Thursday, April 15, 2010

whenever


fudbal

There’s this boy.

There’s this boy that I thought I was over. Last night when I saw him again after two years, I suddenly realised that I wasn’t.

It's you.

Our relationship was never serious. We were never committed to one another, but still we were in each other’s lives for two years. At least you were in mine for two full years. In my mind and in my dreams.

I was never over you. I know that now.

All the breaks we had, where we didn’t talk - I was still thinking about you all those times. We were only together when you wanted us to be. The rest of the time I was just waiting for you to want me again. Longing to hear those sweet words you would whisper in my ear. Waiting for your hand to be back in mine.

Two years of good times and bad.

But then you got a girlfriend and we stopped talking. She broke up with you, and we still didn’t talk.

I was with others guys. I was over you. Of course I was. I rarely even thought about you anymore.

Then last night I saw you. I met you at a friend’s. We barely talked. But I’m used to that. We always did this. No talking and then suddenly we were back in each other's lives.

God, you are so hard to figure out. I wish I could have figured you out then. That would have stopped me from still wondering now.

Because now I've got all these feeling back in my body. Feelings I thought I no longer had - but know now that I'd just hidden away in a tiny box and kept in my heart (and maybe forgotten a little bit about.)

Yesterday, just seeing you and being in your presence opened that box, and along with the wondering came nostalgic thoughts of you and us, which have now filled up my heart. My heart pumps all these feelings through my body, and I am desperately trying to squish them back into the little box, so it doesn't hurt so much. The feelings won't go away, but at least when I keep them in one place, it's not as painful as when I have them pumping through my every vein.

I just want you to know that I still adore you and that I'm here if you want me.

You can open the box.

Whenever,

S

50 comments:

  1. same story, just when i tought i was totally over him he appeared and i knew i wasnt.
    xJ

    http://sunshinydaymiss-jean.blogspot.com/

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  2. i absolutely feel you babe!

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  3. I really really really hope you told him all of that. I think that if you don't, you will end up regretting it. and then you'll always wonder.. just tell him. please.

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  4. Tell him just how you feel, and if he doesnt realise that you have so much to offer. Then you'll know .. dont waste it on someone whos oblivious to whats in front of them.

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  5. This is exactly how I feel right now :/

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  6. im going through the exact same thing. i'm totally okay when he isn't around and then i see him and i completely crumble. and i know how hard it is, so you aren't alone. i also know how its hard for anyone to understand because they just say "hes not good enough for you if he cant see that you are great." it doesn't help.

    i hope both of us can get over them someday.

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  7. going through the same thing and the feeling sucks. i wish i could just get over him and moved on. don't worry, you're not alone. i'm sure there will be a guy out there who will treat you good and the way you should be treated. be tough and get through it.

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  8. you are not the only one.
    i still haven't figured him out, i wish i could forget him but i can't, it's such a cruel thing :(

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  9. I feel with you!!
    It scares me to read this, though. I went through this the last 20 months and in the last 2 months I thought I'm finally over him but I'm not sure if that's true. I'm going to meet him next month and I don't know what to think about it.

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  10. this is everything i have been trying to put into words.

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  11. feel with you.. recognize it so well. but i think you have to put him behind, i think that he wont be able to love you when you let him walk away and back all the time.

    but maybe you should have a talk, but you might not be ready for it yet.

    i meet a guy that i this months (who i felt the same for as you seem to have done to this guy) and we brooke of for two years ago. it was different to because i realized that i finally had gotten over him after all. but we got drunk and talked. it was probably the most important and inexpected talk in my life. we talked about everything that went wrong, all the misunderstanding, all the questions. i finally got answers for all those things i had wonderd for myself, it was such a relife. and we forgave eachother.

    this was such a long comment. and all about me. but i really hope you wont go back to him if you feel bad about it, like i did. but if you think he's worth it, then go for it (and whit that i mean, dont move on from him if you dont wanna) sooner or later, he'd probably come back.

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  12. This literally defines my life. Thank you.

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  13. tell him how you feel, i mean what can you lose? i've been in this situation, i AM in this situation when he comes back and forth only if he wants me, but i'm going to tell you that the biggest mistake you will ever make is telling him that he can open that 'box' at any time. maybe you feel that way, i know i do, but don't let him know this because i guarentee it will only break your heart further.

    best of luck
    H
    xo

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  14. I've been in this situation, that we (him and I ) call dance, for 10 years now, And we've never been in the same place, now I think his over me, and I'm still waiting for him to open my heart again, "whenever" he'll want to.. just to feel in love with him again!

