Wednesday, April 21, 2010

gone rogue


luuhtrindade

to my best friend.
im in love with you, it happened abruptly and out of nowhere but nonetheless it was clear as day while i was laying in you arms that i am indeed in love with you. you proposed to me when we were three years old, and i turned you down. i ran away from you with hot tears of embarrassment fleeting down my face hoping to never see you again. but yet here i am. fifteen years later. in love with you. you have no idea, and well to be honest up until now i myself have been in denial about it. im scared. im scared to lose our friendship. im scared to lose my best friend, my trustee, and my cuddle buddy. im sitting here writing this, not even planning on doing anything with it, just getting it out of my head. finally making it real, enabling myself from further lying to myself about it. i cant imagine ever telling you how i feel. i continue to torture myself with your presence, i should end our friendship right here and now, and finally free my self from my self inflicted torment. but i cant. i cant imagine my life without you in it. i cant imagine not being able to laugh with you about the air head things i did today or make fun of how immature you are. im terrified because i know what it feels like to have your best friend be in love with you, but to just simply not reciprocate the feeling. i now officially know what it feels like to be on both sides, and let me tell ya their both miserable. thats the funny thing about love, you cant control it. you cant control who you love, or when you love them. love has seemingly gone rogue. or has it always been?
EM

27 comments:

  1. I'm wondering how you understood the complex implications of love&marriage at 3, enough to run away with hot tears of embarrassment.. anyhow, it's nice to have someone to share that kind of friendship with (:

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  2. how do you get your story published? how long does it take after you email it? because ive sent in a few but theyve never been posted :(

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  3. i think that you should not blame your self or feel bad for your own feelings.. Nobody can control completely the emotions, who to love.. it is very normal that you felt in love with someone you already know for a long long time and that is wonderful.. There is always the possibility that this guy may have the same feelings like you.. show it in a delicate way and see the reactions.. :-)
    Do not be afraid of taking risks.. think the possibility that you are scared to show your feelings and then after a long time he is in a relations with another girl..

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  4. If EM is reading this, then... Tell him!

    I know love doesn't always work out ( I've been there too many times before ) and I know it might make things awkward if he doesn't feel the same way, but I also know that if he does understand, if he knows what it is like, he'll still be there, whether he loves you or not.

    A moment of heartbreak is always worth a chance at 'forever' with someone. And hell, it may not even be forever, but you'll be together, and you'll both do as best as you can. Love is like that. It doesn't always work out. But it is always worth the risk.

    Take care, and I hope everything works out.

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  5. I'm in love with my best friend too. but I never have the guts to tell him. :( I hope everything turns out fine for you. Have faith and be strong!

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  6. I'm in love with my best friend too!! She's so amazing. I've never been able to work up the courage to tell her. It's so hard everyday thinking of all the possibilities we could have! Don't be like me. Tell him how you feel. I wish you all the joy and happiness you deserve!

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  7. I agree with heartsandtruths. I once had the most amazing best friend - he loved me, and I was scared. I made out I never felt the same way for three years. He got over me and is now married and has a daughter. Secretly I was in love with him too - I just didn't want to lose my best friend. Turns out I did anyway.

    Follow your heart...it might break, but it will be extraordinary xx

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  8. love your story and -sadly- i understand so well how you feel.

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  9. happened to me...i was in love with my best friend and he loved me too
    but there was like so much pressure for things to not go wrong since we were both scared that they inevitably went wrong
    but after everything my only regret was that i didnt tell him sooner...it just built up then when we finally had the courage it fizzled out...
    good luck sweety
    x

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  10. I agree with Ruby Tuesday. I fell for my best friend once and now we're not friends anymore. Life would've been so much better if we both just went for it. Instead, we just fell apart. Things unspoken words do to you.

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  11. I remember a boy asking me to be his 'wife' when i was five. I turned my nose up and said i didn't want to be a wife; ever! x

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  12. i'm in love with my best friend too, and it makes me feel miserable, always wondering what would it be like to be together, so go on and tell him! good luck

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  13. It happened exactly the same to me, except that my friend was a girl, just like me :/
    Anyway, I never told her and I never will.

