Friday, February 19, 2010

please help


I have a bit of a love situation that I'm trying to figure out. I'm really confused and could use some advice.

About a year and a half ago one of my clients got a new business partner. Right away I could tell that he was attracted to me and I thought that was cute. He is kind of cute, too, but not exactly my ideal. I kind of wondered if I could get him to ask me out on a date, which is a bit strange for me since I have never dated a client in all of my ten years of working in my families business. After a few months he asked me out and I thought ' sure, why not - live a little ', so I said yes and gave him my number. He was really cute about asking me out and said he never dated anyone he worked with before but he really liked me and wanted to anyway, he also said he didn't really want my other clients to know about it right away. That was O.K. with me because being a woman in a mostly completely male industry I didn't want everyone to think that I was available. And then he never called. So, I figured he got cold feet and thought better of it. Whatever, right?

Seven months later I'm in his office and he asked me if I remembered him asking me out , I said yes, and he said that he realized that if things didn't work out that his choices would effect his partners and that's why he didn't call and had waited all this time until there was no one else in the office so he could talk to me in private. He said he still liked me and thought maybe we could be friends instead and asked if we could go have coffee or drinks some time - he still had my personal number. So, again, I said that's fine - friends are good. He didn't call. I'm starting to wonder what's up with him. So, I decide to call him up ask him to go some where with me and find out if he's for real or not. I call and he's really happy to hear from me and we go out that night - as friends. As soon as I meet him in the restaurant he's being much more boyfriend than friend. Complimenting me, flirting, even feeding me food ( which I thought was kind of strange but sweet ) trying to kiss me. He sent me a nice text message the following morning.

The following weekend we go out again - as a date, since clearly he really wanted to date. We go out for the day together and he gets really serious - like he's all over me, said I could move into his new apartment with him, mentioned children, having a puppy and traveling together. At one point of the date after things were not going so well ( he had annoyed me ) he took a nap on the chair and I stepped out of the room for a minute when stepped back in and saw him asleep on the chair I actually felt myself calm down in one second and felt attached to him - I could literally feel the sensation- that had never happened to me before. Well, I was kind of blown away. I wasn't sure what to do about all this. Was he lying to me to get me to sleep with him,was he crazy, did he mean it? I mean , aren't guys supposed to hate commitment and being tied down? I thought he was lying. I mean, how do you go from let's be friends to have my children in a week??? I was overwhelmed because we work together and I had just taken over my families business and my family life was chaotic, I didn't know what to do with this guy. Plus , I didn't think we had a lot of chemistry. So, I talked to him a couple of days later on the phone and told I didn't think we should keep seeing each other outside of work since I just took over the business and we work together. I didn't mention I thought he was just trying to get me into bed and I didn't think we really had any chemistry. I was relieved to get it all over with.

The next time I see him at work, though, he won't really look at me and seems pouty and he didn't shake my hand - he always shook my hand. I stepped out of the office and felt bad. On the drive home I just got worse and started crying in the car like crazy , gushing tears. When I got home I went to bathroom still crying for like 20 minutes. I have NEVER cried like that about a guy before in my entire life. I just kept thinking I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't think you meant it. Because if he were lying to me before he wouldn't have really cared. So, a couple of week later I go back to his office. At his desk he looks at me and asks if I missed him. Well, I had to say yes, because I really, really had missed him. He shakes my hand this time and then he pulled me in and kissed me - there was more chemistry this time, it was short and sweet. He wanted to go out again, but I told we shouldn't because we work together.

So , this happens a few more times. I go to his desk to pick up the check and he starts touching my arm, rubbing my waist, kissing me, and pulling me back for more when I tell him I have to go. I told him that I like him, but he's moving to fast and only kissing in his office is ridiculous and we have to talk. He was fine with that but I didn't set a time to talk because of family stuff at the time. So, some time passes and I haven't really seen him much because his business has slowed down over the winter. I send him little e-mails of Facebook on the holidays. He usually responds but says very little. I don't know if he's moved on or if he doesn't like writing in English since it's his third language. I haven't seen him in two months so I sent him an e-mail to see how he was doing and he didn't write back but a couple of days later he sent me three Valentine's Day cards on Facebook.

So, for extra added confusion:
He said he didn't want his partners to know about us, but the way they were acting lately I know he must have told them. My Dad works with me in the business and my Father really does not like him and he knows it - he thinks my Dad is why I broke it off.

