Friday, March 26, 2010

when your always the one that's alone


plastic_sfoonss

I just wanted to share, because its hard sometimes talking to those around you, talking to the people who are care for you and think you are lovely. When they ask you whether you have a boyfriend, or lament at how a young and pretty girl like you could possibly be single, its hard. Hard to bring together what you know about yourself - that you're worth it, that your good the way you are - and the fear that maybe you are doing something wrong.

They tell you that you just haven't met him yet. And yet when they learn you are 21 and have never had a boyfriend, never felt those feelings that people write novels about for someone - they are surprised, and can't believe that you would never have found someone. How you could possibly be all alone.

It's not that you haven't met people. You've met boys. And at first when the boys liked you, you played along. But then you found yourself in the park kissing this boy you don't like and looking for reasons to get away. Or in a bed freaking out because while you liked kissing and his ripped abs, you don't even know they boy in front of you. Because it was the kissing you liked, not the boy. And so you learn... And you watch as time changes, for then its the boys who were friends who told someone they liked you, and you watch as your friendship falls apart as you put up walls around you. You're just so scared.

And you know that you are supposed to be OPEN to love. But what you don't understand is how you're CLOSED. You want to fall in love, its the only thing in the world you can think of that you want more than anything. You try to not make the same mistakes as before, and yet you end up in the same place again. So you try and get by with what you can - sustaining myself on living vicariously through other love stories, and imagining magical moments in love. But before long you find yourself in a vicious circle of expectation and then disappointment.

I try to be open to love, but I feel like a fraud when I dont feel the way I'm supposed to. So I keep a distance and don't give them the wrong idea about how I feel, so I don't end up in a relationship or in a place with someone I don't even like.

But what if I'm wrong about the way I feel.
All I know is I'm alone, and a mess.

And that's why its hard sometimes to talk to people you know. And why its hard sometimes when your always the one that's alone.

143 comments:

  1. I've been single for over 3 years now (I'm 24) and i get the same thing. People don't understand why I'm still single. i don't understand as well.
    I feel exactly like this sometimes.
    Thank you so much for sharing xx

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  2. if someone wants to love you, they will find a way in.

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  3. you should know that you're not alone in your alone-ness. i spent 23 years finding boys i liked kissing or liked spending time with, but never in the same person. no one understood why i never had a boyfriend, and it only made it worse to try to talk to them about it. whenever i tried to make it work, i felt like a fraud because i knew i was wasting our time, leading him on. i was closed to love. you can't force the openness. you just have to be willing to learn and grow. and maybe someone will come along who opens you. because after 23 years of closing myself off to them all, of keeping them out, one found his way in, and has been there ever since. vulnerability is terrifying and exhilarating all at once. don't worry about feeling the way you're 'supposed' to. feel the way you feel - it may be lonely, but you are not alone.

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  4. I'm 19 and never had a boyfriend, I've never even kissed a guy. I've had a crush for a boy three times but I've never done anything. I know I am worth loving and everything, still I don't let people close. I do meet people and go out. Sometimes I think that maybe I like girls, I even wish, but I don't think that's the problem. It's hard to watch your friends having a relationship, and even if it ends, they soon find another. Even my 15-year-old little sister had a boyfriend. I feel such a failure.

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  5. this is so true! i feel the same

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  6. i've had boyfriends, but it turns out i have an intense fear of commitment. i'm terrified to love someone, and recently discovered that i don't know if i entirely believe romantic love exists. I love my best friend, and he's a boy, but it's not the same. i get what you mean though... and your way sounds safer. because the only thing worse than not believing in love, is hearing someone you're supposed to care for, saying they love you... and all you can think about is the to do list running through your head, and how much he's going to hurt when you have to break up with him.

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  7. I agree with you a hundred percent, I'm in the same situation; What a relief that there are more people like me!

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  8. i feel like i just read my life story... finally, the way i've been feelings for years now, in front of my own eyes, in words. i still hold on to this silly optimistic hope that when the right boy and the right day comes, you wont have to worry about faking it... it will come naturally, like breathing. til that day, keep your chin up :) everything great is worth waiting for.

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  9. in order to start feeling the right way, you should clean up your mental mess, understand that its ok, and just give yourself a chance to understand you ;)

    http://misspennylane-valeria.blogspot.com/

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  10. ditto!
    i feel as if i am stumbing around in the dark trying to find the light switch... to shed some light.
    i dont know how to let anyone in... i dont know how to love or if i could ever be capable of loving.
    do you think sometimes, certin people just weren't supose to fall in love -like my light switch was broken and there will never be any light shed.

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  11. I felt the same way you did, the thing is you continue walking on in life, waking up like you always do, walking the same beautiful streets and one day someone else will be walking the same way you are. It may take a while but who says love has a age? There are no written guidelines for how old you are supposed to be when you feel the first tingle of love. I'm 26, and I feel that all my past loves were just me being in love with the idea of love. I am only truly finding out what it is at this age, and you know what it's okay.

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  12. i'm exactly like that. there's nothing i can do about it, but it's like i can see the wall that's being built around me. i feel how i'm pushing away my close friends and boys, because i've been hurt and i'm afraid to get hurt again.
    i find it hard to talk to people too, cause i can't trust them. if i open myself to them, there's a possibility that they'll crush me. and they always do. i just want to know if there's something out there worth fighting for, because right now it's pretty dark.
    when i read about heartbreaks, i always sympathize and feel bad for them, but as soon as i read something good i'm critical to it. i find myself doubting it's efficiency...
    i feel scarred

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  13. Im 18, never had a boyfriend, 'because it was the kissing you liked not the boy' story of my life right there. and the hardest part to my story is that I am in love with a boy, but he just wants to be friends at the moment, you can tell on the inside he knows i will wait for him to grow up until he is ready for a relationship, but honestly how long do you want me to keep waiting for? I'm lonely and I'm not seeing anyone else I'm willing to move on to so I wait and I continue being lonely every single day, I miss you so much that its physically painful, Im lonely. I'm sad. I'm in love, So make me happy.

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  14. Wow. I feel like I've just read my life story in words that I could not have tried to put better. I'm 21 and in exactly the same position. I have guy friends who have told me they like me but I feel nothing and I feel like I'd be cheating if I just one day said yes to them. So up come the walls and you're right...down goes the friendship, somehow thats the way it always ends. I hope that one day this will all change. That one day my happily ever after will come but its nice to know I'm not alone in being alone :)

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  15. I'm 19, never had a boyfriend and I've never been kissed. It's not that I'm waiting for that certain someone to show up and sweep me off my feet, I'm just scared like s*** to fall in love. So I'm closing myself up. The older I get, the more difficult it is for me letting people in and allowing them to see the real me. I fear that I will be living alone and unloved for he rest of my life.

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  16. You pretty much summed up exactly how I feel, so thank you for that. It always seems that no matter what, I always end up hurt and alone. Always alone. All my friend's have boyfriends, and it's like they never have time for me anymore. Once again, alone.

