Friday, January 29, 2010

can still be friends


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Dear Best Friend,

15 years ago. I was dating your friend. My high school sweetheart. You were a good friend. Your friend and I, we got married. We had babies. We moved away. You too. Heard your wife drove your family crazy.

11 years later, I'm divorcing. I'm moving back "home". You're dating your first girlfriend. Everything ends. My divorce is final. We're both free.

We sit on my porch. We smoke. We laugh. We brood. We're lonely.

You're my companion. We fit so easily together. I start looking forward to Chinese food on the weekends; highlight of my week.

1 year goes by. Bad idea to date friends.
But we've known each other for so long.
But don't want to loose my friend.
But we could still be friends after... Right?

Finally, it happens! A kiss!
A wonderful, perfect kiss.
Our friends aren't surprised. "It's about time."
Birds are singing. The sky, never bluer.

6 months. What if we ended up together? What if this is it? Who's going to do the dishes?

7 months. Who are you and what have you done with my friend? Please put him back where you found him. Thank you.

8 months. I'm writing this. Maybe friends shouldn't date? Maybe this is down. Maybe I should wait for up.

I'm wondering if we can still be friends afterward.

26 comments:

  1. i'm shaken. how familiar this is! i went on holiday with my friend. we became best friends and more. and the more is too strange; i don't see how we can return to being just friends.

    i hope you remember the nights on the porch, whatever you decide to do.

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  2. Sometimes you can't avoid being more than friends with someone. it just happens. and it depends on both sides if a friendship can be accepted when the relationship ends.

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  3. I wonder all the time if it makes sense to date a good friend. Who knows you better than your best male friend of 10 years? But...you don't want to ruin the friendship by adding intimacy. But...why does that have to ruin anything? Aren't the most lasting relationships founded on solid friendships?

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  4. a friend once told me it is great when best friends fall in love and get together but when they break up what happens then? you can't just go back to being best friends because it is just too weird.

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  5. It's chemistry. You can't stop it. But you can based a relationship on chemistry only.

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  6. you can easily fall in love with a friend..but you can't be friends with someone you love after you break up. the bigger problem is that love is not by choice! it's chemistry, as Jane Jones said. so, you can't say friends shouldn't fall in love...it's out of our hands.

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  7. agreed! out of our hands who we fall for and who we want to be with.

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  8. good writing. and good comments!

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  9. nice writing.
    I get overwhelmed by all this love.

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  10. wow... this is so emotional. actually I would like to leave something that expresses my feeling, but I don't know what. I only can wish you all the best.

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  11. love has no rules andfriendship kinda has.. so it's up to you if you can go back from being lovers to just friends.. maybe you can maybe he can't at all? it's all so complicated and wierd.. all based on different emotions and sensations and for all of us it's different. I just hope it isn't anything you regret.. and mostly to not regret anything you must be sure you did what you did because you really felt that way, not because YOU WANTED TO feel that way..

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  12. if I were in this situation, I wouldn't start to give myself any rules. I would just go with the flow of things, life just happens to work out better when you stop trying to make every relationship in your life perfect. I think that if you have a good mind and a good heart, you will also have a good instinct and know what you need to do. I am not an expert relationship guru, but I know that love happens when it is not forced and when you put your expectations away...
    I have a poem for you that you may like.. I think I owe it to you after yesterdays mishap:

    "I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped."
    -frederick s. perls

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  13. haha, i get you... :/

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  14. I, too, hope whatever happens, you remember the days and nights on the porch.

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  15. you can't be friends afterwards. that's how it goes.

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  16. So sad, but my experience says that it'll never work out afterwards. You simply can't stop thinkin about what was, and what could have been.

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  17. My god my god. I've fallen in love with your blog.

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  18. Perfect! This is totally it! I loved your words and I swear, I could right the same text tonight. Sometime we think we are luck the love oer best friend but now, I do not know if it is a good idea. There is a time we are not dating, we are not friends, we are not anything... Scares me! I do not lose a frind and, confess, even the "boyfriend". Just because it sets so fine...

    May I copy it? I write down it is you text for sure!

    Actualy, I write about weddings just because was the way I found to dedicated to love. the good, the bad and the unknown...

    See you around!

    Andrea Mentor - Brazil

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  19. I ended up dating my best friend, and we've been together for 6 months now. I believe friends can date. After 6 months the end is still far away.. I actually believe we're ment to be. That we will never end. Some people are just right.

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  20. Ugg this is a tough question I often find myself dealing with. There have been many times when I do not risk it to preserve the friendship, because it really is a risk. However there have been a couple of times when it just happened and we ended up kissing and then dating. Dating a good friend has its pros and cons, as you know. But really, you won't know until you actually try and find out. So it's a risk that you have to decide for yourself if it's worth taking, or maybe life will decide for you and it will just happen like it once did for me. And after, when you're broken up, it can still work if you are both willing and put forth some effort. Relationships are crazy and confusing and complicated...but are the core of our existence.

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  21. Heartwrenching... and familiar.
    It's never the same. Never.

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  22. Well, I do not actually imagine it is likely to have effect.

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