Saturday, July 3, 2010

i need to give this a chance


It's a lovely story and one my friends never grow tired of hearing but 6 years on I'm now beginning to wonder if I'm stuck in a fairytale dream.

We met in 2004, a summer that brought a sleepy Portuguese fishing village alive with the passion and fun of the Euro 2004 football tournament. I saw him the first night of my two week family holiday, the hot skater that rolled past and made my knees weak. Finding out the next day that he worked in the shop round the corner from our apartment only made me giddy and after an insane amount of eye flirting and an encouraging "go speak to her you fool!" from his Irish friend, I was soon left dumbstruck when he finally approached me. We spent the whole night swapping life stories and when it finally came to saying goodbye something just made it too hard. Stolen kisses on his door step and a few walks back and forth as we tried to leave each and I was soon curled up in bed, the happiest girl alive, excited to see him the next day.

We spent every minute possible together after that. Hours on the beach with his friends, dinner with my parents and partying the night away. I felt a part of his life straight away and nothing or no one has ever made me feel like that again. I'm even proud of the scar I have on my arm when I didn't jump far enough cliff diving that summer. Safe to say my mum wasn't as impressed when he took me back home with blood running down my arm.

Leaving him that summer was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Crying on the way home with my 10 year old brother to comfort me was not my finest moment.

Then it happened. September the 5th he was hit walking home by a reckless driver. Actually dying and being resuscitated, he was in a pretty bad state. Stuck in another country, I was a complete mess knowing I couldn't go see him and that I came so close to never seeing him again. Countless surgeries later, his jaw rebuilt and some pretty epic battle scars, he's on the mend but he definitely worries that I don't see him the same way which is silly. He is and has always been the most beautiful boy I know.

We spent the following summer together again. My heart racing when I finally saw him again, we were both so happy to hold each other. The first night we spent together was amazing, nothing beats waking up to that smile. But being so young we both knew we were on borrowed time and that we sadly only had that fortnight together again. He lost the court case against his hit and run whilst I was there and I honestly did panic that he would throw himself off the cliff after I left him sitting under our tree. Nothing I could say or do seemed to make him realise that I didn't care if he had false teeth, as long as he wanted to kiss me I'd be there to return the favour.

Life happened, we got different partners but we never lost contact. Still going back to the same fishing village every summer, we spent a lot of time together and it always just felt right. We work, we click. I was in love with someone else but he never left my head and ultimately that's what ruined my other relationship. I couldn't resist, I couldn't fight the urge and we cheated on both our partners.

6 years later and we still can't move on. This is the first summer I've not booked a flight over and I think that's what has made us wake up and realise a connection like this doesn't happen every day. He's in the middle of getting his own flat and wants me out there as soon as everything is in place. We speak as much as we can and his words always make me smile. The idea of being a proper couple makes my heart skip a beat. Long distance is never easy and with me entering my final year of university it's only going to be even harder but I need to give this a chance or I'll never be able to move on. Years of comparing everyone I meet to him has to stop if I'm ever going to properly move on.

Can this all be real, can I finally get my happily ever after?

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