Thursday, September 24, 2009

he has no idea


weheartit

I met a boy and fell for him fast. We moved fast. Everything was such a rush, everything was perfect, we were so obsessed with each other. He would tell me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He would say “you're amazing” every hour. Except when he said it, it wasn’t just a line, it was the truth. The truth in his eyes. But I had to leave, and I knew I couldn’t do long distance. I have too ,any whims, I’m not good at being alone, I would have strayed. So I just cut off all contact, said cruel and hurtful things, pushed him away on purpose, alienated him so that he would leave me alone. Because it hurt too much to be friends, I thought it would be better to have no contact.

I was wrong. It was the stupidest decision of my life, because I find that not knowing someone well, can make you never get over them. The truth is, I don’t know him that well. What we had was short, it was over before I had a chance to see whether we were really good together, whether he was right for me. So all this time, even while I’ve had relationships with so many other guys, I always compare the new boys to one boy who I barely even knew, and they all fall short. Because his memory is so perfect, it’s so indestructible because it’s unfinished. I didn’t have time to discover his flaws, the little quirks that annoy, the arguments that break a couple a part. I didn’t give him a chance to show me that side of himself. All I have are the memories of that new, excited feeling. Of butterflies every time his fingers brushed my arm, of electric sparks every time we kissed, because it was so new, and unexpected and amazing. I have idealized this boy to the point where he is perfect in my eyes, and because of that, I can’t be satisfied with anyone else. But I can’t go back to him either, I cut off all ties, made it clear I never wanted to talk to him. He doesn’t know I think about him every day. He probably thinks he was completely insignificant, because I lied, and told him that he was. I swore I couldn’t care less. He has no idea. And I have no idea what it would be like to really be with him, have a real relationship with him, and I have to live with the fact that it is completely my fault. For being so proud, and so presumptuous to think I would get over him in two minutes. I never thought I’d hold on this long, to a ghost of a person. To an illusion of a person, that isn’t very likely a true reflection of him anyway.

And my advice to anyone reading this is, don’t let opportunities pass you by. Don’t dismiss people without thinking about how you may feel later. Don’t end something great, just because you think it would be too inconvenient to your life to let it continue. The truth is, everyone needs closure. Even if you do try something, and it’s difficult, and it ends, at least you know you tried. At least you know it was really the right decision to end it. You tried, and you failed. That’s okay, that’s something you’ll get over. But wondering, always wondering how it would have went if you had just let it happen, that’s torture. It’s the “what ifs” that keep me up at night. And the fact that he was strong enough to want me, to want to put up a fight for me, and I wasn’t strong enough to fight for him. And for the way I feel now, I have only myself to blame.


- Anonymous

68 comments:

  1. ahhh!!! GO AFTER HIM STILL!! it's never too late! and if you do, please tell me what happens :)

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  2. What a beautifully truthfully story.....
    Thank you for sharing!

    If you already havent I recommend you listening to Gotye "Hearts a Mess."

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  4. Love the pic. I agree though, it's never too late!

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  5. I have a boy that I compare all boys too yet he wasn't even a huge part of my life & here you have simply put it into words. I never knew him well enough & in that moment he was perfect. we were perfect. It is so great to read it explained this way b/c it makes so much sense - it was never finished & we didn't try. we never had our chance. so for sharing this - I thank you! It's just perfect.

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  6. totally amazing. The picture is beautiful.

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  7. I could have written that entire thing myself, practically. I was in that situation for two years, and it was. just. like that.
    Now I've learned he wasn't the one for me. (But maybe this guy IS the guy for her.)

    But I still remember all those days of wondering and comparing all my boyfriends to him.

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  8. babe, whoever you are bhind these lines.. let me just say: it is never too late to pick up the phone, shoot an email, open your heart, see how he is now.
    I've been in a long distance for 1,5yrs now.. broke up the 3rd time ytrd, but everytime we lose each other we know it was silly to blame the distance.
    if you really like that boy, you should get it contact again and see if there's anything left in his heart.. :)
    good luck!

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  9. omg thank you!!!!! I'm in this situation right now, thinking about ending things but now I realized that I would regret it later because I have no good reason... everything is so great, I guess I'm just afraid of getting serious with things. Anyway, thank you for writing this, thank you thank you thank you.

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  10. Oh no! I hope it works out :-( You will no doubt find someone to replace him who will love u as much as u love him

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  11. Wow, you have been such a great inspiration!
    I am thinking about doing the exact same thing with a guy I just made. but not because of long distance, only because I am scared to get hurt.

    You have made me think about it. Thank you.

    Buy the way, contact him! Please!

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  12. what if he never forgot about you either?

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  13. in this situation too...broke up with him 3 month ago, theres no day i am not thinking about him...and same does he, we miss each other so much, but i am afraid to be the one missing him more, and getting rejected when i ask him to get back together with me...we did 9 month from germany to australia...at the end we blamed the distance...i´d love to find out if it worked in the same city...i´m still crying and i have the feeling i won´t be able to move on when i havn´t tried to ask him....

