Thursday, May 27, 2010

I will keep waiting for you...


lauragonzalez

I've never been so sure of anything. It's like, I've finally come to understand the difference between dread and fear, and those nervous butterflies that everyone keeps talking about. You want to know how I know? Because when I'm with you, I feel those butterflies fluttering around inside of me. But they don't make me want to run the other direction, like the fear has done before. If anything, they make me want to press myself as close as I can to you- skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat, because when I do that, the butterflies quiet their wings for a bit and they let me feel you. Feel all of you. And it's in those moments that I realize that the fear I feel is only surface level. It's the kind of fear you feel right before you turn on a bright light after hours of being in the dark- just a few seconds before you open your eyes to see something so beautiful, something you couldn't see before. For the first time in my life, I don't want to run away. I want to be with you, I want all of you.

But you don't want me, and as you go from girlfriend to girlfriend, hurting when they hurt you, you're overlooking something so important. You know that I love you, and you've told me that you love me too. It doesn't make sense that you would continue to go for girls that you know will break your heart, when I'm here- loving you endlessly. So you know what I think? I think that you're scared. You're scared that it's possible for someone to love you as much as I do, and you don't want to get hurt. But honey, what you don't seem to understand, is that I'm that one person who would never hurt you.

Even though it's breaking my heart, I will keep waiting for you to realize what is right here. I dare you to love me back, because I'm that person that you're looking for. The one that won't hurt you, will never leave you, and will always love you. That's me. I love you so much.

-amelia

56 comments:

  1. beautifully heartbreaking

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  2. Gorgeous. There are so many beautiful stories and talented writers that never cease to amaze me. It's unreal that so many people in the world are feeling the same way and are having to cope with identical, heartwrenching experiences.
    I am forever greatful that people are able to express my feelings, emotions better than I ever could through writing.

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  3. I have been in this situation many times. It is rough on the heart and harder on the soul. Don't let go of your love. I know it's hard, but sometimes it just takes a little longer for some to realize that what they are looking for is right in front of them. Don't give up. Much love to you and strength for your heart.
    xx

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  4. Dear Amelia, thank you for sharing your story with all of us.. I dont know you, I dont know how deep your feelings for this guy are BUT what I know is: by telling to yourself always and never is too strong to last for a lifetime! You probably be so young to know..
    This is what I believe. Best of luck and love.
    Btw I dont like links as the above about make money, no relation with the nature of the blog le love!!!!
    Very annoying.

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  5. And that's how you won't ever love or be loved. And that's also how you'll hurt him. Cause right when he realizes you're moving on, he'll want you and you'll either not look back hurting him or you'll go straight to his arms to be left again.

    been there, done that.

    Best thing I ever did was to let go of a hope that was making me sick and resent the person I believed I loved. That said that loved me. That also said he knew I loved him endlessly. But wouldn't stop going for other girls.

    Letting go of hope is a funny thing. I thought I'd loose the ability to be hopeful ever again in my life, but the truth is: I'm trying to fight this hope for someone to SOMEDAY realize how awesome I am. Well, not even I ever believed that.

    I hate this kind of hope. And I won't hope you understand 'cause you most likely won't. And I can't change that.

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  6. It's amazing how so many people in the world can be feeling the same thing.

    Amelia, you've described a story so sweet yet heartbreaking that so many people have been through. Unreciprocated love is one of the biggest mysteries in this world, and one of the biggest heartaches as well.

    Even if he is scared, even if he never admits it, I hope he realizes just how much you love him. He'll be the luckiest man on earth the day that he does, and decides to love you back.

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  7. omg im feeling the exact same way now, you're not waiting alone amelia! Time will prove to him whats real and whats best for him. If my guy has to go one round around the world to date all the girls he possibly meet just so he could compare and realize my love for him, i will wait :)

    My friends always tell me : True love is worth waiting for.

    Hang tough, you are not alone..

