Friday, July 30, 2010

wishful


sensing-owls

I was dating a boy in law school, just graduated college, was hired onto my first "real" job and looking for a place to live. I decided to go on Craigslist and search for a guy roommate. I had made an appointment to meet with a guy and told my boyfriend to call the cops if he did not hear from me within the hour. Probably not the smartest thing to look at a strangers apartment in the evening. I showed up to this cruddy looking apartment complex, knocked on the door and this dropped dead tall man opened it. It was love at first sight or I like to call it Lust at first sight. We started talking and instantly felt a connection; he asked me how soon I could move in, I told him that week.

I called my best friend after leaving the apartment to let her know I found him! the one I had been waiting 10+ years for. I knew that I needed to break up with my current boyfriend and in reality there was no way I was moving in with this gorgeous man, but i definitely wanted to date him. I called him 2 days later and confessed; I can't move in with you, take me out to dinner. he laughed and said "shouldn't I be the one asking you on a date" from the moment forward we dated. I pictured us moving in together, getting married having kids etc. I loved him with all my heart and soul, I woke up early in the morning made him breakfast, cleaned his room, went on all the trips he wanted to go on. He pushed me to be more adventurous; camping, white water rafting, biking..... Did everything that I thought would make him happy. I lost contact with 90% of my friends, but it was ok because his friends became my friends.

A year and half into the relationship I received a job offer with my dream company. It was a surf company that would allow me to travel and grow in my career. I took it! I begin to travel and notice myself becoming independent again the way I was before my world revolved around him. At one point we did not see each other for 3 weeks, the week we finally were back in each other’s arms I felt something different. So confused, my body felt drained. I realized for the 2 years we were together it was all about him, what made him happy, what he wanted to do, what was convenient to him. I broke up with him. He was so shocked and angry, but I told him I was exhausted. As much as I loved him, I needed the same love back. He drained me. It’s been a year since the break up and I there have been many times I begged him to get back with me. I have to constantly remind myself that the choice I made was for the best. My heart still feels like a part of it is missing. I still don’t know what this means, I don’t know if I will ever find someone that I loved as much as him. I am hopeful that the day I marry “the one” there will be no question in my mind how much he loves me, as much love I give to him I will receive back……and my heart will be complete again. **wishful

xoxo

J

31 comments:

  1. Never thought I would read this tonight...this is how I feel right now, in this moment. It's amazing how things come when we need them. Thank you.

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  2. At times like these we need to believe there will be happier times. I'm praying the one for me is out there and we won't screw it up

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  3. umm this is retarded, first why would you look for a male roommate on craigslist when you have a boyfriend?! or i guess i should say had. If you looking for sympathy i cant offer it b/c this story was fucking LAME!

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  4. I don't know who to feel bad for. You, your ex or your ex before that.

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  5. to ^. you have your right to an opinion but no need to be harsh like that. you cant judge someone without knowing anything about them. and who ever said she was looking for sympathy? this is a website to post your story and this is hers, so dont be like that. dont be the person everyone cant stands because they are so negative. at least she was strong enough to walk away from her situation, most women wouldnt be able to do that. she is an inspiration to many people stuck in her same situation. so give her the credit she deserves.

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  6. I thought this story was a bit odd as well. Probably one of the worse I've read that has been posted on here. I don't get why you were looking for a male roommate when you had a bf and then left him and got together with a guy you didn't know who turned out to be controlling? And then you left him (which does take strength to do so I'll give you credit for that at least) but...then you've been begging him to take you back?? Wtf??!

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  7. You sound exactly like my ex.

    Sorry but I know how your ex-bf( your roommate) feels.

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  8. Aww :( i feel sorry for u
    i had the same problem with my Ex i still love him but i know its better to think more about me :)

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  9. I don't want to judge but it's so hard when I read stories like this. I think what you did was really unfair for your boyfriend and then also it's confusing to read that you learned to be adventurous and did all the things you wanted to do and in the end, you realized that it was an draining experience?! I don't know what to say..

