Friday, November 27, 2009

hey you.


unknown

It'll soon be 2 years after we've broken up. How we met was really a funny experience. Whoever heard of meeting through staring incident? I believe that he was heaven sent, my guardian angel that was there to guide me along in life. Is it weird to say that I feel in love with this guy just by merely chatting through msn and phone? I've never talked to him face to face before until we got together. I spent my whole time in class messaging him even though he was just in a classroom 2 stories above mine. And I looked forward to every night because it'd be the time that he'd call and we'd talk till it was past midnight. My friends were telling me that I was falling in love, but I didn't believe so. Until the day that I cried because I was jealous over him talking to another girl. That's when I found out that what my friends had been telling me for the past month was indeed accurate.

Even though we didn't talk face to face when we bumped into each other in school, I still remember how I felt whenever I saw him coming or when I saw his backview. That sudden adrenaline rush, the quickening of heartbeat, how everything around me started spinning and slowing down and the only sound I could hear was how hard I was breathing and my own heartbeat. All I could see was just him and at that point in time I thought, "Wow, he is gorgeous."

He was a guy that had heads turned when he walked around in school. Standing at 1.8xm tall, with broad shoulders & nice body, big eyes; double eyelids, fair skin, looking like a pretty boy yet having the American badboy look, it wasn't a question of why girls would oogle at him publicly. How we got together was unusual too, he was shy and was unwilling to say his feelings out to me directly. But he showed his feelings through his actions. How he took note of my feelings, the way that I spoke and the way I sounded through our text messages was remarkable and.. stunning. It's like he could see right through me to the deepest of my heart and he understood how I felt without me saying a word.

I remember everything since the day we were together till the day that things ended between us. How we could just go around shouting in public not bothering if anybody thought that we were crazy because all we wanted was just to see each other smile & laugh and that'd be enough. How he showed me a side of him that nobody has ever seen before - a gentle yet vulnerable side. He was mine, and with just him alone I was very contented with life. Because life with him was never dull, I had something to look forward to everyday, even if it was just a smile. I remember how we'd walk in supermarkets pretending that we were married, cooking dishes; doing house chores; playing FIFA & betting on soccer together.

I'll never forget how his eyes seemed to sparkle whenever he laughed or whenever we met. How our bodies fitted so perfectly together - hands & shoulders. How his tone changed when he was talking to me compared to when he was talking to someone else. How he always winked at me when other girls were oogling at him to give them a hint that he was my boyfriend. How protective he was of me when guys tried to get near me and how he loved playing tricks on others.

I remember begging him to stay after each time he left. Sounds stupid but I never regretted it, because I'm happy of the fact that I once loved somebody this much, and to me, he was a very very very special person in my heart.

It has been nearly 2years now, and I've been in a couple of relationships only to realise that I broke it off because I didn't love the guys. Why? Is loving someone that difficult? Or is it because I don't have the ability to love anymore? It's a shame to know that I still have butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about us, him or when I hear his name. It becomes worst when I see him face to face, I don't even know what to say, how to react or what I should do. I just go blank and I'll be in a trance afterwards.

It sucks even more when I realize that I compare every guy that has interest in me to him, to the very fact that they're not him. And you know what the sad thing is? Some of them might even be better than how he was, but I guess I'm never able to see that. Because I'm afraid to fall in love again? Or is it because I haven't really gotten over him? Are you really able to love someone subconsciously? Even without you knowing it?

Am I feeling this way because the body remembers how it feels like whenever I hear his name? Or is it because something has triggered somewhere inside of me that makes me feel this way? Memories.. they hurt and they build me up.

He has moved on, happy with his girlfriend. And me.. it's been quite some time since we've last spoke or even met each other. But I really do hope that he's doing well. Don't know if there's any chance of him seeing this, but still:

Hey you. Be happy with A no matter where you are okay. Remember if you ever need someone to talk to , you can always count on me. Don't know if you still remember me, but know that I'm always here.

-K

31 comments:

  1. Love the photo.

    Get more romance at...
    http://favola-amore.blogspot.com/

    Fare l'amore!

