Monday, January 11, 2010

dear dad


Dear dad,

I wont ever be able to love until i get over this.
Because i cant be myself around guys
always must be happy
always sweet
always surface
always fake


I never could show you my real face,
always wore this smile for you even when i was burning inside.
tears of rage.
rage of rage.
hold it all in. never let you see me hurt
daddy's little princess always.
Now i see it clearly.
How can i open myself up to any other male
when i could never even open myself up to you?
I locked away my heart because i saw how you hurt mum over and over.

i went searching for my heart the other day and found that it was gone.
maybe i hid it away so well that it disappeared to another place where lost things go.
like that room in hogwarts?
Or maybe locked away in this airless casket it suffocated and died.

Now they call me fake
but how can i help it when i don't trust any of them.
how can i give away my heart when i don't think i even have one.

i wish i was still 6 years old,
when you would put me on your shoulders and all my problems seemed smaller than me.
I wish you could make this better for me again

Yours always,

Your little girl,
Your daughter,

your little and broken girl


  1. i can relate to every word written, it just makes me die inside.

  2. ohh.. it really made me cry.

  3. I am so sorry for your feelings, dear. Shouldn't you tell it to your father? It might be easier for you later, in all ways.

  4. this is so sad. beautifully written, but sad.

  5. I also can relate to almost every of these words.. really touching i can tell you. don't remember how i found this blog i just know i love it

  6. Very strong message. I cant relate with the text, but i can feel her "pain" :( you will find your heart!

  7. Aww :(. I can relate to some of this, definitely. I'm sorry you feel this way, and I hope you find what you're looking for.

  8. When I read this, it felt like the words were coming out of me.
    I have a dad like that. He broke me, mom and my siblings.
    Haven't ever been able to get close with a male.. ever.
    I simply can't find my way in anything. I barely know myself.

  9. wow this really hit me hard. I completely understand whomever wrote this. I don't speak to my father and have had many of the same names and problems in this note. sorry someone else had to feel this way too.

  10. wow I feel the same & can totally relate.

  11. i agree with the other comment, the words felt like they were coming from me ):

  12. your feelings is so close to my experience of life.. i needed a long time, while learned to be myself with people, while realized, what i really want from life and men and that i may to want it. this is actually the best thing i have learned by myself, that i may want exactly what i want or may don´t want something what i really dislike. but it took some time, while i got it. now i am learning to build my life according to this discovery. this is hard enough, but very fruitful..

  13. Today is my father's birthday and this post hit me so hard.
    I, too, wish I could tell my father more.

    But unlike this girl my father has always loved my mother and treated her fairly. I don't take that for granted. She shouldnt either.

    Check out my blog! <3


  14. it's crazy how much our parents can affect our dating life. it's sad. you def can't move on or forward until you work out these feelings though.

  15. Heartbreaking story, but beautifully written. I relate to this more than I want to admit. Thank you for sharing.

  16. this made me cry too... i can relate to this so well! people say we have daddy issues and yes we do. i never wanted to admit because i didn't want people to take advantage of me. slowly i'm trusting men again by making friendships with them. but i don't ever know if i will be able to be the strong women i am with a men in my life because my dad taught me the way to a men's heart is to suppress everything i am and please the men in my life.... i can relate to this so well, thank-you for writing this... its true, how can i ever trust a men when i can't even trust you, my dad one of the single most important man in my life, to look out for me when you, my dad have never had my best interest at heart and never truly loved my mom but stayed with her to fill your own need to know you are worth something and a women could possibly like you... you messed up so horribly dad... how can i be your perfect little girl when i've never had a proper childhood and only been a kid with adult responsibilities and live as your slave...

  17. Wow, thank you so much for posting this. It is so beautiful and so relatable not with just a father but other hurtful male figures. This poem is amazingly written and thought out. In addition to whoever wrote this i am so sorry and your heart will never be lost you just have to find it. Besides, nothing is ever lost until you give up looking for it. I promise, please feel better.

