Thursday, April 15, 2010
There’s this boy.
There’s this boy that I thought I was over. Last night when I saw him again after two years, I suddenly realised that I wasn’t.
Our relationship was never serious. We were never committed to one another, but still we were in each other’s lives for two years. At least you were in mine for two full years. In my mind and in my dreams.
I was never over you. I know that now.
All the breaks we had, where we didn’t talk - I was still thinking about you all those times. We were only together when you wanted us to be. The rest of the time I was just waiting for you to want me again. Longing to hear those sweet words you would whisper in my ear. Waiting for your hand to be back in mine.
Two years of good times and bad.
But then you got a girlfriend and we stopped talking. She broke up with you, and we still didn’t talk.
I was with others guys. I was over you. Of course I was. I rarely even thought about you anymore.
Then last night I saw you. I met you at a friend’s. We barely talked. But I’m used to that. We always did this. No talking and then suddenly we were back in each other's lives.
God, you are so hard to figure out. I wish I could have figured you out then. That would have stopped me from still wondering now.
Because now I've got all these feeling back in my body. Feelings I thought I no longer had - but know now that I'd just hidden away in a tiny box and kept in my heart (and maybe forgotten a little bit about.)
Yesterday, just seeing you and being in your presence opened that box, and along with the wondering came nostalgic thoughts of you and us, which have now filled up my heart. My heart pumps all these feelings through my body, and I am desperately trying to squish them back into the little box, so it doesn't hurt so much. The feelings won't go away, but at least when I keep them in one place, it's not as painful as when I have them pumping through my every vein.
I just want you to know that I still adore you and that I'm here if you want me.
You can open the box.