Sunday, March 21, 2010

i'm here


sequin.magazine

I wanted to be the one who was different.

Is there a girl who's known you who has not fallen for you? You're the epitome of the word "heartbreaker." Everything about you draws us in, until finally we're head-over-heels in love with you and - bang! - we realize it's never going to happen. How many girls have been suffering along with me this past year? Laying in their beds in the middle of the night, thinking about you, wondering if whatever little moment they had shared with you that day really meant something, praying you'd talk to them on Facebook. You've made pathetic fools out of all of us.

My little moments that I perceived as tenderness, as respect - when you made me dessert, when you tried to convince me to come with the words "I'll be there," when you cleaned up my dishes for me and when you called me smart - I remember every single one of them. You're not a naturally affirming person, so I took those as, from you, the ultimate compliments. Especially when you said I fit in with your friends. I know how much they mean to you. Even now, looking back, I can't persuade myself that those things meant nothing. Those are the things that make my heart hurt the most because they're the things that kept me going for so long.

But I was wrong. You don't truly respect me. I don't know if you even truly respect anybody in this world. You said it all last night, whether you know it or not. Your face when I walked up, when I smiled at you. You were talking to someone else, but you looked over, and it was like you were looking at a stranger. You don't even respect me enough to smile at me or say hello. If you knew how much effort that smile took, how many months it took me to get to the place where I could smile at you, maybe you would have at least acknowledged that I had entered the area.

Part of me wants to believe that you do like me, that you're scared. But I have never been as scared of anything in my whole life as I am of you. Because I wanted you to want me and I knew I wasn't good enough. If you only knew what I have done in the face of my fear. I literally befriended an entirely new group of people for the sole purpose of growing closer to you. For that reason, I don't regret any of the time I spent on you, because of all the things trying to put myself into your life brought into mine. You motivated me to become a better person in every way. But judging by the effort you've expended compared to the effort I expended, I don't even mean half as much to you as you do to me. Or you would try. You would overcome your fear like I overcame mine.

I'll never forget when she told me that you texted her all night. That was the night you left. That was the night I was at your house all night. And every second I was wishing you were there. And you couldn't even come say hello to me. Or goodbye. And yet you were texting her up until the very end.

I wanted to be the one who was different. The one for whom it was more than a crush. The one you chose in the end. Instead I'm the one who got my heart broken every day for the longest time. And in the end, I'm the same as everyone else. In the end, I didn't get you. And yet, unlike all the others, you can't even extend me the courtesy of being my friend.

And yet I didn't give up on you because you're difficult, like everyone else did. Your difficultness is one of the things I like best about you. It's just that I can't do much else. I can continue to try to conquer my fear, be your friend, gain your respect. In the end, that's all I really wanted, because I respect you more than anyone, and if you don't respect me, what does that say about me? But at some point, you have to show me that you care about me too. I'm done with crying on the way home from every day we spend together.

I try to tell myself that it's your loss, and it is. But it's my loss too. I've never believed that I had nothing to lose, because even though I didn't have you, I truly believed I had our future together. I never wanted to lose that. But I think I have. And you have too.

I'm the only person who thinks it's hilarious how rude you are, because I know you don't mean it. I'm the only person who never, ever gets sick of you. It's not that I was willing to be a doormat and put up with your crap. It's that I loved all of you, even the parts everyone else hated, and I could see through them to what you really are. So I'm sorry I don't have the magical combination of qualities it takes to make a girl worth it to you. I hope when you find one who does, she accepts you as much as I do. Until further notice, I'm here if you decide to shape up. But I'm done with living my life making you the number-one priority when you barely even consider me an option.

74 comments:

  1. i dont understand.. why love have to be so difficult .. why trying to convince someone that you two are perfect together is so damn hard.. i wish you all the best i wish you get to see him return to you with open arms.. and if that day never comes.. i wish someone better comes along and mend your broken heart
    with love
    x

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  2. I understand this, I've been there, it hurts.

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  3. to anonymous,
    you shouldnt even have to convince the other person that youd be perfect together. if you two were meant to be together, he'd know.

    a reply to the post,
    i think youre fooling yourself. stop selling yourself short. ive been that girl. and you need to do yourself a favour and move on. you need to know that he isnt the one. the things he said, the things he did, the way he made you feel. it mightve been real in the moment but if he doesnt care about it now, then it probably means that it meant more to you than it did to him. youre probably thinking hes running scared because hes afraid of what could happen. what might happen. between the both of you. too much of a good thing, cant be good right? but youre wrong. hes running because he doesnt feel the same way.

    you deserve better. so just take it for what it was and get over it. easier said than done? trust me, it's a working progress. id know.