    My problem is that I fall in love with guys far to easily. Once I like someone I fall hard, and they ALWAYS end up being the biggest jerks in the entire world. When the last guy I seriously dated broke it off, I was too hurt to want to love anymore because it was too painful. So I didn't date for a year and a half. Then I met a guy a few months ago that was pretty much my PERFECT type. I fell hard, and his friends told me that he liked me and wanted to get to know me better before we made anything official. Things were going great and I was finally starting to believe in love again, then I found out there was another girl in the picture and when push came to shove, he chose her over me. Once again, alone.

    It sucks. I know. But I've come to learn that sometimes I am better off alone. I'm happier, I have more time to focus on school, I work harder and laugh louder. When I start falling in love my mind is always on him, I can't concentrate, I slack off at work, I spend less and less time with my family and close friends, and then when they drop your world out from under you you're left with nothing.

    I'd like to believe that someone will someday come along and love me like grandfather loved my grandmother: completely and absolutely. But until that day comes, I'm okay with being alone.

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  17. it's YOU'RE not your. It really takes away from the message.

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  18. your words have given me so much comfort right now. i relate to you because i am 21 and have never before had a boyfriend or even been kissed. the problem is that i have been in love. currently i am in love with a guy and he is one of my closest friends and we hang out pretty often and i can talk to him about anything in the world... except how i feel about him. because the thing is, he's married. and i would never ever do anything to screw that up. but my heart aches so desperately and i am miserable and i constantly think about him and all i really want to do is hold his hand and know what it would be like for him to put his arms around me. i ache to meet someone who is available. i ache to be in love with someone who i can express these feelings to. i feel so much shame because it seems wrong to feel this way, regardless of the fact that i will not act on it. but just know you are not alone. i get that from people a lot. like, how are you 21 and you've never even kissed anyone...blah blah. argh. my hart aches and thank you because i feel not so alone.

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  19. I am 21, never had a boyfriend, and patiently waiting. Boy, if I didn't know any better I would say my heart wrote this or something. Crazy how the world brings you writing like this that can bring so much comfort in know that in actuality I'm not completely alone in this feeling. Thank you so incredibly much for sharing. This is so terribly beautiful.

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  20. you do a beatiful think here ... you make this girls knows that is completly normal be afraid of a relationship or the strange feelings isn't that strange.
    I wanna do the same for my country girls, i'm from Brazil and inspired for you i'm working in a blog with this exactly theme.I would like to have your permission to copy some of your pictures.

    Thanks for been such a great writer.
    xxx

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  21. I can say that I relate to that post, word for word.
    The thing is, I don't really care that I'm single or that I've never had a real relationship before or never been in love. It's when other people are shocked at the fact...just like how you wrote it in the first paragraph.

    It's because you know they're judging you and that's one of the worst feelings imaginable

    Thank you for sharing.

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  22. It was one of the few times I totally read myself in this blog. I get what you mean. Just hope that everyone that is feeling the same way find the feeling!

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  23. this post was me. And it's comforting to know that there are others out there, like me, who just don't know how to be open to love, don't know how to respond and are perhaps just waiting for the right boy, the one that fits the mould.
    I have hope that there's one out there for everyone, i try to be optimistic, but sometimes there are those days when the only people you notice are couples who are happily in love, and you just feel deflated.
    Thank you so much for sharing this. It's exactly how i felt.
    :)

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  24. i know this feeling all too well. i am twenty years old and have never connected with a man on that level. and i've often asked myself if it's me and what i need to change.

    its hard feeling alone, but i think being alone brings self awareness. its a necessary evil.

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  25. It's great to read your comments and your post. It gives me comfort to know that I'm not alone in my loneliness. T'm 20 years old and never had a boyfriend or even a first kiss. Guys don't really pay much attention to me. And when I see around me, every girl has a boyfriend or at least admirers or something. It really makes me feel insecure because I start to ask what the hell must be so wrong with me that I drive away boys. I hate when people ask me if I have a boyfriend or if I've ever had one.

    And at the same time I feel much more comfortable just being the way I am. Single. cause I see so many failured relationships. I've never even seen a relantioship that i say to myself "that's what I'd like to find"....I really don't know what to think....

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  26. wow this is exactly what i'm going through. i'm 19 and have never been in a relationship, never hooked up with anyone, never been in love. Boys like me and ask me out all the time, but i don't wanna go out with someone just for the sake of going out with someone. But at the same time, i feel like maybe i'm not giving these boys and myself a fair chance. :(

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  27. yep. everything i experience has been said. i feel ya sista

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  28. i felt like i was reading a story about me. i know exactly how you feel. people tell me i'm too picky, but i just don't think thats true. glad i am not the only one!

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  29. If anyone ever takes the time to read this, and if maybe I even find it on this website where I'm leaving it, I thank you for listening.

    I want a New York love. I want it so bad I call to it at night in the form of a name. It's his, and it's been on my mind for exactly one week now. A part of me knows it's foolish, but a bigger part just swallows the shame and holds steadfast to hope. Hope that he'll tell me he wants to meet me 1,230.5 miles halfway, because something in his heart told him we could be perfect together. And he would ask me when did I know I felt this same way and I would tell him the moment I saw him across from me, through a million billion pixels on screen, through a webcam in a chatroom. And we'd sit in an umfamiliar cafe in a new town, because we chose to meet at there 1,230.5 miles away from home to see each other, and we'd get to know each other better. Much better, because I could see him, really see him, and I could touch him, too. But he's much smarter than me, he understands we were just two lonely people who spent one late, perfectly fun night together through the internet. But I'm not a stupid girl either, and I only wish I was in love with this stranger. In fact I know I'm not. Yet I wish it could've been a different story, the one I made up just now. Because it would've been worth all this time I've spent waiting to meet the one. Waiting and waiting only to feel the loneliness creep in deeper and deeper. By chance and at random on a sad, lonely night, I met a stranger on the internet, and for an hour or so, I forgot that I was waiting for someone else. I forgot that I was hurting because all this time I'd been waiting for someone else. I forgot about the chances I had and the mistakes I made that led me back to my painful waiting. He is not a mistake because he was never a chance. And of all the names I could call out to tonight, I will choose his, because he is a perfect stranger. I will swallow my shame again and whisper his name late at night, because he gave me something exactly one week from today that I did not have to pay for: my smile. For the first time in five years, I could smile without fear. Because I knew none of it was real and was without worry that something should turn ugly. All I had to do was press "Next" anyway. But I didn't, and I smiled without fear. I'm back to waiting however, and so tonight with my pain I will whisper the name of a stranger and dream he is the one.