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  2. "we'd walk in supermarkets pretending that we were married" how beautiful! :) ...

    http://misspennylane-valeria.blogspot.com/

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  3. really random but it sounds like it's written by a singaporean

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  4. hey you!!!
    ciao, Iole
    ps love le love

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  5. Wow, this is exactly like my own story.

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  6. Almost like my story. But I don't want him to be happy.

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  7. Nice story, and I can relate to the part where you compare him to others, and even if some of them ARE indeed "better" than him, they never feel right. Mooore stories Le love! :)

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  8. I think the queston in this entry becomes: I've you've really loved someone, can you ever love someone els?

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  9. dont give up. talk to him. tell him how you feel. you have nothing to loose just go gain!

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  10. @Anonymous said...

    "really random but it sounds like it's written by a singaporean"

    I was thinking the same thing too! I believe it was the 1.8x height reference...it's a very singaporean thing to say.

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  11. im in a similar situation aswell, but its been a shorter period of time since we broke up.
    i just cant seem to love anyone else as much as i loved him. im hoping one day i will, and im hoping that day will come soon. i'm dwelling on the past too much, and my heart can't quite believe that its over.
    i hope it all works out for you.
    <3

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  12. I feel this. Hope the very best for both of you. People can never be too "selfish" for their own good.

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  13. "It's a shame to know that I still have butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about us, him or when I hear his name. It becomes worst when I see him face to face, I don't even know what to say, how to react or what I should do. I just go blank and I'll be in a trance afterwards.

    It sucks even more when I realize that I compare every guy that has interest in me to him, to the very fact that they're not him. And you know what the sad thing is? Some of them might even be better than how he was, but I guess I'm never able to see that. Because I'm afraid to fall in love again? Or is it because I haven't really gotten over him? Are you really able to love someone subconsciously? Even without you knowing it?"

    I'm feeling this too, like u can't help but compare every guy to him and how he's better off in any sense, even though u know he's imperfect too. It's not easy to fall in love so deeply again, and you may be afraid of falling too deep and receiving the same hurt, but I'm sure the time will come when u meet the next Mr. Right who can completely override the previous one :) I'm waiting for mine too :)

    - X.

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  14. why did you break-up then ?

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  15. oh you poor thing. good luck with the rest of puberty and middle school, and i wish you well on your arduous journey away from self-pity

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  16. you'll find your Prince Charming eventually (: there's nothing wrong hoping that the other party is happy, i mean, if you love that person or still care deeply for that person, its justified that you want him to be happy with whoever he is with now. maybe send him a msg, i'm sure he would want the same for you (:

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  17. hahah yes sounds like it's written by a Singaporean. the soccer betting part. sweet story though.

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  18. i think some of the comments are so cruel keep your nasty opinions to yourself. she'll move on in her own time and doesnt need to be told to grow up.
    but apart from that:

    - keep your hope in love darling, you never know what the future holds.. <3

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  19. you can love another equally, but you can't love another the same.
    i know how you feel. and im asking myself the same stupid questions.

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  20. Its not because you cant love anymore, nor does the body remember his touch but its because you are just not ready to move on.

    When you are ready, you'll know that the next person you're with would be the one for you in that moment. I promise.

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  21. this gave me butterflies, thinking about my lost love.

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  22. Close your eyes. Clear your hearts. Let it go.

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  23. Do you instantly tune into any conversation when you hear his name? Even if it's a different person?

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  24. Yesss. I will always be here for you. If you want to talk, I am here.
    If you want to listen, I am here.
    I'll be there.

    "Some love lasts a lifetime. True love lasts forever."
    -Unknown

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  25. Hello everyone! I'm K and I've read the lovely comments that you lovelies have posted. Big thanks and yes I'm doing good, it's just that sometimes I tend to think back about my past with him and can't help but to feel nostalgic. Amazing how you guys do not know who I am but yet you people give me support & words of encouragement!

    Ps: Yes, I am a singaporean.

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