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  4. I feel like I can relate with how you accepted him for everything that he was even when he was rude and you just accepted all of him. And that he didn't make you a priority. I'm kind of in that situation right now. I want this boy, who half of the time is a dick to me but it's kind of a mutual thing, i guess it's "how we show affection" but i don't know. There's always that one guy..

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  5. I feel this. so much. The one i love is the ultimate heartbreaker too. I don't even know if i love him or hate him sometimes.
    Yet I found out that he's leaving the country in a few weeks and now I can't stop thinking about him even more. We've been together, but haven't had a conversation in maybe a year. I want to tell him I loved him the whole time. I know it's useless. I don't know what to do actually :-|

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  6. Ok I completely understand your concept and situation since I am one who has been in this situation like so many others. However in the center of my heart I can't stop but feel like if a guy loves you and can't breathe without you he won't. He'll do everything to have you regardless of the situation. He will passionateLy put you before life. Therefore it is this very feeling that you should come to realization that he did not do this for you. Instead you were probably convenient for the time being and one day he might wake and realize that he royally f*cked up.

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  7. Been there, done that. Took me three years to get over him, to see that there were no magical qualities hidden inside him. Now I only feel sorry for his inability to understand how he makes others feel. You will get over it, eventually.

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  8. this felt as a deep cur through all of my veins. lying here, blood pulsating down my skin mixing my salty tears. he. it hurts like this every time i think of him, every time he smiles at me, every time he ignores me or i just get a quick glimps of him. he doesn't only steals my breath, thoughts and emotional control, he steals my hope for the future too. it fucking sucks.

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  9. I've been there too, more than once. I've been there twice. It's hard, and I haven't come over them yet. It will take time. But the one thing that keeps me going, even though I don't have much hope left, is the part where I know that there are guys who can put you as the main thing in his life. That's what I've been looking for, and still I am looking for it. Bur if I give up, I'll never find that guy.
    So to you, never ever give up. Come over it, even if it's hard. And always keep in mind, that feeling of having a guy who really loves you.

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  10. I think we all been there ore will be there, in the same situation..

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  11. I know exactly that feeling, I'm in that situation right now to be honest. I give him everything, everything. Talk with him for hours, ask him what's wrong when I see him down, smile at him, hang out with him but he never give me anything back. He answear when I talk with him, smiles when I smile at him, give me advice when I tell him about how I feel when I'm down and say yes when I ask him about hanging out. But it always have to be me that make the first move. He say's that he loves me as a friend(yeah, I love him as a friend too so my situation isn't exactly the same as yours but very similar). I'm not saying that he should devote his whole life for me, because that's not even close for what I'm askig for. I'm asking him to send me a text once in a while and just ask me 'what's up' and how things are going or just a simple 'hi'. But he doesn't and each time I get so dissapointed. He does say that he care but he never shows it. Sometimes it feels as if he doesn't care about me at all. I'm not even sure that he would notice if I dissapeard. Sad but that's how I feel. But I don't know, this may sound a bit weak but it's different in reality, just hard to describe. It isn't easy to put down feelings in words so I'm impressed by what you wrote. Hope it get's better for you and every girl or boy that have gone through that or still are, including me.

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  12. agree with that course du cœur. you definitely do deserve a better one

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  13. It is not worth to love someone that doesn't consider you. This is something else but not love...I know it hurts..Move on!

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  14. omg, this. yes. thousands of girls - "So I'm sorry I don't have the magical combination of qualities it takes to make a girl worth it to you."
    thank you for writing this.

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  15. dont wait. Run. Live your life. Love is meant to empower you, make you feel stronger. He's just tearing you down.

    open your eyes, look up to the sky and take a deep breath. and move on. because there's just so much more out there thats waiting for you.

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  16. This is so well written, and you managed to cover all the areas I myself have felt before.

    I'm not going to make any promises, but I've found when you stop looking so hard for something, you find it. Try to focus less on love or romantic issues, and then someone might come along and surprise you.
    It happened to me, after my own heartbreaker.

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  17. I read this just as I was feeling one of those "I hope you talk to me today" or "I hope we run into each other" moments. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone.

    One of the previous comments was right: We both deserve better.

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  18. i lovee your photos, you write things that most of the people can understan becus she has feel it! I follow you!

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  19. This is so sad, I'm sorry to whoever this happened to.