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  30. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  31. I love this post so much. It sums everything I've felt for the past 4 year. At 19, i'm not very old but the fact that i've never been in relationship or really in love for that matter has made me feel like such an outlier leading me to dwell on faults. I can't count how many times people told me "It'll happen when you least expect it", but I'm impatient. I get so mad when people can't understand why this bothers me so much, but I think it's not too hard to understand. Everyone wants to be loved and feel loved, and when we see everyone around receieving this love we start wonder what's wrong with us. Why don't I have boyfriend? Is there something ugly about me? No they tell you you're pretty. Well, then is there something wrong about my personality? No, your such a nice a person. There is no answer, but it feels good to no that i'm not alone going through this. I'm waiting for my love to arrive, but till then I'll just have do with mirages of love I can find

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  32. *****

    I'm wondering whether this post is a sign of some sort. I was literally wallowing in self pity last night about THIS VERY THING.

    I'm 20 and haven't let anyone into my heart before. I've had intense crushes on ppl I know I won't have a chance with. And I've run away from and avoided ppl who I've realised had a thing for me. I don't know what it is, but maybe I'm just scared to open my heart up to someone, afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of the possibility of being hurt, being too conservative, being too reserved.

    I still rmbr those times when making small talk with people. The shocked look on their face when I tell them I don't have a boyfriend, as if it's so hard to believe. Or relatives, giving me that sly smile as if they know I'm hiding something about actually having a secret boyfriend.

    Seriously, it's pretty sad. It makes me sad when I can't seem to achieve this very thing. I admire those who are married/with someone. I've been increasingly noticing how everywhere I go...everybody else is there with their respective partners, in love. Holding hands. It seems like I can only dream.

    I don't know why it seems so hard. I really hope I get my Happily Ever After.

    Thank you for sharing. I love this blog.

    -Petal

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  33. I often read this blog and hope that sometimes a post like this will show up so I can actually relate to it... so many years I've tried to figure out what i need to change about myself to find a boy that i like spending time with, that i like sharing my world with, that i like kissing and that i want to fall in love with. I've had countless dates, countless hook-ups, I have interest from guys a lot, I've tried to make relationships work only to learn that I don't want it anymore... i tried being open, i've tried to drop my defensive walls, i've tried being vulnerable... and I've never had a boyfriend.
    Slowly I'm realising that i don't need change myself...it is what is it.. i figure if I find love I want it to be real...not contrived, controlled by me trying to make it happen...I tell myself that being alone is all a part of it...that it will make it all worth it when i do find that boy! In the mean time it sucks....

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  34. I, being 20, often feel this pull, or this push to act like someone my age. I always thought your 20s were your prime, the years of dating and discovery. I feel young and naive about love when it seems everyone is in the throes of it around me.

    Though this has not happened for us yet, my main consolation has been that I am becoming independent, emotionally self-sufficient and have higher standards for the guys I want to let into my life. That way, when the real thing comes along, you will be balanced and know what you're looking for. This will make you worth the wait.

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  35. I am very familiar with this situation and I'm a few years older than you, too. As you can see from all the comments you are not alone looking for a love that feels right, fits right, someone whose arms you are comfortable in. I think, first of all, it's probably for the best not to settle for something that you know is not right for you. And, secondly, if you get the impression somewhere along the path in your life to take a chance on someone, even though you may be uncertain, you should take it and trust it for whatever it is worth. As for myself, as I said, I have waited a long time and then someone came along, unexpectedly. For some reason I thought I should go ahead and try. I don't really know what's going on with our little situation , but I do know I don't regret him. Even if I don't end up with him he's helped me with the idea of me being in a relationship, like you were saying - to be open for love. Either way, trust your heart. If it says no, then no. If yes, definitely go for it. If it says maybe, it could be a beautiful experience in your life. <3

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  36. I feel exactly the same! It's like you wrote everything in my head, I still have hope for us! one day.. it will happen.. it just has to

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  37. I'm 20 Years Old Now , I've Never Been in a Real Relationship But You Can Say I'm in Love With Someone Who Doesn't Even Care 'bout Me , The Only Thing I Wanna Say is : You're Not Alone With This Feelings , Everyones Has Issues , Even Me .

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  38. I feel the exact same way..... So much so I ran from where I lived and relocated so I didn't have to face all those looks and questions.

    I hate being alone and friends hate hearing me say I hate being alone. But I do..

    Thank you for sharing... xoxo

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  39. I know how you're feeling. I hate it when my grandmother asks me if I've found a boyfriend. Well, I haven't and I don't think I should be "looking". I believe that people just meet each other, when they less expect it. I'm 20 and I haven't had a boyfriend. Yes, I've been with a few guys, but they never want anything more than just pure sex. Seems like I am not interesting or good enough for anyone to actually BE with me. It is almost ridiculous to compare my experience with my friend's. But then again, I don't know it I'd want to be 20 and already have two serious long-time boyfriends behind my back. I do think that it would be a nice time for me to have my first one now.

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  40. its hard to read this website sometimes because even though people have their problems with love/relationships, sometimes i feel like i'd rather have those problems than feel alone-your story isn't unusual, we all feel this way eventually if not regularly. love shows up at the right moments

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  41. I was like that, I felt like that for so long but never said a word to my friends. It was so infuriating always getting the 'how come you never have a boyfriend?' But last year i decided to stop worrying, decided that it didn't matter and i concentrated on my friends and having fun instead. Soon after i fell on a lovely boy, literally. It made me realize that it actually didn't matter. I'm still scared and I still have moments of doubt but i don't let it get to me anymore :) You are lovely so lovely things will come.
    -K

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  42. O wauw! It´s really really beautiful!

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  43. "you put up walls around you".
    so. damn. true. all of it. one word too much, too early, and those walls are there. and it's too late and too hard to tear them down again.

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  44. I would have done the same as you. I was talking to a friend a few months ago and we were talking about if we should be dating or seeing someone who we do not like but just want a company. I sort of told him that I would not want to go out with someone whom I am not interested in; I do not want to give the person the wrong idea and end up hurting the feeling of the person. It just doesn't feel right to me.

    There will be many who catches our eyes but not many will catch our heart. Pursue the one who catches our heart.

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  45. wow... It's amazing that so many people share the same feelings as me.
    One day I believe we will find someone that we can feel love towards and be loved in return.

    Thanks for sharing :)

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  46. oh, you are like speaking about my life, my feelings, I have been single like for 4 years n I am tired of hearing how can I be alone,don´t have somebody,bf..n explain how it´s possible that I´m not sad about it all the time. U and your blogs are really amazing you give me inspiration every day :) Thnks for it!

