Friday, April 23, 2010

i wish


I have known this boy for four years. He's the most incredible, loving person that I've ever met in my life. I love everything about him. We've had so many ups and downs that most of our friends believe that we're completely insane and are inseparable despite harsh words and the rash decisions we make. We broke each others hearts over and over and fell in and out of love with each other. We were together for about two and a half years. We were crazy in love with each other without a doubt. But the twist was, our love was through school. Our relationships were hidden from our families. I'm chinese, he's pakistani.. meaning we could never be together in reality. Everyday that I got to see him out of school, I cherished. He's my first love and I'm his. So what do you do with that, you move on to find your next love, right? No, everything's always going to be complicated in a girls life. Over the years I've learned to love his family even though they hate me. It's hard to believe that's possible considering how many times our relationship has been ruined because they disapprove of me so much. At one point his family hated him because he was with me. I felt terrible everyday but he wouldn't let me go. Of course over the years they came around because we are no longer together. Lately we've been acting like we're together, no PDA because he has a brother in the school. But through our minds and hearts, we're sweet and loving like a couple, and I'm really happy with that. I've fallen for him all over again. A few weeks ago he broke down to me. He didn't know what to do because he loves me and wants to be with me but he can't. I wanted so much to say just be with me.. He's getting an arranged marriage some day. It breaks my heart but I respect that his family traditions will continue. I just need a long time to accept it. Everything between us is over now. I miss him so much. I don't know how to let him go. I wish that they took the time to realize how much I genuinely love their son and arranged for us to get married, i wish.



  1. that is a beautifully touching yet heartbreaking story :(

  2. Oh, fuck family traditions. I am Indian, but I've been dating a white boy for three years, and I fully intend on marrying him. Sure, my parents were terrible about it at first. But it's getting better. And everything we went through, this unnecessary war that we fought because of "tradition" exhausted us, but it also made us stronger and more sure of our love.

    Tell him to suck it up. Maybe I'm being harsh; but I don't think so. If I could do it, so can he. If he loves you, nothing else should matter.

  3. I completely agree with the above commment ( S. Kahlon ). Your life is too short to live for others. Especially if they're not willing to let you love.

    If you're both truly in love, you'll find a way. True love always does.

  4. why would u get into a relationship with someone who has those kinds of constraints?

    and what if u DID end up together? so many ppl with different religious backgrounds think love can overcome all, but if either one of u stands for anything when it comes to religion or beliefs, what r u going to do when u have kids? one person will give in, one person will let go of their culture/background/religion. what kind of relationship is that?

    why would u go for someone u cant share every part of ur life with. what kind of love is that anyway? i mean if his culture/family/religion wasnt that much a part of his identity/life this wouldnt be a problem. but clearly it is bc hes not giving it up. what kind of love is that if u cant share urself, ur personality, some of the things that make u who u are, with the person u love?

    im sorry but i dont have any sympathy. u both knew on some level what the outcome would be. he knew what his family expected of him and whether or not he would break apart or stay with them. u both just chose to ignore it before. shouldnt have done that.

  5. Watch the film Ae Fond Kiss please!!! Same topic, beautiful film. Cheers.

  6. WOW! This story is beyond amazing just the see the differences in culture. People seriously take the freedom to love for granted here in America. I'm just at loss for words....because my own opinion for what love from personal experiences is can't even begin to speak on what this must feel like...

    Thanx for sharing...

  7. i think my heart skipped a beat. its heartbreaking yet a harsh reminder at times what religion and family expectations do to relationships.

    you guys could make a difference and fight it through despite being of different nationalities and faiths. if there is potential for a brighter future, then why not fight for it?

    i wish you the best of luck, sweetheart.

  8. I'd like to address J:
    you're right, if you knew what you were getting into, then why start something in the first place.
    mine was similar (secret for over 2yrs, together for almost 7! didn't work out in the end, culture hindered the development, my family never never backed down. but our break up was due to us being us).
    the thing is i see history repeating itself in my younger sister, who swore when she saw the pain i felt & the turmoil it caused that she would never fall in love with a Caucasian. but she has, she's tried to fall out of it but what your forgetting J is that love really does make you blind and courageous at the same time. you think everyone will give in because its love, how can love be wrong? you are convinced that your family will be happy to see you happy, you really feel and most importantly believe that love will conquer all. so you just hold onto one another and try.
    i wont stop her. i know i cant. and how can i when i felt what she is right now.

    i feel for you both. its not easy for him. he has the burden of a huge extended family behind him disagreeing with him. and you are a very amazing and beautiful person to be patient,understanding and still love him. not many can bear the situation you two have fallen in.

    i just hope you never regret this ever happened.


