Sunday, January 17, 2010

apology



I think I may have lost that one person.That you want to hate but you can't because despite all the pain you love them so much. Hate is not an option. I still love you I fear I always will. I know it is mostly my fault for resisting you and putting up a barrier. Something I created out of knowing that you could break my heart in a moment. I think I may have lost you. And I just want you to know I am sorry.I just wish you could see how much I love you. And I hate myself for not showing it to you more. And now I have learned too late that barriers don't protect me they just hurt you. And that breaks my heart more then anything. I loved you right away because you saw through me and did not care how hard I made it. You were kind and generous. I love you with all my heart and I hope you can somehow forgive me for pushing you away. You made me delicate and I wake up crying thinking of how far you are. I am sorry for playing hard to get after the games were over. I love you with all my heart.

47 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh that's exactly what i've been wanting to say to someone!

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  2. distance is a bitch! even when we create it..

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  3. love it.

    but i wish it hadn't been written, because i wish nobody else knew how it felt. simply because it is the worst feeling.

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  4. That is very sad! I've never been in love but it sounds painfull. Kara

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  5. I think that I too might have lost that one person - and for exactly the same reason - it's so sad

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  6. This is goooooood :) please follow me ?http://rachelmeaninglessmusings.blogspot.com/ Id love some advice your blog = perfection x x

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  7. http://beautyvaccine.blogspot.com/

    aw booo :(

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  8. ive the been person left by someone who put up barriers, who left w/o any real explanation. i know he won't ever realize what hes done or come back. i just know that hes changed the person i am forever.

    funny how putting so much of into urself to make someone delicate can end up making u urself so rough.

    sorry if i sound bitter.

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  9. i almost feel like i could have written this myself. whats done is done. its best to just learn from your mistakes and never do it again.

    mucho amor-

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  10. i wish i could have "that person" write me something like this. for the time being i think i would forgive in a heartbeat.

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  11. it sounds like i wrote this, it's the same thing i'm feeling.

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  12. where is the picture from?

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  13. I wish you the best of luck.

    :)

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  14. That is so beautiful! I know how you feel

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  15. He did this to me and i still love him.

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  16. i speak this quite often.. staying busy on a constant to avoid thinking of what i crave yet fear to the bone.. love that is, a sense of denial.

    my friend once told me “if you continuously build walls, you’ll repeatedly run into them” - sigh.

    i hope he forgives you <3

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  17. I was that person too. but I couldn't figure it out until after I had gotten on the next plane home from visiting and decided that he's a heartless jerk for being distant and ungrateful to have me.

    I know we both feel terrible.
    and I wish it didn't have to end that way.

    I'm sorry this kind of thing happens.

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  18. "ive the been person left by someone who put up barriers, who left w/o any real explanation. i know he won't ever realize what hes done or come back. i just know that hes changed the person i am forever.

    funny how putting so much of into urself to make someone delicate can end up making u urself so rough.

    sorry if i sound bitter."

    I'm going through the same situation right now. The first thing on my mind each morning when I wake up and the last thing before I fall asleep each night is him. I feel bitter, angry,sad. I wish I could hate him but I love him with all my heart and I hate myself for loving him. Everyday I try to understand his reasons for leaving me but I can't, not knowing is the hardest thing of it all. Not having a final goodbye, remebering our last conversation on the phone breaks my heart. I said I wouldn't try to call him but I did and he can't even answer the phone. I wish he was here with me or I wish we could just say goodbye but it was all so sudden I just don't understand. I wish he knew how I felt and that it made a difference, that somehow it mattered. We will always be unfinished business.

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  19. like many of us that commented, i know exactly how you feel.i pushed someone very special away and now i'm too scared to apologize.i'm afraid is too late now.and the worst part is that i didn't only lose my love but also my best friend:(

    im sorry our hearts betray us like this.

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  20. it's never too late, I think

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  21. nic, im the person u quoted above.

    i was just like u up until 2 weeks ago. i said i wouldnt contact him. but i always sad about him, missing him, thinking about him, still caring about him. i thought itd help if i sent him one last email telling him all that, telling him i didnt get why he got so close if it didnt mean enough, telling him if it was this or that, i still didnt get it, nothing made sense. and i still cared about him/missed him etc. i told him i was writing that to just get it all out of my system (part of me obviously hoped it would also make a difference)

    well i got my response. he told me to get over it, there was no reason he just wasnt feeling it, n i had to get over it. i was crushed.

