Friday, February 19, 2010
I have a bit of a love situation that I'm trying to figure out. I'm really confused and could use some advice.
About a year and a half ago one of my clients got a new business partner. Right away I could tell that he was attracted to me and I thought that was cute. He is kind of cute, too, but not exactly my ideal. I kind of wondered if I could get him to ask me out on a date, which is a bit strange for me since I have never dated a client in all of my ten years of working in my families business. After a few months he asked me out and I thought ' sure, why not - live a little ', so I said yes and gave him my number. He was really cute about asking me out and said he never dated anyone he worked with before but he really liked me and wanted to anyway, he also said he didn't really want my other clients to know about it right away. That was O.K. with me because being a woman in a mostly completely male industry I didn't want everyone to think that I was available. And then he never called. So, I figured he got cold feet and thought better of it. Whatever, right?
Seven months later I'm in his office and he asked me if I remembered him asking me out , I said yes, and he said that he realized that if things didn't work out that his choices would effect his partners and that's why he didn't call and had waited all this time until there was no one else in the office so he could talk to me in private. He said he still liked me and thought maybe we could be friends instead and asked if we could go have coffee or drinks some time - he still had my personal number. So, again, I said that's fine - friends are good. He didn't call. I'm starting to wonder what's up with him. So, I decide to call him up ask him to go some where with me and find out if he's for real or not. I call and he's really happy to hear from me and we go out that night - as friends. As soon as I meet him in the restaurant he's being much more boyfriend than friend. Complimenting me, flirting, even feeding me food ( which I thought was kind of strange but sweet ) trying to kiss me. He sent me a nice text message the following morning.
The following weekend we go out again - as a date, since clearly he really wanted to date. We go out for the day together and he gets really serious - like he's all over me, said I could move into his new apartment with him, mentioned children, having a puppy and traveling together. At one point of the date after things were not going so well ( he had annoyed me ) he took a nap on the chair and I stepped out of the room for a minute when stepped back in and saw him asleep on the chair I actually felt myself calm down in one second and felt attached to him - I could literally feel the sensation- that had never happened to me before. Well, I was kind of blown away. I wasn't sure what to do about all this. Was he lying to me to get me to sleep with him,was he crazy, did he mean it? I mean , aren't guys supposed to hate commitment and being tied down? I thought he was lying. I mean, how do you go from let's be friends to have my children in a week??? I was overwhelmed because we work together and I had just taken over my families business and my family life was chaotic, I didn't know what to do with this guy. Plus , I didn't think we had a lot of chemistry. So, I talked to him a couple of days later on the phone and told I didn't think we should keep seeing each other outside of work since I just took over the business and we work together. I didn't mention I thought he was just trying to get me into bed and I didn't think we really had any chemistry. I was relieved to get it all over with.
The next time I see him at work, though, he won't really look at me and seems pouty and he didn't shake my hand - he always shook my hand. I stepped out of the office and felt bad. On the drive home I just got worse and started crying in the car like crazy , gushing tears. When I got home I went to bathroom still crying for like 20 minutes. I have NEVER cried like that about a guy before in my entire life. I just kept thinking I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't think you meant it. Because if he were lying to me before he wouldn't have really cared. So, a couple of week later I go back to his office. At his desk he looks at me and asks if I missed him. Well, I had to say yes, because I really, really had missed him. He shakes my hand this time and then he pulled me in and kissed me - there was more chemistry this time, it was short and sweet. He wanted to go out again, but I told we shouldn't because we work together.
So , this happens a few more times. I go to his desk to pick up the check and he starts touching my arm, rubbing my waist, kissing me, and pulling me back for more when I tell him I have to go. I told him that I like him, but he's moving to fast and only kissing in his office is ridiculous and we have to talk. He was fine with that but I didn't set a time to talk because of family stuff at the time. So, some time passes and I haven't really seen him much because his business has slowed down over the winter. I send him little e-mails of Facebook on the holidays. He usually responds but says very little. I don't know if he's moved on or if he doesn't like writing in English since it's his third language. I haven't seen him in two months so I sent him an e-mail to see how he was doing and he didn't write back but a couple of days later he sent me three Valentine's Day cards on Facebook.
So, for extra added confusion:
He said he didn't want his partners to know about us, but the way they were acting lately I know he must have told them. My Dad works with me in the business and my Father really does not like him and he knows it - he thinks my Dad is why I broke it off.
I've had four or five dreams about him.
I broke it off and we're still friendly.
Sometimes I think he's more attractive than other times.
When I'm just sitting across the desk from him I blush like crazy all over my body - he's noticed, it's embarrassing.
He wasn't really what I had in mind , but I can't get him out of my mind. I think about him ALL THE TIME.
If we get together and have children, because of the nature of my work I won't be able to keep and do my business. My income will be gone. And I currently help my family financially.
If we get together my Father will be very mad at me and may never speak to/ forgive me.
His family may not like me because I am not of the same culture and though my faith is similar it's not the same.
I don't know what to do. I can't believe I went out with a guy twice and six months later he's the main thought going on in my mind. I've been trying really hard to be professional and adult about this. Am I dramatizing this? Is he playing a game? Did I over-react? Now I wonder if I just threw out a real shot at having the family I always wanted. I'm just surprised that maybe I want it with him? Seriously, if he starts rubbing my hips and kissing me again I don't know how much longer I can hold out.
It's sad to admit, but I've never been in love. Is this it???
I'm soooo confused. Please, help.