  18. this hit me pretty deep. my father went to jail in november 08 for abusing his two step daughters his grand daughter and as i found out me as well. i had blocked it out so well that i cant tell you details to this day. i hadnt seen my dad since i was 11 im 23 now.. this pretty much destroyed my world. my family uses is as an excuse for all my problems now.. im just getting over struggling with an eating disorder for 5 years and when we did our first therapy session in july she used "she was sexually abused as a child" as an excuse.. everyone acts on tip toes around me. even friends who i havent seen since high school and saw it on the news act weird around me.

    this entry hit me hard... because i know there will come a day when i have to testify at a parole hearing.. and there is so much i could say.. if i wasnt so scared.

  19. You should change the name of this blog to "le heartbreak". It used to be so happy and uplifting with beautiful pictures and inspiring quotes. Now it is all hatred and spite and sadness. I miss the old le love. We all have hurt in our lives, but can't anyone find something happy to submit? The posts in the recent months have not reflected the real kind of love at all in my opinion. The focus seems to have shifted purely to hurt and that makes me so sad. I hope it can be brightened again soon! I hope someone is inspired to submit a story about lovers on a Sunday afternoon walk, or how much love family brings to our lives.

    Sorryif I'm being rude. I think I'm kind of trying to be. But only so you'll bring the old blog back, promise? You can write about my beautiful daughter, piper! And the love she has brought the world..anything!

  20. :'( teaaaaars! okaay not really, but almost! so so so moving! i guess we all have daddy issues at some point..

  21. I love this. Very well written and probably one of my favorite posts so far.

  22. thank you for posting this.
    thank you to whoever wrote this. because even though i go thru these very same feelings practically three times a day with my own father, it makes me smile a little wider on the outside for the simple fact that somewhere somebody i dont even know is feeling the same way. there is a comfort to know that you arent the only one with a specific problem-and not in the sick way that misery loves company-but almost to make your problem less significant-the reality that you-I- am not the only one with father daughter issues, helps me breathe a little easier and get a few ballerina steps closer to letting go of the rage and pain to let in the good.
    thank you

  23. thats me, every word you wrote is me and my dad. And it fits perfectly to my world. Just that I wish i was 2 again.

  24. I'm also thankful for you writing about this kind of love. I've never been able to trust my dad and now when I think back on my life and all those crushes I've had, all the other boys or men I've loved, has always been something to replace that lonelyness my dad gave me and that comfert I've never felt. I hate it. We never talk about feelings and the only times he tells me that he loves me is when he's wasted.ahhhhh. I wish I just could let him go and forget how many times he has hurt me. but I cant, because still, he will always be my father.

  25. Hey dear that was really moving. Just want to say that there are many girls out there (me included), who can actually relate to this. And i know its so hard to start trusting again, and its hard when you see other friends around you with perfect families. It sounds cliche, but really, be thankful for what you have. If you're healthy and whole, be thankful that you have the chance to love, to learn, and to forgive. Because there are other people out there who dont even have that.
    I hope you learn to love again (:

  26. i totally feel you. but the thing is, you're heart isn't lost. broken, yes. that's why i think you're afraid. i am too.

  27. it makes me sad that so many of us feel this so heavily on our hearts. it was near unbearable to see on paper, yet so completely tangible unlike any other way to express such feelings.
    just excellent. thank you.

    alice d.

  28. it makes me sad that so many of us feel this so heavily on our hearts. it was near unbearable to see on paper, yet so completely tangible unlike any other way to express such feelings.
    just excellent. thank you.

    alice d.

  29. I can relate to always having to keep a smiling face, a light heart, 'yes, everything is great'. It's really difficult when what I really need is a Dad to give his shoulder for me to cry and say 'actually, today was a shitty day, shitty month'. I understand.

    But you have to somehow realize that you deserve love and someone to share you happiness and sorrows with. If we can't find it in our Dads, then you absolutely deserve to find it in a love. Your heart is not dead. It may be beating softer... but I promise it's there.

    You deserve love.


  30. I can't more than what is written here .. so all I can say now is "thanks for this blog.."


  31. This made me cry. A puddle, I'm a puddle.
    It's.. not nice... reassuring to know I'm not the only one, and that everyone who's commented can relate on some level and has experienced this. It's sad, in a way, but also nice how it sort of links everyone together.