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  47. WOW this is exactly how i am feeling at this very moment.. i am 22 years old single and alone. I've been through my share of boys but no one gave me the feeling that they were "the one". I would hold on to them until they let go basically. Hopefully there is someone out there for us. He will probably come when we least expect it. My friends who are in love tell me thats what happened to them. Love comes when you least expect it. We will have our own fairytales one day, until then focus on yourself and what you can offer to someone. Improve, remodel, and refresh yourself. Not that there is anything wrong with us right now, but you know you wont be able to get this chance to focus on yourself when you have someone else enter your world. SO take this time and use it wisely. Don't waste any min. And don't feel alone. Appreciate your friends and family. Be happy..it could be worse :)

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  48. I just want you to know you're not the only one hun.
    I've gone through this, am going through this, will probably
    go through this feeling of protectionist isolation for a while.
    I figure though it's good in the end to be alone that to have bad
    company. We're so picky about the foods we order at restaurants, not thinking twice to send them back, or the shoes we buy at tsotres, returning them constantly until we find our perfect fit, our perfect style.... why then should we settle for whoever just so happens to come into our lives? We shouldn't. Finding someone you like, you care for, and who is worth your time...that's a tough quest but a rewarding one! Finding a random person to fill in the "empty feeling" social pressures have created in you.... that is less difficult and by consequence much less rewarding. I wish you all the luck and strength and love out there!

    thank you for posting this. i share your same feelings/struggles.

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  49. Everyone's posting on here about how they're in their twenties and feeling this, so I sort of feel bad, because I'm only seventeen. And even though everyone says, 'you're too young, you'll find someone later', I still feel like this entire message came from my head.

    I've only been in two short relationships, and the comment earlier that said, "because the only thing worse than not believing in love, is hearing someone you're supposed to care for, saying they love you... and all you can think about is the to do list running through your head, and how much he's going to hurt when you have to break up with him." is exactly how those relationships played out.

    I still believe, like other people on here, that when the right person comes along, it won't be hard, and I'll feel it right away.

    But it's the waiting for that that's lonely.

    Thank you for posting this. I'm happy to know that even though I'm alone, I'm not alone.

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  50. I'm 20 and have been searching for the supposedly right guy, but my search has always been futile too. The way you wrote this touched me pretty deep. And I can relate to how you feel. Everytime someone comes too close, I clam up. Sometimes I wonder if the problem is with me, and not the guys... but your words let me know I ain't alone.

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  51. the only difference between the girl who wrote this and me...is that i wont be 21 for another few months.

    but oh my god everything else is EXACTLY the same. word for word.

    i feel your pain and know exactly what you're going through.

    holy shit.

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  52. thank you for sharing. i totally get how you feel. i have these walls around me since i don't know when and it has been a while since i felt anything for anyone. it's like my heart is just.. cold. the ironic thing is i still love watching chick flicks about love and still goes 'awww..' when i listen to sweet love stories. well, i read somewhere that time is all about timing so we'll never know right? maybe one day we'll meet someone, that RIGHT one, at the supermarket or convenience store or any place where you least expect it. until then, chin up and keep the faith :)

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  53. i mean love is all about timing..

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  54. I turn 21 TODAY. and this totally reflects what i think is going on inside me. and what's worse, i'm afraid i've grown to be incapable of loving, just because the boys i've been with, even if they didn't really became boyfriends and it wasn't really love, always hurt me in one way or another.

    thanks for making us realize we just belong to another reality. maybe just for now :)

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  55. girl!! as you can see you are not alone. I am in the same boat, at 23 I've never had a serious relationship, and I do want to be in love SO bad, but I would rather be single and alone and wait it out until I do feel that spark I'm looking for, than faking it just so that society has me "figured out"

    There are many guys, I feel in some other life we could have something magical but timing plays an extremely important role and even though you often want to curse it, it always works out for a reason.

    Stay strong, you are worth it!

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  56. feel the same. im 22. never had a boyfriend. its the hardest when your friends around you are always busy with their boyfriends and find yourself alone in the weekend...

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  57. I thought I was the only one and this is exactly what my life is like. Although I'm only 20,and like you, i've never had a boyfriend, right now I'm doing the 'open to love, but I feel like a fraud when I dont feel the way I'm supposed to.' I feel like the only thing different about you and I is that you're 21 and I'm 20. My whole family and everyone at my work is just shocked and boggled why I don't have a boyfriend. I hate it when they're like sooo are yu dating anybody? I know this lady, who's son...
    like seriously, that's enough. leave me alone, i'll find my own kind of guy. and like you said, you know you're worth it, so it's hard to find a guy that knows that. every guy that i've liked, i always end up finding something wrong with him and running away. but currently, i'm seeing this guy and it's just plain stupid. i think i know deep down that nothing's going to come from it, but i still want it to a little... but just not enough to make it work. love shouldn't be this difficult.
    i just want my guy to come and make everything alright and make the wait so worth it.

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  58. you won't believe this, and i don't expect you to: you're not alone.

    the way you feel? i know it's horrible. i know it's terrifying... i know you're doing whatever you can to combat it... and i know you're failing.

    your failure is mine too, friend.


    i have a boyfriend... a wonderful, amazing boyfriend...

    ...and i'm still there with you.

    someday, we'll get better. maybe.

    but if not:

    know that i'm there, too.

    - agentkendall.blogspot.com

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  59. being by yourself doesnt make you as alone as being with someone who isn't right for you.

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  60. It's creepy how close to my life this is. Thank you for sharing. And by the way, as hard as it is to be alone, I feel that it's much harder to settle for being with the wrong guy. I feel like you feel, but I've also been in situations where I have decided to pursue a relationship with someone who I quite soon realized wasn't right for me. But I stayed with him just because it was nice to be with someone, and not be so alone. And trust me, this is the wrong decision, I think I was cruel to him and that everyone deserves to be with someone that truly likes them. So keep looking, but keep your standards and your expectations. When you settle for the wrong person, it's almost as if making that compromise makes you lose a part of yourself. I hope you won't be alone for too much longer, but stay strong.

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  61. i know exactly how you feel. i didn't get my first real boyfriend till i was 21, and my first kiss came then too. but like the other times it didn't work out either.
    and while i've found friends and people who aren't always on me about why i don't have some one, it still is lonely sometimes not. and gets harder every day wondering weither or not there is something wrong with me that i can't seem to be happy with someone or find a someone.

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  62. I just wanted to let you know, I feel the exact same way, and just hearing someone put it into words is really appreciated. It's so much harder when you can't even dictate how you feel. So thank you so much.

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  63. Wow. I'm just a bit speechless right now because for some reason I thought I was literally the only one in the world who felt like. I'm so glad I read this...

    "I try to be open to love, but I feel like a fraud when I dont feel the way I'm supposed to. So I keep a distance and don't give them the wrong idea about how I feel, so I don't end up in a relationship or in a place with someone I don't even like."

    Wow creepy...EXACTLY how I feel O_o.

    thank you for sharing this.

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  64. this made me sick because i know exactly what you're talking about.
    i don't want to always be the one who's alone. and we won't be.

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  65. I feel the same way. I'm 23 going on 24. And I'm terrified. I want to fall in love. I want to get married and have a family. But that's not what I tell people to hide the fact how lonely I am. To hide the fact that I am alone because it's my fault... because I am a CLOSE field. I am terrified that I am hopeless. I am terrified that I might mess up when I open. I am terrified that the bad things that happened before might happen again because those bad things were caused by me. Thank you for voicing this out.