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  15. i feel this way about this first person i really fell in love with. he has a girlfriend now and has done terrible things to me, and i've done my best to stay away but it's almost like there's no way... and if there is, as soon as we ever talk again something just clicks between us again and make it hard to stay away. we even got back together once, i wish i could just stay away forever...

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  16. wow first time visiting your site i love it.... new to blogerspot and creating my own and love life and love topics so if you have any suggestions please feel free and tell me... looking forward to more post of yours....

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  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  18. This post describes my feelings completely.

    I dated this wonderful boy for a few months and even though it ended and he found someone else, I still held onto the hope that one day we would be together again. And then this boy broke up with his girlfriend and messaged me, wanting to catch up. At that moment I felt a big rush inside, My heart started pumping and I felt all the old feelings that I once had overflow my entire body. For the entire week before seeing him I couldn't eat or sleep or get him out of my head.

    We went for lunch and said we would stay in touch. We talked over text but after a while the texts just stopped.

    There I was again, having to get over this wonderful boy.

    I still think about him and I still picture what it would be like if I never ended it with him two years ago when I was young and naive.

    He was the one I let get away.

    And I am still here if he wants me back.

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  19. Absolutely love it! Beautiful written.

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  20. This is exactly my story at the moment. You can't convince yourself youre better than him because really- he's amazing and worth waiting for, because when things are good with him... theyre perfect and amazing. I've been doing the same thing for 7 months. He hasn't dated anyone else but he finally, like a week ago, cut things off. And I didnt take him seriously because one time before he said he wanted to be just friends and when I moved on he came back stronger than ever, saying he liked me and missed me. He does miss me- I believe it. But I also know that guys like ours will never commit- they'll just be the amazing ones that you compare every single other guy you meet to.

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  21. wow, i sit here absolutely speechless because i could've written this myself, every single word of it. there's slight comfort in knowing i am not the only person in the world who this is happening to. i hope to be free one day, one day soon. i hope you are too :)

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  22. Why is it so important for us girls to have closure sigh.
    :(
    To have to have them figured out sigh.
    :(
    It makes life so painful because most of the time, we don't get there.
    :(

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  23. im speechless
    going through this as we speak.. and i have an other boyfriend so its just a tad harder :(

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  24. wooow, I have the exact same thing. There's this boy and i will never get over him, even though i hardly ever see him. But he's still there in my heart :<

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  25. This hits so close to home.
    I have had the same situation with one boy, and we don't talk for a long time sometimes.
    I just found out I'm moving, and so is he, and even though it's all the way across the country, we're moving to the same place.
    It's like you always try to say goodbye, to let go, and then when you think it's over, there he is. In the same place you are, like no time has passed.
    Some girls just have THOSE boys.

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  26. This could have been my story too. It's good that you write of these kind of things, and it feels a little better to know that others can be in this situation too. A little bit less lonely.

    Btw, I love this blog!

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  27. Been through that, and really, its not worth it! Its someone better out there, for both of us! :)

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  28. You gotta know your limits though. Give the other guys a chance.

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  29. you're so faithful, which is something rare
    http://lovers-shore.blogspot.com/2010/04/dont-say-any-word.html

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  30. Whenever I think I'm over him, I end up being wrong. And I realize this after only a couple days.

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  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  32. Unfortunately, there will always be that person you'll drop everything for in a heartbeat..

    goodnightcathe2ine.blogspot.com

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  33. A person? A need for a person (in particular)? Or simply THE NEED FOR LOVE? Can it be assumed that one grows through and alongside one person only? Or is it that the NEED is FOR LOVE? How is this NEED FOR LOVE to be understood?

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  34. been in there...for four years, and believe it will not end until it ends badly...until it really hurts badly... so hope you think if it's worth it...

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  35. Love is not a feeling.
    When you see an ex- you feel the emotions you felt when you were together. But your not together for a reason.
    The reason you like him so much (I know from first hand experience) is because he got away.
    It's like He's just not that into you.
    If he doesn't call. It's because he didnt want to call. If he wanted you he'd chase you.
    So start running.

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  36. i dont think it's entirely possible to get over someone you were in love with.. you just have to learn to keep them at arms distance away - even if it means ignoring them fully or being a total ass to them!

    i also have a blog - its tiny in comparison to this awesome one but im just starting it off and would love if you checked it out!

    http://thelovedilemma.minent.co.za/

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  38. The hard thing is - you just cant help who you fall, and stay, in love with. Just succumb to the feeling. Its a blessing to experience that kind of all consuming love for another in this life (even if its not reciprocated). It makes you feel alive so just succumb to it - knowing that one day you will love again and that person will reciprocate your feelings. Hey, it might even be The Boy. Life sometimes does work out the way you want.

