Monday, March 22, 2010

replacement girlfriend


flickr: helloromantic

So a good guy friend of mine tried to explain to me that guys and girls can't be friends... Which really pissed me off. I tried to brush it off since he has just been dumped. He said, "there are four relationships girls fit into Mother, Sister, Girlfriend and Replacement Girlfriend, guess which one you fit into. I replied that I hoped to fit into the sister but I'm guessing I don't.

Replacement girlfriend. I got really angry at his response. Why? Well in a lot of ways it's true but I had never looked at it in that light. I always looked at it as it was just another asshole guy using me or, sometimes like I was the stepping stone for another relationship some kind of girl version of "good luck chuck." It was painful to come to that realization. There were sad moments when I felt that all guys saw in me was sex maybe now it's just that they see good traits in me but nothing that could solidify me as a girlfriend type. Maybe I'm just another bragging right kind of hook up. It sucks to watch a guy you really cared for in another relationship shortly after whatever you had ended. Always trying to laugh it off thinking, it can't last, he jumped into that one so quickly...then kicking yourself a year or two later when they are still together.

What's worse is that one time when you happen to be at the same party as the two of them. The whole time you try to ignore them and look like you're having the time of your life when you really want to sprint out the door and find a place to shed a few tears. Then the once time you risk a glance he's looking at her in a way he once glanced at you but it's even better than when he glanced at you because there is so much more care in the way he looks at her. Then you stop and think wow...why couldn't that be me yet, at the same time you realize he cares for her so much more than he ever did and a feeling of inadequacy settles in. Makes it hard to hope that it won't be the same story the next time. The next time you talk to a somewhat cute nice guy you find yourself wondering how long he would stick around before disappearing like the rest. Yet somehow I still hope to have a real relationship where I am not just a temporary replacement where I am the real thing that actually matters.

with hope for love,

Leila

34 comments:

  1. Oh hey twin sister!

    I feel exactly how this entire entry describes. I've recently been dumped and it sucks, i'm dreading when it comes time that he moves on for good to another girl and gets all the love i once had only better. Its such a painful experience from the first words of being broken up with until months later when you have to hear about how wonderful his life is.

    And in between all you get are guys that come and go- using you for this and that but never sticking around. It makes you wonder.

    This is straight from a page out of my heart. Thank you.

    With hope for love indeed,

    K.

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  2. Wow. Amazing... and so true.

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  3. i love every single one of your posts. its so rare to find someone that has the same outlook and emotions as you. ive been there with this one especially , practically the story of my life. never stop writing ! your so good at what you do and i love to read them!

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  4. Hi,my dear mirror,

    Same for me..
    except I do not have hope for that type of love.
    big kiss and hugh.

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  5. wow .. it's so true. I feel the same.. it really sucks. I still believe that I'll find someone one day though, I think we all will.

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  6. there's no replacement girlfriend for me, there's not another like you

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  7. leila - your faith in love is so beautiful and I would just like to bless you with the knowledge that you will find that special someone. who deserves you. who looks at you and sees you - for who you are and your Being.
    thanks for such a beautiful post.

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  8. I like what you have written, it's so true.

    I was looking for things and I found your blog. I hope you don't mind my comment.

    ^^

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  9. i'm in the same shit right know. it sucks and i'm afraid it's always going to be like that...

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  10. Rings true for me as well. Big hug.

    Amanda

    http://forgiveme-imblowingyourmind.blogspot.com/

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  11. Oh man, this reads like my old journal. Every single part of it.

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  12. i was a replacement girlfriend for 3 years. i spent the most part of my relationship wanting to be THE girlfriend he always went back to whenever he realised we wouldnt work.

    i left and never turned back. and he finally realised you cant replace the replacement.even if you take her for granted.

    i cant promise a happy ending but i found mine. you just have to stop wanting it.

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  13. This made me so sad, because I am gonna die when the day comes that I have to see my ex with someone else. I'd rather not see that happening, ever.

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  14. Yeah, the friendship thing between a girl and a guy is just a segway into or out of a relationship and it urks me that such a relationship has to exist on such shaky ground.

