Friday, April 23, 2010

i wish


I have known this boy for four years. He's the most incredible, loving person that I've ever met in my life. I love everything about him. We've had so many ups and downs that most of our friends believe that we're completely insane and are inseparable despite harsh words and the rash decisions we make. We broke each others hearts over and over and fell in and out of love with each other. We were together for about two and a half years. We were crazy in love with each other without a doubt. But the twist was, our love was through school. Our relationships were hidden from our families. I'm chinese, he's pakistani.. meaning we could never be together in reality. Everyday that I got to see him out of school, I cherished. He's my first love and I'm his. So what do you do with that, you move on to find your next love, right? No, everything's always going to be complicated in a girls life. Over the years I've learned to love his family even though they hate me. It's hard to believe that's possible considering how many times our relationship has been ruined because they disapprove of me so much. At one point his family hated him because he was with me. I felt terrible everyday but he wouldn't let me go. Of course over the years they came around because we are no longer together. Lately we've been acting like we're together, no PDA because he has a brother in the school. But through our minds and hearts, we're sweet and loving like a couple, and I'm really happy with that. I've fallen for him all over again. A few weeks ago he broke down to me. He didn't know what to do because he loves me and wants to be with me but he can't. I wanted so much to say just be with me.. He's getting an arranged marriage some day. It breaks my heart but I respect that his family traditions will continue. I just need a long time to accept it. Everything between us is over now. I miss him so much. I don't know how to let him go. I wish that they took the time to realize how much I genuinely love their son and arranged for us to get married, i wish.

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