Friday, July 16, 2010

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6 months ago I didn’t know you.

I had a boyfriend who loved me and I was happy, even though things were rocky and I wasn’t sure if he was going to leave me. He kept hinting that he was scared we wouldn’t make it through college and I knew. I knew it was coming but everything in my world was so messed up that I needed to get away, so I took a long shot and went on that trip to New Jersey almost on a whim.

5 months ago I got confused.

I’d never been attracted to someone else in the way I was attracted to you while I was in a relationship. It was always a passing hot body, something to stare at and let pass. You were different. I wanted to know everything about you, I wanted to hold your hand and have it mean more than it meant when I did. I couldn’t deal with the guilt, I felt like the worst girlfriend in the world. My boyfriend was my one and only, I had loved him for five years. But we’d talked about it, you and I and you and him. And as you said, we were good people and we weren’t going to do anything except be friends.

4 months ago it got complicated.

I couldn’t not like you. It would fade, and then I would still miss you and I would text you all the time and call you on the phone as much as I could. And then I would see you again and it would all come seeping back in the hugs and the cuddlepuddles and the holding hands like we always do.

3 months ago I hit bottom.

He broke up with me, and you were the only one I wanted to talk to. And you stayed on the phone listening to me sob hysterically, dealing with the insanity of losing him, for hours. For as long as I needed. And I only found out so much later that you had wanted to tell me that night that you felt the same way that I did, the same way that you thought I didn’t. You thought I didn’t like you anymore because I had told you I had no feelings left for you. Because I lied to you. But you held back because of how horrible it would be to do to me that night when you had left here after your visit and he had left me.

2 months ago it started.

I went to see you on spring break and I had to ask you. I sat on the swing with you and I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to know what your cheek felt like. If it felt as warm as it looked in the sunlight, just like your golden hair and your warm brown eyes. And I had a question to ask you. And we lay on the grass and stared up at the sky and you told me. And I wasn’t panicked. I just had a lot of thinking to do. And I did as I sat in that dorm room away from you for that hour or so. And then we talked again. And then you kissed me. And then I asked you to be mine, without even thinking about the consequences or how it would work. We were too happy.

1 month ago it changed.

Somehow we went from our place of I-like-being-with-you-and-I-like-that-you-like-me-and-I-like-that-you-like-that-I-like-you, to I-want-you-I-need-you-I-love-you.

Now it’s all so different.

You’re my only. You’re my one. We’ve been perfectly in sync our whole relationship and even though it’s only been two and a half months it’s real. It’s real in that true love, give you anything, know we’re going to make it way. And every time you whisper, “mine,” in my ear and I respond with a whispered, “yours,” to you, I know. You are mine. All of you is mine. And I am yours, all of me, for every moment of forever. I gave you everything of me and you gave me everything of yours. For forever and ever.

32 comments:

  1. Beautiful...I needed this post, you gave me faith again. Thank you.

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  2. This is amazing... sounds EXACTLY like my story right now, right down to his golden hair and brown eyes, oh my god. This was wonderful. (:

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  3. Great post. I wish you the best of luck.
    And I LOVE the picture. The way they're curved around each other is so cute and lovely. :)

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  4. That's exactly how I feel about my boy right now! :)

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  5. i really needed this, gives me such hope again. So beautiful.

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  6. This reminds me so much of what I went through, only that my story had a different ending. I risked it all to be with someone new only to find out that who I left was nothing but my soulmate. Now he is with someone new and I found out how it feels that you only realise how badly you can miss something when it's gone.
    Thank you for your amazing story!

    http://drizzlehurricane.tumblr.com/

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  7. This is crazy, because this is almost 100% similar to how I met my recent SO. Even the timeline is accurate! I was enamored by him while in a relationship with someone I've been with for five years. The only difference is that I took the leap and broke up with my boyfriend for my current one.

    Those were absolutely terrible times. Pulling the heart to and fro like that is not healthy. (But it was worth it in the end. <3)

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  8. awhhh this is so beautiful. It feels great to read a love story every now and then :) <3

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  9. a beautiful story, and so very well written.

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  10. Thank you so much for this beautiful story. that photo says it all…

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  11. This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read..seriously. It's insanely cute, it's something you see happening in movies, but not in reality. Wow. Beautiful story. I loved it!

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  12. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku_dNAK6JyM&feature=channel

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  13. Most beautiful post so far! This is what I want, and now I know I won't settle for less. Thank you, gives me hope!

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  14. Isn´t it bittersweet how life can turn things around in such a short amount of time?

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  15. This is amazing :)
    I hope you will be with him forever, you seem so happy! :)<3

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  16. happy love storyyyy... that gives hope for all the unfortunates in love haha

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  17. amazing blog..
    thanks for sharing!

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  18. Aww how cute!
    Your text makes me happy and gives me hope that there is love in our world.
    Great wishes <3

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  19. It's like a fairy tale, well not all fairy tales has happy endings. This makes me think does this fairy tale will ever happen to me

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  20. yes, like a fairy tale...
    great blog!

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  21. This post is exactly like my life, except I only dated my boyfriend a short time. Then I broke up with him for the most amazing girl i've ever met. Was it worth it?

    It most defiantly was<3

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  22. Please clarify what "cuddlepuddle" means? Thanks.

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