Friday, September 18, 2009

yesterday i told my best friend that i was not ready to let him go


"I believe that you, for the past few weeks have been noticing this. It's nothing dangerous or serious, but I need to get this of my chest. Lately, I've been growing feelings for you. I don't expect that you'll have feelings for me in return, but I want to make sure that there's no misunderstanding, and I want to know how you feel about me."

I finally made myself tell him, while crying hysterically on the phone with my best friend.
I finally made myself tell him that I feel.
That I feel for him, in a way that he does not feel for me.

Yesterday I cried because he had told my best friend that he knows that we have to stop what we're doing.
Yesterday I told my best friend that I was not ready to let him go. Not yet.
Yesterday I was not ready to let him go.

For the past eight weeks we have shared a very physical relationship.
For the past eight weeks my highs have been the highest I have ever had, and the lows have been so very low.
I have never been as happy as when I am with him, and I have never cried this much.
Just because I have known that he is not at his happiest when he is with me.

I know that I remind him about things that he would rather forget.
I know that I remind him everytime we meet, about the time he was cheating with me.
I know that I remind him about one of the most heartbreaking times of his life.

And that is why he will never feel for me in the way that I feel for him.

But, at least, I finally made myself tell him.



  1. holy shit. i actually know EXACTLY how you feel.. i really felt the heart break in this story :( it reminds me of me and my best friend in high school... you feel lonely even though you give your heart to someone.. when they don't love you back it's just terrible, thank you for posting this! i understand how it feels

  2. I understand this as well, it hurts so much when they don't love you the way you want them to

  3. this is so deep. seriously. and I do know the feeling where someone you love doesn't feel the same way about you. it just hurts so bad. but somehow, I just got over it. thanks M and Le Love (:

  4. the photo is heart-wrenching.

  5. such a gut wrenching, beautiful, honest, necessary post. keep your head up M. thank you for sharing. its what i NEEDED to hear tonight.
    thank you & many hugs for you, darling.

    you're in my thoughts,

  6. I feel the heartbreak in this but I also see the bravery in the heartbreak. I wish I could say what I truly felt to the one who should hear it but the fear of him not feeling the same way back is keeping me from that. I respect your bravery in the face of all the tears. I don't know you but I can tell that you're strong and you'll make it through this and you'll find someone who does feel the same way back in time.

  7. i realy understand you because I'm in love with my best friend..and he doesn't share any kind of felling for me..I guess you just have to move on.You can do it and donn't worry cause there is always someone there for you.

  8. :( i understand how u feeling, i too have been through this feeling ...

  9. I have no idea what this post means. I'm probably too shallow or something. While I was reading it, I just kept thinking about what I wanted for Christmas.

  10. it seems like he was in a r/s with you when it all happened. the cheating and all the stuff.

    and it's happening to me ATM. i love her but she's attached but i'm enjoying every single moment with her while i can. because happiness doesn't come easy. the feeling sucks though because i know she will never like more than i like her because she has a bf.


    i don't know who you are, but HOLYYYYYYY SHIT

  12. well done for telling him, i wish i could! but i keep telling myself that if i do i will lose him, and it's better to have him as a friend than not at all right? i hope so.

  13. oh =(

    i feel pretty the same things as you do now.
    at least the first few lines could exactly be mine.
    but... i did not tell him. i want to but i am kind of scared, that he would end up our friendship.

    hope everything's turning out good,
    greetings from germany

  14. I can feel how you felt by your words...

    I'd like to share such sorrow with you...

    It's life, everything does not always go into our expected direction... So take it easy... try to recover and I think the other luck (much more better) would come to you soon...

    Take care my friend...

    I love you blog, especially your selected pictures ^^

  15. this is heartbreaking. what a miserable feeling to feel.

  16. oh god, it broke my heart... best friends relationships are the most problematic ones, i also had my share.


  17. my dear M,

    gosh, I truly admire you for being able to tell him how you feel. I wish i could have your bravery but im still too afraid of losing the friendship.

    In a way, I'm happy for you that you told him in the end as it'll help you with your closure. you def deserve to be someone who knows what he has when he has you : ) be strong!