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  10. I know Le Love must get a lot of submissions, but I'm sure you must read the ones that get posted, no!? This is definitely one of the worst stories I have read on here too..props to you for being totally selfish and ambivalent. You sound like a clingy 16 year old girl..you'll never find "the one" at this rate.

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  11. I'm glad you found out what you needed in life while crushing everyone who loved you in the process. Basically at the start you did things for yourself and it ended the same way, selfish. This is not a love story, it's a story about an arrogant whore.

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  12. Wow, people are so mean to you. I understand you completly. We all want to find love, and when we (think) we found it, we grab it. I feel sorry for you, because I have gone through the same emotinons, but not at the same level.

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  13. Love your blog!!
    Follow me if you want!!

    Love, S.
    http://unpuntoetutto.blogspot.com/

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  14. this made me smile, so big.

    i wish more women were as strong as you.

    i wish i could remember to be a lot of the time too...

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  15. i completely understand. its so hard, still hard. good for you.

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  16. I'm with a guy now who treats me exactly the same. Fortunately, it's casual, but he's still cheating and treating me like shit and I just can't get out. I come so close to just saying we're finished but I couldn't live without him. :'( Guys are never what they're meant to be. And we always leave the reliable ones for these ones. I've only been dating guys for a few years (I'm pretty young) but already everything every woman ever said about men being worthless seems true. And yet I need him. And I always will. So congratulations for leaving him. Stay strong and someone will come along. You deserve it, I'm sure. :)

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  17. I think you are a strong women and I am so glad you did what makes you happy.

    You have had some harsh comments but you have to do what is best for you! I think one day the right person will come!

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  18. You can only give so much of yourself to another person, no matter how much you love them. It sounds like you had nothing left to give.. a relationship involves two people for a reason. It should go both ways, fairly and evenly. It doesn't sound like it should be that much work to be happy with someone else. I feel the same way and I have for a while but you cannot help your feelings and it will fade when your heart is ready and you eventually fall into the same or a deeper love. Good luck, hang in there and I'm sure it will come around. We've all either found love or are looking for it - you would like Plato's Love Theory.

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  19. oh! that's one of my friend's photos :DDDD check ittttt, this is her blog

    http://sensing-owls.blogspot.com/

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  20. She's not selfish. You can't live your life for someone else, and she didn't. That's fair. It's not easy either. You can leave someone for a fair reason but still miss them, their company, their love, and the things you will always love about them.

    People need to grow, and a lot of the time, the best growth is being on your own.

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  21. I think your story doesn't really seem to suit this blog. It's supposed to be about love, lost love...you just seem like a selfish tramp.

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  22. after reading this, it seemed to me that the relationship with the "tall" guy was forced in a way and it was one sided love for sure.. and if the guy knew this then he must have been quite selfish and egoistic for staying with her for that long.

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  23. WOW. Selfish bint.

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  24. Wow, really touching. I believe you did the right thing, but then maybe you should have told him how you feel, so he would have made an effort to meet YOUR needs.

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  25. So are you miserable and lonely now? I hope so. Let's call it karma.

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  26. Wow you are a selfish bitch. So you walked all over peoples hearts and now you want one of them back after you trampled all over him? You're just a dumb cow.

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  27. Ok even when God wants us to stay with the one we've chosen and should marry not sleep around etc because He wants us to be happy and not feel confused...I still tend to fall in love with others. Just one for now, and I'm mad about this person. I don't know if it's love, fantasy, elusion, obsession, but I'm so crazy that I cant even think straight!! Is this normal? Well I feel if I can't have this person I'll go mad!! We'll I'm mad already! Ya so advice please!!

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  28. Oh and what's up with the nike advertisement!! Haha

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  29. i like this story. It is real.

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  30. lmfao!! karma is a bitch isn't it!!

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