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  20. Its quite interesting you wrote "I wanted to be different", because actually hes the one whos not different. Hes like all the other crap moving out there and you should look out for someone really, truly special instead of falling for someone whos like everybody else in a million. What says that about yourself??? Ask yourself that. Youve been falling for someone really bad. A really bad person. If he wasnt, he wouldve treaten you better. Respectful, as you wrote. Stuck up to yourself and be a GOOD person who falls for someone special - just because youre special. As long as you dont you are NOT. And you are not different. You CANT be, because youve fallen for him. Think about it.

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  21. Like reading about my own life! I got over it, but it was exactly the same to me once!

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  22. So beautifully heart-breaking. I feel your pain. And I think llike some of the others here, that you need to move on. You deserve better. He's the one who's not good enough.

    Stay strong.

    Love,
    Sara.

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  23. It hurts. Hurts so much. Its tough to hate because you love. Its hard to accept he won't change and its agonizing to think that he would rather be with so many other women, than with me.
    I understand you and I'm actually facing the same "heartbreak", but I still prefer to believe that its his loss and I have to love myself everyday more! He is a temptation, but what I want from him, he can't (or won't) give me:love and respect.

    "to love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance" oscar wilde.

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  24. thank you for making me feel like i'm not alone. you're not alone too. life is never ever what you expect. love is even more unpredictable. someone like him is just incapable of seeing what is right next to him. someone like him, who is not even merely respectful does not deserve your tears. i understand you. it really is agonizing.

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  25. You are not alone. I think each and every one of us have been where you are at one point - giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, trying to rationalize with ourselves over the other's behaviour and actions until we drive ourselves crazy. Four words of advice: let go & move on. One day you'll look back and be able to smile about the boy who let you get away.

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  26. Give up. I wasted almost three years on someone who could honestly be the same guy you're talking about. once you let go, and realize that he IS selfish, and doesn't care about anyone but himself, live will get so much easier

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  27. read again what e. wrote you.
    listen to this song:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xcd7ucSfgLo

    let him be. be honest to yourself. let go.

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  28. omg.
    this is my life.
    </3
    and i cant let go

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  29. It kind of hurts to read this, because it's everything I'm feeling right now, just out there for everyone to see. Thanks for saying what I didn't know how to say.

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  30. i don't mean to be sexist in any way and i think that alot more girls get stuck in this situation as opposed to guys. and i totally agree with what someone said earlier on. guys are straightforward, if they want you, they will let you know. they don't play games like we do and if they do, they need to grow up. forget this boy, find yourself a man who believes in himself, knows what he wants and knows that he wants you.

    we all deserve someone who knows that we are the best thing that has ever happened to them as much as they deserve us, girls who will open our hearts and love them unconditionally.

    <3

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  31. I'm in this exact position. I barely knew him, but he was just so...different. Special. I thought I was special to him too. Now that I think about it though, he was never really nice or charming or cute. He was just horny.

    Meh. I'm over it.

    You deserve better. Keep your head held high. Much love to you and your blog xx

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  32. Feels like I'm the one who wrote this. He is ...
    The ultimate heartbreaker who's so sweet to us sometimes .. but can be a total jerk.
    The one who used to say "you are extraordinary. you truly are." or "you are the best".
    The one who let you down so many times.
    The one we love. For now, at least.

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  33. I can relate with this a lot except he did want me, and we dated for about four years, and let me tell you, although I learned more from it than anything I've ever done in my life in the end I could have been dating a guy who just looked at me. It doesn't sound like he's just the most appealing person in the world therefore girls are attracted to him, it sounds like he gives girls attention and they like that.

    I know what its like to love everything about someone and then wonder why they shit on you, and don't understand it.

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  34. Where does this person that wrote this come from ?

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  35. Wow. Truly amazing. Love the text!

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  36. I've been there too. and it hurts.
    I put up with that shit for 4 years with my ex.
    and when I finally let go,
    is when i realized that i was holding onto a fantasy.
    and now i'm with a guy who would do whatever it takes to keep me, and who constantly shows me how much i mean to him.
    you deserve better,
    and trust me, you will do better.

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  37. im real sorry to say this, but i think i was that guy a couple of times. The thing is im afraid to go deeper in to a relationship because "it will end sometime anyways" so i just turn on my non feeling me and pretend to just move on. I often look back and think hey, maybe she was the one but then another one comes along and it begins all over again. And it's not like im a machine or anything, i love love to and want to feel for a person to. But as i said, im afraid that if it go to far, it will just be harder when it dies.

