Tuesday, May 18, 2010

carried away


I have always classified myself as a hopeless romantic. I'm a dreamer who has the tendency to stumble straight into her dreams and then fall out of them right onto her face. Falling in love has never been my problem. I don't mean to sound shallow, but guys have always been interested in me, and I them; and I have had too many boyfriends in my short lifespan. My problem is simply that I get carried away far too easily.

It's not that I don't have standards, because I do. I know what I want from a relationship and if a guy can't give me that, then I don't bother. However, I keep finding guys who meet my standards and whose standards I meet as well, but it never feels right. Something always happens and they get attached to the point where things progress too soon and I end up falling out of what I thought was the right relationship. In the end, I'm back where I started... single and looking for that dream again.

Well, this time, I may have actually found it. He is from England and I am from the United States and we have never met. We talk on skype till the early hours of the morning his time and then he wakes up and calls be right before I dash off to bed in the early hours of my time. I don't know how we found each other. We talk all the time about meeting when I travel to England this New Years Eve, and have even made plans to spend it together.

He makes me smile, especially when he teases me about how I can't speak proper English. We never have a problem finding things to talk about, and even the occasional moment when we have had trouble thinking of what to say, we both sit on the line and just listen to each other going about our lives without the other. It's rather surreal actually; like a fairly tale. Every time he calls me, my heart skips a beat and the butterflies in my stomach flap crazily. My favorite part is when we stop talking each night, he leaves little x's at the bottom of the IM.

The only problem is, that I know that I shouldn't get carried away. I'm sure he has a life and other girls that he speaks to in the same carefree way that he talks to me, though I'd like to be selfish and say that I am the only one. I can't help it though. He is literally everything that I have wished for in a guy. We talk about profound things that matter only to the hearts of people who have felt them; I feel that he is a kindred soul.

What would I do if he did have someone else in mind? I suppose that I would go on living my life in a dream. As of right now, I don't want anyone else. I only see him, hear him and think of him. Oh dear... I've gotten carried away... again.

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