Monday, April 26, 2010

what is love?


I have been in and out of relationships since I was 15 years old. Whether they lasted a year, a few months, or 3 years I have experienced all different kinds of relationships. My first boyfriend,
cared about me a lot and I could care less about him. My second boyfriend, my first love, the person I lost my virginity too, who cared about me as much as I cared about him but in the end it just didn’t work out. My third boyfriend was my best friend since 5th grade and I was the one that cared a lot more than he did me. After that things start to get blurry. I was with guys for a few months at a time and now I’ve realized that I don’t know the difference between
lust and love. How I feel is different than what makes sense logically. My head and my heart can never seem to come to an agreement. When I ask married women how they knew their husbands were the one, they all come up with the same answer, “You’ll just know, you’ll feel it.” Well thank you for that answer, however it doesn’t do me any good. What does that mean? I find myself thinking about my feelings and my thoughts on love constantly. It consumes 95% of my thoughts and about 50% of my time. It’s something that people have constantly wrote about, talked about, and dreamed about so why is it that no one has the same answer let alone the correct answer? It’s something that people will continue to try to figure out and I just hope that in this lifetime I will experience it and hold on to it forever. I will continue to jump from relationship to relationship trying to figure out what it all means and if anyone has the slightest idea what Love is, True love, if there is such a thing please inform me.


  1. oh my god. I know EXACTLY how you feel!

  2. You'll know because you won't have to think about it.

  3. AMEN TO THIS!!.... I literally have the exact same thought.. and my friends all tell me the exact same thing.. when you know.. you know.. and i'm like EFF that answer cause sometimes i think i know..but a month later i feel completely different!! i think it's just called being a GIRL! :\

  4. There is no right answer to that - at least not in my world. I believe love to be a balance between unexplainable butterflies in your stomach and some logic.

    We all make choices and there is the choice for a career in another city without that "now"-boyfriend and the chance to meet someone new and the choice for a man that gratifies you somehow even though he cheats. I mean, come on - we've all been through some situation, some relationship when we put up with crap we didn't like for the butterflies in the stomach and other times, we didn't put up with anything at all ending up noncommittal.

    And some lucky bastards out there find a term in the middle, but I believe they are very few. I'm hoping to be part of that group.

  5. Wow. I've been asking myself this very same question today.

    I doubt it will ever be explained. At least not universally. We all have our own little definitions of love.

    And, about true love. Yes, it does exist. If there is one thing I am certain about in this world, it is that true love does exist.

    But it is hard to find. So, good luck to you. Indeed, good luck to us all.

  6. for me it's not about feelings - you're right, feelings always change. it's about a sense of belonging. you know you've found love when he won't let himself let you go, and you want to be no one else's. it grows. :)

  7. True love exists. I am certain of it. If you have to think about whether it's right or not, it's not. When you meet him, you WILL feel it. (And you will meet him. Never settle for second best. Be patient.)

  8. Try to be happy alone for a while, just you, and suddenly you don't have to think about it. Then he wil show up... :)

  9. .. believe me all are trying to figure out where the real love is..
    am sure you will find it towards the course of life..

  10. well you are frustrated with their answers of you "you'll know" because you've never known and you don't understand it yet. but you will - you just have to trust that.

    i think that real love is butterflies, infatuation, thinking o them constantly, connection - but knowing that when all of that fades that you will respect them and they will respect you - that you'll always want the best for them and vice versa.

  11. Always ask this question before entering into a relationship,
    Do I love the person for who they are? Or is it just loving the feeling being around them?

    And yes, true love exists. Let love find you rather than seeking for love.

  12. If you meet someone and don't have to think about right or wrong and just know that he's the one, then he's the one. the women were right, you just know.
    Anybody else here is right: let love find you, do not search for it.
    in the meantime: have fun :)

  13. You either have to go through loads of crap relationships in order to find the right one, or you'll never find true love- ever?! :O Gosh, what a scary principal.

    Matty Xx

  14. I agree with Fr34k. It would be like asking, "what is the best flavor of ice cream?" There is no right/wrong answer you just know which one does it for your taste buds. Love works the same way... It just does it for you.

  15. 'consumes 95% of my thoughts and about 50% of my time'

    Exactly. And this unintended obsession scares me..

  16. love to me means standing by that person no matter what obstacles you face. True love is facing them together. True love is accepting the other person's flaws and actually loving them more for them.

    True love is not perfect, but it is amazing. (and even though it's really annoying to hear it, you really will just know.)

  17. I just wrote a blog about it a few weeks ago. I was asking the same exact question and then lo-and-behold a couple weeks after talking about how people just know I got the feeling and have fallen deeply in love with the love of my life and I could not be more happy in my entire life.

