Wednesday, January 6, 2010

...makes me feel like a bad person.


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I am extremely confused and don't know if I am a bad person or not....

In October my boyfriend of almost 3 years sat me down and told me "he's changed" and that he didnt want to be together anymore. I was devastated to say the least. We had been fighting more than normal recently, but the fights were always stupid and I tried to just let them pass as easily as I could, but he would hold onto them, keeping a tally almost of all the fights, so when another one started he would start into that this was 5th fight in two weeks, or something like that, but even then I still did not see the break up coming.

Earlier in this past summer I went to visit him, because he was taking classes at our college. While I was there I found text messages he had sent to another girl, who I knew (which is a whole other story in its self) but he called her "babe" in one of them, which is what he called me. I was mortified, and he broke down to me that night and I didn't leave him, I stayed, because he seemed to be truly sorry for what he had done. Anyways, I still had trust issues to say the least (because this was now the second girl he had texted behind my back.) So when he told me he was breaking up with me I thought it was so unfair because it had only be 4 months since this event, and one of the reasons he was breaking up with me was because my trust was not fully back. It made me angry that I had stayed with him, that I had not gotten up that night and left him then and there.

Now I thought I was going to marry this guy. I was madly in love with him, or so I thought, even though he had done that to me, that's why I took him back because I believed he loved me just as much and that he had just made a mistake.

Well, come 2 months after we break up, I met a boy who was in one of my classes randomly one night. We really hit it off and we started to hang out a lot. I really like him, and that scares me, and it makes me feel like a bad person. Am I? Tonight he looked at me and told me he really like me, and he knows I just got out of a serious relationship, but he wanted to know if I wanted to be in one with him. Caught up in the moment of looking into his eyes I said I would. Now I am not the type of girl who HAS to have a boyfriend, or NEEDS the attention of a boy at all, but he just came out of no where, and at a not so great timing in my life, but I really do like him, but I am scared. Does this make me a bad person that I am already falling for another boy now 3 months after the boy I thought I was going to marry broke up with me? I don't know what to do....

79 comments:

  1. this doesn't make you a bad person at all, if you have genuine feelings for him you're lucky. It takes some people years to get over serious relationships.

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  2. no if your falling for him it means your emotionally ready to move on from your ex thats a good thing, let him make you happy xx

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  3. Learn from all of your experiences. Become a better, stronger person for it. Do not be afraid to love again...you are not a bad person, and remember, maybe, just maybe, this was how it was always meant to work out.

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  4. Your not a bad person at all. You just don't want to get hurt again you know. I think that it's great that you are giving someone else a shot because sometimes it takes a really long time to get over your ex. This new guy can only help you grow. I'm happy for you. I have never had a boyfriend and this one guy that wants to hang out with me I turn down all the time cause I'm nervous and scared to get hurt or close to someone. But you can only get stronger and prepared for your future relationships.

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  5. If you feel like this could be a good shot, go for it then.

    www.godsgodsgodsmonsters.blogspot.com

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  6. Falling in love is not particularly evil and does not make you a bad person. Enjoy it ! You have not broken any promises as I see it. However, being in love and really love a person for marriage are two very different matters. Enjoy this going out sloooowly and make sure he still loves you when it come with a cost, like patience, understanding, keeping promises... :)

    oslo

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  7. No, If you like him then go for it. There's no official timeline that says you have to wait a certain amount of time before you move on. It doesn't make you a bad person at all so just go with it, he could be so much better than the one before.Good luck x

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  8. LeLove girl, don't worry so much about theories. It takes more than love (cause what you are doing is just feeling love) to make a person "bad". As long as you are ready (and I mean really ready, cause you could hurt this new boy if not), go ahead! Everyone here thinks the same ;) Just keep in mind the other persons feelings (I mean the new boy) and live your life the way you show in here you do. Good luck!!

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  9. Let yourself be loved. You deserve it as much as anyone, and you deserve to spread your inner light, too. You are not a bad person and you do not deserve to be bereft of this wonderful fate of meeting a new person who you feel connected to.

