Wednesday, July 7, 2010

black heart


mmrdrs

Have you ever stopped and wondered if love at first sight was real or just a made up line from a story book? I never gave this much thought until my eyes made a connection with Jay's eyes. Such a a desire to be and know every little detail about him. So many questions as my imagination began to explode with thoughts about him.

From the moment we spoke, we knew we shared the same desire. Our teenage love grew like a wild fire. I spent those months knowing the true beauty of love and words did little justice to explain how much I cared for Jay. We spent every free moment of our time together. The energy of life seemed to be much more wonderful with him. We related on so many levels. I felt as if I had found the piece to my puzzle.

As I can describe this perfect time, it seemed faith had different plans for us. Being a young couple Jay managed to allow rumors and opinions ruin our relationship. It wasn't long before I received that one call that would change this amazing fairytale of mine. He called me to break things off with me. I was devastated and confused. I went into a black whole of depression. Suffered from all the break up emotions.

Months went by till I finally awoke up form this depression of mine. I found myself again, and I also found him in my mind again. I always would convince myself that time healed all. But time didn't erase the scar left on my heart or the desire to want to be close to him again. See in all this time I was still confused on the course our love had taken but accepted it for what it was.

Almost 2 years later we ran into each other. He was staring but managed to just walk away before I could get put myself together. As my heart was still open for him. Jay's heart seemed to be full of pride. Nothing good came of this day but seeing his face once again. So as I pushed him into the back of my thoughts I continued to move forward, so I thought.

Just went I thought little of Jay I ran into him at a party 3 years later. He finally seem like he'd let his pride down enough to talk. We spent the whole night talking and confessing how much we care for one another and how we still think of each other daily. Jay had also mention he'd never loved anyone the way he did me. The warmth I felt from hearing those words. He hugged me kissed me and it seem like we had traveled back in time. We couldn't stop smiling at one another. Everything felt perfect at the moment.

I drove Jay home early that next morning he dismissed himself with kisses. I thought just maybe we both had matured and were ready to pick up the pieces. I was very excited for a new begging even if it was just friendship. I went home took a nap.

When I awoke a few hours later I felt like as if the night was just a dream. I had a new text message from Jay. I read it with excitement. Only to find that he wrote,

Jay 10:00 am
Wow, this was a big mistake. This never happened, never again.

BLACK HEART

47 comments:

  1. You deserve the world, and he couldn't even give you himself.

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  2. I fucking hate guys. It's as if you finally think you find the one after a few assholes, and then they chew you up and spit you out like your worthless. We will all get through it...eventually..I hope. I'm in the same situation, wish you luck<3

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  3. I'm really sorry that this happened to you. No matter how many good memories you have of him, no matter how much you think you are meant to be, if he's treating you this way, then he obviously isn't worth it.

    You deserve better and you will find better. I have faith. :)

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  4. "I was very excited for a new beginning even if it was just friendship"

    You don't rekindle friendships through sex, it's such a girl thing, we kid ourselves that we will be happy with just friendship, just to have that person in our life, but it's never enough. Being friends with some one you love, who doesn't love you back in a relationship kind of way is the hardest thing in the world. There is nothing harder to understand than how he can not want to BE with you, yet you get along so well, you're such good friends... it eats you up.

    So maybe that text message, as painful as it was to receive, is for the best, because if you aren't going to be together the way you want to be, it's better to know upfront than fall into a friendship where you spend all your time wanting for more, misreading signs and ending up far more hurt when he ends up with some one else.

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  5. i have been there girl, exactly there, with the person that meant everything in the world and more to me, and i swear to you youll make it through. im not saying it wont take a while, but whether it be months or, as in my case, years, one day youll realize that you are so much stronger, smarter, and better than that. and you WILL be okay.

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  6. i have been there girl, exactly there, with the person that meant everything in the world and more to me, and i swear to you youll make it through. im not saying it wont take a while, but whether it be months or, as in my case, years, one day youll realize that you are so much stronger, smarter, and better than that. and you WILL be okay.

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  7. I know how it hurts, but everyone deserves better than this.

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  8. now you know why I hate that name.

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  9. What a jerk. You deserve better. Way better than that. Every girl does.

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  10. Dangerous thing about guys,
    giving you false hope is one of their talents.
    Unfortunately.

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  11. That's awful! I hope you'll find a great guy someday who can shw you real love and be honest.

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  12. http://wroteitforme.blogspot.com/

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  13. I am sure you desrve something more than this. Someone who is going to love you for who you are!
    Do not give up on faith

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  14. I trully from the bottom of my heart believe he DIDN'T mean it. Its a fact, boys run and deny these things as soon as it gets too intense.

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  15. Maybe the anonymous above is right. Maybe not. Give him a little bit time.. and you will see on yourown, if he really meaned what he said.
    Only you will know that.
    I hope that I helped you!
    Take care and be happy

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  16. Dang... I was not prepared for that last line. AWFUL.