  18. I believe that true love is when you fins yourself lost in a different world, an almost perfect world, away from reality and all the things that bring you down. When that person cares enough to always want to take you there and it all seems so effortless, it all seems so surreal. It's when you wake up smiling and hoping time didn't exit because every second with this person feels like a life time, when all you want to do is just be with him, when compromises is not seen as an option but a given for both of you, when you compliment each other, when you know for sure it's mutual and you don't need him to say he loves you because it's written all over his face, the way he looks at you, the way you smile when you just remember how stupid he acted just to make you laugh for a second, when you cant bare being apart, when he occupies 99% of your thoughts and 99% of your time because nothing else matters as much. Then you'll know he's the one. And trust me... he's out there looking for you just like you're looking for him.

    I really hope you find someone who makes you feel this way and feels the same way about you.

  19. I just created my own blog on love that I will start blogging in this week. I would love people that follow the blog that inspired me to start follow mine. That would be an honor :)

  20. And this blog entry is amazing. I know the feeling, I sometimes wish there was just ONE person for each of us and you KNEW and y'all would be in love forever. That obviously isn't how it is. I have so many thoughts on this.

  21. funny, i often wonder the same thing, "what's the difference between lust and love". i realised that i can't be in a relationship with a person i don't lust after, but it's possible to love someone without having lust. but than it's better to be just friends, innit? i mean, perfection for me is love and passion all mixed together, but even if it's all there, is it true love? can your true love NOT love you back? and if it's true does that mean you'll never get over the person? weird huh...

  22. I thought I knew the answer to that question, but I'm no longer sure if I do. I just hope that I'll figure it out. Again.. or ever.

  23. there is such a thing. but the truth is, nobody can tell you what it is or what it feels like. everyone feels and interprets love in a different way. there is no set definition, there are no standard feelings- its simply personal. it will find its way into your heart and when it does you will realize it. i hate to reiterate what your friends have been telling you but in an indirect and twisted way... you will know when you've found it. you have your life to live, you have all of the time in the world to discover the beauty of love, but i want to ask you to stop searching, stop spending your time analyzing it and trying to grasp something in the palm of your hand which is quite frankly, way too big and complicated to hold on to. i want to tell you to be yourself, have fun, live life to its limit and love will find you! you're a brave woman to sit here and spill your feelings, to sincerely ask strangers what love is and i commend you for that. love is what you make of it- again, let it find you and when it does it will be magic.

    ... you will know.

    much love and luck,

  24. Love isn't about feelings, this I know. It can bring with it feelings, but the feelings themselves are not the love. Lust is about feelings, but not love. Love is a verb, and sometimes you have to conciously choose to love.

  25. Beautiful. I could never explain if given all the time in the world what true love is, but, but, I know, we know what it is everytime we are together. With every kiss, with every shared lunch. With small moments. Love Ace

  26. i'm from brazil, its perfect! what is love? beautiful!

  27. its baby dont hurt me , dont hurt me , no more

  28. True love does exist but I'm so sick of guys who take advantage of girls who believe in it. They use the word 'forever' or tell you they want to be with you everyday and then abandon you. What kind of a person does that?! Sometimes I just want to be single and forget about love.

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  30. Well, I think this is a really good question. I have been thinking about it, too. From what I've seen love or true love does exist - however, I don't think it comes with the fairy tale wrapper with a big bow on top like a lot of people try to make you believe. I think that is one of the reasons it seems so hard.So many people are in love and it's all butterflies and kisses for them, they get married and a few years down the road they really start to question why they ever got married to that person. Because love, the kind that last. isn't just being mushy. I think it's real hard work and commitment to them, at first it's easy because of the lust and infatuation but when real life takes hold I think it's that lingering feeling that for some cosmic reason this person is important to you to complete your life, ( even if they didn't come in your ideal packaging ). Maybe it's an astral attachment, but whatever it is, even if you had to go through hell to be there for them you would. Maybe true love is made up of the most tenatious butterflies who refuse to die. I think it's easy for alot of peole to say " when you know, you'll know " like it's some kind of riddle from a sage, because they obviously are not lonely and searching for it , they already have it. Of couse, it's not much of an answer for someone who needs some concrete direction. - My grandparents got married after dating three months and had seven children. After twenty some years they got a divorce. Their marriage had been very messy. No one in their right mind would have thought it was a good marriage. However, even though they had gotten a divorce they continuesd to talk to eachother on the phone and stayed in contact. Neither one of them ever remarried. Now they are buried beside one another. I don't think anyone could say that they didn't truely love eachother. - Love isn't created by Disney. It's created right here on Earth, by humans, flaws and all. I guess when you get right down to it it will probably be the one person you would choose to never do without. Then you've found him.

    Wow. This is a long post, but like I said I've been thinking about, too.
    By the way, I hope one day we will all be able to say " when you know , you'll know " and confuse the next generation. :)
    Good luck.

  31. Love is when you go into a relationship because you genuinely care about someone, not because you're physically attracted to someone (though that is a plus). Finding the difference between those feelings is important. And you know he's the one when you can't picture and circumstance at all in which you would break up, because you can't picture either of you doing anything that would hurt the other person.

  32. You have to decide whole-heartedly that you want love, that you deserve love, and then when you find it, you'll know. It's the stupidest answer in the world, but it's the truth! Believe it when we say it!