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  10. The same thing happened to me--go for it! I've been with the second guy for 4 years now.

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  11. Exactly the same thing happened to me too, the duration of time together, the event, the scenario, etc.

    However, after a month we broke up another guy asked me out but needless to say now I was not as strong as you and ended up turning him down :(

    I didn’t feel it was right to be with another guy after such a serious relationship and felt it was best to let him find a true love, not a needed love from me because until we can find a way to love ourselves again can we be able to be with another person and share our love I believe.

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  12. This story seems to perfectly highlight something my mother has told me day in and day out "it's when you stop looking for something "special" that you actually find it". How many of us spend sleepless nights hoping, crying, or waiting for Mr. Right to step into our worlds to introduce himself and carry us off in his white hybrid? Well, you spent 3 years with a guy who you made yourself believe was the ONE and only and although that was great, now that you have the opportunity to see someone new I say you let it happen. At least you tried it out and you were honest from the get go.

    best of luck to you!

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  13. i think you are just ready to move on. let's not say you are falling for him. you are ready to move on and found a good guy to look towards seeing, whom makes you smitten. there's a diff. good luck and you are def not a bad person at all!

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  14. gosh, this story reminds me of a lovestory of a friend of mine. i mean it's okay if you fall for somebody. it's 3 three months and not 3 days.
    you just have to know what you do because if you think you are ready to be in a new relationsship, doesnt mean that you really are.
    just like my friend. she had a new boyfriend way too fast and now she regrets this step.

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  15. Obviously you are not a bad person dear .. Go for it .. I've Been in this kind of situation before .. Just remember LOVE is the only one that cures a broken heart .. And I'm certain that u don't want to play a role of broken hearted girl.. It's good that u decided to like another guy .. Lime others said before .. It's not easy to get over someone who used to be a part of your life .. Don't hold it back ..


    All the best for u :)

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  16. That does not make you a bad person at all! My boyfriend cheated on me when we were away from each other for a year, and I forgave him because he was so far away, I loved him, thought we belonged together and all those foolish things that goes trough the mind of a girl blinded by love.. some time after this, he broke up with me because I had trust issues, and I felt the same way as you did, I had forgiven him for the worst thing anyone can do to their loved one, and because I had a hard time getting over it, instead of helping me, he chose the easy way..
    HE is the bad person in this, not you at all! Just be careful, if he suddently want you back now when you are taken, remember what he did and that he did not want you before. Enjoy your new love and leave the old behind! :)

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  17. This was a beautiful post.
    I am kinda going through the same thing right now. I was in a five year relationship and it ended this fall. I have dated other men and then out of no where comes this man that totally swept me off my feet. I am trying not to think about it. I am trying to just go with the flow. Sometimes, you just need to enjoy the ride. This new guy might turn out to be nothing, but at least you won't live your life with regret. If there is a connection, there is something there. You need to cut yourself some slack and just be happy despite what else is going on. :) Good luck. Keep us posted.

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  18. You have spoken my situation word for word. I was recently left by my boyfriend, about a month ago, who had another girl in the back of his mind. I gave him a second chance as well and it came to bite me in the ass, after all i put up with from him and after everything that he claimed he would be. I cannot believe how much this story is coming out of my mouth. Now there is another boy who i have in mind but i'm just not ready. I understand what you mean about being afraid, but if you feel like you are ready then go for it. Just make sure that all feelings for your ex are gone and you are ready to open your heart back up to this new guy, it won't be fair to him if you're not.

    Best of luck and may time heal us both.

    xo.

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  19. I've done this 3 different times and every time within a ½ hour
    my wish comes true!!!
    & My best friend did this and wished for a promotion and she got the call this morning and she got a promotion!!!
    The last time I did this it worked for me too.. I wished for a baby, and you all know what happened (approx. months later).

    I had to give this a shot...


    I'm So sorry about this, but I had to keep it going. The last time I sent this exact e-mail out, I got a new job and now I'm superstitious .