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  8. as much as i don't want to wait for you, i do it without thinking about it. i will always wait for you, and it sucks because you'll never wait for me.

    xoxo
    http://iloveitwhenyouaremoody.blogspot.com/

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  9. Aw, such a pretty text. I promise u, he will come to love you. In the end, he will realise that you're that one he's always been looking for. That one who will always love him.
    <3

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  10. it's so silly that someone should be afraid like this, but funny or sad enough, there are so many cases like this one out there. I don't get those guys.

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  11. Oh sweetheart, this is truly heartbreaking. It may take a while for him to realize that you are his heart's desire and what his soul is created for. There is nothing for you to do but to hurt and wait until he realizes this.

    I promise you, it will be worth it.

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  12. Oh sweetheart, this is truly heartbreaking. It may take a while for him to realize that you are his heart's desire and what his soul is created for. There is nothing for you to do but to hurt and wait until he realizes this.

    I promise you, it will be worth it.

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  13. you're in a cage, are you sure this is what true love is?
    happiness is being able to be yourself, to do what you love to do, to be able to spread your wings with the person that makes you laugh and dream , with the one that makes little things so wonderful to experience together, you gave up true love for something so and so..
    if there is just a chance to have it back, use it

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  14. and this is why i follow your blog. you are full of emotions that i think every girl has experienced, or will experience and the way you express those feelings, is quite amazing.

    thank you.

    http://www.allisterbee.blogspot.com

    ♥ paislea elyse

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  15. don't lose hope! time will tell...

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  16. that's what I call true love. if you love someone, you'll never ever forget him even if he's not yours.
    http://lovers-shore.blogspot.com/2010/05/i-love-you-mum.html

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  17. This is beautiful. But girl, you need to move on. Life is too short to wait for someone to love you back. You are only hurting yourself, just like he's willingly hurting himself by chasing after girls who he knows will eventually hurt him. If he really loved you, he wouldn't hurt you. You don't need to prove to him or wait. You need to live the beautiful life that is yours and wish him well as he gets his own life together.

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  18. Empower yourself, Amelia. I disagree with the readers who say "I hope he'll see what's right in front of you". Amelia, he's just not into you. And you are too smart for him! Go find someone who loves you for you!

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  19. Talk to him! Tell him what you think, ask him if it is true. And tell him that you are patiently waiting for him, but also tell him that you can't wait forever!

    Ask him to give you the chance you deserve, and if he doesn't, well, then it is his loss too. Some things you can't control...

    He must make this step all by himself. You can't do it for him. But also, you must live your own life, and if he doesn't want to be a part of it, then you must move on.

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  20. i was the same once as well but i got so tired of always waiting for someone who could never love me the way i loved him. Your heart is wasted darling. I know its hard to hear but you deserve so much better than this.

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  21. I left the best guy i ever had the luck to meet in my life , now he's married and happy , he loved me like crazy, but I was too busy to care, now after 2 years , I wish I could see those eyes full of love again, I have been the one chasing other guys, I lost him and I lost my happiness, Amelia one day he will understand as I understood, good luck
    Susan

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  22. the most important advice long run wise ull ever receive:

    tell him how u feel. no matter how scary it is, do it.

    dont let him make u wait too long.

    if he goes for u, great. if not, give it up.

    ive found the longer you hold on for someone who makes u wait, the more intricately he is able to break ur heart.

    the longer u wait, the harder it will to be to put the pieces back together once hes gone.

    it may sound cynical, but its just reality.

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  23. love your blog
    great post!

    visit
    fuckthatfashionart.blogspot.com

    kisses

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  24. don't wait for men like that. i did and i actually got him to reciprocate my feelings, and he eventually asked me to move in, but now i realise it's only because he got rejected by other women before. i feel used and secondhand and really, your dignity and self respect matters more than any man at the end of the day. take it from someone who's lost both at the moment.

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  25. profoundly touching. ur devotion is worht admiring.

