartache was more than i could bear.

    dont feel sad cos you have never experienced love. for the pain of losing someone is more than you can ever imagine. let love come to you.

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  72. i think about that every time i see a couple, or when i listen to love songs, or watch romance movies, or read love stories. I feel the exact same way- you put it the words together so well. My biggest fear is that i will never fall in love, and that i'll stay single for the rest of my life. if love hasn't reached me by now, when will it?

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  73. i feel exactly the same.. i really do not feel that it is ever going to happen to me.. feeling that kind of love, but i'm hoping. everyday i'm hoping and thinking about it. don't get me wrong i'm still a hardcore feminist that doesn't need a prince with that white horse to come and rescue me. i just need/want/desire/ache for love. the fairy love. the real love.

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  74. Try not finding love, but still get your heart broken all the time. All this pain just from trying to not be so lonely anymore. So that I don't have to be alone in my life. But, alas, happieness was, is, and, to the best of my assumtions, will alwas be my fate

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  75. I feel the same way. I just want to experience it, you know? I feel like I'm missing out on something in life, something so incredibly important. I've never been kissed, or cuddled with someone like that, or anything of the sort, and I just wish I could. i don't know how either. I wish I did though.
    -g

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