Friday, August 28, 2009

trying to forget you


Things I loved about you


The way you stared at me when I close my eyes, then you closed your eyes and I stared at you


How perfectly your hand fit in mine


How you seemed so strong on the outside, but I could tell you were so sweet on the inside


The way you said I love you, because you sounded so shy


How during that first time we were alone, when we held hands and talked for hours and finally kissed after so long


How you were so interested in my life and what I was doing


How you remembered everything I said to you perfectly


When you texted me randomly (as little as that may be)


When you told me I’m one of the most perfect girls you’ve ever met


How you were too shy to hold my hand, in case I didn’t want you to


The awkward moments - because they weren’t really awkward at all


Sitting at the table with your family and enjoying myself and you


Taking photo booth pictures with you and you made the best faces I’ve ever seen


Getting high together and making weird animal sounds as we walked back to your house


The way you made me feel after we made out for an hour


How you told me I looked great every time we saw each other - despite how untrue I thought it was


How I sat on your lap when we went on the computer together, and your legs fell asleep but you didn’t care, as long as I was sitting that close to you


How even on the coldest nights, you lent me your sweater


How much you have passions for things


Your laugh/smile


How you always made fun of me - I secretly loved it


What a loser you are, because I am too


How you admitted defeat and say sorry when I wouldn’t let you win a fight


The way you made the butterflies in my stomach flutter every time I saw your smile


How much you made me love you.

But now they are things of the past, since we broke up. I’m slowly getting over every one of these ways I loved you by replacing them with things I don’t like about you. I don’t think it’s working too well, though, because I know they will each still be in the back of my head because you were my first love and I will never forget you or a single thing that I loved about you. And truthfully, I still love most of those things. I’ll miss every one of them.


-anonymous submission

54 comments:

  1. dear anonymous,
    it's okay to never forget these things, because they are a part of who you are. they are pieces of the puzzle that make up your story, and throwing away any of those pieces altogether would take away from the beauty of the final picture. one day, this list won't be as fresh in your mind, and won't sting as badly when you think about each thing. personally, i like to carry the pieces of loves past with me inside as a reminder of who i was at that point in time, and all of the ways that i've changed since then. while i hope you find the comfort that time brings, know that i do still understand how badly it hurts. i still have trouble forgetting the way that certain past loves made me feel, but then i ask myself: why forget? keep it as a part of you, but don't let it prevent you from moving forward. i wish you the best.

    xoxo

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  2. ahh.. That's something I'm trying to do at the moment. =\ It's sooo hard to do especially if you were "in love" with that one person. Basically the only thing I'm doing is, "avoiding" contact with the person, putting memories into a box and just seeing any places that we ever went to as "just a place". And now the only thing I have left to do is...pretend the pillow I was given is nothing BUT a pillow I hug to keep me warm...and paint over my door which, me and him painted with random images. =\ Supressing memories isn't a fun thing to do. We probably just do it because we believe it'll remove the "hurt" we feel after we've broken up.

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  3. I love the post and hate the picture.....the feeling of my someone trying to forget about me makes my heart break a little more every time i see that.

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  4. I don't like the picture at all. But the words touched me dearly.

    The second comment was exactly the thing I wanted to hear after reading the submission. And I hope it's exactly what anonymous needed to hear.

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  5. i hardly comment, but i had to after seeing this post. it's beautiful, and resonates with me still after all this time.

    Even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't carry these pieces anymore, I still do. And i hope someday these pieces looks their serrated edges.

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  6. loses their serrated edges. sorry for the double posting babes. (:

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  7. beauty and truth hand in hand.

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  8. I'm feeling exactly the same as you.e x a c t l y.everytime I think about him,I feel my heart die a little bit.thanks for writing that.It was awesome.
    gwen

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  9. that was really beautiful but heartbreaking...it made me tear up. forgetting about someone you had intense feelings for is one of the hardest things in life, but is also a big part of it.

    hope you find what you are looking for!

    xx

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  10. This post makes my heart ache so much.

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  11. So honest. It's all true.

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  12. This is so beautiful.

    It's all the things I love <3

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  13. thank you guys for all of these comments
    writing this got so many feelings out of me that i really needed and hearing all of these beautiful comments helps so much
    love you all!

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  14. This is so beautiful, I think it's worth the pain if you are able to remember all the good stuff. It will hurt until it's a sweet memory you get back to.

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  15. this was so beautifully written. it really touched my heart.

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  16. My boyfriend and I broke up about two months ago and I'm with someone new. I thought I had totally moved on until a few days ago when I remembered him and couldn't stop the pain.

    very honest, plain direct writing

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  17. http://tinypic.com/r/1053290/3

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  18. you are amazing!
    this is so beautiful
    that is all

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  19. That was gorgeous!

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  20. yet another master piece of a perfect depiction of love or the absence of it...
    yet another example of how we people across the world go through a similar series of emotions...how we hold ourselves through these phase's in life

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  21. This is beautiful. Good luck my dear :)

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  22. this describes me exactly about two months ago
    it eventually does work
    the forgetting that is
    the loves still kind of there
    im waiting to see if that fades ever

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  23. This a fist biting entry.

