Monday, March 15, 2010

it feels like it's over


frankie magazine

I've been reading this blog for a while, but no one ever writes about the kind of love im feeling right now. I may recognize myself in other peoples stories, at least the old me. But this is me now, and this is how I feel.

Maybe some of you do too:

It’s been over a year since we broke up. But I can’t stop thinking about him. Everyone around me have stopped asking about him, and no one ever talks about him anymore.

So I’m basically doing everything to make some one mention him so I can talk about him. Today I’ve realized that I’m forgetting.

Forgetting him, how he smells, the touch of his hands. I’m forgetting the feeling when he kisses me, and holds me tight. I have started to forget about us.

That’s why I try to think about him before I fall asleep, so I can dream about him, because that makes him closer. It’s patethic, He’s over me, and I’m not even 17 yet, my life haven’t started.

But it feels like it’s over without him.

-n c k

73 comments:

  1. me too ..
    this is lovely..
    http://sunshinydaymiss-jean.blogspot.com/

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  2. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. thank you for posting this.
    he's moved on, i wish i could. i have a great guy who likes me and i can't help but think about my ex every time when we're together.

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  3. I was you. At your age. JUST like you. That was 3 years ago and I'm over him now..... but it will never completely go away. We're friends now, and when I see him I occasionally still wish he would kiss me. And I'm glad, because I always want to have part of a memory of the way he used to make me feel. You WILL get over him, and you're on your way, but he will always be a part of you. And you should always be thankful for that because what y'all had was beautiful.

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  4. I've been waiting for someone to post a blog like this.
    I'm in that position right now, and I hate that I'm starting to forget, it scares me, because I'm losing him, and losing him.. I dont even want to begin how that feels to me.

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  5. I have also been this person, felt like I wouldn't ever be able to feel complete ever again. I still have a rocky relationship with that boy but I have found love again and that earlier part of my life doesn't hurt me so much anymore. It will happen for you, too. You have so much of your amazing lifetime still ahead of you, even if now it doesn't seem like it. I promise.

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  6. man, i feel like this too. we were together nearly 2 years ago but werent offically "together". i always said no; i was scared. i wish i could go back and i wish i could move on. i dont know which path i should take.

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  7. babe, you're not alone.
    right there with you..

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  8. hi babe, my situation's the same as yours... its not a year but six long years... He's always gonna be a part of you and a part of your memory so no matter what you gotta move on.. Its already a blessing to have him as a part of your life.. no metter how small or short that part may be :) stay strong :)

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  9. Although I know it is unhealthy to drag out a breakup like the one I had I did everything in my power, even when I told my friends I hated it, to mention or think of him.

    I don't want to forget him either.

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  10. Me too, but he's one of my closest friends.
    It just makes everything more difficult, really.
    I'm constantly reminded of what we had together.
    Even when I'm sleeping.
    I think I would rather forget.

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  11. I feel you. I am still secretly wishing he'd see the potential in both of us one day. I really really wish I could make him see. It's all I'd ever wanted.

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  12. Forgetting is always hard, regardless if it's your first love, your best friend, a certain feeling or a special moment. Forgetting is to let go, and that's what scares us. We don't want to let go, we wan't to hold on. But sometimes it's better to forget and make yourself ready for a new love, a new best friend, a new feeling and a new moment. If we're walking wiht closed eyes we're gonna miss out on everything. And we don't wanna do that right? Sometimes the best thing and the hardest thing are the same...

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  13. Forgetting is actually quite easy - if you wish to forgot. Problem with most of us is that we don't want to forget. I broke up with my first love YEARS ago, but he still creeps around in my thoughts as if we were together yesterday. It's nice - because it doesn't hurt anymore.

    Don't worry my dear, it sometimes takes a long time for it to happen, but one day it WILL stop hurting when you think of him. And you may have forgotten the particular way he smelt, felt, but doesn't make the love any less real.


    goodnightcathe2ine.blogspot.com

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  14. A year ago i could have said that that is my story. Now I have found someone new to love. I'll promise to you that you too will find someone who holds your hand and makes you forget the person in this story.

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  15. I have felt this at the end of every relationship. This same dread when I know we will not work. The same length of time pondering over them disproportionate to the time I spent with them. Sometimes I just don't want to love because of it.