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  39. Sometimes seeing my situation posted on here, gives me the chills. Not sure to be hopeful or sad. Good luck to everyone else. I'm going to work on getting these feelings into my own box...while he is out with who knows.

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  40. in the same place right now. He's my best friend and not sure what he feels about me, and this has been going on for months. At first, he just saw me as a girl, not even a friend. But are friendship slowly grew and now here we are with nothing but insecurity that will ruin us eventually. Sometimes I just want to lose contact with him. But I still want him to be a part of my life.

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  41. that's pathetic. get some self-respect. if he loved you he would want to be with you all the time. you are worth better than that.

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  42. beautifully expressed and love the picture !

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  43. It's like deja vu, I could have written every word.

    Heart breaking, but still holding on.

    I get that.

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  44. oh wow.i absolutely know what it feels like. thought that wounds were healed and all of a sudden "it" was there again. and with it all the feelings you thought were put away. exactly. only PUT AWAY. ready to show up sooner or later again. damn it.
    it hasn't happen to me for a long time now but i am scared it might happen in the future. while i am having a great relationship to a man i actually love.

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  45. i am in that exact same situation, or i was.. or he was, but i still am.
    we were friends at first, but there was always something more than that. we both felt it. he told me he cares for me, he dont wanna hurt me, he is sorry that he was so cold towards me.
    we too were never officially an item, a couple.. we were a secret. i fell in love, badly. i tried to hold on to him, figure him out. i wanted to be good to him, i didnt wanna see him sad. our first kiss happened two years ago.. and i still want him.
    he had a bad relationship, and on weekends he always came to me. for a long time i didnt know about that woman he was with. it hurts me that he was hurting.
    his older sister is one of my best friends, so i feel like i never can really forget him, he will always pop up in some conversation between me and his sister. i love him.
    couple of days ago he told me (at a bar) that he has little babygirl, a dotter.. couple weeks old. he didnt know about the pregnancy. i felt stupid, i was shocked, and i felt sad. now more than ever i wanna talk to him, tell him everything. listen to him, hear everything thats on his mind.
    he isnt with the mother of his child, he doesnt love that woman.
    i just feel completely lost. but i know i have to move on.

    sorry for such a long comment, i just had to share.

    love will come at some point, someone good, someone who doesnt make me feel alone.

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  46. This story is like taking out of my life.

    But you scared me, by telling that your not over him after two years.

    Im afraid, its maybe me in 1 year.

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  47. This perfectly describes a situation I was in my first year at college. We were never serious, never committed. We just got completely, utterly, hopelessly lost with each other every time we were together. It was amazing, and passionate, and effortless. But it was always at his convenience. He was busy--too busy for a relationship. I didn't care. I would wait. I would be the girl that stood by him and didn't give up on him. I didn't realize that he never wanted me to be that girl.

    "All the breaks we had, where we didn’t talk - I was still thinking about you all those times. We were only together when you wanted us to be. The rest of the time I was just waiting for you to want me again. Longing to hear those sweet words you would whisper in my ear. Waiting for your hand to be back in mine." Those words, sadly, are so true for me. I haven't seen or spoken to him in nearly three months. I'm thinking of him less and less. I'm accepting that it's time to move on. But I still secretly think of him late at night, and smile when I replay all the stupid, cute memories in my head; and I know that I'll feel exactly how you feel if I ever see him again. Maybe he'll actually stay out of my life for good this time. Maybe someday, I'll honestly want him to.

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  48. I know that feeling all too well. I've been seeing this boy, and whenever we're together I feel like the happiest person alive. He makes me feel like a little girl again, and I just can't seem to get enough of him. When we're apart I always think of him... Everything reminds me of him, I fight back the urge to text him countless times, hoping that he will be the one to break the silence. But he rarely does...

    The thing is, he's moving away. So this thing with him was doomed from the beginning. I've told myself that this is it, that I'm not gonna put myself through this again - that I will not see him again. And then all of a sudden he's there, wanting to see me. And just like that, it starts all over again. He builds me up just to watch me break. I'm not strong enough to say no to him, but in a few weeks time that won't be a problem anymore, cause then there will be 100 miles between us...

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