Sunday, April 4, 2010

not because I deserve better.


I broke up with you today. I broke up with you after five months together. Five months that to me didn’t mean so much.

I thought it would be an easy breakup. I would explain that my feelings had simply gone away; it had nothing to do with you. That was the truth. It had nothing to do with you. In never had.

See, you were the boy who was there to make me feel loved. Sure, you were smart, you truly cared about me and you were always there. But hey. You weren’t that funny. You didn’t dress very well. And you weren’t all that good looking. For me, there was no spark. I wanted that spark. I deserved that spark.

So I simply told you. I told you that my feelings for you had gone away. I somehow forgot to mention that I never really had had feelings for you.

You broke down in tears. You told me that you understood. You told me that you´d probably keep loving me for a couple of months, and that I would have to let you do that. I didn’t know what to do else than to wrap my arms around you and bury my face in your t-shirt. It smelled like you. Oh right. You smelled good too.

Then you told me you really wanted to be friends. I had been your life the past five months, and you didn’t know how to go on living without me. I told you I really wanted that too. That I promised to never let you slip out of my life. You let out a sigh of relief and told me how absolutely perfect I was and how much you appreciated your time with me.

That night I sat alone in my bed and cried. Cried because I realized that I had the perfect guy in my life. The perfect guy who I not only didn’t have feelings for, but had fooled to believe that I had. And so I realized that breaking up with you was the right thing to do. Not because I deserve better. Because you do.
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