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  66. nice.n trust me,u r not alone;)

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  67. woo, thanks so much for sharing, i always thought i was the only one, but now i know i am not, and you are not alone too, i know exactly how you feel.
    thanks, 'cause it's hard to share, i find it hard to talk about it with other people 'cause you know they won't understand.

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  68. Thank you for sharing. I feel the exact same way - you want to fall in love and want someone to fall in love with you but for some reason it just won't work. I hope you'll be found someday and some of those many many day dreams will come through!

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  69. You hit the nail on the head with this post. I guess for me I have a reached a point where it's about focusing on me and figuring my self out. I hate it when people ask that. Like having a boyfriend is a prerequisite to be being 21 and pretty. Good article. I am sharing it with folks on facebooks.

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  70. So true.... I am forcing myself out of situations where I like being kissed but not the person kissing me. Ugh life sucks and why do people think it should be easy for young girls.

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  71. that text could have been written by me deffinently

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  72. this describes me perfectly, especially after last night as all i got was those exact comments. in fact, it's stepped up a gear because people now think i'm a lesbian. just lol.

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  73. This touched me. I'm 19 and I have never really felt anything for anyone. Once there was a guy, and I only knew him online, and we talked daily for over a year. Then he disappeared. I've missed him so much. Now, I feel like I'm getting over it, starting to live a little.. it's hard, though. It feels like I was really silly to believe all the things he said..

    Recently, I've met some guys and it seems like I end up the same all the time. Waking up next to someone, not really knowing what to say because it's so awkward. Meeting someone and then finding yourself naked with them only after a few hours after you actually met..

    I used to be such a good girl. Straight As, no smoking, no drinking, no sex. I still am that girl, at least in the eyes of the people that are close to me. But I got bored of it, in a way. So now, I can be just as I want in the eyes of strangers. Who cares?

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  74. as a mom(my 18yr.old loves your blog too)with 2 very different falling in love styles,i say "stay true to yourself and trust your instincts" if something or someone doesn't feel right then it probably isn't.my 18yr old is always asking what is wrong with her and has also asked herself that maybe its girls she is interested in.my unsolicited advice is keep living and doing those things that you are passionate about and you too will find someone special to share your days with and it will feel right.

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  75. it's the same with me. i have never had a boyfriend, but i know what kissing means. however i have never considered that it may be the fear which is my obstacle in being in a relationship... i also constantly imagine love and romantic scenes in front of my eyes and what i get is only disappointment, as the world doesn't seem to work this way for me... i don't know, maybe i'm a person who don't deserve love, because i'd never give it back as i lack of emotions? hard... really hard, especially when i see all of these couples around me,in every corner, on every path, in every place...

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  76. this is seriously my story..its this fear that i cant explain. I am 21 and have never had a bf nor have i ever kissed a boy. I mean like when i was 4 but i dont count that. I hate when people are like i dont understand you are this great personand so pretty and a million differnt things but when i fiond a guy likes me i automatically want to keep them in the friend zone and after long thats what they are no no more. i totally get the fact that you rae alone i am righht theer with you

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  77. Everyone deserves happyness. I am 22 and I as well have never been in love. In our world today, there are so many disruptions and interferences with budding relationships. We live in a "hookup" culture where guys get away with sleeping with you without even having to take your phone number first. They get away with having all the control and making you fall for them. And when you do- they run away. I can't wait for the day when I fall in love with someone who loves me back. And I know it will happen because I believe there is someone out there for all of us. And when you are alone at night wishing you had a boy beside you to kiss just remember that it is better to wait for a guy who truly cares for you than to have a boy who just wants to be in your bed. Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, the guy who looks into your eyes as if nothing else matters. Its okay that we never had a highschool sweetheart and its okay that we never met our boyfriend in university. There are no rules to where or when you should fall in love. Love just happens and I can't say I know when it will happen to me. Yes, I would like it to happen soon but like someone said earlier, everything great is worth waiting for.

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  78. Everyone deserves happyness. I am 22 and I as well have never been in love. In our world today, there are so many disruptions and interferences with budding relationships. We live in a "hookup" culture where guys get away with sleeping with you without even having to take your phone number first. They get away with having all the control and making you fall for them. And when you do- they run away. I can't wait for the day when I fall in love with someone who loves me back. And I know it will happen because I believe there is someone out there for all of us. And when you are alone at night wishing you had a boy beside you to kiss just remember that it is better to wait for a guy who truly cares for you than to have a boy who just wants to be in your bed. Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, the guy who looks into your eyes as if nothing else matters. Its okay that we never had a highschool sweetheart and its okay that we never met our boyfriend in university. There are no rules to where or when you should fall in love. Love just happens and I can't say I know when it will happen to me. Yes, I would like it to happen soon but like someone said earlier, everything great is worth waiting for.

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  79. You are not alone. If you believe that you DO deserve to get love and fall in love then rejection and fear will not deter you from stepping into a situation that will lead you to the feelings that everyone seems to feel except you. Love takes time. Admiration may occur in a minute. Lust a few seconds but love takes moments upon moments to be cemented. My loneliness kills me at times as well and I bury myself in work, with friends and in events but at the end of the day, I still feel alone. I however do not feel as if my present loneliness will last forever. Be love. Be happy and you will attract such in your life. If you continue to run or hide or second guess yourself about the happiness you deserve you will never find love. Its time for you to step out and believe in your beauty and wonder to attract people who are worth the risk and sacrifice.

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  80. There are times when everyone feels alone, even when you have a boyfriend. Just because your friends have boyfriends and seem to have it together it doesn't mean they do. I am 23 and just got out of a relationship that lasted for 4 years, during much of that time i felt very alone. and now looking back I wish I did actually spend a great deal of that time alone, so maybe i could have figured me out, instead of "us". If you have friends and family that love you, perhaps you don't really need a boyfriend to complete you, I honestly believe love just happens, very rarely it happens like in the movies where there is a clear beginning middle and end, but it indeed happens whether you are ready for it or not.

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  81. Your words gave me so much comfort right now. Thank you. Now I know I´m not alone.

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  82. Wow. Little more than a year ago, this was my story. Exactly my story. I got the same quiestions, I lived in my imagination as well. I tried to be like my friends and went out with a couple of guys. But every time i felt uninterested, like i was leading them on. And I wanted to like them, honestly. But most of the time I couldn't even make myself go out with them for a second time. So I sort of gave up, figured it just wasn't for me.
    And then, just before I turned 21, along came this gorgeous guy that I vaguely remembered from highschool and who happened to live accross from me. I wasn't interested (because in my mind love wasn't an option really) and I didn't even realise he was officially wooing me, until he got up and came to bring me coffee at 3 a.m. because i was pulling an all-nighter. He stayed until 6, just talking, and my homework was lost^^. In 5 minutes I will be turning 22 and he's still here...
    I didn't mean to go al gooey, sorry.
    My point is, you won't believe it's possible until you feel it. There wil be someone who will get through your walls, just because you won't need them for that person. There's nothing wrong with you, you just want the real thing! And believe me, it's worth the wait ;)

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  83. I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend or been kissed or been asked out. EVER. I've been in love (TOTALLY IN LOVE) with two guys. They are the people I've felt the closest to in my life and yet, I couldn't tell them that I was completely and totally in love with them. I couldn't tell them that I suffocated in the days I couldn't talk to them. That I cried after long talks about the girls they actually liked. I outright lied to their faces to avoid looking like I liked them. I feel sort of horrible sometimes that the people I've felt most comfortable around were the people I couldn't talk to about the thing that consumed my whole mind. Them.