    I don't think it's fair to tell you to tell him. It's not something you decide you're ready for. Something this big will come out right and only come out when the time comes, and when it does come, you'll know. If it never comes, then trust that it didn't have to.

    At least, that's what I tell myself.

    Your post makes me brave, thank you.


  32. you made my cry, but I love the words

  33. Your little poem moved me a lot and every single word touched my soul because I experienced myself something similar.. and it is painful. I know it.. I felt also too many times that my heart is broken and is crying inside. I did not believe that so many people went through the same situation. What I have learned from my experience is that before getting married, one have to think twice..and to learn to forgive and forget.. in order to move on. I am still searching for love!

  34. thank you for sharing. wishing you peace.

  35. brave to put these feelings in writing like i never could
    thank you

  36. this is my life to a T

  37. in my case, it's my mum hurting dad. oh god..

    lovely post

  38. I had an abusive father and this poem really resonated with me. I am the broken girl. It feels like she said everything that I've stored inside for so many years...

  39. I'm not sure it ever goes away for good, but it does get better than this.

    Either this post is a mirror of the past and you already know what I just said, or it's how you feel right now - in which case you're getting there.

    Healthy approach is: you have to find out who you are in spite of this. Wrong step: to let it be your excuse.

  40. beautifully written. I relate to this more than I want to admit. Thank you for sharing.

    Work from home India

  41. oh comon.
    get over it olready..

    most of what we are, is what we make out of it for ourselves.
    so stop searching for someone to blame, and try changin things instead ...
    its called growing up ..

  42. Little and broken girl, I want to tell you that I know what you are writing through your beautiful poem! I have been through difficult times too! You are not alone.. unfortunately there are many too many children in the world that were abused by their parents or relatives. Be strong and try to find your true self! Love your self for you are! Every person is beautiful for what one is! I think you are strong enough, you found the strenght to put the pain you fell in words and you made a poem..
    La Vie en Rose.

  43. I know you. Or at least, i wish I did. This could have practically been written by me.

  44. i like can say every word here
    it's so hard to tell someone that you've wanted to love you - the one person in the world that should love you unconditionally by nature; and yet he's the one that hurts you the most and pushes you away from everyone else that tries to love you too. but it's true. you can't love someone until you achieve this with dad. i literally just realized this the other night.

  45. i can relate all too well i hope all gets well you never can find that missing piece unless this person feels and understand wats gong on. it does messes up relationships

  46. I soo can relate to this.. cause I'm in the same position right now, I always mke myself distance from the boys.. Well i make friends with most of them, but when there's one who try to get closer I go.

    But now I'm with someone who I can say that I love him enough to not leave. Because he's everything that my father's not.

    It takes time, cause even now my dad still cheated :(
    but now I believe that not all guys out there is like my father, because I try to let myself open..
    (before him, there's been 2 major heartbreaks, I'm enough with this girlfriend-boyfriend things)
    And here I am right now..
    Supporting my mom and myself for the best, and praying that good things will come at anytime soon..

    You too be tough! let a bit loose on yourself sweetheart, you only live once... and NOT every man out there is the same.. give them a chance.. :-)


  47. Did I write this and forget doing so? This is so me. Thank you for it.

  48. This is such a touching and passionate post. I can completely relate to it. It's scary how much things we viewed in our childhood can affect us as adults both subconsciously and consciously. Sometimes the pain of not being able to love is worse, i think, then loving and losing.

  49. Really, it´s very sad, but fantastic.

    A. Küttner

  50. oh woah can i can relate to this.

  51. so beautiful. and so me.

  52. wow. this is so beautiful in its sadness. and look how many others can relate.
    just to write these words down is so brave.

  53. I would love to include you in my new documentary I am making! Part of the documentary is about the Prince Charming Effect. Please email me at:

    also check out these links to see what our project is.
    my personal website:

    I look forward to hearing from you

  54. Lara, it's those losers who call you fake.

  55. I cried in front of my mum, who tried so hard to save me from my father, and couldn't explain why. Wherever you are, know that you are not the only broken little girl. Thinking of you and all the members of our little club always. Nous apprendrons à aimer, ma cherie. Stay strong. <3

  56. Daddy issues, hot - in the words of Barney Stinson


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