    i started writing this wishing i could offer some advice, but im just left w/ the realization that i just feel foolish, bitter, betrayed (by myself and by him), stupid...just...too many things. BUT for the most part, not sad anymore, not desperate over him anymore. just wish i hadnt let myself be played.

    my advice, do whatever it takes to move on, if it means saying what u think, pushing him till he finally forcefully pushes u away, but dont be sad anymore. a person who let u go is not worth the sadness and desperation. u are a full person who put themselves out there. be proud of that, learn from it, n try to move on. if i figure out a way to not be bitter n angry lemme know lol

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  22. ** typo to the last line, if YOU figure out a way to not be bitter n angry lemme know

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  23. I feel he hides from we and and I just can't believe this is him. I've tried reaching out to him, I've send him 3 emails, one was angry and he responded to that one and said he felt confused and I was great and he wished he could just hold me (wish gave me hope). The second one was just a few lines in reply to that, it was mostly sad and the third one was just writting what I felt. See I never got that chance to say anything. I tried calling him a couple of times but I get no answer. Yes, I did love him and open myself to him and I still love him even though I wish I felt nothing. All I want is closure. It wasn't that we wore together for years but I meant every word I ever said to him. He wasn't my first love but he was important to me, he was wonderful and even if he is whatever it is that he is... I love who he was and I just can't stop feeling. I'm not begging, I just want peace and at least end it with integrity, at least be man enough to face me. But I can't keep on trying to talk to him and not getting a response. As if I was the one who hurt him. What hurts me the most is the disappointment. Was it all a game or did it mean anything at some point?
    If I do find a way, I'll let u know LOL

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  24. im going through the same thing and it is the most painful experience of my life
    i lost the only person ive ever loved and thought it was forever.. the pain is so deep that i hate to admit that i loved him
    im still in love with him

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  25. Picture was taken in Berlin at a weird little photo when I was visiting him for the holidays.

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  26. photo booth* I meant to say.

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  27. Wow.. Amazing text !
    I love this blog. I check it everyday. :)

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  28. i just know what you talking about..

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  29. i stopped building my walls right before he came into my life and i couldn't be happier about it.

    trust yourself. it's worth it.

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  30. wish I had known this before it all ended. I still miss him. I keep hoping I'll get a message from him, but I don't. The sad part is, he was the one that wronged me. I work with him, so I see him everytime I work, and it just hurts more. It sucks. I'm happy he's happy, but I still feel like shit. I just wish I'd start feeling better so I can move on.

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  31. i really felt this one when i read it- i have never experienced the situation before, but reading this makes me feel all the hardships you went through. I'll read it and take it as a lesson. best of luck in the future =] its not just one person for every human in the world =]

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  32. I love this. it's really touching. <3 and it says so much and I know how you feel.

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  33. I thought that I was all alone. Thinking those exact same thoughts. I thought no one else had thought those thoughts. I didn't hope no one had.

    But I don't know for sure that I have lost him. Not yet, not for sure.

    He is still there, in my class, in the room I'm in. Sitting on the bench right in front of me. Sitting at my table with my friends. Waving good-bye and giving me the look I still die for.

    I want to hate him. So bad. So that I can forget him and not hate me. But I just cant. I think I want to fall for him. DOWN, DOWN, DOWN. Over and out. But I don't think he looks at me that way, not now. I had my chance but then I had my wall and I think it's fallen now.

    I want him next to me. I wan't him to let me know that he wants me. That he does all those things for a reason. He remembers. I remember.

    Create a the future you want with me, give me your hand and I'll dance with you. Give me your heart and I'll love it like no one ever had before. I'll be your last if you will be mine.

    I'll be yours. Because your are my starlight, you are my song.

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  34. Time will show why he is not the one for you at that moment. Believe. Trust yourself. Maybe it is for your own good.

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  35. im sorry. i love you so much.pls forgive me

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  36. "like many of us that commented, i know exactly how you feel.i pushed someone very special away and now i'm too scared to apologize.i'm afraid is too late now.and the worst part is that i didn't only lose my love but also my best friend:(

    im sorry our hearts betray us like this."

    Omg. I read the text and then I saw the comments and my heart, it just stopped in my chest for a moment. And it brought tears to my eyes. For what I've done and what I've lost and what I may possibly never regain again. This is such a terrible feeling...

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  37. i love ur blogs...it always makes me to look at myself again..n what i've been through :)

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  38. This is exactly what I have been feeling lately!

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  39. I feel exactly the same way... I hope one dy he can forgive me... love is a Bitch... son day is son lovely and other is so paintfull

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