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  84. I hate it when people say this, but this time it's true.. I know exactly how you feel. I have never been able to describe it in words, but now you have! Thank you :) You're not alone!

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  85. When reading this post I felt 'Oh thank goodness I'm not the only one'.
    Then I read the 80+ comments - and am now completely comforted by the fact that I am not in any case by myself in this situation.
    Thank you Le Love blog, for bringing me this immense feeling of comfort; and thank you to the person that contributed to this post, and all the commenters.

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  86. I agree with every word you've written!

    monica,25 years old, from southamerica!

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  87. i'm glad i'm not the only one that feels the EXACT SAME THING you're describing... seriously, "So you try and get by with what you can - sustaining myself on living vicariously through other love stories, and imagining magical moments in love. But before long you find yourself in a vicious circle of expectation and then disappointment." that is the best way to describe what i feel. i have faith we will find our perfect guy...and i think the less we think about it, the easier it is. when you least expect it, you'll find it.

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  88. thanks for sharing <3.

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  89. Today I'm feeling so so sad because the same motive than you. And when I read your text, oh girl, it's like I think I'm not the only one.
    Every word you wrote it's teh same mean for me...."When they ask you whether you have a boyfriend, or lament at how a young and pretty girl like you could possibly be single, its hard. Hard to bring together what you know about yourself - that you're worth it, that your good the way you are - and the fear that maybe you are doing something wrong."
    This think is killing me

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  90. i have been feeling this way for so so long. its so nice to have someone who think the same way. it brought tears. thank you.

    i really hope the love of my life will come soon.

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  91. you're not alone, after my last breakup, I feel the same way, want-ing love yet feel 'closed', and thanks God apparently I'm normal ;]

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  92. i was in the exact same position. when i opened to someone, i gave everything. now i am heart-broken, always waiting for him, always getting disappointed...never ending story. i opened myself to someone, now i am a mess. i was kind of happy alone, now i am unhappy together.

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  93. I can't even describe how much I appreciate all this support. Of both Le Love for publishing my email to her and for all these responses that make me understand how many people are in my position as well.

    Atleast we are all here for each other.
    :) x

    Thank you -

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  94. I don't think you're closed to love at ALL darling. You just show an immense amount of integrity. You actually listen to that gut feeling that tells you to stop when you are with someone that you don't love. The guy you do fall in love with will be a really lucky fellow, because you'll have stored up all your love for him and you won't have anything to hide from your past, because you did wait for love, the true, pure and beautiful kind of love they write about in books ♥ Stay strong darling and enjoy being single and doing things for yourself while you can!

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  95. I understand this completely. I was 26 before I had my first boyfriend and fell in love. I would get asked out, and even date them for a while, but I never felt anything and would eventually end it. I started worrying that I was never going to be in a relationship. But then I met someone, and I couldn't help but fall in love. We're not together anymore, but I don't worry about it. When someone asks me why I'm still single I simply tell them it's not so easy to find someone who can handle an independent, strong woman :)

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  96. This is exactly how i've felt for the past 20 years of my life...I kno some ppl who have never had boyfriends, but it comforting to see in concrete words, that there are many more people going through similar situations like me.

    I think I'm at the point where I sort of given up about finding 'the right one' because honestly speaking, waiting takes a lot out of me. in a way it's really effortless- it's just a little compartment reserved in the back of your mind for that one boy to come along in your life. But i just don't want to wait anymore... that, and hearing all the stories of my friends and the hardships they go thru w/ guys, i begin to think if it's really worth the time. I have so many other things i want to pursue (ie.hobbies) that maybe it's just better to focus on what i have in front of me. Then one day when you happen to look up, if it's the right time, you WILL find the right guy for you. I agree w/ everyone above who said that it's all about the timing.

    i tend to be really reserved about telling ppl i've never had a boyfriend, because it's a hassle now, to have to deal with all the reactions. i once met a guy who used this fact against me, saying i should come back to him when i've had at least one boyfriend. I know im worth more than that, and i've kept my head high even after that incident, but deep down, it still hurts me that people around me still judge in that way. It discourages me, but i know who am, and i want to keep living strong and independent... and then hopefull at the right time, someone beautiful will come across my path.

    stay strong girls. =]

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  97. i felt EXACTLY like this. and you could not have expressed it better.

    one day i met a beautiful girl and fell really really hard for her. i felt a way i had never felt before with any of the boys that I'd try to convince myself i liked or wanted.

    i am not with her anymore and we were not good for each other, but being with her taught me that I could feel, that what I've been looking for is out there.

    good luck to you. you'll find it, it just may not be exactly where you're looking for it.

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  98. I feel exactly the same way as you do. I'm 18, i'm a model and I Never had a boyfriend, nor any potential love interest. It's not that I don't want to, it's more that I'm afraid and that I don't really know how to. It's crazy, this feeling of knowing that there should be something out there, that I am missing out on something continuously, it's killing me. Thank you so much for sharing this; I wish I knew you so we could at least have someone to talk to :)

    take care XXX

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  99. I feel exactly the same! I've never kissed a guy, I'm 17, and have never had a boyfriend :o i have liked guys but it never seems to work out..:S i'll be 18 in a few days and all my friends are dating all over the place and all they have to say is; you just haven't met him yet , which is not at all very helpful

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  100. don't worry... i was in the same situation. and then it happened to me... and i got a boyfriend, which i still have, and although things are never as in the beginning, i tasted that feeling that movies talked about... :)
    so don't freak out, be brave! the less you think about it, the sooner it will come (because you don't expect it...)

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  101. I get mortified everytime someone asks me if I've ever had a boyfriend. I don't know what's worst, the surprised/What the hell? what kind of freakshow has bever had a boyfriend at 20 years old face, or when they tell me straight away: "you've never had a boyfriend have you?" is if it's so obvious everyone can read it on my face.

    In fact I wouldn't bother so much if it wasn't for the social pressures as stupid as it may sound. People see you as if you're less of a woman if you don't have a man by your side.
    I can't even bring myself to talk to my friends about it.
    How am I supposed to tell them that I feel so insecure, that I'm begining to think that maybe I'm not worth it, that guys just don't notice me.
    Instead of understanding people just pitty you or see you as pathetic.