    He really really sucked.

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  17. we'll get through this together. <3

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  18. Omg, I thought it would be a cute text message and then wow... What an idiot!

    I'm so sorry for you :(

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  19. someday you WILL be alright. please don't waste your heart on him because he obviously doesn't deserve it. you deserve so much better.

    xx

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  20. love yourself babes.
    you have got to love yourself more.

    xxxxx

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  21. One should never give a man chance to come back to ur life... as he was being proud when he walked passed u...u should do the same n never to talk to him...but im sure ull see him again n he will regret again that u r not with him...then tell him to stay away !!!jerk !!!

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  22. This photo is just so perfect to this text. Great mix!

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  23. I don't like how many of you automatically go for attacking 'boys' while you girls are just the same. We are all heartbreakers and jerks, not only boys, not only girls, but both gender. Yes, he was very stupid in how he handled the situation, but a girl could have done that mistake against a guy as well!

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  24. this just can not be it! what's wrong with this guy? and most of all: why the hell did he kiss you and let you feel like a teenager again? i'm speechless.

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  25. I totally understand how you feel. It kinda happened the same to me. Everyone is saying "oh he doesn't deserve you, he's an asshole and you deserve better!". Well, it does bother to give up on the guy whose heart we desire and the one we loved (and still love) for almost 5 years. That is a huge time.
    Well, in my case, the guy I loved so much, found another girl, much prettier than me, smarter than me, more perfect than me, he found a new life. We met eachother again, we kissed and he started to say it was just wrong and I should forget everything. So why did he do this to me?
    If you really love him, don't let this happen.. Maybe he doesn't admit the fact that he enjoyed a lot the pleasure of being with you. Does he have another Cinderela?
    And about you "We're all jerks", I seriously only see boys doing that kind of stuff. Girls are much sensibles and sensitives. Yeah a girl could do it. But not certainly in that way. And at least, she would explain and let him know the reason, so..
    Loving him was her favourite mistake ♥

    - M

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  26. Funny- I just went through this with an ex. 3 years after we broke up we met up, the next night, we hooked up and then he vanished and told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, when just the night before he told me he loved me and that he missed me so much. And that it felt good to be back in my arms. It broke my heart- but then I realized... I am so much better than that. I deserve the world... and he didn't give it to me the first time, why would I think different this time???

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  27. maybe he has never realized how much you actually are worth.

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  28. This broke my heart a little... xx

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  29. im so sorry hun. no one deserves that. while i wish i could say u should move on nd u would do it easily, life is just a bitch sometimes. so all i can say is that as long as u keep your heart open, you'll find someone who will make you as happy as he did.

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  30. wow, what a jerk. Jar of Hearts, by Christina Perri...reminds me of this situation. you deserve better, honey. get over him before he can hurt you more. <3

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  31. yes, looooove jars of hearts

    <3<3<3

    p.s. best of luck.

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  32. agreed, "we're all jerks". i'm a hopeless romantic but i am also terrified of expressing my feelings, and could have sent that text just to make it easier for me.

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  33. Oh My gosh, how horrible. I am so sorry this had to happen to a great girl like you, I hope that you will be able to heel from this heartache.

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  34. he's a jerk..
    you dont deserve all the heartache dear..

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  35. Really, you do deserve more than that. Even if you don't see that now, someday you'll find someone you Love Even more.

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  36. i went through something similar, and i know many have already said this -and i hope you believe it- but you must know that you WILL move on. you will get through this. now that you have found closure, as awfully as it was delivered, i know you can start your journey of healing again.
    i know how hard it is to deny anything to the person you loved so very much. i know it'll be hard not to run back to him, demand an explanation and ask for him back. but don't do it- for your own sake and for your pride and dignity's sake. you'll be grateful later that you didn't humiliate yourself, and that you didn't let him see you when you were so weak and broken. i know i do.
    best of luck during these troubled times. i shall be praying for your little heart.

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  37. what an asshole! you deserve much better then that

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  38. ouch , it's hurt me .
    what a jerk ! trust me , you will find someone better !

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  39. Oh sweetheart, you deserve so much better. I hope this douche gets his lesson, some point at his life. Your perfect man is waiting for you somewhere. ;)

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  40. From one Guy to another,

    Jay, its fools like you that give us a bad name.

    That's all.

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  41. this made me feel sick to my stomach. i'm sorry for your pain.

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  42. THIS EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME ABOUT A MONTH AGO! EXACTLY. THE. SAME.

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  43. this is terribly sad ;/
    hope you'll find someone who truly deserves you

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  44. I'm so sorry, reading this broke my heart. But no worries, you will find someone who is above and beyond what you had ever hoped for.

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  45. something very similar has happened to me, but i've made the mistake of letting it repeat itself, hoping that at the end he'll wake up and realise he wants us to be together like i do so much. i'm still in the whole on-off cycle, it's very ross and rachel, and my advice to you is leave him to it, you're better than all that pain.

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