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  14. Get in touch with him. Don't you want to know you at least tried and failed, rather than not trying at all?

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  15. follow your own edvice - get in touch with the guy! and tell us later about the happy ending!

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  16. Dear Anonymous. It's never too late. Go after him. Tell him all this. There is a wonderful possibility out there; but you can only have it if you reach out. Even if you just barely grasp it with your fingertips, try, he will know and things can go from there. Closure, a fantastic relationship, anything. Either way, go find out. It's worth it. <3

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  17. This is pretty much how I feel right now. difference is we're still saying hello whenever we meet, but he's engaged now, so there's no turning back I guess :(

    and yeah, may be the girl who wrote this should really go back to her guy.

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  18. I was in the same situation years ago with an ex boyfriend. I lable him, the one who got away. I had to compare all boyfriends to him cause what we had was intense and just like you said, I didn't get the chance to see his flaws etc. He is now with a live in girlfriend and a baby. So now I know that he isn't the one for me. But it took me years to get over "us".
    So my advice to you is, to go after him. Take the risk. If he rejects you then you know that you have tried and you get your closure. Goodluck! :)

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  19. This was soar and beautifull. So sad.

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  20. You do blame yourself. Because you supposedly regret. You think it's too late..well, what is late is to fact that you realised that we should always try instead of leting oppotunities pass and having regrets.
    Regrets are one of the worst feelings, I hate regretting things.. This is why I'm telling you to go and talk with him, or leave him a sign.. This is my advice: Try. Try, and if he doesn't give you any sign, then you can disappear for real but you should try. Don't try to think, to excpect his reaction..
    Listen to your heart and instincts.
    You never know.. Talk to him. It's neevr good to end without any explication in such situation.
    I wish you the very best luck and PLEASE don't be prideful. Pride bruises some people's life.

    xXx

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  21. aww this is such a sad story :(
    i agree with everyone else, you should go after him!

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  22. I think everyone can relate to this post in smoe way! Great story :)

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  23. Oh God !! i've done the same thing ! twice i'd say, but each time i justified my own actions to myself saying that i'd be better to suffer the pain today rather than having it tomorow with uncertainty...

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  24. please go after him. it's not too late for regrets. Dont be afraid that the imagery of perfection will be crushed when you get to work things out with him.

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  25. this almost made my cry...

    GO AFTER HIM!

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  26. CALL HIM, WRITE TO HIM, GO TO HIM!!! Give it a chance, take the risk, tell him everything! You shouldn't let these moments, these few people you have this with, go away if you haven't done everything you can! So please, please, please do it and figure out what you are to each other, even if some time has gone by since you last saw him.

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  27. i've been in a similar situation before but the difference is that, he's the one that is not willing to try it out. Just when i thought that all is good , he packed his bag and went overseas for work. we kind of lose contact with each other except for the occassional surface 'hi-bye' emails. It's been more than a year since he left and up till today, i'm still wondering about what it could have been if he is willing to take the chance.

    So i would say, give it a chance! Chase after him if you must! And never ever let happiness slip you by. You will never know it till you try. Life is simply too short to be filled with 'what ifs' and 'what coulf have been'.

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  28. it could be too late for you two to get back together again but it could do him a world of good to know that he was important to u. that he meant something to u. it is important to tell the people that u love that u love them. even if they don't love u back u have put the love in your heart out into the universe and u will better for it. love is supposed to flow outwards not be trapped inside.

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  29. jesus. this sounds so familiar, i questioned if i had written it!! send him the link. even if you don't end up giving it another shot, he deserves to know that he was special.

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  30. I could have easily written this...

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  31. go after him girl!
    its never too late to fight for him!

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  32. Hey, girl!
    This is one of the most touching posts in this blog. If I were you I'd be scared of sharing my feelings like this. People can be really judgemental when they want to. You need to make some changes in your life. When love is making us suffer the rest of our lifes just seem to go wrong. (Why is that???) So please do something. If you think you're not strong enough to talk to him or if you think he won't listen just send him this beautiful text and see if he gives you a chance. We're all expecting news from you and hoping its good ones.

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  33. You still have a chance to reach out - I bet he thinks of you just as much - that you're the one that got away. Believe me, I've been in your position, and it worked out. It wasn't meant to be for me and the guy but we had our moment to give it a shot after my thorough rejecting of him so be brave and out yourself out there, reach out to him through the distance. You might be amazed at the surprises that are ahead...

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  34. get in the car... buy an airplane ticket... go to him and tell him... what do you have to lose?! live. then update us...

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  35. anonymous:
    take your own advice, try.
    i also have one of those guys from my past.and perhaps i shouldn't tell you to try when i can't pratice what i preach.i'm too scared but i hope you have the guts.
    maybe he's still waiting for you. maybe he also comepares his relationships with you.
    you can do it.

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  36. I've been following these updates for a long white now, and this one has truly touched me, I do admit that I've dont something quiet similar, and to feel that form someone else makes me realize now that I need to swallow my pride and simply talk to them again. Thank you. <3

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  37. Thank you so much for sharing! <3
    I've been feeling like I want to push my boyfriend away for a while, but this made me think that if I did that, I would be really unhappy about it.