    My confort is that at least I haven't been screwed up by boys like so many (almost every one) of my friends have. And that my love story is yet to happen so I have something to look forward to...

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  102. I'm somewhat going through the same thing. Somewhat.

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  103. Wow it is so great to hear that i am not the only about to be 19 year old girl that has never had a boyfriend or been kissed.....its not that i am ugly...its just that it is so hard to open up for me ...i had guys like me and most the time i did not feel the same way and when i did like someone and they liked me back we could never find a way to talk to each other most of the time it was body language communication. When we did try to talk to each other the wods would just come out all wrong and we didnt try anymore....i dunno if the problem is that i am shy or not attractive enough ....anyways the point is all the time ppl ask me how come a young attractive girl like still doesnt have a boyfriend .....and i am so sick of it ....i dont wanna explain to them again that i dont want just a boyfriend i want a soulmate....i want the guy that will be the right one and will make my world spin around....if i dont feel that hes the one ...i am not going to use him even if he wants me too

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  104. It happens sometimes to feel lonely and alone, when you already have a so-called relationship!
    It all depends on the great expectations that you place on the other person..
    Still hoping for a true love for YOU, for every single READER of this wonderful blog as well as for ME too..
    I totally agree with a comment above, that the less that one think about finding the right one, the more is coming this one on your way.. It may sound good in theory, but hard to follow in real life..

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  105. this is soo me these days and for a long time now...xx cat
    CiTiEs of B

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  106. this is lovely. You are inspiring.

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  107. Partially how I felt after my bf and I broke up.

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  108. I really feel the same!! I dont know what's wrong!!

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  109. i'm turning 21 this year and i'm hoping that someone will help me break these walls down with me. but as i'm growing older the more insecure i feel, i know i don't need some boy telling me that i'm beautiful or funny or smart, but it wouldn't hurt though hearing these words from someone.
    i haven't had a boyfriend either. but i want at least try to fail so i can learn from my mistakes. i tell people that 'you should try, at least you'll know you've tried rather than thinking back about what you could have done' but i'm a hypocrite when it comes to relationships. is a vicious cycle. i like a boy, i leave hints, but when they respond to my hints, i back off. i don't want to try because i don't want to get hurt. i want to learn to be brave.

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  110. Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel because I'm in exactly the same situation. I'm 20 years old and I have never had a boyfriend either. I've barely even kissed anyone (because I don't count the ones I have kissed because I didn't love them).
    When I see my friends have fun and talk about their love lives, I feel alone because I wonder if I'll ever experience something like that. My grandmother keeps telling me to find someone soon or risk ending up alone, like it's a horrible disease.

    I'm scared that I won't have the experiences that are the most important in life. I don't really care about having a super career and I know that as a modern woman I should. I guess I'm traditional that way. I want to live a love story, but when it starts to happen, I can't let myself live it, or I get disappointed, or the guy turns out to be a jerk that I can't trust, etc.

    I want the love my grandparents had. I guess it's called companionship. I'm not comfortable with the whole lust aspect, but the love that comes after you're done ripping each other's clothes off is the best kind. The problem is, guys aren't usually open to living that... at least not the MTV generation. Sex is the only important thing. And the sooner we realize that it's not, the better. It's a part of life that we can't deny, but having a partner, a person you can depend on for anything is something so much sweeter than any kiss.

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  111. thank you, really. i've always thought that me, i was the only one feeling like this, and that i was the only one, terrified of being my self with the boys i'm friends with, just because they usually sooner or later gets a crush on me.
    and this is really not a thing i'm proud of, this thing with boys falling easily in love with me. oh how i wish they just could stop, because for me it somehow feels impossible to fall in love with somebody. and the thing is that i can't talk about it with my friends, because they don't get it. they just think that i want to brag about all the guys that are asking me out, texting me all the time and they often tells me how lucky i am, to have all these guys who i just can't choose from which one i want.
    and now, i'm dating this guy, who really is wonderful. we're having the time of our lives together, doing all these crazy things and laughing all the time. but me, in fact i'm terrified. i'm terrified that this isn't love, because i just want to fall crazily in love with him, because that's what he's done. he's living about 4h with train from me, and we usually spend the weekends together. but every time i'm going to the train station, i'm hesitating, should i really pay 70€ just to see him for a weekend? i mean, yeah i miss him when i'm not with him, a weekend without him is weird, and i love his kisses. i love the fact that when i'm coming off the train, and i can see his eyes, searching for me with eager, and when he finally sees me he shines up, like a little kid on christmas morning. and even though i kind of feel the same when i see him, there's a bit of me who just wants to die inside, because i know, that this won't last, that it's me who is going to break his heart, just the same way i've done it all those times before. and even though with him it's not the same thing as it was with those other guys.
    oh, i'm sorry, i'm going to stop now, or else i will keep on talking and talking like forever. and you won't even probably read this, but it felt good to tell this to somebody, because i feel i can't talk about this with anyone.
    and if you would happen to see this, could you like just comment fast on my blog from where you are, because that's a thing i've always wanted to know, haha.

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  112. Thanks. I'm 17 and have barely experienced the world and I know that.

    But I think I've half been in love. I don't think you can be in love when it's unreciprocated but I have been - half have been.

    Since I was what? 13, 14. And it's just a crush or just a thing; just a feeling. But when it doesn't go away for 4 years, when you can barely breathe around them yet act like nothing's different because he's a total jack-ass and you don't want to feel anything for him.

    It's a safe place you know, to love someone and not want to love them and know they'll never love you. There's no fear there because you actively work against it going anywhere and there's reassurance that you can love and that you know what love feels like.

    It feels like barely breathing when they walk into a room or nearby. It's when they smile and everything's so much brighter. They lean back or look out the window and you don't watch but your glance sweeps the room and BAM - there's perfection right there.

    I'm not a creepy stalker and I'm fairly sure no one knows how I feel though they once did. It's on and off and I'll get over it. It's actually a nicer feeling - just beng happy someone's alive - than you might expect years of unrequited love to inspire.


    My only fear is that he'll end up at the same school as me, doing the same subject, in the same year. It's more likely than I'd like to think.

    Because if I have to endure three more years of his presence while knowing I'll never be loved back.... bah. I won't have a chance.

    (I will actually)

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  113. I relate to this SO MUCH except for the physical part.. wanting love but not open to love.. that's just the way to put it :)

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  114. you are not alone. i'm almost 21 and i've never had a boyfriend. there are literally no words for the loneliness i feel sometimes, the overwhelming desire to just HAVE someone, to hold me and tell me i'm beautiful and be there for me. my best friend just went through a bad breakup with her fiance so she can sort of understand my loneliness, but i don't know anybody who understands that there has NEVER been a time when i have NOT been lonely. never. it's the hardest part of my life, and i know it will happen when it's meant to be, but i don't understand why for me i was meant to wait so much longer than EVERYONE else. but thanks for letting me know i'm not alone. i wish i could give you some advice, on how to get over the crippling fear, or deal with the sadness and loneliness, but i'm still trying to figure it out myself. i guess all i can say is BE STRONG. learn to love yourself because you are beautiful, and wonderful, and so deserving of love. and one day you will meet the man who knows it too.