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  16. Thank you for posting this!
    Now I know I'm not the only one feeling like this.

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  17. i feel like that sometimes and it can be really scray

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  18. my life, two years later.
    tried to fix it,
    but it still hurts

    every
    single
    day.

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  19. Sometimes forget is a good thing...

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  20. sounds like my own thoughts.
    love your blog. i`ll keep in touch.

    http://www.myriel-allein-zuhaus.blogspot.com/

    xxx myriel

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  21. it was almost as i was reading my own story. he broke up with me, he is completely over and i still think about him all the time. i still have this feeling that it's not the end for us, that there is something there. but i know so well this isn't true and that i will never feel him kiss me again.
    and instead of forgetting i keep remembering new stuff. my only wish is to forget.
    xx

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  22. Everyone has a love like this. You never forget them. But you should try, because they have forgot you. I know that hurts to hear but it will hurt more later. Don't let someone take over your dreams, he doesn't deserve it.

    -Jane

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  23. Should you not be able to compare if the relationship didn't last that long? That it was only a short period of time?

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  24. same feelings here..
    Such a sad and lovely story

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  25. We only dated 8 months and its been two years since and I still can't get him off my mind.

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  26. how difficult it is to get over and forget someone you love! me too, i'm still living in the past

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  27. Wow, I am in the same situation... It's absolutely awful. Weve been together on and off for five years.. 9 months ago it sort of ended but not completely.. He's my best friend in the entire world and I love him so much I'd do anything but he says he wants to be with me in the future and not now. Does anyone know what it's like to feel so much for someone and lose them as that person but they're still fully in your life? He says he doesn't see other ppl because when we r together we always kiss and hook up because that connection is still there, we can't help it but he refuses to realize it and doesn't want to be with me. I live life everyday thinking about him, worrying, wondering, crying... I can't let it go because he is my everything but waiting is ruining me.

    Glad to know someone feels the same way... I'm sure we will figure out a way to overcome it eventually babe, just not anytime soon.

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  28. i guess you're not alone in this. i'm a guy who broke up with the girl of his dreams a good 8 months back, a week after my birthday. yet, i still have thoughts of her still in me. everything reminds me of her.

    she's already with another guy by the way. we were together close to 8 years...

    do i break down or move on?

    be strong. you're still young with a long lease of life ahead of you. take it in your stride...

    http://roszaimy.wordpress.com

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  29. we've been together 3 years, its just 3 month since she felt for another guy,i wish i could forget her , i envy your position, at least when you start to forget, you start to heal..
    i want to forget so badly because now the world seems useless to me.

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  30. you're not alone. i still feel the same way. although i'm 30 and we've been broken up for 4 years. i know i'm always going to think of him because he was a first for many things for me. and i know that he thinks of me too. each person is different that is why we keep these feels, because you can't feel the same way about a different person. the feelings might be comparable, but when you truly think about they are different.

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  31. i know exactly how you feel. i feel the same, in a way i WANT to not get over him and to think of him even though i get sad when i do..

    ..i started to write my story after that, but suddenly i realised a) nobody really care and b) i want to talk and write about it (us) so badly i write my story as a comment to someones post..

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  32. I just want you to know I think you are beautiful and I have no idea who you are. Stay strong, you are so young and believe me, I know it hurts like HELL no matter how old you are. I just got out of a 4 year relationship with my best friend and someone I was madly in love with that cheated on me..and it does get better. Believe me sweet girl. I am praying for you.

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  33. i go to bed very early just to close my eyes and remember him too.

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  34. The people who say it will never completely go away are so right. I've been there too. A part of my life is missing! My life will never be the same and he's the reason I build walls. I hope some day someone will break down the wall. :)

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  35. I know how you feel.. i thought it was the one for me. and i really still belive that but... things happend. and kinda most because he lives in sweeden and im in norway..

    But im still thinking of him. and even though im forgetting a little every day, i cant stop thinking what if it still were us... why did it end this way?... i still like you.. and stuff like that. i still think about all the good times.. and feel so lonley.. but its life.. maybe its a good thing to feel on this feeling sometimes.