I've had four or five dreams about him.
I broke it off and we're still friendly.
Sometimes I think he's more attractive than other times.
When I'm just sitting across the desk from him I blush like crazy all over my body - he's noticed, it's embarrassing.
He wasn't really what I had in mind , but I can't get him out of my mind. I think about him ALL THE TIME.

If we get together and have children, because of the nature of my work I won't be able to keep and do my business. My income will be gone. And I currently help my family financially.

If we get together my Father will be very mad at me and may never speak to/ forgive me.
His family may not like me because I am not of the same culture and though my faith is similar it's not the same.

I don't know what to do. I can't believe I went out with a guy twice and six months later he's the main thought going on in my mind. I've been trying really hard to be professional and adult about this. Am I dramatizing this? Is he playing a game? Did I over-react? Now I wonder if I just threw out a real shot at having the family I always wanted. I'm just surprised that maybe I want it with him? Seriously, if he starts rubbing my hips and kissing me again I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

It's sad to admit, but I've never been in love. Is this it???
I'm soooo confused. Please, help.




  1. You just KNOW KNOW for sure when you're in love.
    No buts ifs and ors. :)
    TRUST me.

  2. sounds way too complicated. love isnt always easy, yes, but he is playing games with you and making it very hard. it doesn't seem fair to you.

    i think you should try be absolutely straight forward with him even though it may be awkward. tell him you want to try dating him but it has to go really slow (so that means no asking you to move in with him and have kids right away!). if you two are truly in love (and by the way, you will definitely KNOW), your families should be able to look past the differences

    trust in yourself! good luck!

  3. i've never been in love either but i dont think confusion should be in the equation.

    love should be easy and happy! 100% happy.

    maybe the tears are because of all the emotional game play...

  4. Wow, this guy sounds like a GIANT tease! Drop him! Keep your business contact professional and nothing more. Many outsiders would consider the crap he pulls on you in the office as sexual harassment! See if you can find a way to have someone else in your company deal with him or transfer his account. Anyone that plays games with you is not worth your time! Love is love, but to get to there you need honesty, trust, and character.

    Find someone who you can be yourself with, you doesn't cause you anxiety, and who your family approves of! Trust me, later on down the line, your family's opinion DOES matter and might eventually end up being the same if not identical to what you really want and need.

  5. A-
    Our lives are ours alone, and when we are close with people, especially our families, sometimes we make decision based on what they'd think or how they'd react. We must not do that. I'm sure it's very hard based on your dad's opinion. But you have to do what's best for you.
    As for him, I think if he were "the one" he wouldn't give you such a hard time (like being distant in the office, or trying to to feel you up when you've expressed how you feel). He would be more understanding and the situation would feel more comfortable.
    I value you concern for your job and income. Keep that. Above all else. We should be able to have both, and as women, not feel the need to give that up, unless one day we feel absolutely ready to.
    Sometimes, when we haven't fully experienced something, we really want to. Which could be why you are still guessing about him, even though there are many signs, that he isn't really what you'd like. If he doesn't act, look, feel, RIGHT. It isn't. It's so easy to get lead off our path...
    Feel it out. It's an important decision. Good luck. <3

  6. From past experience he's totally playing games and although you dont see it now; he most likely is! Drop it now before it gets to late and you find yourself in more confusion. Your heart is taking over your mind, get your priorites straight and relialize that you need to clear your heart before you will even understand what he's doing to you. I'm not trying to be harsh but I've been in a similar experience and it sucked. He played me. Be careful. I dont want it happening to you.

  7. I think maybe you should sit down and think if you think you love him, or you just love the affection he gives you. Maybe you are in lust? I haven't been in love either, but my parents were SO in love before my mom died, and I know they never doubted it for a second. I think when you're in love, you would never question it. BUT. Just because you aren't in love with someone doesn't mean you don't have to date him- but maybe in your situation, even though you obviously like him (though probably don't love him), is he worth all of this trouble? No. It's your decision if you want to keep moving in this loop. If you like the attention, you have to be ready to accept the bad. If you decide to break it off with him, it will be really hard because you work in the office together, but it might be better for you long-term emotional help

    I hope I've helped you, even if in just the littlest way! Good luck!

