Wednesday, April 21, 2010

gone rogue


to my best friend.
im in love with you, it happened abruptly and out of nowhere but nonetheless it was clear as day while i was laying in you arms that i am indeed in love with you. you proposed to me when we were three years old, and i turned you down. i ran away from you with hot tears of embarrassment fleeting down my face hoping to never see you again. but yet here i am. fifteen years later. in love with you. you have no idea, and well to be honest up until now i myself have been in denial about it. im scared. im scared to lose our friendship. im scared to lose my best friend, my trustee, and my cuddle buddy. im sitting here writing this, not even planning on doing anything with it, just getting it out of my head. finally making it real, enabling myself from further lying to myself about it. i cant imagine ever telling you how i feel. i continue to torture myself with your presence, i should end our friendship right here and now, and finally free my self from my self inflicted torment. but i cant. i cant imagine my life without you in it. i cant imagine not being able to laugh with you about the air head things i did today or make fun of how immature you are. im terrified because i know what it feels like to have your best friend be in love with you, but to just simply not reciprocate the feeling. i now officially know what it feels like to be on both sides, and let me tell ya their both miserable. thats the funny thing about love, you cant control it. you cant control who you love, or when you love them. love has seemingly gone rogue. or has it always been?
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