    <3

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  115. I never comment on these things but this one I just had to. Don't worry too much about it. I'm also in the same boat 21 never had a boyfriend; never even really had crushes. But as soon as you stop worrying that it might be you and start having fun and looking good for yourself, people notice and you won't be alone for much longer. I'm not ;)

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  116. The third paragraph is about me, seriously.

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  117. I'm 19 this year and i get what you mean. There are guys throughout my life asking me out but none of them were the right one, none of them knew the real me. Hopefully one day we'll all meet the right one. :)

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  118. It's like someone ripped a page from my diary. Comforting to know someone else feels the same..

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  119. it is nice to know that I am not alone... god bless this blog. it is such a comfort to read the posts :)

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  120. Exactly how I feel. Thank you.

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  121. Thanks for the great words, i recognize it!

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  122. i actually feel this same exact way! i have had the hook ups and i have had the "relationships" but never a long loving one with someone i was in love with. i dont think i have ever been "in love" but i desperetaly want to be!
    the thing is i always look for this feeling when im with potential guys and when i dont feel it.. i just assume its not there.

    maybe we should stick it out.. or maybe were better off not lowering our standards. i dont really know. im gonna be 21 in june and im still trying to figure it all out.

    but always have hope that you will find your special someone. i do. somedays it wavers.. but hope is really the only thing we can have right?

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  123. This is so true. I am sitting here crying, I don't want to end up alone! I want a man, children, everything. But how can I possible get all that if I can't even meet someone?
    Thank you so much<3

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  124. Thank you. I've been feeling the same way, in my opinion for way too long. It's hard to get out of this. I want to be able to let go and be free. I want to find someone I truly want to be with. Not settle. But it's hard. I feel hollow.

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  125. You have no idea how much of myself I saw in your testimony. I was about to write something exactly like that, just to throw up all of my frustration, but couldn't find the words to do so. Thank God you found them for me. I'm eighteen years old and watch daily all of my friends meeting their soulmates, or at least someone that could make them feel wanted. I've never had a boyfriend because I never thought I needed one. But right now, I feel so lonely, even though I have a lot of friends. I just wanted to find someone to share all kinds of intimacies, but it's being so difficult... My self esteem is under the ground, I feel ugly and stupid. I have never had the experience of being love by someone, and that's killing me.

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  126. Thank you, just the whole post and all the comments made me feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only one. I really appreciate how this blog allows people to realize that there is nothing wrong with them; and to not lose hope because of it.

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  127. Thank you for this post. I'm 23 years and I've never ever been in a relationship. I met someone four years ago...very briefly but it was the most authentic feeling that I've ever had in my short existence. We are not together he lives in England I don't.

    But I could never bring myself to put myself out there because deep down I know that I have an unresolved love in my life.

    I have decided that I need to move on for the time being...but no-one seems to catch the bait. I'm intelligent, witty, attractive everything that you'd want in a girl but nobody's ever seemed interested. It's extremely disheartening since EVERYBODY seems to be in a relationship but you. But I have to keep strong and trust that God is going to come through for me and when he does, this man will be more than I could have ever asked for.

    My darling, love will come to you when it's right and when it does, believe me you'll know. Because it shatters your core and suddenly love seems tame in comparison to what you feel.

    :)

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  128. "And that's why its hard sometimes to talk to people you know. And why its hard sometimes when your always the one that's alone." This is exactly how I feel most of the time..

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  129. the last time i wrote on this blog was six months ago. I was happy and blessed with all the good things in my life, but there was always that empty spot in my heart that was always vacant. This past August, I turned 21, still with no boyfriend.
    Twenty one years of life without one boyfriend... the thought was slightly saddening, but here I am now...that someone special DID come to me. It is really true how these happenings creep up on you out of nowhere; I would have never seen this coming when I first met this guy way back when last year. Though I am still learning to open up my heart, I'm going to put in every bit of effort I can to be good to him.
    So for those of you who are still searching or waiting, just enjoy the company of friends you love, and soon your special someone will come :]

    XOXO

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  130. To everyone who left a comment here, I know you'll hate me for saying this, but you have to trust in love, in yourself, and the guy. Be patient. It will come.

    I've been single for 23 years of my life and reading this blog post reminded me of the exact pangs of loneliness and inadequacy I went through growing up. I've wondered what was wrong with me, whether I had to change something, whether I was doing something wrong.. I thought I will never be enough and that I should get used to the fact that I will never live up to the expectations put up by romantic movies or love songs or books.

    But you know what? We were doing something wrong after all.. And the guys were doing something wrong too.. I've spent all this time pinning for guys who will never love me... and running away from guys who can..

    But maybe, maybe we just want to run away and have somebody chase us.. We just want to believe that somebody will love us enough and risk their pride to stay even if we run and push them away.

    I've found somebody like this. I've pushed him away too many times. I've made excuses. I've build up my defenses.. But he kept waiting for me patiently.. He told me he will never give me up and that no matter how many times I run, he will always find me.

    It has always been easy leaving guys before, but somehow, I couldn't leave him even before I loved him. I found it hard to hurt somebody who loves me so strongly.

    When people say it happens when you least expect it, it doesn't mean he hasn't been there the whole time.

    I hope some of the girls who posted their thoughts here would find a glimmer of hope. Love is waiting. Be Patient.

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  131. Who are you? Do you have a blog? This is so scary, it's like you read my mind. Those are the exact words I constanly are thinking. I'm 22. I've been in those situations you describe, whit boys I don't care about. And all I want is someone who can understand me and someone I desire. Really scary, where you in my brain? I have a blog, abinitiolove.blogg.se I don't know where you are from. I would love to talk to you. I feel like we have very much in common.

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  132. You represent multi-millions of girls, just like me! I'm 25, and never had a bf. People are always "shocked" when they learn this, and they don't realize that this type of reaction only EXACERBATES my feelings of inferiority/loneliness/emptiness. I hate when people question singles about their status - like we don't antagonize enough about being single in our head that we need others bringing it up and questioning us about it too? I don't think so!

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  133. I am 21 years old.I have never had a boyfriend and i have never benn kissed....I don'tknow very good the english language, so it's difficult for me to describe you how I feel!!But thank God..I'm not alone...

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  134. Gosh, there is a great deal of useful information above!

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  135. I'm 33 and still a virgin. I've tried to meet people but no one has ever loved me back. Or even liked me back. I never even get a date, let alone a relationship. All my friends are now married and have kids. Sometimes two. I have my career but its high stress and I have to go it alone. I've more or less given up this point. I cry myself to sleep at night and it hurts to walk down the street and see people together.

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  136. Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles. Keep up the good work!
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