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  38. He's gay.
    I'm not joking, or trolling-
    I've seen it a million times: that beautiful boy who has too many hearts in line to settle for one girl.

    You'll figure it out eventually.

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  39. everything you wrote is exactly how i feel and although i may have said that before in pevious comments to posts on this blog, I dont think i've ever meant it more. Thank you for putting my feelings into words. I need to forward this to the boy who its meant for.

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  40. i've been there too (of course). i was with a guy who treated everybody but me like shit.
    then, he decided to scrape me off the bottom of his shoe.
    that was a year and a half ago, and i still hurt. i felt what you feel now--that you'll be there, feel bad for him. being there ended up hurting more.
    however, i am with an amazing guy right now--for the long haul. you just have to learn to balance the hurt with how amazing it is that so many people care about you. i hope you get to that peace soon. best of luck.

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  41. But I'm done with living my life making you the number-one priority when you barely even consider me an option.

    :/

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  42. funny how this should come right now, when this boy has just seduced me. I didn't even let him have a kiss, yet i know the next time i see him i will. everyone tells me he's bad news, i see the way he treats all the girls he used to like, and even the one he love[s/d]. i see that he is even beginning to treat me this way, but i can't help but fall for it already. when won't i? i wish i could be strong enough in this moment to put him out of my every single thought. i wish i could be strong enough to stop daydreaming about when that first kiss happens, because i know it'll end in a train wreck. i'm the biggest fool to know where everything will lead, yet still want to sacrifice it all for the hope that i will be the special one. the one who changes you. the one who you fall for. i know it's not going to happen, but i can't stop myself from trying, and it scares the crap out of me.

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  43. for any of you who feel this way, go to your email right this minute and send this message to the boy who you can't let go of... send it to that boy who is pulling you apart and breaking your heart without even knowing it. I did. I took out a few things that didnt apply directly to him and i told him, the person who wrote this stole the words from my mouth.

    I am a girl who is shy and will never state the hard, truth. Well, thanks to this... I just did.

    So please, all you ladies who feel this way, and even the boys who have been in this position- be strong at this very moment and stand up, stand up for you and the great life that you deserve- tell him who he is, and if he cannot accept you or take you in... he wasn't worth it. It's funny how this is all true and no matter how much I tell myself and tell you guys that he isn't worth all of these sleepless nights and tears.. i still can't get him out of my head. So for everyone who feels like this, let's do it for eachother.

    you are all beautiful and if you get treated this way... that boy is the one missing out.
    stay strong <3

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  44. yes. he's not worth it. i know you'r'e thinking, even if he doesnt love you now, maybe one day you'll be good enough and he'll realize. but please, if he doesnt even care for you as a friend, doesnt even respect your, acknowledge your presence. he's not worth it. im sure you're already more than good enough for someone else, that you're already PERFECT for someone else. why not go make that person's life perfect instead =D

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  45. i couldn't agree more with everything you've said. i've thought about a similar relationship i've had and it always always comes down to his lack of respect. followed closely (or caused by?) his lack of awareness of both himself and others. and yet i can't bring myself to feel anger because what if he's simply unbelievably ignorant and, as you've said, i've already learned to love him completely!
    though in reality, even if they don't mean any harm, it'll be impossible to receive the affection one deserves from them. there are much better people out there and plus it's no fun being with someone so self-absorbed!

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  46. you said everything i wanted to say. just that you know exactly why you're feeling this way for him and i don't even know why. but i just do.

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  47. I'm still wondering if I actually wrote this, years ago when it was still true for me. If you are me from the past: learn how to lose all hope without despairing. It does get harder, and pushing it makes it worse than you even knew it could be. But someday the sunshine comes back and kisses your face the way it used to, because you have a loving heart. The sky will be blue, and people will laugh, and everything in your world will go back to the way it was, except for you.

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  48. I'm in the midst of this situation...except I haven't reached the ending yet...but I feel it coming..

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  49. Sometimes I think about all the years I wasted on this boy & I get so full of bitterness & anger that i could of been so silly, devoting all my life to a hopeless cause.
    Other times i think about the things i did in my efforts to impress(things that i would NEVER of had the courage to do otherwise)things which turned out to be some of the best experiences of my life.
    so when u wrote "I don't regret any of the time I spent on you, because of all the things trying to put myself into your life brought into mine" I totally understand this..thankyou so much for expressing it so perfectly!

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  50. This breaks my heart all over again...I was right there just a couple years ago. It's amazing to me that two years ago I hadn't even met him yet.