  8. Tell someone real, someone that you trust! It is important to know that there is somebody in your real_life who knows about this situation!
    I think that it is not good, that nobody (on your side) knows about your story and the feelings you have! If you tell someone, the pressure of secret will get away from you, and this will make yourself a little bit stronger as you are now.
    Maybe this person is a good friend who knows you for a long time or finally your father!
    Although he doesn`t like this guy and maybe he will get angry because you mixed private and business, but your father loves you and trust you and will that you get the family buisness! If you and your father will have a serious talk he will help you! (I hope so)
    The help of your father or someone else who knows and loves you really, will be the best for you!

    Take this advice from germany.
    Excuse me for my not-so-good english! But I hope the message has been clear!

  9. yah, from experience I think he's playing games with you - I think you should run far far away. Chalk it up as brain chemistry and don't look back. If you're already crying now there's no telling what the future will look like! save yourself, take it from me.

  10. its true, you know when you are in love with someone. I don't know, but I do not have a good feeling. Its more on his terms than yours. If you hadn't called, would he have eventually? I don't know.

    keep one thing in mind, being in love is great, but family is very important and be really sure you don't do anything you will regret later.

    You say culture difference, where is he from?

    Good luck and hope you find your way.

  11. I think that you should be careful to have someone with you from now on when you deal with him in the office. The way he is acting towards you at work sounds really creepy and unprofessional to me. Even people who do have office relationships usually should respect the situation enough not to act like that at their place of work. I think especially since you have just taken over the family business this could give you a bad reputation.

    This guy sounds like a major tease. It's weird that he didn't phone you when he said he would and suddenly 2 dates in wants you to move in with him. Did you ever think that he could perhaps be trying to date you for business reasons? Probably not but it seems kind of fishy so be careful.

    Now it might sound like I am not a romantic person but I really am and I hope that in the end this all works out for you. You never know, he might just be one of those rare guys who is all about committing but since it involves your business you should take it slowly. Good luck!

  12. It sounds as if he isn't that into you. I think he's weird and creepy. What's his deal? I definetly think you should dump him and find someone else that gives you the affection and love you deserve.

  13. Stop it right now because he's acting childishly.. he's not clear and not serious. how come that a man tells a woman that he wants to date her, then says let's be friends, and then he sings the old song of "i wanna date you" again? he has no strong personality and he's playful. Look out!

  14. I don't think it's love. You're overthinking this, get over him. You always want what you can't have, right?

  15. For me too the situation sounds too complicated. Love itself is complicated without any family and culture issues.. and if you're not sure about him in the first place.. Don't think you could build a family of your dreams in a situation like this. I'd suggest you to look around. Go and date guys, be open to new relationships. THE WORLD IS FULL OF NICE AND CAREING MEN! Just open your eyes, trust me, if you want so you'll find one.


  16. just fuck and leave him already

  17. keep in mind that people are usually putting their best face forward at the beginning "wooing" stage of a relationship. when you're in the relationship things will be revealed more and more, until you see the true character. in my opinion, from the get go, he's playing too many manipulative games, which will only get worse. look for signs of an abusive personality.

  18. I can say this is NOT LOVE. the guy simply wants sex.. I've met some guys being like that before... being so nice before getting you in bed.. but after that, no call, no text, no email, no contact at all..

  19. He just doesn't know what he wants or rather, he knows what he wants but at times, his fears overwhelm which results in his inconsistency. Don't think he should be completely blamed for this, guys are every bit capable of being afraid & confused as well. I won't say his generous displays of affection are real, but they're not fake either. He could have feelings for you, but remember he has fears that hinder too. So I guess when opportunities present 'emselves, he promptly seized 'em and lived for the moment, which is to express his feelings for you too passionately. Like the truth's being dramatised, but there's still truth present somewhere nonetheless.

    This is just what I think cos' I'm going through a similar situation minus business complications. As to whether he's really in love with you or you with him, I can't tell. But I hope this suffices.

  20. If you feel that there's something wrong, then i think you and him weren't meant to be together, because when you're in love with someone... everything has to feel right about that person, you have to trust each other, no matter what... unless, if he somehow shows you that your bad feelings weren't real and that he really cares about you... so my advice is just to follow your heart, think how it really feels for you and everything will be all right.