    Start thinking something you really really want, 'cause this is astounding.... the person that sent this to me said their wish came true 10 mins after they read the mail so I thought 'what the heck'. '
    **
    ******
    *******
                    ******
    ******
    **********
    ( , )( , )
       ^
    *.....*
    YOU HAVE JUST BEEN VISITED BY DR. Seuss ' S



    'CAT IN THE HAT'.

    He will grant you one wish.

    MAKE YOUR WISH WHEN THE COUNT DOWN IS OVER.

    10

    9

    8

    7

    6

    5

    4

    3

    2

    1

    0
    ~~~~~~~

    MAKE A WISH!!!!!

    NOW SEND THIS TO 10 PEOPLE WITHIN THE HOUR OF READING THIS.
    IF YOU DON'T,
    YOUR WISH WILL BECOME THE OPPOSITE!

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  20. you're definitely not a bad person.

    In my situation, I wish it just ended with texts; I'm a stupid person for staying.

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  21. You are definitely not a bad person. It's healthy for you to move on, and obviously he didn't even wait until you were broken up to let his heart wander. You no longer have a loyalty to him, and I know you care about him very much and don't want to hurt him the way he hurt you... but if you have feelings for someone else you better go for it! Love is a beautiful thing. :)

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  22. My (secret) Fiance, and partner of 2 years broke up with me, leaving me heartbroken and devastated, and less than a month later i was in a new relationship. Don't feel like you're a bad person, or betraying what you had, sometimes your psyche can just make the leap to survive that kind of blow. The only advice I can give is to take it slow- don't push yourself to love this guy, let it become love if it's going to. And don't forget that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them, and maybe just loving them is fine- and maybe one day, when you feel safe enough, you'll wake up one morning and realise that you're in love with them too... and maybe you won't- and that's ok. Just take it slow, and give yourself room to breathe- if this new guy is worth it he'll understand- and he sounds like he does.
    I wish you the best of luck sweetheart, and take care of yourself.

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  23. Sometimes the big loves of our lives come at the worst times.
    See where it goes.
    You can't be a bad person because even though you THOUGHT you would marry him, it clearly wasn't going to happen. It was just who you WANTED him to be, not who he was.
    Now you can see clearly.
    I hope everything works out for you.

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  24. You're not a bad person at all!
    Don't think that!
    I really hope this new thing works out for you, and you learn not to be scared.

    www.loveandlifeinpictures.blogspot.com

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  25. you should always put yourself first, you should always think that you deserve the best. If you like this guy, hold on to him - because this 3 years-experience with your ex learned you so much things and the guy you met now, is maybe the one you really should be with. maybe it's fate, maybe not. I don't know. I just think you should hold on to him - because love does not come every day.

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  26. You should tell the new boy that you need to take it slow. If you like him, you should give it a chance.
    You are not a bad person.. you just want to be happy.

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  27. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this...go for it, you always meet people when you don't expect to.

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  28. You should really go for it. I would give anything even for an oppurtunity like this! You're worth it believe me, and most certainly, you're not a bad person!
    +++++
    k

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  29. only ONE THING to do..BE HAPPY! and go with whatever makes you feel good. Screw your ex, you should have fallen for the new guy the day after he broke up with you. Everything happens for a REASON!... the other one's departure was only to make way for something/one better.
    TheVelvetReport.blogpsot.com

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  30. No, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you've changed too. And it also means that, like the first to comment mentioned, you're emotionally ready to look beyond your ex and seek a good, healthy relationship elsewhere. This is definitely a good thing! If you like this new person, and you think you could be happy with him, then jump at a chance at happiness! If your ex ever comes around and tells you its wrong, don't listen to him. Hes already told you hes changed, so he can't be mad at you for growing yourself, and he gave you reason to move on anyway. Go for it!