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  14. I was in love with my best friend. He said he loved me too, then we got to college and finally started a relationship, then two weeks later he said he never wanted to see me again. I love my best friend ever and my love in the same day. I'm not saying this will happen to you, but BE CAREFUL!!
    Losing my best friend, when I could have just kept my mouth shut about my love for him was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

    GOOD LUCK! and make the right decision, and if it comes down to it, friendship is the best thing we have, save that if nothing else.

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  15. why do people keep thinking that it's difficult to fall in love with one's best friend? is it something we can control? it's love folks, and love has no rule!we're like string puppets in the hands of love.
    visit my love blog:
    http://lovers-shore.blogspot.com/2010/04/sorryi-still-love-you.html

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  16. once i had a best friend and he fell for me. i didnt feel the same way about him though, i was pining over this other guy... well, dreadful situation. i loved him, my best friend, like a brother, and i didnt want to lose his friendship. but he drifted away and we havent spoken in over 4 years... that really hurt me, but i can understand why he chose to be far from me...

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  17. your best friend is gay. sorry.

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  18. I realized I was in love with my bestfren 5 years ago.i didnt tell him about my feeling and keep avoiding to talk about feeling with him.but then,he told me the truth.he felt the same feeling with me too.we were in relationship for few months before i step out from the relationship.but we still be bestfren until now.

    I dont know.everyone has their own story.so just make the right decision to tell him or not about ur feeling.

    good luck

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  19. I am so happy to have found this post. It's lucky, really. I have just been through the same thing. I'm in love with my best friend. He was in love with me but I never felt that way about him and so we always avoided that topic until NOW. I have all the of the sudden fallen in love with him. Or maybe I always loved him? Or like you, was it some sort of crazy denial? All I know is how I feel in this moment and I love him. I told him. And he said that it was better if we stay friends and nothing more. This killed me. But at the same time I understand why. We're scared to death of losing each other because the truth is what we have is so rare: a best friend I can count on totally and completely. I told him I agreed completely. Things have been back to "normal" (for him, at least) and I am pretending like things are fine. As if I am over it. But I'm not. I can't help but constantly think about what might have been had I just realized this a little bit sooner.
    When will this feeling go away?

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  20. i say never go into a relationship with a best friend....
    friendship lasts forever because it's unconditional,
    relationships definitely doesn't because it comes with endless expectations.

    i already lost my best friend
    really dun wanna see it happen to another person

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  21. i had a best friend who was in love with me for a few years and i never realized until awhile after he got over it... i wish he had told me, i would have told me i saw him only as a brother, and at least, i think, he might have a had a few of those years back.

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  22. we are so made for each other, its umbelivable

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  23. I told one of my best friends that I was in love with him last night! (the affair started in 8th grade we were best friends and knew every thing about each other, that year was a time I liked to journal down all my feelings and I came across one entry last night that described my ridiculous feelings towards him. So I called him and read the entry to him! It's funny after all this time I still love him and would do anything for him. But in all honesty keeping that from him for five years (I am in 12 grade now about to graduate)was the best thing to do. Because if we would have gotten together he would have broken my heart. But after I finished reading he told me that he loved me! And that is enough for me.

    -Belle

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  24. I always felt that falling in love with your beat friend is the most beautiful thing that can happen - because this person knows you inside out, accepts you for who you are and vice versa.

    But after it happened to me (he wasn't my best friend but a very-close-friend whom I know well and cherish dearly), my view about this changed. The attraction i had for him turned into a two-week whirlwind 'affair' that left me all broken-hearted when it ended due to various reasons (on his part).

    However, over time, I realized that he was really not the one for me, and I started seeing him in a different light. Maybe it's because after what we had, it opened my eyes big and bright (remember what they say about love makes you blind?). Don't be mistaken: we're still very good friends and the change of perspective is not because of the failed whirlwind romance.

    I still hope for the day when I find the one whom I love, and love me for who I am.

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  25. EM Tell him!!! I was in love with my best friend and after trying to figure out about whether to tell him (worried about the same things you are) but I did turns out he felt the same way. We've been together for 3 years now! Tell him, don't loose your chance.

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  26. EM this is me, right now, im in the exact same situation. it hurts and is horrible...:(

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