  21. This has bad idea written all over it! I don't think you're in love; I think he's manipulated your feelings into thinking you're in love. You shouldn't be dealing with such a moody person. If he loves you, he'll respect your decisions and you--even after you've made your decision. This guy looks like a total tease who likes to get a thrill out of breaking hearts and playing games. I've been there before and my advice is to steer clear!

  22. Girl, NO! This is not love!

    What you are feeling is just excitement, because you are in the middle of a really tumultuous, cinematic sort of story. Now, we can all see that this guy is a total DOUCHEBAG. The way he has treated you is inexcusable, "he's just not that into you" behavior -- he is ambivalent. And you know what? So are you, it sounds like.

    Go reread what you wrote about him -- he's only "kind of" cute, he didn't call TWICE when he said he would, he starts talking future talk, but then wants to hide you like a dirty little secret, he pouts and clearly just wants HIS way...

    He is NOT WORTH your father getting mad at you. I know how it feels to just want something because it is forbidden...but seriously, you are too cool to stoop to THIS particular forbidden fruit! At least pick one worth picking -- one that sends you clear signals, one that treats you like an equal, and one that is more than KIND OF cute!!!

    You are worth more!!! Delete his number from your phone and move on!

  23. He's weird and playing with you. Like, who talks about children on a first date ? That's SO weird!!!
    Do whatever you can to forget about him... Meet someone else !
    I know it's hardto forget someone... It's just a crush,it'll go away someday... and the day you realise the weird guy he was, well you'll be happy that you didn't do anything with him :)

  24. No matter what all the comments can say TRY, TRY, TRY , TRY ...

    Don't regret it
    because i do regret what i've decided!
    don't be a fool !


  25. try what though?

    its pointless and hopeless.

    you cannot change a man. this guy is annoying and doesnt no what he wants, hence all the games.

  26. You are being played sweetie, whether he knows it or not. You have convinced yourself you love him when you don't. Move on, forget him, don't even be friends. You will be better off. Trust me.

  27. haha boys boys boys. they have a funny way of making us feel..funny. i can honestly say that i think at least 50% of what your feeling is a combination of sexual tension, and a lack of closure. i've been here. yeah i know, i know the whole cute boy, not quite right for you, blah blah you haven't had hot hot sex yet, but you sooo want to.

    look: bottom line. you know when you love someone, and when you just want to want someone.

    just have sex with the guy. haha. yeah, whatevs, a little awkward. but then he meets somebody you meet somebody and it's golden.

  28. would you please spend a few minutes reading my blog. I am a farmer who has been raising more than 50 breeds of chickens 40 years.

  29. A guy was playing these games with me on-and-off for a year. I blame my self for going along with it. Just a month ago, I finally ended it for good. I stopped responding to his chicken shit texts (ps if a guy truly loves you, he's going to freaking CALL you at the least, if not hop in a car and drive over to spend time with you!). I think he finally got the hint, because he hasn't tried contacting me again is three weeks. I feel liberated, and I have my self to thank, because I KNEW he was not the one for me...I realized that even though he claimed I was different, he was playing games with me. He obviously did not love me enough to TREAT ME HOW I WANT A MAN TO TREAT ME. Even my family and close friends did not like him.
    Anyway, the point is: NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS. I obviously do not know you're whole situations and feelings, but you KNOW when something does not feel right. It may sound corny, but listen to your heart. Focusing on only the good things that he did will only leave you confused...sure, it was nice when he grabbed your hips and kissed your lips while whispering how beautiful you are in your ear, but think of how many other MEN out there can do that (and don't you deserve that man to be MUTUALLY in love with you??). Just some food for thought. I sincerely hope you make the right decision for you, as I understand how emotionally draining this is...but you will get through it and become a stronger person from it.
    Best of love,

  30. That guy may a a creepy weirdo, or he could just be as innocent and confused as you are and that's why he's a bit all over the place. Either way, he isn't going about things in quite the right way and he actually seems quite immature.
    Oh but we love tormenting ourselves don't we?! :P

  31. ps sorry for all the grammatical errors in my post...I was "in the zone."

  32. I have come through a situatin that is similiar to yours. I am younger than you but the same principles apply. I spent a year and half caught up in this guy and so one day I just confronted him about it. Now we are together and everything is great. Of course it could have gone the other way but you need to talk to him, see how he feels and get to the bottom of his emotions. The one thing I have learned about men is that they do not know how to deal with or express their emotions and often need someone to help them get to the root of it. You may or may not be the right person to do that but at least try. I also think it is hard for you to know if it is love or not, you may feel like it is but are afraid to admit it because of his behaviour. I know that I was like that for months. Now I am sure it is and I am happy. Talk to him, its the only way.