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  31. NO. I am 25 and haven't been single since my freshman year of college, (not technically at least). Everyone says I have some sort of problem and need to be in a relationship, but that's crap. If I find some one worth loving, I love them until they don't deserve it anymore. Give, give, give, until your heart explodes. That's my motto. Ideally, though, you will never reach critical mass, because the more love you put out then the more love you get. So if you love, love, love, then now, or when you're 90, all you'll get is love, love, love. And everyone who said otherwise can suck it.

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  32. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON AT ALL!! just a girl who's lucky enough to fall in love, even if the timing is not perfect :) my best wishes!

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  33. I think that this is a great opportunity for you to enjoy what love/infatuation is about. You've been in a 3 year relationship and through thick and thin. You are afraid of what type of person you'd be if you let this happen, but already I think you are a good person to ask yourself this. That tells me that you're a good person who reflects back on your actions. But I do advise that you take this opportunity to get off stress of series relationship, and take things slow to see where this can go. Remember, people change over years. Like your ex, this person can too be another person just alike, but you'd be smart enough to detect it sooner. Good luck to you. My heart goes out to you...
    -Anais

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  34. you're not a bad person at all.
    I understand why you would feel that way. i agree that your feelings now just means that you're ready to move on. Don't be scared. Just do what makes you happy. :)

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  35. this is hapening to me, exactly the same thing.

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  36. The first part definitely happened to me. What's happening does NOT make you a bad person. You need to move at your own pace - but also, don't let opportunities pass because you're scared. This new boy is not your ex, so don't compare evenly. You only live once, so make mistakes, learn from them, learn from others, and live your life. C'est la vie!

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  37. of course not! i know it may make you scared because you're like "maybe i don't actually love this guy" or "i fall for guys too easily" -- but i bet you if you waited you would see that it wasn't like that. it's just luck and perhaps fate that this guy showed up! go for it :)

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  38. Sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can come together.

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  39. as long as he's not just a rebound, no you're not being a bad person :]

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  40. you're just in the stage of confuse. just follow your heart says :)

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  41. How else are you to move on? Get on with your life! Love is nothing to feel bad about.

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  42. Of course you're not a bad person! If anything, i admire your courage in accepting your former boyfriend after he wasn't very nice to you, and in being strong enough to give someone your heart again so soon. You deserve as much as anyone to love and be loved, and there is no wrong time for that. Good luck :)

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  43. i just found now a cool website to find love http://get-love.weebly.com

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  44. You are absolutely not a bad person. Your boyfriend broke up with you and was flirting with other girls while you were together. Even if you met someone the very next day, you would not be a bad person. It's great that you met someone so soon who can help you move on with your life. I hope all goes well and he treats you right.

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  45. I doesn't make a bad person at all! That makes you human! And do not close the door to love! Really!

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  46. just let yourself feel...and feel it all!

    <3

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  47. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing that is meant for you will ever pass you by. x

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  48. Your not a bad person. This (d-bag) of 3 years is out behind your back only to get angry that after some months you don't trust him again. Even though he did this TWICE.

    Your not a bad person at all. So what you meet this guy? So what if he treats you better? So what, life is about risks. This one seems like a risk worth taking, though doesn't seem like a risk at all.

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  49. Hi! I just have to say, that I think you are brave! You seem like a strong girl, who knows what shes doing! I don't think you're a bad person at all, I mean, you really can't help who you fall for, or when you do it! There are people who fall for other people, when they're already in a relationship! You're not in a relationship, and I really think you should go with this new one, because out of what you write, it really seems like this boy likes you! In the end, it's your life, and you deside what you want to do with it!

    Good luck, you're not a bad person!

    ♥ Elisabeth

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  50. This doesn't make you a bad person at all, it's a good thing that you move on! Hope you'll have a wonderful relationship with this new guy :)

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  51. I completely understand that you feel guilty, but you truly have to reason to. You cared about one person, and you can care about someone else again. And if this guy happens to be a good person that you truly care about, it shouldn't matter how long ago you and your ex broke up. You are not at fault, and you deserve to move on and be happy.

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  52. ready to move on from your ex thats a good thing, let him make you happy

    Work from home India

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  53. No way, that doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes the best cure for old love is new love.