  9. J:
    Most people cannot choose who to fall in love with. And is it real love if you don't want to spend your lives together and believe in the forever and that love conquers all?
    No, they did not choose this. They simply fell in love.

  10. make it happen!

  11. that is terribly sad ): i hope that you can find a way to be together someday...

  12. I've got the same problem. My boyfriend is a muslim and I'm an orthodox. It's really frustrating knowing that his family hates me, I always tell him to leave me but he says he can't.

    My family doesn't accept him either, but as soon as I turned 18 years old, I left home.
    Now we've been together for 3 years and I've never been happier about my choice of staying with him. I don't think I could ever find someone who loves me as much as he does.

    I think you should try to do the same, don't listen to what other people says. They have no right to come between you. If it's love, it's love! Make it happen!

  13. don't let others determine how you should live! f**k the traditions if they're going to hold us back. Allah created people free and nobody has the right to tell others marry this or don't marry that. If you don't fight for love, then let me say it frankly that you don't deserve that love.


  15. JL always remember that you can't choose who you fall in love with, you just can't. YOU guide your own life and all that I can tell you is NEVER GIVE UP. I guess I don't come from that background where I am forced to be with someone of the same race so I really don't have the knowledge about how everything works, but i do know that if you two truly love eachother and want to be with eachother as much as you've expressed through your writing-that you will find a way around it, you really will.
    Things will work out in the end if you both express this strong feeling for eachother... it won't go away hun.
    Whatever you do, don't give up hope- 'Cause when you have hope, you have everything.

    Sometimes you have to give up things to be with the one you love. All of the best to you both and I genuinly pray that you two will find away around this and if you do, think about how strong you two will be afterwards.

    Much Love,

  16. fight for this love, JL.
    You deserve each other

  17. i feel your pain. )': i don't know how to let him go either.

    but i still believe, that family should, and will always, take priority. i never want to be the girl responsible for tearing him away from his family, i never want to be the girl who made him choose. i love him enough not to make his choice any harder.

    i know it's hard, though. ): it's killing me, too.

  18. omgosh when i read this i was kinda shocked when i saw pakistani and then i saw chinese cos im exactly a mix of those 2, u are in kinda the same situation as my mom and dad. hope everything turns out well for you 2(:

  19. i feel the same way, nobody should interfere with a wonderful love, but sometimes happens, family, other people distracting lovers with lies and manipulation, but i always dream that true love will prevail..

  20. I hope you can find a way to be together, never forget that love is the greatest power of all<3

  21. I hope your day is going well. I am a young filmmaker in Los Angeles and I am currently working on a documentary film on the subject of love. I am very touched by your story and would love to include you as part of my film. Depending on where you are located, would you be interested and willing to do a interview with me on the subject. Or.. Give me permission to use your essay in the film. take a look at the links below and let me know your thoughts

    I look forward to hearing from you
    -Hunter Metcalf

  22. What a loser than guy is.

    Leaving his girl for something so small like his family.

    You lost nothing girl, a loser like him could not make through the hard climbs in life.

  23. muy lindo tu blog yo empece el mio pasas ?besos

  24. fuck his family. you guys should be together.

  25. Hold on love. Hold on..


  26. love is worth fighting for. go get your love.

  27. Stay strong JL. What a story that is yours.

  28. awww i hope both of you don't ever give up. some people search for a lifetime to have what you have. all the very best JL.

  29. screw what they think! if you love him, you won't give him up. i'd know coz i was in the exact same situation. color of skin and beliefs should never be an issue in love.

    although it's no longer an issue for me coz we've since broken up. after close to 8 years.

    fight on! it'll be worth it in the end.

  30. I am def going through something very similar. You can't judge the situation until you are really in it and your words and courage to express them really spoke to me.

    Be strong and fight it..parents will always be parents, and if they have come around to liking you now hopefully they will in the future.

    All the best.

  31. So romeo & juliet! If you really love him and he really loves you why shouldn't you two be together?
    Run away! Start a new life just the two of you! Make your own family! Or make your families to accept your love! Is not up to them! it's up to you! they can't do anything if you two stand together for YOUR OWN HAPPINES!!!