  33. i could understand why you are reading into this situation. but you are reallly reading into this situation. it sounds like maybe you are playing the game. he hasnt really done anything out of the ordinary, or tried to mess with your mind or emotions. it seems like he just likes you. and i find it weird that you used the fact that you work together as an excuse when it in fact seems like you were worried about other things.
    i think that you should be honest with him and if this if this is love, just relax and stop pushing it away or trying to pick it apart.
    i wish you the best of luck

  34. Dear girl, (as I don´t know your name). Seems like neither of you know what you really ant. I dont´t know if you are thrilled by him because you have never been in love, because he is hard to get or what, But what I know, maybe from own experience is that it is wired to plan a family with someone you´ve only dated twice, it´s not a matter of time but quiality, I think that is what you are missing. Quality time together to see if there might be something going on, leaving a side family and partners issues. I hope I´m helping. Good Luck! Dolo

  35. Nonononononono! Red flags all over the place!! Please, please do not get sucked into this situation. You could just end up getting jerked around a little, but honestly, there are several worrisome things that indicate this has the potential to turn more than innocently confusing. He is showing early signs of a physical/emotional abuser.

    Stay away!

  36. i agree with everyone else. if its love, you would know. you wouldn't doubt it. to keep you mind off of the situtation,(easier said than done, I know)you should try dating other people. if you have time. you sound busy lol.

  37. I been goin through your blog after page and dam it you r good at expressin your feelins into words. your blog is nice!
    stay kool now

    check out mine for some poems n fashion updats.

  38. As someone who has dealt with a guy playing games, I feel as if you should run as fast as you can in the other direction. He is clearly not someone you can trust and all signs indicate to a lack of commitment and a lack of professional behavior. You feel love sick over him because he's playing these games. The guy i dated for a short period of time did this until he got what he wanted and cheated on me within the week. Don't do anything rash.
    good luck.

  39. This guy is totally playing mind games with you. A possible reason you feel the way you do is because he's probably different from other guys you've dated and he's really good at throwing you off which is intriguing and keeps you invested because you want to be able to figure him out. I knew a guy who was very similar. Unfortunately I wasn't as strong as you are and I ended up sleeping with him. After I did he bolted and I didn't hear from him for 6 months. Don't allow this guy to have anymore control of you. Break free. There's a real prince charming waiting somewhere out there.

  40. It looks like you really like this guy- and although I completely understand how everyone is saying you should just walk away and that he is playing games with you, but I really think the problem is that you dont seem to know how he feels about you. He never calls then tells you he wants to have children with you on the second date? I think you should just ask him straight out how he really feels about you.

    I know how scary it is, I mean, what if we're all wrong? What if he really does care about you, love you, want a family with you? Then you leave and hurt him, and hurt yourself.

    I think the only way to deal with this is aask him how he feels about you.

    I hope this has helped just a little bit :)

  41. I have a feeling that you have this beautiful idea of him and got stuck with it.

    You can never see what's beyond that, is that all that you see? Have you ever thought that you are fixated with that few beautiful moments?

    Do you really know him, I'm not talking about the "him" that he project himself to be when he is with you, but the real him?

    Sometimes, I personally think it's better to reflect on what you are feeling rather than asking questions have no answers. If any person really loves you that much, that person won't leave you hanging and suffering alone.


  42. If getting with this guy means you're gonna lose financial stability and family. I honestly don't think it's worth it. Because what if you guys break up and go different directions. What do you have left? And the only reason why I'm bringing this possibility up is because this relationship you guys are having, him being a huge tease and all, it doesn't sound stable AT ALL.

    P.S. I read a magazine yesterday that mentioned advice for singles, and one of them said "If he likes you, you'll know. If he doesn't, you'll be "confused" ". I think it's true, but you can judge that for yourself

  43. One word: narcissist.

    Believe what your father says and forget him.

