Wednesday, March 3, 2010



What are two years, 730 days, 17520 hours.
For me it was a time of up`s down`s and inbetweens.
The moments you showed me how important I was for you and how much I loved you were incredible.
The moments you demonstrated that you were superior and that I meant nothing were ......hell.
I always fought for you and made things work. Because even if it doesn`t work out it still was worth it, that`s what my father taught me. On christmas you told me you loved me and wanted to work for our relationship but to be honest you never really have.
Not when you left me when my mother had cancer, not when you left me when I had an abortion and not when you left me because we had a long distant vacation.
I am not a masochist and I know that you are a good person. The question that I keep asking myself is why you can`t show it to me. Why are you so scared of love? Why can`t you try to work on your baggage that you carry around with you.
I know what a beautiful, wonderful, intelligent and special person I am. Why can`t you see that?
Someone once said:'I will accept you for who you are, not for how I want you to be.'
Maybe I could never accept how you were because I knew your potential. I know that this could have been a great love story.
So now that`s it`s over and I know better why is it bugging me so much. Why do I bother with the fact that I want you to show me how important I am to you because I know I am.
I really want to call, write or send smoke signals but I know that is a bad idea. I am hurt and my imagination of love has been shattered in some way that`s why I am scared of saying something I will regret.
But at the same time you will never call me or write to me. You will ... you won`t do anything.
When we broke up I knew it was the right thing and I felt fine but now the bad feelings sneaked in.
I need to let go completely. It hurts so bad.
This is written by the Optimist for her so called Realist.
Too bad you didn`t try, you don`t know what you`re going to miss one day.

-Bises de la France and thanks for 'listening'.


  1. I am in love with this

  2. So beautiful, and from the very first sentence it drew me in.

  3. I know exactly where you stand in this, because it was done to me. I had someone love me, leave me, come back, and leave me again. And i hated it because i would beg and plead for him to just try, to work on himself, because i knew that if he saw it in the light i did, then he'd see everything perfectly. I always wished he knew what he had, i wish someone knocked him on the head and said "What are you doing? You have someone amazing?"

    But the truth comes down to that he didn't. This person doesn't care and that's what we have to accept in situations like these. I know it's hard to let go, believe me, i'm in the same waiting room as you.

    I suggest you read the post two blogs below, it sounds like it should be in reply to this exact post.

    Good luck, look forward to a beautiful future with someone who will knock you off your feet and not so willingly let you go. You deserve it.

  4. Why do I bother with the fact that I want you to show me how important I am to you because I know I am.


  5. this one is really good.
    maybe because it so honest ..

  6. at first i was thinking "this girl better have said that she broke up with this guy cuz he sounds like an ass" but then you mentioned what you knew he was, but he's just afraid to show it. i know exactly that boy. i don't like his surface, but i know who he is on the inside. as much as he's an ass to others, i can't help but spend a whole lot more of my time thinking about him than i should. it sucks and im trying to get over it. i'm sure you will too, but since you were with him for two years it will be a lot harder. but i know one day you will find that guy and know that it's right! and maybe while you stop wasting your time on this boy, he might grow up and surprise you one day years later! all you can do right now to help the situation is just stay away i think. xox

  7. I have been in a similar situation. For me, the most important thing was realising I did something for ME. I didn't try to make him feel good or please him anymore. I chose me, I put myself first, before everybody and even him. You are the most important person in your life, you deserve so much love and adoration and respect and it is incredibly brave that you stood up for yourself and said, no, no more. That takes guts. So be so so so proud of yourself. And realise that you don't have to think back because he was pushing you away so you can find somebody else because really, let's be honest, he was never really going to make you happy. The way I saw it is that I had two options, I was either going to continue the relationship thus continue feeling unhappy, insecure, inferior, like I was never enough, or, the other option, I would end it. There was no third option, the option of happiness didn't exist, not with him. It was simply never there. So see it like that because then, the fact that you did the right thing is suddenly very obvious. Think of yourself, think of the things that you love about yourself that he was too ignorant to see. Know that you deserve so much better. Someone who fucking adores the shit out of you. But before finding that person, please start adoring the shit out of yourself first, it makes shit so much easier :) And kick that guy of his fucking pedestal because I know he's on there and he doesn't deserve. He isn't better than you nor will he ever be and the fact that he made you feel like that proves this fact. Sorry for the rant :P I just know how you feel and know that this train of thought really really helped me get my shit together. So I hope it does something for you, even if it's very little :) Goodluck sweetie, don't give up hope, your prince will come :)


  8. That damn "Your Potential" thing has been the vain of my existence before too. For 4 years on and off I worked hard to make things work with a guy who had tons of that but in the end never amounted to it and I had to make amends with that and let him go.

    People aren't always going to strive to be the awesome person you know they can be, and if that is not who you can be with in the end...then it will break your heart for now...but you have to move on; its the only way to give yourself what you deserve.

  9. it's because men cling to the absolutes in life.. while women tend to accept diversity more..


  10. I just wrote a similar email to my ex boyfriend, although with much more hurt and rage. I know now it's for the best, but it hurts-and I would have done anything for him forever.

  11. I'm in your exact place at this exact time. I feel your pain, and I feel your frustration. I also felt your relief when it was first over - it made sense to let something so dysfunctional go... but once it sinks in, you're sick to your stomach hoping you didn't make a mistake.