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  26. evryone chearing their own vision, thats whats so inspiring, i guess there's onely one way. thats your own, getting hurt is part of life, if you dont risk anything you wont winn. lets all just keep on falling in love, hoping, wishing, LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!!

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  27. You could almost say that this is exactly what happened to me. Except only for the part that I know we can never be, because I am a guy, and he is a guy and yeah...he loves his girlfriend. But hey, that's life, you can't always get what you want can you? :)

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  28. and after all I suffered I still love you, is crazy, is wrong, is stupid, is the biggest risk of my life, but I love you like I never loved anybody in my life, I wish you would be interested in how I feel...

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  29. My friend said, sometimes it takes a long time for us to get what we really want.. may ur journey ends with beautiful ending.

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  30. how can he love you if you don't love yourself more?

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  31. He will come around. I did for the guy waiting for me. Be strong and never give up. But you already know that, love.

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  32. Girl, I know how you feel. I felt the same way for this boy which I waited 3 years for. He ended breaking my heart because he finally confessed he didn't love me but didn't have the heart to tell me. So just be careful okay?

    However, even though I've been through that, I'm stuck in this exact same place right now. I love him so much and he loves me too. Yet he just got together with another girl that he says he doesn't love as much as me....

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  33. Don't wait.

    I don't think he's scared. I know it's better to believe that than the fact that you're beeing rejected by someone you love. But let's say that you're right, let's say that he's scared. Is your precious time, and love, worth waisting for someone who's too scared to eknowledge the fact that pure and genuine love is right in front of him? If he's too stupid(!) to embrace that, then I don't think you really want it. Or need it.

    This way, you're taking your life for granted. Maybe you don't see it now, but someday you'll wake up and realize what you've lost, and what you can't take back because of him. All that time you were waiting, you could've done something else. Enjoying life, feeling free, moving on, making changes in your life, taking trips, exploring new things, meeting new people, taking classes.. Just living. See, your life is waiting for you to wake up as well. What he's doing to you're heart, you're doing to your life.

    Look, he's chasing other girls for a reason. He gets hurt because he offers them his heart, so it's safe to say that he's hoping to find love. Right now, you're just not the one that he wants. And just waiting for him to come around isn't gonna help. It's not easy to get over someone, I should know. But you just let time take care of that, all you need to do is to move on. Give it a shot. You owe yourself that much. And when you have, someone familiar will call or text when you least expect ;) THEN decide if it's still worth it.

    But for now - live <3

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  34. Thank you for posting this. I could have written it word for word- it's good to know I'm not alone.

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  35. Reading all these comments drove me nuts.
    What are you supposed to do? Move on? Or wait? Is either possible? You want to believe he is the one and if you wait a little you can enjoy your future with him. But what if that never happens and once again you get hurt?

    All night I have been up thinking of my ex and how hard I fought for him and how he chose that girl over me. He told me it was convenience and I kick myself daily for encouraging him to move to Seattle to pursue his career and I would travel out there to visit.

    I am kicking myself now. He was amazing to me. I broke it off and then when I wanted him back....I lost him.

    Let me know if he ever comes to his senses and the wait is worth it.

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  36. WOW great way of expression..love the way you feel because i feel the exact same way.

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  37. you are a beautiful writer. the way you describe the butterflies ..simply beautiflu. I wish i could express mysefl half as elegantly as you did. simply beautiful

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  38. woah girl this is just beautiful(:
    You are a fantastic writer that can really express herself.
    you inspire me, you pretty much but how i feel into words.

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  39. i have the same "problem". boys are blind. really well written

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  40. A friend said to me; if a guy loves you, he will do everything in your power to have you.

    This meant everything to me, because amelia, ive been exactly where you are. The only thing to do is to appreciate that NOW you know WHAT love feels like. If he can't return that feeling, find it somewhere else. Don't listen to his words (men rarely put much significance into their words), listen to his actions - he'd be with you right now if he truly wanted you.