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  38. This is a lesson learned too late. And now I will never know....

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  39. i think its crazy how much we can really love a person even if we hardly know them. just the thought of that person is like an electric shock to our heart and that one measely smile is enough to make knees go weak.

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  40. You really should go after him or you'll always blame yourself for it.
    Just let him read this or something, just so he know.
    It's never too late to do that, and it'll help you.

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  41. You complain about this "what if"-feeling but what you are doing right now is going to give you another "what if"-feeling. "What if I had contacted him?" Yeah, what if you had? Why don't you? It's never to late. To be honest; I think your pride is keeping you from contact him again. Is the pride really worth it?

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  42. so sad... but if you read this, go after him. I mean, nowadays you can find a way to find him, you know cell phone, house, email, facebook, mutual friend, anything will do, because I really think that he deserves to know how you feel. Just to tell him how great he was and then let it go if it's the case, so that you can make the ghost disappear. Just tell him no hoping for anything else so that he knows he was special somehow...

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  43. I know how you feel, but i believe that if you let them go and they don't come back that it's not ment to be, but if you let them go and it's ment to be, then they'll come back. sometime, somehow, if it was ment to be then you'll get your second chance.

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  44. It's like she took those words right out of my mouth. And I just realized why I can't forget him, because he's still perfect in my eyes. His memory is perfect.

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  45. i am in the same situation now. we were only together for a month before i had to leave. but it was so intense, everything happened so fast, we fall so deeply in love. but i didnt push him away, i wanted him so bad. he blamed the distance but i guess he didnt want me bad enough to make things work. :( now, although we are still friends, it actually makes it more difficult to move on. i still want him to be part of my life, but he doesnt seem to. sometimes i wonder what would happen if i did the same thing as what you did. would we feel better?

    at least now i know that he's just not that into me, and he wouldnt want to make an effort to make things work. YOU should do something!! let him know how you feel. be honest to him. even if things didnt work out, at least you tried and you wont have regrets. all the best to you. :)

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  46. go after him! thats what happened with my last boyfriend. i got scared and pretty much pushed him out of my life. i'm still not over him and think about him all the time. its too late though he knocked some girl up...but try to find him and tell him how you feel before it really is too late!!

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  47. I read this and it was as though I was reading an excerpt from my own life. Only, I was the one who was left. It devastated me, but still I see perfection in imperfections. Still, I think of the way we kissed and the way he took my breath away.

    We didn't speak for 14 months after it ended. He moved 500 miles away. We started talking 7.5 months ago and we're both counting down the days until we get to see each other. In the end, maybe we won't work, but at least we'll know why.

    Give it a shot. Really.

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  48. i am going through exactly the same thing. good luck to you and don't give up... :)

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  49. So that pretty much worded what I couldn't. Thanks for sharing - and to everyone out there who read this and immediately saw that one boy you can't get over, good luck.

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  50. Please go after him. I bet he's wanting you just as bad as you're wanting him right now. Please. Because I mean when you do go after him after everything you said to separate you two, whether it works out or doesn't, at least you'll know you tried.

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  51. wow, I totally love this quote

    I have idealized this boy to the point where he is perfect in my eyes, and because of that, I can’t be satisfied with anyone else.

    That is what I do to EVERY boy I like. Except, I never do anything about it. I just admire him from afar.
    Thank you so much for sharing this story.
    I think you should still fight for him.

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  52. i dont mean to brag but i was "that guy" to my first official girlfriend. except i had to move and we didn't talk for 8 years. i finally found her and once again, sparks blew off the roof and i know we have something. only problem is that she has a bf now and she doesnt plan on leaving him xD but then again, we were kids. :/

    i say you track him down and catch up. if things aren't meant to be, then it won't happen or happen for a particular reason. :) good luck!

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  53. I'm in love with this post. So recognizeable it made me cry.

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  54. please find him if its not too late.. i went through that with my ex 5 years ago and i've never had a boyfriend since then for no one can compare. and he fought for me but i was immature and stupid. then again, he was from another country and would eventually return and never come back, unless it was once a year or so...

    sometimes i wish we could meet people at the right place and right time; when they come along at a time you can't make the right decisions, its so sad.

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  55. This is perfect.
    I've been through this type of situation and I know how it feels, but I've never been able to put it into words, but you did beautifully.

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  56. really great. and i can totally see what you mean. but it's stupid of you to be like that. if you really miss him and think about him everyday, get in touch with him again! why shouldn't you?
    i think you'd feel much better about yourself if you tried fighting for him.

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  57. im in the situation, even when i have a BF now, i still think of this guy who seems sto be so perfect with everythin that he does,, i cant compare him to anyone else..

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  58. you wrote the exact thing that happened to me, the exact same time. i wish i knew about lelove way earlier. i could have changed the way things ended up. now, I've lost him forever and there's no turning back.

    Im left to wonder about the ending all my life.

    to all who's reading. never do this to yourself, always get closure.

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  59. Quite effective info, thank you for the post.

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