  44. hey hi ,..well my idea is all u had was an experience and learn well from it ,and trust urself ,i had same feeling about crying 20 min for a guy at bathroom , :) i tried alot for that guy after that ,but it was a big mistake ,and now ...i looked at past and i see i forgot him sooner than i thought ,im married now ,i married with a guy from another culture ...but believe me ,when i married with him i was sure i love him as im doing now too
    love is not sth that u dont feel it and having ur doubt about it,u would give everything for who u love him or he loves u
    and even in my case;distance doesnt matter
    if u have doubt about this guy ,let it go ,and look around maybe there are others and u just focus on this case ,so u cant see them
    ,in my openion families' openions are important too ,they always support u
    i wish best for u

  45. Hello,

    I'm actually a french young girl and I don't speak english really well. But still, i hope i'll be able to help you because I'm the kind of person that thinks too much and analysis everything.
    You say you don't know if you're in love but, if you were, you'd love that feeling instead of wondering all the time. I have a boyfriend and i love him very much, but, no butterflies, nothing, but i know that i can't live without him because I NEED him. i don't see him much, and he does really love me. but i feel ok with it, if i can make him happy.
    your story is quite interesting but i think that you'll get many chances in your life to meet wonderful guys. You seem to be young and you can't take the chance to lose your job, father or whatever for a guy that is quite weird. i know it's very important to feel loved and everything but i think you deserve better than a guy that ask you for children and marriage at your second date and then ignore you at the office.
    love is too important to waste your time. but be careful, if his "culture" is way too different from yours, he can be really hard to live with.
    I hope you'll can find out something or meet someone else or be happy with this guy without screwing up your family business.

    and i hope my english was ok -_-

    seriously, i wish you all the courage and faith.

    Take care.


  46. you're not in love with him. it's the idea of him that you're in love with. he's playing games with you and that's messed up. he's getting in your head.

    move on girl. i know it's hard but he's a dick.

  47. You have him in you mindbecause it's something that didn't have a closure. He probably makes you feel that way 'cause you're needing a relationship -probably even a friend or something not so serious would make you feel better- and he was -unluckyly- who came across.
    He is an ass, he's just taking advantage of the way you feel right now.. Time will pass and you'll find someone worthy. I promisse. Meanwhile, enjoy your alone time, it's never enough, trust me.
    If you need anyone to talk to let me know... I'm a complete stranger, I know, but I'm a good listener and a good friend.
    Peace, Ana

  48. If youre asking yourself if you're in love, then you're probably not. You just know when you are.
    And this guy seems to just want to have some fun. I would'nt get serious with him, I'm telling you, you are going to get hurt. And that I know by experience. Someone else commented that you can never change a man and i believe thats true, so try to forget this one. There are so many others out there.

  49. As a result of all the outside factors effecting your relationship, its extra crucial for you two to be be COMPLETELY honest with eachother about intentions, feelings, etc...and it doesn't seem like that has been happening.
    It's really hard to resist a guy who is that into you and is saying/doing all the right things sometimes - those moments are what you hold onto, and they cloud your present reality and judgement.
    It may be love, but ask yourself if this could also be a type of rebellion for you since your father would disapprove. Also, the fact that you'd have to keep it secret at home and at work makes it sort of exciting, so that can make it seem like love when it's not.
    I hope it is real love and everyone can accept it and it all works out! But just make sure you are fully thinking this out realistically.
    Good luck!

  50. Love isn't easy. And everyone questions whether or not they're in love. Thats how it is even if people don't want to admit it. Good luck!

  51. He sounds like the "charmer" type, which in my experience can be very dangerous. Things feel "special" with him, and somehow he invades your thoughts, which leads you to confusion. I think the type of relationships to aim for are the ones that don't involve games, and have clear communication. Also remember, if they can rush into it, they are very capable to rush out of it. I dated a guy who after 3 months of being with him was going off about the "M" word, and our future combined finances. He tried to persuade me to give up my dreams (I was headed to graduate school) for him. And in the end I felt that if he had my best interest in mind he wouldn't try to persuade me from achieving my life goals. Two months later, He ends it, and I was left confused why he talked so much about the future with me if he really didn't mean it. Lucky for me, I didn't give up my dreams because of scenarios like this happening. Just ask yourself is this really worth risking your career? Your heart?

    I hope you find the light through all the confusion.

  52. Hi A,

    go with ur guts instinct! go with your heart and not brains!
    ask him for the answers straight!
    dilly-dally it'll only make it worst.

    Be Brave, Girl!
    Good Luck!!