    Know your worth and want the world for yourself.

    - Nadia

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  41. I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through this at the moment, but you've put it more beautifully than I ever could.
    I've tried to move on so many times, but I know that I can't. As long as he still wants me to, I'll keep going back. And it makes me hate myself, but there's nothing I can do.
    How can one person make you so unbelievably, euphorically happy but also so terribly, heartbreakingly sad?
    - H.

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  42. I was on the opposite end of this situation. i gave in, and it's now the best thing. you need to wait. he'll come around.

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  43. i'm in the same exact situation. i hope that one day he realizes that i'm the one...i hope he realizes that before its too late. i love him and i hate it.

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  44. I can also relate 100% even though so many times I have broken down and told myself that I am deluding myself. But then I also believe its not true love unless you can both withstand the test of time and all the turmoil and heartache that entails. Sometimes I want to scream at him "you fucking love me why can't you see it!?" God boys can be so blind and stupid but at the end of them its up to them to realise it. You just have to have faith I guess.

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  45. ...and I thought I was the only one...

    This is exactly what I'm going through right now... every word that you wrote right there...

    Thank you for sharing... and just the same, I am also waiting.

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  46. I've decided to keep loving him too. I'm going to live my life the way I want to and see other people.See if I can find another person that I love, who loves me and wants to be with me. But I won't forget the times both of us spent together. I fell in love with him. And I'm not going to be able to get over him. So all I can do now is to accept him as my good friend.

    I love his crooked smiles, I love it when he spits out unimportant facts,I love his frizzy dirty blonde hair... I love everything about him. A little piece of him is stuck with me. I want him to be happy. I want to see that face light up. I want him to know that.

    Sorry for the essay.
    Keep holding on,Amelia. But at the same time, live for yourself. You only have one chance to live your life. Don't waste it for other people. Explore and experience things. But don't stop loving him. It's not easy to have such strong feelings toward another person. So, hold on.

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  47. So, I do not really believe it will have effect.

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  48. i'm in the same situation..he broke me twice..now he back to me..that's make me happy..but in the same time it scared me. will he breake off with me again?..i just hope one day he realizes that i'm the right person to him..

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  49. This is also happened to me. He gave me too much hopes and made me believed that he would not leave me. I fell in his words. When he said he wanted to be frens, he told me that he wasnot the right person for me he told me he couldnt make me happy, always busy and didnt have much time to spend with me and told me to move on n search for another guy that can make me happy. He didnt know i just want him, i do need him. Until now, im still waiting for him. should i move on and forget about him? I feel sad and very dissapointed. :'((

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  50. why do u keep hurtin me,
    my pains n feelings dont u c,
    by me hurtin me day n nite wat do u get..??
    r u happy only by makin my eyes wet..??
    u r d only 1 i really love to d core,
    why is it only u who hurts me more..

    i wish he sees c it..n comes to u,.. evry love has its own time..u wil hav ur's too..jus hold on n wait..

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  51. I'm going through this right now. I am older than him by 11 years. I'm 33 and he's 22 We started out as fwb. Recently he started college and doesn't have much time. He's said that he doesn't want a relationship. He is still my fwb but now he is also wanting to be friends just not a full relationship. He said that if he develops feelings for me he'd date me in a heartbeat. I feel given enough time he'll come around. Only two months ago I converted from being catholic to a blending of christianity, wiccanism (wicca) and Paganism. He's fine with it. Every time I ask the goddesses of my pantheon about my love for Kevin they all tell me that he's the one and while now is not the right time but in the end he'll be with me. They tell me to be patient and wait. I have to have faith in my goddesses and have faith that he will realize I was meant for him. My first incarnation was married his first incarnation but he doesn't realize it yet. Instead of being with other girls he just thinks relationships take too much work and doesn't think he wants one. I'm going to wait for him anyway. Do what feels right Amelia.

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