  18. I did the exact same thing a few weeks ago. It was the worst thing I ever done in my whole life. I made myself cry, and I made him cry. A lot.

    Then it was really strange between us for a couple of weeks but I think we're starting to get back to where we were before all this happened that terrible night. We have talked a lot since it happened. It was the right decision to tell him about my feelings even though it harmed our relationship for a while.

    He told me that he really care about me and do like me, but not in the same way I feel for him. It was terrible to hear but I came out as a stronger person from this experience and still have my best friend in my life. So I made the right decision, I hope you made it too.

  19. i befriended a girl who i fell in love with. i couldn't tell for sure whether she felt the same for me, as it seemed to work in waves. very recently i decided to give her a kiss as we parted and she reacted in a way i didn't anticipate.

    now i don't see anything of the one she were,
    nothing of the warmness,
    nothing of the kindness,
    nothing of the make-me-laugh-ness. and worst,
    nothing of the send-those-enjoyment-chills-down-my-diaphragm-physical-closeness.
    and it hurts worse than anything i've felt so far.

    thank you for this post.

  20. This is the most tragic thing I've ever heard. I'm a hopeless romantic and will hope for everything to work out for you.

  21. wow i literally know how you feel. i fell for my best friend and made myself tell him after we started a physical relationship and he obviously didn't feel the same way so now we're not friends anymore. its so sad to think that it's so easy for this person to walk out of your life when you feel like you need and want them in your life like air. im so sorry! it gets easier though. with time <3

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  23. you just wrote down my saturday night

  24. I got goose bumps just reading this. I can't even imagine how you feel, but I know you'll be alright eventually, you are certainly brave enough.

  25. darling girl, you will find that in someone else.

  26. you're a slutwhore for being the third party

  27. I know exactly how you feel,I´m living a situation like that. i pray everyday wishing this feeling will fade away but i doesn´t.

  28. had to cry whilst reading this.. just know this feeling too good

  29. Hey Anonymous; I know it was wrong of him to cheat, and we both regret it deeply. I respect your opinion, but you cath more bees using honey than you do using vinegar.

    To all others; Thank you dearly for those heartwarming comments, it really made my day! Love to you!

  30. High five for telling him! I need to tell him but this is what i'm afraid of...that i'll lose him. i'll lose my best friend. but one day i'll havetell him. hopefully he'll feel the same.

    The picture is beautiful by the way and I love your blog!!

  31. I understand unrequited love, everyone has gone through unrequited love. But unrequited love with someone who is/was attached is a different thing. if he can never return the same feelings, then it probably won't work.

    by the way, it wasn't just wrong of him to cheat, it was wrong of you to get attached knowing what he was doing. It takes two, I just hope you learn from it. You deserve better.

  32. i know how it feels i am there too now at this moment except im a guy. it sucks

  33. i'm in love with my bestfriend, he knows all my flaws, my fears, my hopes and my dreams. i'm scared tt if i tell him how i felt, he would take away my ability to love anyone else...

    i keep telling myself that him being around is enough but it never is, isn't it?

    to make matters i'm a guy and he may or may not be gay...

  34. To the last "Anonymous": No, it never seems to be enough... I hope you work it out, though, maybe he feels the same way, but is too scared to talk about it.

  35. oh my god.. reading this made me cry. (I have to say first that I love your blog). but I know how you feel. about a year ago i started to see a guy, who I still see. we never became a couple, just best friends. but sleeping with my best friend was the stupidest thing I've ever done. at first there were no probs, but when you grow feelings for someone who you care so much about and it's not mutual.. it hurts. like hell. he does not dare to love, once broken and afraid to love again. he does not let himself fall in love. stuck in reverse, we try to be just friends but it fails, time after time. we won't be a couple and we can't be JUST friends.. but I don't wanna loose him. god, it hurts

  36. this is so beautiful. I am currently going through the same's absolutely heart wrenching and I don't know how it will all end.
    This gave me shivers. Amazing.

  37. i really completely understand what you feel
    its just not fair and i hate it
    i just wish things werent this way, because if it weren,t i know we'd be together happy and living life.. :(


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