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  36. thanks for all the comments, i got so glad when i saw that im not the only one, your words were so warming, and i felt like i'll get out of this some dag. Your comments made me cry, youre wonderful


    /the writer of this post

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  37. I LOVED this! I can see myself in this. Love is so painful, yet the sweetest thing on earth - 'til it stops. Much love to you! <3

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  38. I feel exactely the same!
    I had known him forever but I never thought I would fall for him at 15 as I did at the age of 10. I was young, stupid and SO scared of falling in love again.. I screwed it up, we were just starting to go out but I cheated on him.
    I swear I did everything to get him back. He keeps appearing every now and then.. a message, a phone call. He knows I never got over him.
    I don't know anymore neither what I feel , if this is love or just a bad obsession, nor what he feels. I can see from the look on his face though, that he feels something when we meet.
    Oh god I do love him! I'm sure now. He's the one.

    (sorry for my terrible english)

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  39. There are way too many amazing people on this planet to waste time thinking about the one who doesn't want you.

    I know that sounds callous, but I wish I'd learned that when I was 17.

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  40. Oh that's ever so sad, I do hope you cheer up. Life will get oh so much better and you'll meet someone perfect for you.

    iliketweet.blogspot

    x

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  41. Why's every single post the story of my frickin life?

    I love Le Love & Its posters.
    <3

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  42. Here is my story. I knew this guy for over 10 years and started going out last year and we officially broke up 3 weeks ago. he told me "we shouldnt continue our friendship" - and now every minute is killing me.

    So in return I wrote him an email telling him to forget - to forget the things that shouldnt have happened, the times it was just us, the times I opened myself to him,the passion, the moments and forget how i felt about him.

    I think I told him to forget because I know this time it's really the end. Everything reminds me of him. Everyday reminds me of him.

    I dont know whether I can love again. the same intensity. the same kind of passion. the same feelings if not stronger. But i'm glad - I was once in love - that's what matters.

    So be strong - we all went there somehow. Live life the fullest and remembered once you were deeply in love. x

    AP

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  43. I can't tell you how true this is for me. We dated for three years and its been a little less then a year since we stopped dating. I still try and find reasons to talk to him or about him. For some reason I just don't want to forget him...ever. All of my memories from high school were him. Our families were best friends even my sister and his brother dated. Needless to say it didn't end on a good note but still to this day there is not a day that passes that I don't think about him

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  44. You starting to forget him is a sign that you need to move on. Life's waiting for you.

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  45. i feel the same way. i think about him before i go to sleep to dream about him, only way hes a part of my life these days..

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  46. you're not alone girl, i'm right there with you. in the sense that moving on seems so huge, almost impossible. But it's not. i promise you, it's not. we'll get there <3

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  47. you will get over him eventually, it happens when you least expect it. i've been where you are, and learnt so much from it. bisous xx

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  48. i have this exact feeling... :/ sucks so much, i dont know what to do anymore

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  49. Whatever you do,don't waste the rest of your teens thinking he's the highest person out there. At 21; I can say; I spent far too much time obessing over one man I thought would 'love me until the end of time'; without realising the more I thought about him; the more of a distraction it caused me from the real world...

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  50. im the same age as you and completely in the same position. i was with him for three years and i dont know anything different. we broke up about 9 months ago and the 'breakup' hadnt hit me until about last month. now i am stuck, im thinking about him constantly. i left him because i had to not beucase i wanted to now all i want is him. we still see eachother everu month but i know its not the same for him but i need him.

    i feel the same as. thank you its like you wrote from my heart as well

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  51. i had my first love at your age. the feeling was soo strong, i thought he was the One and we would get married.

    for nearly a year, it was bliss. then life happened and we broke up. he moved on, but i didnt.

    days became weeks, weeks became months and months became years. unknowingly, i began to forget him.

    im 22 now and have had several relationships. but in none of them could i find the strength of the feelings i used to have.

    sometimes when i see something that reminds me of him, i have a powerful flashback. suddenly i can remember exactly how the vein on his arm felt when i held his arm as we walked. how i used to hold his face in my hands as i sat in his lap.

    he'll always be my first, but i know my true love exists. one day, all this and more will be mine.

