Saturday, June 19, 2010

my go-to

anna szczekutowicz

We’ve been through a lot. I met you the first day of college and we quickly became the best of friends. Our budding friend group referred to us as “brother and sister,” inseparable from the start. A few months in, we realized we could be even more, and thus our relationship started. Our friendship grew right along with our relationship. We were best friends, lovers, and roommates-all in one.

Like any friendship or relationship, we had our ups and downs, but we were always together. We were there for each other through thick and thin, no matter what the issue. You went through the worst summer of your life, and I suffered right there with you-your pain was my pain, it went both ways.

It continued on for two years. Then our relationship ended so so badly-we hurt each other until there was nothing left to hurt. You said you couldn’t be with somebody who knew you so well. You wished that we had met 10 years down the road, because then you would’ve married me. That hurt and terrified me. We were both scared, falling out of (a type) of love, and we fought in circles. You unintentionally hurt me more then anybody other has, and in return I intentionally made you suffer for breaking my heart. Our two different relationships were so intertwined, our friendship greatly suffered and by the end we wanted nothing to do with each other.

Another year came along and we went our separate ways, it wasn’t always pleasant seeing each other around town, and that’s putting it mildly. I’m stubborn and argumentative, and you’re difficult and egotistical-not a good combination.

Finally, this spring I decided to try reconciling this deep-seeded hurt. So we started hanging out. While it only happened a few times, each time was wonderful and we connected in the incredible way that we used to, and we were so damn happy. Yet now it must end since we’re both going our own ways for the summer, so I guess we’ll see what the autumn brings.

Like I said, you’re my go-to.

If somebody in my family dies, or my car breaks down, or I need to go to the hospital, or some guy is offensive towards me-you’re the one I’m going to call. And I know it's mutual. It doesn’t matter if we don’t date, or talk all the time, or even see each other. But you know what, we love each other, whether we like it or not, we love each other. So , A., thanks for being my go-to.


  1. This is beautiful. I have a go-to a lot like this as well. Oftentimes they're the relationships that no one else is really ever able to understand. <3

  2. Ohmy, this describes me and my boyfriend so well, though now I'm kinda worried it's going to end by reading this :( Haha. I hope not. And I really hope everything is going to fix for you guys!

  3. that's true love. it never ends even if it ends

  4. same story here. hope he will be my go-to soon again. miss him way too much

  5. Still got a long way to "Go on" in this love... :D

  6. This is such a touching post!
    I like your blog! :))
    Come check out mine, I think you will like it (or so I hope? :)) Also, I'd like to invite you to check out my makeup and accessories giveaway - it ends in 5 days, so hurry up if you are interested in winning some nice goodies :))

    I hope to hear from you soon.
    Have a wonderful day!

  7. my photo: was posted in your blog without permission or credit. since i have legal rights over my photos and no permission was given to use my photo, take it off immediately or legal matters will be forced.

  8. those are the best kind of relationships.
    frustrating and lovely, all in one.

  9. You are lucky to have that with someone.
    I need a go-to guy in my life.
    Soon I hope.

  10. "I’m stubborn and argumentative, and you’re difficult and egotistical-not a good combination." This is so my case we were close friends and we turned into lovers who frequently fight most probably because the quote above!
    it scares me sometimes... shud i be?
    i don't even know how am i supposed to feel or how am i supposed to deal with that fact...!

  11. It's a great pleasure to read your posts ) Thank you for thoughts and feelings )

  12. I definitely have a go-to. Beautiful post!

  13. I'm imagining this being written to me from the future.

    I want my "go-to" back.

  14. That is beautiful. But how can you go on with your lives, meet other lovers, start a family - when you always have eachother?
    I am in a difficult relationship at the moment. And I feel all the love in the world for my boyfriend. But I do not know what autumn will bring. College for me or not. He will stay here, home. But maybe I have to go. And then I could never take to have him home. And not with me. If I would go on with my life, then I must end with him. I can not, really can not, have him, somewhere, but not fully. I must have it all, or nothing. Otherwise, I can not live my life. I would be stuck.

  15. I thank god for my ex bf who.. till this day.. is still my go-to person :)



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