  53. love is confusing and great but sweetie the confusion you are dealing with doesnt sound like llove but is a direct result from the games that he is playing. he comes on sweet then as thing progress in 2 weeks he gets really intense and then reverts back to sweet after you stop talking. I mean maybe something could be found in the rollar coaster of a relationship. But be careful with your heart! take things slow and get to know him and find out if you want him in your life and not just attracted to him at times.
    I wish you good luck.

  54. this guy sounds like a total womanizer and i'm sure you're being more fair to him in this description than he even deserves.

    please actually think about this.

  55. You are being stupid. Do you like being treated like this?

  56. This comment has been removed by the author.

  57. run far, run fast, please. He's already made things messy and if things at work get dicey you'll be under the bus faster than you can say "I quit". You may be in love but he's unreliable and will never commit. Who knows how many "secret" relationships he's blown through. I've been married 29 years this week to a wonderful man who would never keep me in the dark. But I've been in your shoes and walked out. I've never regretted it. That guy is still an unmarried screwed up mess at 60.

  58. roller coaster can be exiting. I t dos not sound like love. Love is so happy and this is sad

  59. I had a guy like this. It went on for about 3 years and I finally just realized it can NEVER been more. I really thought I loved him and I really wanted to be with him, but I had to make a decision. I couldn't keep letting him break my heart and I just cut all communication with him. It sucks I wish I would have taken the hint the 1st time not the 15th time....but I didn't and now I know.

  60. The situation at work doesn't really seem worth jeopardizing, if you are not positive you are head over heels, sacrifice anything go up against all odds in love with him. And that is a feeling you cannot mistake.

    From what you have described, he is playing a game, and you are falling for it miraculously.

    Move on, its the best option, you can do so much better.


    I don't mean to be picky but there are such huge grammatical mistakes in this, it seems as though it was written by a 9th grader...

  61. Are you kidding me? If someone really digs you they would do anything to make it happen. Move on.

  62. When someone truly loves you they will never do anything to hurt you. They will stick around and be reliable and make an effort with your friends and family to make your life easier.

    If your dad doesn't like him it's because he can see that this guy does not have your best intentions at heart.

    Also, do you really want to be with someone that causes you so much pain?

    Get out while you can. This guy is either having an affair and that's why he is so unavailable or he has deep seated issues that he needs to sort out.

    Either way you need to cut him off completely and if he asks you if you miss him say NO. Don't worry about the truth. That gives him power over you when you admit that and he feels that he can just waltz back into your life.

    You're better off without him xx

  63. Dear Le Love Readers,

    I wanted to take a minute and thank each of you for your advice and support. I really appreciate it.

    I've read each one. :)

    I did seek advice from some family members and a friend of mine already. It just didn't really help that much. Mostly, they think I'm being overly cautious. My mother thinks since I've never really liked someone this much there may be more there than I want to admit, my friend thinks that I should live life and go for it no matter what happens, and my sister thinks he's an idiot. Not very conclusive, as you can see.

    Reading your comments it seems most of you think he's a 100% waste of time.

    Well, to reassure everyone, I just want you to know that even if he is trying to play me I have not done anything to compromise myself or my business. I just have too much at stake to do that. So, I haven't " fallen " into anything more than emotionally.

    He is very impulsive by nature and I analyse everything first. My gut instict was to go out with him; eveything since then has been very emotional.

    Looking through everything I realize that whatever happens that I don't regret him.

    I will have to see him at work sometimes and I will have to deal with it. If the timing is right I'll try to get my courage up and be very straight forward to let him know how I think and feel and find out how serious he is. When I do, be sure to know that I will be carrying all your advice and love with me. I really mean that.

    I guess this is just to be continued.

    Thank you, for allowing me to get this off my chest and for helping me.

    Remaining Cautious &

    Sincerely Yours,


  64. Be careful.
    True love is to act upon the other persons best, not looking to your own interest. If he really loves you I don't think he would hide your feelings for you, he couldn't. But everyone is different, just be careful!!

    True love is worth the wait!
    I just found it and it's sooo much better than I could ever imagine. He does what is best for me. He treats me like princess, like I'm the most valuable thing on earth.