    I'm going to tell you something, even though you're not going to believe me right now. I hope you'll find this for yourself someday: he's not the One. It gets so much better, and you DESERVE so much better! I won't tell you you had nothing to lose, because that's not true. But your future with him wasn't what you had to lose because trust me, he isn't the one you want! Just give it awhile...there'll be that one, that guy who falls head over heels for you at the very same time you fall for him so you can hold each other as you fall. And it will be wonderful! Hold out for that. Don't settle for anything, don't settle for some jerk who isn't worth your tears or your time.

    And I'll tell you something else: because you've had this experience and you know what heartbreak feels like, you'll be able to recognize the real thing when it hits you and appreciate it that much more.

    Good luck in healing and love <3

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  51. What I love about this piece is that you are so honest. Even when in denial--which we've all been in when in this situation ("maybe he's just running scared"), you still know, and make known, what is true.
    Everyone here who is telling you he is not worth your time, the heart ache or even the endless moments you are thinking about him, are 100% correct, but I think you know all that already.
    By reading what you've written it is clear that you know he will only hurt you, but you, as all of us before you, are working through your battling emotions. The things he sometimes says that make you think "he cares," come rushing back and all the crap and tears can be forgotten so easily.
    By writing this down, you make sure you don't forget, and you remind us all that we can do better.
    Thank you for being so honest. We've all lied to ourselves in order to allow our hearts to suffer through so much, just for those occasional soft words from our disinterested duds.
    It takes time, and you may slip and fall back into his trap (it's happened to the best of us), but you are so far ahead of the game by recognizing who he is--and furthermore, by recognizing you love him regardless.
    Love yourself more. You are more important and more brave than he will ever be. Although you may know he's bad for you, you may not be aware of these facts.
    Thank you for putting into words so beautifully and truthfully what I, and many others, have known deep down forever but never admitted.

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  52. huhm at the moment I feel like crying..
    this is...exactly..what i guess I´m feeling right now but I don´t want to believe it.
    When I read this text, I first was really confronted with it..
    I always supressed it ..
    but..in the end..I´ve got other feelings..
    I want him still to love me, not so that we could be a couple...no...just...to hurt him..
    I don´t know...
    I want him to cry when I touch him I want his heart to burst when I smile.. because I am far away for him..
    I want him to love me, but I want me to play with him..
    I know in the end, I will live HIM and he will hurt me again...
    but.
    I am still dreaming..


    ouhh,...I would like so much to meet you...you´re so young...but so I don´t know...special, the way you write about the main in life...

    huh..

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  53. as i read this its like you seriously writing about my life right now. I have a friend and we talk all the time i have told him thing that i have never told a sole. With him things are easy, i dont have to second guess. I can say anything and he listens and he has been there for me in my toughest moments. He was a great friend then eveything changed. HE tells me he likes me and that he wants to see if it works..only to find out that he is talking to his ex girlfriend everynight telling her the same things. i ma understanding being friends with your ex and whatnot. we are still good friends but i can help but want more. why is it that guys are like this....im kinda sadened to know that youa re felling this same frustration

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  54. I am creeped out, I think I know this boy and he did that shit to me too. Lesson learned, unless a guy is 100% in it and smothering, then I am outta there. Any doubt and you must run.

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  55. i've definitely been there.. maybe i'm still there.

    it's all about timing. maybe it's not the right time for you two, just let it go. if it's meant to be, it'll come at the right time.

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  56. this is EXACTLY - basically word for word - what i'm going through right now.

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  57. it's SO scary. i swear this text could be mine. i'm all over it. he's all over it.

    i'm pretty sure it is the same guy, haha.

    thanks for sharing, ans thanks for making me see i'm not the only one.

    hope you can heal. =)

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  58. I'm a guy who is going thru the same with a certain girl.

    No matter if ur a guy or a girl, feeling like this really sux.

    I hope the best for everyone..

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  59. i truly love this post cause thats exactly how i felt about my ex.. the exact same way.. how no one would understand.. how i wanted to change everything just so id be accepted.. love makes a person go crazy

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  60. Oh I think it's sweet you're a guy and you're in love with someone.

    LOL! I read this blog because I get happy tears every time I see that there are some boys, guys, men that really do fall in love, and that is actually want they want.

    Sometimes I think that all men just want lot's of meaningless relationships, or feel like one long term relationship sounds horrible to them. And I really would never want someone to be with me if it felt horrible to them.

