I've always been a "player", a restless person that has very easy to have crushes on cute boys but I had only been in love once, with my boyfriend when I was 15.
I had boyfriends after that but
-I wasn't faithful
-or I didn't say to anyone that we were a couple because I didn't wanted to keep the options open
-or I did something on purpose that made my boyfriends break up with me. Then I didn't need to take The Talk and they couldn't beg me to stay, beg us to try because they broke up with me.
I was cold, egoistic and I thought I wasn't capable to love another person, to be in love with another person and thought I was way too troubled to have a normal relationship.
I ended it with one of my crushes this summer and a couple of weeks later I went to a party at a friends place. It was a festival in my town and it was the fourth day of partying. I wasn't very social and the last thing I wanted was one of those drunk unserious flirts.
And I met him pretty early in the evening. He was a friend to my friend's best friend's crush and I thought he was one of those really goodlooking people that knows how hot they are and are impolite and bored if you're not in their league. But we talked and he wasn't impolite - just shy. When it was time to go, me and him went to the carousels and he held my hand because I'm so scared of heights and while everyone around us danced to some crappy coverband, we just stood there and have had more fun that evening than I have had with friends I've known my whole life. And he kissed me and we went to a concert where he held me the whole time and he took my number but I thought he'd never call me.
He did the next day and we decided to meet the next weekend (because then we didn't live in the same city). After that I told everyone I knew, my friends and family that I'd met someone, even if I didn't know what he thought of me or where it was going. We were just like 15-year-olds hanging out, making out, going to the sea, having a great time and getting to know each other.
Then met the weekend after that. And the third weekend we talked about us and decided to be a couple. We've met every weekend (and as much as we can now that we live closer) since we met that sweet summers saturday night.
He did something no one has ever did to me. There is no other guy for me and for the first time I just know he feels the same. Every time I see his name, smell the shirt he left last time he was here, or his shampoo, or if I see things that reminds me of him, I get nervous and the butterflies take over my whole body.
He makes me laugh so much that I can't quit and we always have so much fun with each other. We stay up playing videogames, drinking beer, bowling, kissing, watch movies, talking walks, tickle and tease each other, everything and everytime I have the time of my life.
I love him so much that I can't look at him for more than seconds because I think he's so beautiful that he makes me blush and makes me clumsy and makes me stumble and even if I hold him for hours I can't get enough of him, his voice, his laugh, his scent, his taste, his skin and all those small things and gestures he say or do that only I notice because that's part of what I fell in love with.
Everytime we see each other I want to tell him I love him but I'm too shy and scared even though I've never been so sure about anything or anyone in my life and though I believe he loves me. I'm terrified to get hurt but I love him so much I don't care about that, for the frst time I feel I can't do anything but trust him even if I don't always understand why the world's cutest, nicest, sweetest, funniest, hottest guy wants to have me as his (first) girlfriend. He says he can ask me the same thing; why I would be with him.
So it may be a cliché but real love came to me when I least expected it and "once a cheater/liar, always a cheater/liar" is as wrong as anything can get. I've always said the truth about my past if he have asked, even if it's not been pretty and people say you can make mistakes and you can, but I would never do it to him or do something that would hurt him.
Even if you're scared to tell people how you feel - make yourself say those things! It can be a disaster but then you're friends will be there for you and pick you up and make you heal. It's heartbreaking if you open up and things don't work out, but then at least you know that you can move on. You'll regret it more if you don't take the risk. Everyone is scared so go out there and fight for the love because he or she can be the one you've always been looking for.
He can turn out to be so perfect that you want to scream to the world that he's all you ever wanted, that he's the most wonderful person you've met and when you think you know all about him he tells you something that surprises you, in the greatest way because everything about him is so fascinating and special. And he becomes your lover, boyfriend and your best friend and he's making you so happy that everytime you look at him or touch him, you're thinking that he is the part that's been missing in your two-pieces-puzzle... Oh, how he completes me.