    We didn't. It may feel like we've wasted a large portion of our lives, but really, we learned things about ourselves and our relationships with others. It feels like we have to settle because that's all we know... and even though it's hard to believe, everyone is telling us that someone better will come along because someone better probably WILL come along.

    I wanted you to know you're not alone. I wanted you to know that I share your pain. Most of all, I wanted to thank you for speaking it when all I could do is sob quietly at night when everyone thinks I'm sleeping soundly. xoxo

  12. Oh god, this could have been me writing. although you have come more further then me in analysing my own part of the realtionships wrong turns and unable to live trough heart breaks and all this non answered questions. so i want to say thank you, thank you, thank you(!) for letting the stone from deep within my stomach fly away like a free bird and letting me feel every good adjectives in the world good. SO LOTS OF THANK YOU!


  13. wow, this is beautiful.
    why do we always have a tendancy to cling onto those boys who treat us the worst, yet don't truly see their full potential as a person and just give up?

    this is amazing, so relatable.

  14. that is soo true ;x happened to me and i know how it hurts.

    i just love this blog :X

  15. I have been dating someone now for 5 years. About 3 months ago, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He was/is a very loving and great man but due to intense emotional baggage from his past he has somewhat closed the door on love. I find a lot of similarities in what you have written versus what I am living...

  16. This is so great! I love especially your last sentence.!

    P.S I know excactly how you feel.

  17. This is exactly how I feel.
    It is good to know that I am not alone.


  18. I thought I was the only person who lived something like that... is kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only one.
    And even better to know that just like me, you decided to move on... that's the best we we can do, FOR US.
    All the best <3

  19. o my god, this really is me right now, i am feeling u so well girl! BUT:we will have our happy end in this life. not now, but eventually. and up to then, we will always have to face the truth: that we learned and that we grew way more mature than before, when lying to ourselves, pretending those relationships can work some day and blah. they will not. not ever with those types of individuals, using us for feeling loved and cared for.
    take care hun and lighten up, we deserve soooooo f****** much better than those unappreciative losers.

  20. Some wise person once wrote, "Many
    times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism." Sound
    familiar? I remember, because I copied that passage for someone I knew, going through the same garbage - I knew they would relate. I told them, as I tell you - it is not optimism to expect respect. It is not optimism to expect honesty. And most of all, it is not optimism to expect someone to give as much as they get. That's the whole idea behind a relationship. You rearranged your life for this person, it is not optimistic to expect them to be there for you. You are a warm and loving person who deserves much better. You have done a remarkable job of trying to move on. Keep it up. You can do this. It will be more difficult for reasons you understand, but you can tune that out until it doesn't hurt as much. (pun) You have experienced enough of hell, time to move on. Clean break. Sever ties.


  21. My heart goes out to you.

  22. I agree. I agree, and I feel for it in a way that I can't describe. I love this. ♥

  23. You said exactly what I should be telling myself.

  24. Great text!
    Let go completely.
    Maybe he doesn't have the potential you see in him, I thought exactly the same for my ex, but I have realized that it's not true. He doesn't have potential at all, and he is such a sorry ass not to have me any longer. One day he'll see what he missed, and then I'll be long gone. Well, I'am already.
    Good luck, you'll do just fine, I promise you.
    Who wants to be with a dickhead anyway?

  25. Vulnerbility is beautiful.
    You are strong.
    I have much farther to go.

  26. Your devotion is so beautiful. It's so sad he didn't realise it. I know it's hard to let go. You can't let go unless you stop believing in it. One day you'll just wake up, take a deep breath, finally feel a huge enormous peace inside and you'll say that's it, he's gone.
    I can't wait for that day to arrive.
    Good luck.

  27. this is so beautiful and amazing.. i really felt like i could relate to this story cause i have gone through the same things.. but i will never give up

  28. my ex described exactly!
    but you know what...perhaps the best way to get over it is that 'they did not want to change, not for you not for anyone'.
    and no matter how much you can see the 'light'-they cant so there is only so much you can do.

    keep your head up-someone will come and treat you normally and you will be laughing at the past


  29. It was so honest that made me cry..

  30. so amazingly honest!! Her story speaks of times which everyone can sadly relate express your self beautifully.

  31. im going through this right now. thank you so much for putting it in words.

  32. Thank you for sharing this. You captured exactly what I went through 3 years ago.

  33. I know how awful this feels.
    I went through the same thing on and off for about 4 years with my ex.
    stay strong.

  34. Thanks for putting my feelings in words.
    I know that is the truht but I just can't stop loving him... So difficult leave...

    Great Blog!

  35. wow.
    i'm crying beacause i just reached the exact same point in my own situation, and it feels so lonely and a bit empty. after 7 years and an engagement, i'm not quite ready to stop talking about him, and shattered he can move on so quickly.

    your words are perfect... honest and strong. all the people that have commented similiar feeling need to realise we left because we are the honest and strong ones. we deserve so much more, and it's relieving to know there are people feeling as much as i am.


  36. I'm crying right now. Thank you for sharing this with us. I think that you wrote this for me, I experienced everything you wrote to the T. I cry every night and think I'm alone thank you for letting me know i'm not alone in this.


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