Saturday, July 10, 2010

because in love you deserve to be a priority


vkontakte

I've done a lot of thinking lately. The thinking that only occurs when you're pressed between bedsheets and the clock is staring back at you in bright red 3am's and your mind is playing a constant loop of memories you'd rather forget.

Let's face it: My love life is pretty much a giant shit show. I've had my heart ripped out of my chest one too many times at the young age of 19. It's a mix of youthful idealism and hope and a desperate desire to believe in someone against all odds. It's the lure of breathing in a familiar smell while tucked in the arms of someone you've silently loved for years, even though better judgment says he'll hurt you again.

I know that life is not a romantic comedy, but I guess I've still kind of fallen into the idea that maybe sometimes things are meant to be. I've learned a few things though. I constantly see couples breaking up, talking shit and then getting back together - an ebb and flow that they come to accept as normal. I guess on a grand scale I'm guilty of this, but recent events have taught me a very important lesson: the person who is really great for you, the person who brings out the best in you, your partner in crime? That person is not going to second guess your relationship until it's lost all meaning. That person is not going to rip your heart out of your chest even one time, and he certainly won't do it twice. And that person shouldn't make you an option, because in love you deserve to be a priority.

I might still fall silent when I stumble across old pictures. I might stay up until early morning hours to avoid thinking myself to death while trying to fall asleep. And, yeah, I might still ache to hear a confession of remorse.

But I'm not going to waste my time on someone who isn't great for me. Settling for familiarity is bullshit. As hard as it is, I'm going to move on. One day, I'll find someone capable of keeping my heart safe when I hand over the key and say, "Hey, don't fuck this up."

Always,
Jessie

39 comments:

  1. Awesome. And greatly written, too.
    Jessie, you've got an attitude most people only wish they could hold onto.

    Best of luck to you, in life and love. You deserve it.

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  2. Thank you for writing this. This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

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  3. Preach, baby. We've all been in this situation, it's so damn true.

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  4. I soooooo know you are talking about. Wish you the best.

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  5. i really needed to hear this....

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  6. Couldn't stop myself from commenting on this, although i am not sure how far away you are from 19...
    I dont want to break your heart with these words, but think again..rain drops look better on the windowpane...they are not for your fingers..so is the flower, so is the garden dew on the grass and not under your feet..don't scold me for the advice, but its better we say you can fuck up with my heart and i will still get back to myself...for magic is only when it is untouched..love is a silken sheet over a corpse...just love...dont rip the sheets..

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  7. this is my life. thank you.

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  8. You have a great tone. Will you write a book? that made me want to cry i can definatly relate...

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  9. ih,thank you so much for writing this! makes me hopeful.

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  10. thank you for writing what i couldn't. you are so right and i can't wait until i can get to where you are.

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  11. thank you. i needed that, the reminder that moving on and expecting for the best is essential.

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  12. I can relate to every single word here. Thank you for writing this, and know that you're not alone. Stay strong girl! <3

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  13. you're so right :) thank you!

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  14. wonderful :) and i completely agree, makes me hopeful too!

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  15. wise words for someone so young.
    keep on keepin on love.

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  16. Thank you. I really needed this.

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  17. story of my life, it's comforting to know someone out there is in the same situation as myself.

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  18. loved the text. one of the best you have written I suppose. I'm from Sweden and I read your blog every day. I lovelovelovelovelove it! xoxo

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  19. took the words right out of my mouth

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  20. wow, as already mentioned before: story of my life.

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  21. amazingingly written. my best wished go out to you jessie.

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  22. very true. realising you deserve better is definitely the first step.

    http://wroteitforme.blogspot.com/ xo

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  23. i loved it!!! it's the best thing when you realise this, that you wont settle for anything or anyone but the best!
    KEEP FAITH!!

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  24. I'm waaay far from 19 and have mixed opinion.
    if u look at it from a selfish perspective- u r right, no need to waist ur time.
    from different one- maybe its worth sometimes to fight for your love if u feel like this is it.even tho u were hurt so much.maybe so many people dying alone and unhappy. we r all not perfect.

    I'm being through very difficult times right now and I might be wrong. regardless, time is gonna place everything for their spots. and if u tried to fix things, its never a waist of time. its time to learn. more about your self. and even beauty about it.

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  25. This is beautiful, i feel like you took some words from my own mouth Jessie, posts like this connects us with each other in a much greater and complicated way than what it seems like...

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  26. i needed these exact words

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  27. Oh dear, I've also been there. It took me some time to realize that, that the one for me won't rip my heart off, but when I did realize, it felt so good! This text is amazing Jessie, rock on girl.

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  28. Thank you so much - this meant the world to me!

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  29. so true and so amazingingly written!

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  30. I love the space you are in. Loving yourself first, right? Have a look at http://www.la-passion-life.blogspot.com/

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  31. Never commented on any of these before, but this post really struck a chord for me. I tootally know the feeling. The heartbreaker wants a second chance. I know I shouldn't give it to him. And I've found the most wonderful someone who I'm 100% certain will never hurt me. But I still want to go back. Is that saying something?

    Man, love makes me stupid sometimes.

    Thanks :)

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  32. I've been scrambling for five years to put those words together, likewise, at only 19. I am finally with somebody more real and wonderful to me than my whims could have created. Thank you beyond words for reassuring me that waiting for an idea is a waste of my own happiness. Bonne chance!

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  33. "My love life is pretty much a giant shit show"

    same here, felt so lonely in feeling this. Thank you for writing~~

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  34. thks! U just voice out my thinking! Really need to be strong and get over the jerk now.

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  35. Wow, there is really much useful data here!

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