    I like to know that some guys dream of falling in love, and sometimes girls that are dream of truly loving someone forever collide with guys that dream of loving someone forever and they both get to experience what it means to truly love someone, faults imperfections and all.

    Even in it's imperfection, even with the reality that "it's not like the movies", even though it's just two humans who may not live in romantic ecstasy together, but live in compassion for each others humanity... it's beautiful.

    I believe it happens. I experienced it once and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever had.

    I hesitate to ever hope for it again, but somewhere within me I do.

    And to the writer of this post, I hope that you find someone who really loves you also.

    I hope everyone who dreams of love, to love and to be loved, finds it.

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  61. He's not worth it..He will never change...It has nothing to do with you, you are just another pawn in his never ending game... It's not that you're not worth it, or deserving of him, it's just that he is immature and selfish. He is the type of person that uses others to fulfill his needs regardless of who he hurts. The problem is him. Do Not put yourself down thinking it is your fault or that YOU somehow lack the right qualities. Get him out of your head and out of your heart, and you will find someone much more deserving of you!

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  62. Wow, I didn't know that anyone could ever relate to me so well. I feel as if I could have written those exact words myself. It was the most painful situation that I have ever gone through as far as love, and I never thought I would get over it. Its incredible how terrible it feels when someone you hold on a pedestal above everyone else, treats you worst of all. It has been several months, and I am finally okay, despite the fact that I never confronted it. And now, the last thing I ever expected, the apology I got today. Nothing plucks heart strings quite like a sincere apology. I hope that whoever hurt you realizes what an amazing person you are, and that you deserve nothing less than kindest person in the world.

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  63. Oh god, that's exactly what I'm feeling for a guy that was my best friend for two years and then suddenly stopped talking to me. Except, I was not in love with him, and I'm not in love with with. I just love him, in a weird non-romantic but non-friendly way either!
    It hurts that he was such an idiot to me, because he was PERFECT as long as we were friends, but I've moved on now. At first I cried - a lot. Then I got angry and I wanted to punch him whenever I saw him at school. And lately I realized that I do love him very much and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. So today it's his birthday, and I saw him at school and I told him ''Happy birthday''! He smiled and thanked me, and it was one of the greatest things in my life. I thought I'd never have the courage to talk to him, yet today I found the courage and did it. He meant so much to me, and now I've learnt to live with it. I think in time, you'll forgive him for his behaviour, and realize his was the person who made you want to be better.
    xxx

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  64. I'm there right now. Should I move on or something?

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  65. This hurts. But he's my bestfriend too, I can't let him go.

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  66. i am in the exact same situation as you and ive felt the hurt, cried countless hours over him and although we are friends (so its slightly different to your situation) its still so fucking hard. he lives so far away but when i do rarely see him i just want to hold him in my arms and kiss him and never ever let go. my best friend once said to me "if you love someone, do everything you can. never, ever let go. no matter how hard it is" - the best advice i have ever been given.
    i know people are mostly saying youre better than that and just let go.. which is true, however.. dont. dont let go ever, do you really want to live your life with that question "what if?" hanging over your head. be there for him, be his friend if you can and one day he might come out of whatever stupid oblivious world he is living in and realise ITS YOU. no one will be better than you. yeh u may feel used this way, but its worth it. if you love him.

    what you said about loving all his negatives too is so spot on! i totally understand and am in the situation you are now.

    Baby, dont let go.

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  67. People change so that you can learn to let go. <3

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  68. Lord. I feel like you're talking about the same guy that I'm so pathetically inlove with today. He says and does the same things to me. It kills me everytime. I keep making up excuses for his actions just like you are. It makes me sick thinking about it sometimes. But, I know him so well, and I won't give up on him. That's just me. Anytime I'm with another guy it makes me more upset. They're not him. He's special. I'll just have to keep waiting on the sidelines. Goodluck to you. I hope you find happiness. We all deserve it.

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  69. oh my god. i read this and cried because this is exactly what i am going through right now. thank you for putting these feelings into words, and being strong enough to say what i cant.

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  70. I was there a year ago. I know how it feels like, and I'm sorry that you had to experience all that pain. Take care.

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  71. You pretty much summed up my life at the moment, thank you! <3

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  72. I understand you. I was there, I'm still there. You deserve better.

    This line: "It's that I loved all of you, even the parts everyone else hated, and I could see through them to what you really are." Is the same thing that I told myself every time that I see him.

    Thank for writting this...

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  73. Thank you for sharing this, i needed to hear it also to know i'm not alone. too hard to get over, probably never will and can't let go of him, i love him too much

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