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  54. You should not feel guilty about liking someone new. It's ok to move on. Some people are meant to be in your lifetime, while others only for a short period. A few years ago, my ex broke up with me. I was heartbroken. I lost lots of weight and was miserable. A new guy came along and I fought the fact that I really liked him. We didn't oficially become a couple until almost two months after our first date. I finally learned that I had to let go. And guess what... I'm now happily married to "the new guy". And my ex is happy with the girl he left me for ...with a baby and all. Don't be afraid to move on...especially if it seems like your ex has.

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  55. Life is short. Do what makes you smile. I started a new relationship 2 weeks after ending a 6 year one. Sometimes the long relationships are over a long time before they officially end.

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  56. this doesn't make you bad. it makes you brave, and resilient, and beautiful beyond measure.

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  57. Everyone deserve to be happy, why over think everything? Do whatever that makes you happy :)

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  58. You can't help it that this boy comes around right?
    And your ex broke up with you so you have all the right to move on, even though it's a little quick.

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  59. It's natural for human wanted to be happy. Go for it, you'll never know..

    We're humans can only move along to get ourself closer to happiness :)

    Best of luck!

    xoxo

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  60. OMG NO HAVE FUN GIRL AND GET IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. THAT OTHER GUYS A TOOL AND DOESN'T DESERVE YOUR MOURN.

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  61. your not a bad person! I myself just got out of a 7 year relationship in august, (he said i didn't make him happy anymore,i too thought i would marry him) but 2 months later i ran into an old acquaintance and we hit it off. i told myself,"i'm not gonna rush into anything serious, i'm just gonna have fun, blah blah blah...", but i started to fall for this new guy. he was everything my ex wasn't and then i thought to myself, why wait? for who? this person wants to spend time with ME! and i enjoy spending time with HIM! if you like him, and your happy with this new guy, then go for it!

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  62. you're not a bad person at all.(:
    but don't treat him like a rebound guy though! (:

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  63. That's how it happens. It comes out of nowhere. When you least expect it. And sometimes when you aren't sure you even want it. But it happens. Just like that. Embrace it.

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  64. You are not a bad person. The opportuity for happiness comes to us at not always the ideal time, whether or not we feel we are ready for it or we fear how other people will veiw us. Embrace it, see where it goes, you never know how happy this could make you.

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  65. you're not a bad person. at all.

    let him love you. <3

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  66. No way does this make you a bad person. There is nothing wrong with finding someone that makes you happy, you deserve to be. It would be wrong for you to sit around and mourn about a boy who did not appreciate you as much as you appreciated him.

    Let yourself be happy. :)

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  67. it means your emotionally ready to move on from your ex thats a good thing, let him make you happy

    Work from home India

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  68. There is never anything wrong with wanting to be loved and to love... =]

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  69. you are not a bad person in the slightest. this reminds me so much of my own situation, but letting yourself into something else can really be a wonderful thing. for me it was only 1 month, but i can tell you that it's the best thing i could have ever done. so don't hold back and don't think of yourself a bad person. you deserve love and that's all.

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  70. Story of my life! :( Compared to me, you are an angel! Don't ever apologize for emotions, to do so is to apologize for the truth! Live your life!

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  71. What a surprise! I had no idea this blog would have more personal posts. I avoided this blog for a long time after being dumped from someone and therefore I'm still bitter about love. So I def was not about to visit a blog devoted to love stuff. I am a regular reader of your Le Fashion and Le Smoking. I guess tonight I was too curious.

    I am so sorry this happened to you. Screw that guy. Obviously you did nothing wrong as he was conversing with some chick while you were still together. I really believe that those awful, weird and basically nonsenical feelings you had/have (and I had a year ago) is insanity speaking, the insanity that comes after getting shut down by your love. Asking if you did wrong?! That's the broken heart talking. I wish for you (and myself frankly) for the strength to endure the time it takes for this shit to wash away.

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  72. CARPE DIEM darling :)

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  74. What exactly you're writing is a horrible mistake.

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