  33. This comment has been removed by the author.

  34. Unfortunately I can't say I had the person I was in a relationship all "figured out" until there was involvement and feelings being thrown out the window. I've been in awesome relationships that ended well for both of us - but ultimately because we finally figured each other out.

    I got the love of my life right here and we don't love EVERYTHING about each other. Thank God! That would be so boring... But there is respect, commitment and most important, communication.

  35. hi, i am in about the same place as you. i recently discovered that i have never been in love with any of the men I have been with and therefore did not know what love was.

    I too have spent time thinking so what is love? and i have discovered the only true love that there is Gods love. He is Love.

  36. True love is something fabulous. True love occurs when you find someone who is your best friend and your lover. I have my own dating blog where I am looking for true love. It is also something that consumes me all the time and always on my mind. Isn't it difficult to be a woman!?

  37. Well, I honestly believe that my boyfriend is the one. Why? Well, I love him and I can't even imagine loving anyone else the same way. During the day I think of him constantly and have done so over the past 3 years. I worry about him, I take care of him when he needs it and I trust him enough to let him do the same for me. We look after one another.

    I tell him everything and he always tells me what he thinks, honestly, but is yet being supportive. I don't know how to explain but we just work togheter, we match, we're at the same level. We both have a strong friendship and lots of butterflies.

    I have never doubted that he's the one. In the beginning, I couldn't believe it's possible that he felt the same way about me so therefore I doubted his feelings, but never my own. His actions and his words at last made me believe that he felt the same as I do, but it took some time.

    He and I never fight, we argue. A couple of times I've become really sad, but not even then have I doubted that he and I belong togheter. It's a little bit like when you were 14 and furious at your mom. You thought "god I hate her" but deep inside you knew that you didn't. Even when he makes me mad, I know it's because he cares.

    I just adore all of his caracteristics and his personality and he adores me (wow, it's weird, typing it). He's the most attractive person I know. We're both very much alike and very different, but the key is that we respect eachother.

    I'm in love with the good guy. Maybe it's as simple as that?

    (sorry about my horrible english - I'm from sweden!)

  38. Wow! What a great love story (the one above, of the Swedish couple)!
    It is nice to hear such a real love story rather than a film unrealistic one, is it?

  39. first, you must truly love yourself

  40. Based on my own expertise:

    I saw one girl when I was 7, she had green eyes and brown hair. My legs started shaking, I got my first erection, and since that day, back in 1996, I never ever loved anyone else. Every time I look at that girl I realize all other women and just toy dolls for adult activity and nothing else, just meat.

    My veins burn when I see her, my heart hurts, my brain stops working, I get dizzy... the list could go on.

    That is what true love is.

  41. There are different kinds of love.
    Love, and True love.
    I believe love can be felt for anything, or anyone. It can be felt for all different reasons and at different degrees. I can love my cat, and my mother, I can love a movie, or a sentence. I can love a food or a clothing item. It's the least tricky, though still completely real and meaningful.

    True love, on the other hand, comes along no more than once in a life time; if it ever comes at all.
    And ill tell you, you will just know.
    The thing is, in order to be find true love, be in it, whichever, you have to be smart. You have to be able to use both logic and your heart. You have to understand how people work.
    Also, you have to be someone another person can love. You have to be loveable.
    In order for something to last, it has to be completely real, and genuine, and touch all aspects in the greatest of ways.
    Think, question things.
    true love doesnt just come and then go, and then come again. It is always there, if you get it. Things wont be easy. But, you have to look at yourself and your signifcant other.
    Its comepletely beautiful. and extremely interesting.
    You'll know. because you both wont look down on eachother, you'll understand and accept one another, things wont be difficult to do, youll find ways to talk out disagreements or hurt, instead of yell and fight about them, things will stay new, because you keep them new and exciting. There must be interest that lasts. there must be care and delicacy in it.
    you'll know. if you dont sell yourself short, if you look at all the angles, you'll know.

  42. I don't believe in true love, nor do I even understand the concept.
    I really dislike people who say 'you'll know when you feel it', really? well mate, that's a load of BS.
    If someone can put up with my own antics, and love me for it. Then cool, but my standards are way too high for any particular person.
    I don't believe in marriage, or people who spend there lives trying to find a husband or a wife. It doesn't make sense to me. Ofcourse it is a part of life, but it's not JUST life for everyone. It's just a part, and some women around the world are tricked into this at a young age.

    I hope you find what you're looking for.

  43. I was in your same position with the thought of finding "the one". After obsessing over the fact that I might pass him bye and not even know it, I took a step back. There is this book called " Eat Pray Love" by Elizabth Gilbert. In her book she comes to a realization, and it is what I am using for my "guidelines" to what love is.
    Here are a few quotes from the book that I found to be helpful.

    "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

    A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

    A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life"

    “If faith were rational, it wouldn't be - by definition - faith. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy."

    And what I have realized after all of this is just make sure you're happy. “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it..."

    Also read this blog.

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