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  52. I understand you perfectly, I felt the same for a long time, and I still do. I had this relationship for 7 years, he was the love of my life, but it didn´t work out. I broke up with him because it got to a point that it wasn´t good for me anymore, but I still miss him. I still think of him... it´s been 9 years, I´m in another relationship that it´s very powerful and completely different, and I love my partner very much, he is the love of my life as well but at the same time... I never forgot him, I still think of him, still miss him and still love him and I think I always will. Doesn´t matter what happens. Now I don´t suffer, I treasure all that, because it´s part oh who I am and the life I´m living. The thing is, just carry on! You will have an amazing life!

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  53. This makes me so scared. My boyfriend and I just broke up after 3 long years, everything around me has something to do with him. It hurts me to see it every day but i'm scared for the day it's no longer there. All i want is him. And he says he still loves me but we just can't be togheter, wich makes it all so much worse.

    How do i fix this pain that stops me from breathing, eating, sleeping, working, even being, me?

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  54. you are living my life .
    it gets better when you least expect it, i promise you that . if that is the only ray of sunshine you can see in this whole situation, then so be it . i just know that in the worst possible moment, when you feel like you couldn't be any lower than you are now, and you smell the cologne he wore when you see it at the drug store just to remember him ... something will change and life will be beautiful and new and fresh and exciting . just hang on for dear life, because it's so easy to lose yourself .

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  55. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  56. I just want to say thank you for taking time to tell me your stories. My friends are so over this since i refuse to do anything and i guess, are getting nasty and just whiny. I don't want to see them because it hurts to much being normal but just without him, but i want to know people care, so thank you. one of these days i will get out of bed, and become me again.

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  57. i dont want to forget him...
    i miss all those things. his smell. his hugs. his kisses. his voice.

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  58. Im in the exact same position as you
    im 16, me and him have been over for almost a year and for some reason I seem to not be ready to forget. Yes during the day I dont think about him and i forget what we used to be like, but at night, when im alone, it still seems like im with him, like everything is okay. and its shit cause i know i shouldnt feel like this and he feels nothing towards me but that makes me not want to forget. it makes me remeber all the laughs, the late night talks and everything that won't let me erase him from my life

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  59. this story fits perfectly to how I feel. you wonder if you can ever move on and if your happiness will be restored. you don't want to forget the memories but it hurts so much to think about. sometimes i wish that i felt nothing because the sadness is so unbearable. we will love again, it just takes time.

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  60. I felt just like you did. I was in your position almost 5 years ago. I can tell you that it will eventually fade. You will eventually stop loving him so intensely, youll stop wanting him, youll stop being lonely without him. You will love someone else eventually. Believe me, when I was where you are now I thought I would never get over him, I didnt even want to get over him. But it happens. Now, 5 years later, I'm living with someone else who I love deeply.

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  61. OMG I HAD THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME THE SAME EXACTLY THING THIS GUY I REALLY LYKED ME N HIM WOULD BE ON AND OFF BUT I LOVED HIM AND HE WOULD TELL ME HE LOVES ME N THEN WE BROKE UP WE WERE TOGETHER ON 6.18.08 HE WAS ON MY MIND ALL THE TYME WE BROKE UP N AGA1N ON 10.6.08 N 1.3.09 N 9.25.09 WAS THE LAST TYME 1 FYNALLY GOT H1M OUT OF MY HEAD BUT 1T WAS HARD ON 9.25.09 HE DEC1DED 2 TALK 2 ME BUT THEN 1 REAL1ZD HE A1NT WORTH 1T KUZ 1 FOUND OUT HE WAS TALK1N 2 TH1S OTHER GURL N 1 WAS GUNA NOT GET PLAYED LYKE A FOOL SO 1 LET H1M GOOOO

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  62. i've been through kind of the same, except over a good friend i think... i might have been quite badly in love with. after a year or two of hopeless efforts to keep the tiny fragments of memory intact, i realised.

    let go.

    so i let go. i removed the daily occurrences of things that kept my memory alive. i tried not to relive any moment with her for a period.

    i didn't know back then how long that period would be.

    but it turned out i was free only a month or two later. how easy wasn't that.

    of course i still think she is beautiful. and i remember how it felt doing all the things we done. but it's more like remembering a picture you once saw. and remembering a book you once read.

    i've abstracted myself away from the scene. i'm in the audience. i'm learning from the performance. and becoming a better actor myself.

