Wednesday, January 6, 2010
...makes me feel like a bad person.
I am extremely confused and don't know if I am a bad person or not....
In October my boyfriend of almost 3 years sat me down and told me "he's changed" and that he didnt want to be together anymore. I was devastated to say the least. We had been fighting more than normal recently, but the fights were always stupid and I tried to just let them pass as easily as I could, but he would hold onto them, keeping a tally almost of all the fights, so when another one started he would start into that this was 5th fight in two weeks, or something like that, but even then I still did not see the break up coming.
Earlier in this past summer I went to visit him, because he was taking classes at our college. While I was there I found text messages he had sent to another girl, who I knew (which is a whole other story in its self) but he called her "babe" in one of them, which is what he called me. I was mortified, and he broke down to me that night and I didn't leave him, I stayed, because he seemed to be truly sorry for what he had done. Anyways, I still had trust issues to say the least (because this was now the second girl he had texted behind my back.) So when he told me he was breaking up with me I thought it was so unfair because it had only be 4 months since this event, and one of the reasons he was breaking up with me was because my trust was not fully back. It made me angry that I had stayed with him, that I had not gotten up that night and left him then and there.
Now I thought I was going to marry this guy. I was madly in love with him, or so I thought, even though he had done that to me, that's why I took him back because I believed he loved me just as much and that he had just made a mistake.
Well, come 2 months after we break up, I met a boy who was in one of my classes randomly one night. We really hit it off and we started to hang out a lot. I really like him, and that scares me, and it makes me feel like a bad person. Am I? Tonight he looked at me and told me he really like me, and he knows I just got out of a serious relationship, but he wanted to know if I wanted to be in one with him. Caught up in the moment of looking into his eyes I said I would. Now I am not the type of girl who HAS to have a boyfriend, or NEEDS the attention of a boy at all, but he just came out of no where, and at a not so great timing in my life, but I really do like him, but I am scared. Does this make me a bad person that I am already falling for another boy now 3 months after the boy I thought I was going to marry broke up with me? I don't know what to do....