    I wish you luck! :)

  32. I am in similar situation as you. I am korean and he is indian. My family separated us and broke each other's hearts because of them. We both hate that we love each other because as much as it brings happiness... there is equal amount of sadness and tears.

    We are on a break now to see whether our love is real
    But my family has always been tight ever since he came on the scene.. it has been shaky. I don't know how to fix it.

  33. not much differences with me now. I was broken hearted when I know that we can't have each other anymore. I'm not ready yet to lose him. I was like begging him not to leave me all the time.
    My friends told me that I'm an idiot, he's not worthy for my love cos we're not even gonna be together in the future
    who knows about the future by the way? no one, including them.

  34. aaah, what to do, righ? you love never stop. :'3

  35. eh shit happens, there's nothing you can do about it... she just has to learn how to let go... besides these are how the best ones start ;-)

  36. I'm Caucasian, and I just started a relationship with my Indian boyfriend about 3 months ago... I have been his friend for almost a year now, but his (very conservative) parents don't even realize I exist. I feel like I could fall in love with him so easily, but I maintain my distance, and try not to let myself grow too close, because I fear something like this happening. Even if he did choose me over his family, I wouldn't want to risk him losing the strong bond he has with them... I completely empathize, JL. I hope, too, that his parents can see how much you really love him.

  37. in my case, we're both indian. but my parents hate him because he's 'tamil' and i'm 'punjabi'. they've never even met him, refuse to acknowledge what a wonderful person he is, they just hate him.
    i'm thankful that at least his parents/family approves, and like me.
    i'm 20, and where i live, it's not feasible to move out just yet. but i know that unless my parents change their mind someday, i'm going to have to choose between him and my 'society'. and i'd choose him, in a heartbeat.

    hold on tight if he's worth it <3

  38. to those who say that these two knew what they were getting themselves into: they didn't start anything. love starts by itself, it doesn't ask you permission. haven't you honestly never felt that you just simply cannot keep yourself away from somebody?
    this whole situation sucks, but, really, I do believe that if this is for real then you two will find a way. believe in it! honestly, if it's that bad ... he can run away. :) have faith in yourselves!

  39. My heart is aching, 'cause I know the feeling. Fortunately my "friend"'s parents don't hate me - not that I know of anyway.

    But we've had an on and off relationship. We've been in love, we've hated eachother just to fall back into love. But now, sadly we've just drifted apart and I miss him.

  40. Halloween is one of the busiest periods. Everyone wants some Halloween fancy dress, usually scary costumes for their fancy dress parties. Loads of people (usually kids) look for trick and treat costumes. TO the surprise part, it's the kids who go for the really scary fancy dress.

  41. I can so much relate.
    I've been with a Muslim guy for three years. I really don't know where our relationship is going. I really do love him with all my heart. And I am confident that he feels the same. But there's a part of me that holds me back to believe that we can together forever. His family is very conservative devout Muslim and mine are very devout Christians. My parents will not accept.And for sure his parents will not accept me either. Every day is no guarantee.Maybe one day his mother will just arrange his marriage to one of his cousins.
    I am just praying to God that if he's the One. He will find a way. Because just the thought of losing my one true love is killing me...
    We knew what we're getting into the day we met. But we just couldn't get enough of each other. It sucks to be in this situation. I wish I could have loved someone else. But what to do? Nobody has come to measure up to the great person that he is...
    So just hold on.. and pray!

  42. "Un seul être vous manque et tout est dépeuplé!"
    French is the language of love :)

  43. Against all odds.
    when i watched tv i found the same story of yours.. A middle eastern muslim man fell in love with their south east asian christian housemaid. Notwithstanding, the intransigence of his parents and are trying to dissuade him from marrying her. The guy still follows his heart and follow the girl in the Philippines. Now they live happily together.

  44. Completely agree with the first comment, a truely touching and heart breaking story :(

  45. I'm Pakistani....and let me just tell you two things. Paki parents are the most heartless and selfish human beings you will ever meet ( minus mine, they let me marry the one I wanted..) you don't want to be affiliated with any Pakistani mother in law...your life Will be a living hell. Oh and they have a way, these women have a way to brainwash and manipulate their children to turn against the spouse. Crazy psycho psycho women!

  46. A truly heart moving story. But the fancy dress costumes season is just around the corner.

  47. Avoid the queues at fancy dress shops at Halloween why not go online its quick and easy and saves so much time fancy dress, you can get next day delivery or pick up from our London store. The zombie costume is great fun and scary Zombie costume


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