    It's pretty much what I would do... although it's a fruitless way to rid someone from your memory to be perfectly honest.

    SIGH.

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  24. 1. Thank you, I needed that as I am doing the same exact thing;

    2. It almost made me cry, I had to hold back;

    3. Simply beautiful.

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  25. This was a beautiful post...it gave me the chills and made my heart slightly ache as it's something that each and every human goes through :)

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  26. this is where i am headed. i feel for you already.

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  27. Wow. That's beautiful because it's so real and unique to your relationship. Your words are obviously full of love but tinged with a raw sadness. I appreciate this so much - it's similar to lists I made recently after my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. Sometimes it's the big things you miss - hugging and kissing. But mostly, it's the little things - those are what make you cry randomly, what stop you in your tracks because their memory knocks the wind out of you. I've got those, too. It took me months to get over him and move on, and that's okay. I can finally just smile when I think of these things - no tears or the gut-wrenching feeling of missing him. And that's good.

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  28. i have a boyfriend now. a genuine one and one of a kind. i love him to the deepest. but, i still love my ex, my first love, the one who thought me how every girl; should be treated. it has been 2 years and a half since we broke up, and only now i know, that i will never ever forget my first, and no matter how bad things ended between the two of us, i will always forgive him, and i will always miss him.

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  29. Jip. Everyone goes through it. And for everyone it's the worst feeling imaginable. I'm there now. And it hurts so much. Thanx for sharing

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  30. love it, adore it.
    true true true, as always!

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  31. I absolutely love this blog but sometimes, it is so hard for me to read and look at the posts. Reading all the wonderful love stories gives me hope though.
    I recently broke up with my bf (if you call 6 months ago recent, that is) and it hasn't gotten easier. I feel like time isn't helping. This post really hit the spot on me. I remember the good things about our relationship but I have to remind myself daily that there were so many things that should've been different. Regardless, I miss him daily and he was still my first love. That will never change.

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  32. It's all so true. It plainly is. Life sucks for a good while. But making yourself miserable doesn't make it any better. Keep busy. Pick yourself up, as *you* are your own best friend. And now is a perfect time that you can fill your life with love-- other kinds of love. Bc/ after such bad breakups, it is so hard to remember how beautiful other parts of life can be. I dealt with a serious breakup for the past year (after dating the person for six years!). It is not easy, but rebuilding your memories through time helps.

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  33. This is so much like me it's scary.

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  34. I dont want to leave the person Im with because Im scared of how painful it will be, we shared moments just like all of these but now those moments are few and far apart. Somehow though, reading this has made me feel a little stronger. Thank you.

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  35. wow. that rang (almost exactly) true to my first love. even sitting on his lap in front of the computer. The list goes on and on and on though. It won't ever end. But that's ok. Even though I started weeping (silly as it seemed) as I read this; even though I would run to him in a heartbeat if I thought I could change things, I've accepted I'll always love him. Even though I may never be able to get that back; even though the ending tore me apart and forced me to make one of the hardest decisions in my life it will always be a part of me. It will always be pure and simple and true; even if it does hang in some kind of past tense.

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  36. i know what you mean.
    i know how it hurts,
    how it aches,
    and how much it shouldn't be over.

    the love of my life isn't in love with me anymore.
    i'm pretty sure he's unsure of it everytime he says it.
    so i'll be making a list soon.

    good luck <3

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  37. this makes my heart ache. i'm doing the same thing. it makes me feel a little better to know that i'm not alone in my grieving the loss of these things. thank you.

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  38. This is amazing... But it breaks my heart because I'm in the middle of a breakup and it is exactly how I feel. I wish more than anything right now that I could forget the lovely bits... But I can't. And it hurts. :'(

    http://thekeyjar.blogspot.com

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  39. crying. ay my desk. at work....dam.
    but so beautiful, real and true

    x

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  40. aouch. feels like it could've been me writing that post.

    i didn't really broke up with "my" guy though, but he had to move. out of the country, for studies.

    he still love me, and i still fucking love him.
    but... we're not even in the same part of the world anymore. he's in new zealand, and i'm in fucking sweden, and that's how it's going to be for the next two years...

    it hurts, so bad.

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  41. That was really nice...It's weird because when ur in that situation you feel so alone and that no one understands, but nearly everyone goes through it. It's pretty crazy...

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  42. My boyfriend and I broke up two nights ago, and I know exactly what this person means. Reading it made me start to cry

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  43. Im going through this at the moment and it is actually the hardest thing ever because everything reminds me of him...I love this blog by the way! Im such a romantic and it is so lovely reading through the things on here. x

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  44. the moment i read this i burst into tears
    its so strange that everyone of those somehow related to me and my late boyfriend and as much as i try to pretend i have forgotten, i havnt, and i never will. i still love him so much. it kills me

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  45. Nunca antes habría escrito en algún Blog, pero en verdad que con lo que has escrito me he identificado. Muy bonito.

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  46. gah, that made me want to cry.

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  47. That's pretty rough. Those things are gonna take awhile to forget. But you'll get there.

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