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  63. Patiently WaitingApril 15, 2010 at 2:08 AM

    I was 15 when I met him 17 when he broke up with me. 3 years and going, I still miss him. It's never ending. Seeing him as a friend is even worse, but it's better then nothing at all. And him being my only weakness, I can't ever say no. Unfortunetly.

    I can't for the day I'm over him because it affects every facet of my life.

    Waiting.

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  64. This is like..so close to my situation. My earlier one.. now -it`s all.. messed up...and.. He`s even my best friend. And he don`t know that I really..in some kind of side, Love him. I love to be with him.. But today..I felt jealousy.
    But anyway- Abut that other situation.. Now- I`m single for 3years from that relationship. Our first broke up was friendly.. But the second one (Yes, it was a second one.. ) we ended up.. disgustingly.. And I could thank only.. I don`t know who, that I didn`t tell him That I Loved Him.. But.. I loved him for 1year after, I think.. And his lips, his hands & his voice was coming to me every night..all that time..

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  65. this is totally amazing because, for the first time, I somehow feel joy about being without him. I finally feel free and I have learned to cherish everything else but boys.
    It's been about a year now, he has got himself a new girlfriend and now I've finally realized that I'm happy for him. I've realized that I can find something even better than that, something that makes me even more happy than him. Although he was my first love, he'll probably be the love that learned me the most valuable things ever. He learned me to love. I love to love, but first I have got to find someone worth loving.

    - MQ
    (any contact wanted, you can follow me on twitter: mmmmmedina)

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  66. this is what im going through at the moment. its a really good post, i figured out myself now too. and what i was trying to tell my friends, but just didnt have the right words.

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  67. Well my situation is very much like this...for the most part. I am a gay guy. Pretty much the exception. So I knew this guy at work for about 6 months. I knew he would be trouble for me the first time I saw him. So over that period of time of interraction and very cauy flirting, I finally told him I was gay and that I liked him. He admitted he was too, responded well to it actually for a short while. But somewhere in the time that I could transfer to another business so we could actually be legit, his heart changed and he made it clear that he had a girlfriend.He said he never realized I liked him. Denied it all. I guess I didn't know how deep I really felt for him until I left. That was two months ago and I still reminisce on the dumbest little things. I have never felt this way in 21 years. What really hurts is that he didn't change his mind because of something I did or could control. Fear of the unknown is what it's chalked down to. I wake up thinking about him. I find the more tired I am the worse it gets. I can't tell why my heart is hurting...missing him, or the fact that I know he is living a lie? Well something does tell me it's not over. I believe when two souls collide, it is truly never over. And believe me, I don't leave much of this to the physical world. The way things unfolded initally. I don't know it is a looong story. But I miss him. I would actually love to forget him though. If I could.The crazy part in all of it is I only knew him based off seeing him at work and on occasion outside of work. Minor interractions most times too. And I know he had to like me alot at one point. You don't just come out to anybody. I could read him pretty well too. But for it to hurt this deep? I am very grateful he changed his mind before I knew him personally. If I felt this based off that, I may have been insane at the point if he changed his mind after a few weeks of hanging out. At least it was onlt the tip of the iceberg. I am sorry that my story doesn't compare to most on here. I am sorry for those who had serious relationships. I couldn't stand the pain of that surely. But it is nice to know I am not alone in this...:)

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  68. made me cry :( this is exactly how i feel right now

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  69. auch your story touched me...

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  70. I know how you feel. I ended it with my ex almost two years ago. I still think about her everyday. Don't worry though, it's not pathetic. We loved someone more than we thought we could and it almost ended us. But we are still here. Lol thinking about them. I won't say it gets easier but you do, luckily, get busier. Fortunately, I am curious about you and him. If you want I'll talk to you about him. Obviously I don't know him but if you just want to say what you feel I'll listen. I could benefit from a similar experience. I myself waited a long time to fall in love I thought I was luck when I found her. But she was too damaged too accept my kindness. I don't mind though, I was able to help her discover so many things she missed in life. All in all I'm happy it ended the way it did. As painful as it may be, she was able to think for herself around me, for once in her life. Well I hope you write. Tah for now

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