    And if I can be found by love, than anyone can!! :)

    Love /Joy

  65. Well, Im not sure if you will read this after 64 comments but I think its important what i have to tell you.

    I think you are searching for answers way too soon. You didn`t date him long enough to know if you have real chemestry or not, real feelings or not, if you like him or not. In my opinion you should maybe date him for a couple months, quietly, and little by little find out if the positive thibgs about him overcome the negative. Some answers only come with time, and both of you were rushing too much, in opposite directions. Him towards love, and you towards "it wont work".
    Give yourselves a chance to slowly find it out!
    Kiss kiss
    Ana (Brasil)

  66. He's playing you, pure and simple.

    I know because I have done those things in the past, those things specifically.

    Males have an amazing way of making things seem real and getting females to believe them. I observe it all the time and the suffering that females go through as a result is unbearable to watch.

    I often get told to shut up about things like this, only to have someone come to me later and ask what to do, how to get over it.

  67. Love is when you can't stop smiling.

  68. He sounds like he is in a long term/long distance relationship with someone else.
    Lock yourself in your room, cry it out. Ignore him, move away from him.
    Try meet some some new people.
    good luck

  69. This is lust, not love. I've been there. Its not cool.

  70. Fantastic
    Get Your Ex Back

  71. This comment has been removed by the author.

  72. OMG your just like me. Like over anylizing and stuf some of my best friends do the same its a girlthing I guess and what you should do is ask a MALE person what he thinks about the situation cause only guys can tell you what guys really mean. Or mabye he just not that into you wasnt that the booktitle mabye you should read it. Good luck

  73. You cried over him in your car because you think you've hurt him, but I don't think you really hurt him. He's playing with your mind. He knows he has the upper hand. He asked you if you missed him because he knows you'd say yes. He touches your body at work because he knows that you will not be annoyed by it (not think of it as sexual harassment); you would like it and would be more confused so you'll think more about him. You think his partners know about your relationship? It is a wild guess but is it possible that he bragged to them how he is playing you in the palm of his hand? If he's for real he would be a lot more straightforward. He wouldn't have you guessing, he wouldn't have you hanging there.

    You're new at love, that's why everything he does is so captivating, that's why he's the only thing you think about. If someone says he wants to have a baby with me during our 2nd date I would think he's a creep. Seriously, what has he done for you? Sending you valentine cards on facebook? come on he didn't even have time to send a real card? He touched you, he sweet-talked you, but what do those really mean? You have butterflies because he cleverly crafted each steps, so even when he did half-hearted things and creepy things you would think they're sweet. Don't think about him anymore, he's not a good person.

  74. That is not love, that is passion and even though it's very sweet I think there's A LOT at stake and this guy is not worth the risk. Trust me, make a decision, don't change your mind and you will feel much more free. Soon you will find "the one" (:

  75. family's issues are a big problem, and I think his playing with you.. I think this is all new for, and that is why you are so confused.

    If i were you, a step out of this relationship


  76. yes, this is LOVE.
    you love him, and he does the same.
    get back together, talk with him, i think the only reason that is pulling you guys apart is the work.
    what's worth more? love or work?
    in my opinion its love.

    and, if youor fathers really loves you, he'll forgive you, so calm down and tell him that you're in love with him.


  77. He's obviously the one with more control over the relationship, and he's playing with it. Get outta there already!

  78. When love comes you can't say no. The world just seems to flow in your favor and you just know because it's the biggest feeling your heart, mind, body, and soul have ever felt. If you have to question it then it's not love.

  79. i've been in love once, and only once
    with someone my family hated, and would never forgive me for going out with.
    i know if i stayed with him all i would have was him. and i was okay with it, because love is stronger than all your goals and everything you've worked for.
    its the greatest feeling on earth and nothing gets in the way.

    if there's one thing i've learned... NEVER settle. never be with someone because you want a family, and a husband. you'll be miserable, and the person you're really supposed to be with, you could pass right by.

  80. yes they say go fight for it. but if you were worthwhile, he would be the one fighting for your love. and that depends on whether u prefer to be the one who's loved or, the one who is loving.

    it's your call. it doesn't really hurt to find out whether this is true love; just do not be blind to the truth when it comes.

  81. We risk things for the ones we love but if it's meant to be, we lose nothing and only gain.

    If its too big of a risk, there are other amazing men out there. If you find a way around the business part of the deal then go for it..he makes you happy, so why not try it out?

    Think of your priorities, tell the truth to those around you (maybe your to him about it?), have a full length conversation with him about it.

    Whatever you do, make sure you feel confident in your decision.


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