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  15. i can tell you for sure this is not always true, and any guy who makes you feel like this is a jerk. i've had a few close guy friends for years and it doesnt affect my boyfriends or their girlfriends.

    you just have to find real guys that know how to handle a girl as a friend. all others need to grow up. don't worry it's not youuu!! :)

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  16. this is making me wonder who I am since I have been dateless for years. and it's making me even more depressed.

    but, ... on a lighter note.. this does make me wonder if we do have "replacement boyfriends." I think so!

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  17. this works both ways, for sure. sort of like the "right guy" vs the "right now guy". keep your head up. he wasn't right for you anyway...just someone to pass the time with until the right one comes along!

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  18. how it will go next time:


    He said, "There are four relationships girls fit into: Mother, Sister, Girlfriend and Replacement Girlfriend. Guess which one you are."
    I walked over to where he was sitting in his desk chair, giving a sly glance towards the spacious hardwood floor behind him.
    I stopped in front of him. I think he thought he was about to get a BJ, because guys really are that dumb and always still expect to get a spontaneous BJ after a comment like that.
    I bent down slowly, seductively, resting my hands on his knees, but only for a short rest before i slipped them lower, underneath his chair, and quickly shot up. He tumbled backwards, hard.
    "I'm not a replacement anything."
    I walked out and got myself a banana cranberry nut muffin and a coffee at the corner store. It was delicious.

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  19. i've been in this exact situation before. and somehow, for me, it went both ways.

    and it has ruined a perfectly wonderful friendship, because even though we can laugh and enjoy each other's company, it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. i want to hug this person. and then punch them in a face. and then have a good laugh, but it wouldn't really be enough. it's one of those situations where nothing is ever going to ACTUALLY be enough. because you sort of hate them a little.

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  20. oh man, thanks so much for posting...haha this has happened to me three times already. I'm never the replacement but I'm always watching the ex with his new girl, expecting her to just be a rebound and then they're together for the longest time.

    It's very frustrating...
    thanks so much for posting!
    -K

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  21. ha Madeline I know exactly what you mean..in fact. I just completely cut off that friend. cuz hating them a little was enough to cut it off..since I couldn't have what I really wanted anyway, and he was a jerk besides...

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  22. pretty true.. how come I am always that replacement girlfriend? I wonder if I deserve to get nth, but this..

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  23. wow..that took me back a few years to the worst time of my life.. sadness.. very well depicted though... nice post.

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  24. i've always wanted to send a page out of my diary..

    1 year and a half's work of writing consist of me being 'good luck chuck'.

    when i read your post, i could relate to it.. i re read my dairy pages. breaks my heart that there are others out there who's going through/ went through what i am going through.

    and i wonder too, for how long the next guy will be sticking around for. sigh.

    bear hugs and sloppy kisses,
    nikki.

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  25. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. *hugs*

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  26. this is one of the best posts i've ever been through. i can relate to your feelings cos i used to be like that myself as a replacement to some jerks. be strong.

    ANDWHATELSEISTHERE

    SHOP

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  27. I'm sure there's a VERY descent guy who will perfectly fit you and be permanently by your side. Good luck, Leila :)

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  28. i thought i was a replacement... looks like its common...

    hmmmm i knew this guy for 2 months.. he stole my heart.. then his ex come back... and i had done my job as a replacement....

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  29. Wow. Just, wow. This is me. I am 27, and reading this made me realize I am a replacement girlfriend. As for the last sentence in this, you will, and hopefully I will too.

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  30. The last two paragraphs, I know how this feels as it's just happened to me. I've always just been the replacement girlfriend. I'm hoping one day that will change

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  31. Yes it is partly true, it is very hard to guy and girl to be just friends, unless both of them already dating someone.

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  32. Thanks a lot for your advice guys, it helped me a lot, I went to www.saveabreakup.com and followed their step by step instructions and it worked perfectly, now me and my girlfriend are back together.

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  33. I was able to get my ex back after I followed the instructions at www.saveabreakup.com I totally recommend this site, saveabreakup.com helped me a lot, all I can say is big THANKS!!! I'm so happy now...

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  34. To my mind one and all must browse on it.

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