Monday, March 22, 2010

replacement girlfriend

flickr: helloromantic

So a good guy friend of mine tried to explain to me that guys and girls can't be friends... Which really pissed me off. I tried to brush it off since he has just been dumped. He said, "there are four relationships girls fit into Mother, Sister, Girlfriend and Replacement Girlfriend, guess which one you fit into. I replied that I hoped to fit into the sister but I'm guessing I don't.

Replacement girlfriend. I got really angry at his response. Why? Well in a lot of ways it's true but I had never looked at it in that light. I always looked at it as it was just another asshole guy using me or, sometimes like I was the stepping stone for another relationship some kind of girl version of "good luck chuck." It was painful to come to that realization. There were sad moments when I felt that all guys saw in me was sex maybe now it's just that they see good traits in me but nothing that could solidify me as a girlfriend type. Maybe I'm just another bragging right kind of hook up. It sucks to watch a guy you really cared for in another relationship shortly after whatever you had ended. Always trying to laugh it off thinking, it can't last, he jumped into that one so quickly...then kicking yourself a year or two later when they are still together.

What's worse is that one time when you happen to be at the same party as the two of them. The whole time you try to ignore them and look like you're having the time of your life when you really want to sprint out the door and find a place to shed a few tears. Then the once time you risk a glance he's looking at her in a way he once glanced at you but it's even better than when he glanced at you because there is so much more care in the way he looks at her. Then you stop and think wow...why couldn't that be me yet, at the same time you realize he cares for her so much more than he ever did and a feeling of inadequacy settles in. Makes it hard to hope that it won't be the same story the next time. The next time you talk to a somewhat cute nice guy you find yourself wondering how long he would stick around before disappearing like the rest. Yet somehow I still hope to have a real relationship where I am not just a temporary replacement where I am the real thing that actually matters.

with hope for love,

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