Monday, August 24, 2009

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i have been struggling for four years what some people struggle their entire lives with, being in love with someone you cant seem to be with. I have come to realize in these past four years, that love is not as hard as some people make it to be. When you are in the infinite state of infatuation, a feeling no word or emotion could ever come close to describing, you feel as though this life is worth living. And when you lose it, its unreal. Its a pain i cant describe. Every muscle in my body tenses and my heart pounds so hard i feel like it will kill me. The thing i have learned most, is that this pain proves to me that my heart and felt a happiness i may never feel again. I now know from my suffering that the time period in which i did feel this happiness was worth it. There are few moments in life in which i believe we find true happiness, a moment in which everything stands still and every emotion thought or worry is gone, and your a single soul floating in a world of ecstasy. Its a feeling i wouldnt trade for anything. There is no real conclusion to this, because its undescribable. I do know, that this pain i have felt, this feeling of hopelessness only shows me, i did once fall in love. And every ounce of faith in me, is devoted to the thought of reliving the happiness. I will always have hope.

-anonymous


When I think about you not being here with me (I actually think about you all the time), it makes me sick to my stomach. I miss you so much it physically hurts. Whenever I talk about you, I feel a knot in my throat. I can't picture myself with anyone but you. And time goes by and does it's cray thing but, how I feel doesn't change, it never goes away, even when I hate you for leaving me, for not loving me enough, it doesn't weather. How I cried myself to sleep wishing I could feel you close to me one more time. How I wish I could just stop feeling because it hurts so much. I want to move on, I want to walk away and just remember you every now and then as someone I was fond of. I'm tired and frustrated because I don't understand you, I don't know what it is that you want or feel... sometimes I think you don't even know that yourself. I can go and conquer the world and make my wildest dreams come true but, in the end you are not here. I feel as if I lost a part of me, you took and I want it back. I play it cool, I cry when no one sees me, I dream of you. I'm in hell.

-nic

35 comments:

  1. What a great picture. The pain in these entries tonight is so palpable - so many of us have felt it. I always wonder if it will ever go away... even when we're in a happier place, it still lingers. The "what if"...

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  2. this is beautiful...i have the same feeling..will the love ever fade?

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  3. I love these post and can't wait for the 'reliving of happiness' and I guess if I have to experience pain to realize the love...I will live through it.

    x, ash

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  4. wow. Thank you for this blog. Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am and to not take it for granted!

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  5. The post is amazing, I think I feel very much the same, and I fear that I will lose the feeling someday.

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  6. I feel every word of this in the same way.

    Always remember, you're not alone.

    There really is something beautiful about knowing that you there is a person not even a mile away from you feeling the same pain over love. And as sad as it may be and as bad as it may make you feel. I know in my heart I will never feel as alive as I do with my broken heart.

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  7. i can relate to this more than i can relate to anything. my first true love, my one and only. i still am not over him. i dont think i ever will be, it kills me inside but ive learn how to hide it.

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  8. Wow, that second one is intense. I have tears in my eyes!

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  9. This post is incredible.

    www.loveandlifeinpictures.blogspot.com

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  10. Just the other night, I cried myself to sleep, because I also have a person I'm not sure what he's feeling and I can't stand to be without. When you lost it, it's surely hard, but being in a state of not knowing for sure, when you had it, lost it, but not entirely. When the hope is the only thing that keeps your heart beating and stops it at the same time, that's my kind of hell I'm in. And I still don't wanna leave it. That's how addicted you get to someone. And you'll never regret it.

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  11. I could have written the second one myself. I lost the love of my life a couple of months ago and I just can't get over it. He was the other half of me.

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  12. wow really well written. all the words expressed what i have been feeling all these months. and all i can do is wait and hope and this is the thing that hurts me the most. i miss him all the time, every hour, every minute. the beautiful moments we shared will just cruelly replay in my mind. it's really hard to forget anything about him.

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  13. The second text is like the mirror of my soul at the moment. My boyfriend left me a while ago and the agony I feel is very much the same as described in that one. I know somewhere deep inside of me that time will change it but at the moment I am not capable of imagining ever being with anybody else or feeling happy without him again.

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  14. Nic - the second post, you are so open my heart strings are soaring along with you, i feel the same, after 6 months
    heres hope that eventually you'll find someone who does love you and wont leave <3

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  15. The most painful thing in the world is to have something so wonderful and see it slip way and rot. As much as you try to fix it, or solve it's problems, it's always reminding you that your efforts are in vain because love is never as strong as fate. Fate will always win.

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  16. really beautiful and honest. this hurt my heart a little.

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  17. Thank so much for your comments ♥ I just had to express it. It's overwhelming to keep quiet. Thank you because I know I'm not alone and I will be fine, someday. I couldn't have imagined the response, I wrote this in tears I felt angry and sad all at the same time. I've come to a decision about this I have faith that I will be alright whatever the outcome.
    -nic

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  18. anonymous and Nic just spoke all the words I haven't been able to find. It feels good that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

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  19. I never realized that I am in the same state as the person who wrote the 2nd one until I heard the words, "I can go and conquer the world and make my wildest dreams come true but, in the end you are not here."

    It sums up everything I've been going through. And since I've devoted all my energies to work just to try to forget, I forget this.

    It pains me that he no longer loves me and that he is too gullible to have been caught by a former friend, who did so, just to hurt me--nothing more. All these time, I wanted to let him know that here intentions are to hurt others, that someone has a more pure love. But I don't because I don't want to push him away.

    Anyway, a friend sent me this poem yesterday about Loss:

    One Art
    The art of losing isn't hard to master;
    so many things seem filled with the intent
    to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

    Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
    of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
    The art of losing isn't hard to master.

    Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
    places, and names, and where it was you meant
    to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

    I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
    next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
    The art of losing isn't hard to master.

    I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
    some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
    I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

    ---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
    I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
    the art of losing's not too hard to master
    though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

    -- Elizabeth Bishop

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  20. Hey there, I was wondering has osmething happened to your new etc. blog? Or am I the only one who doesn't see it the same as it was a couple of days ago?

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  21. Are you sure i didnt write the second one? Nic, every line, every word, resonated so perfectly with how i feel it is as though you have written a story about my last year. And its true, hanging onto him is killing me, but i just cant give it up. And i will go on and conquer wild dreams, and then i will imagine how it would have been if he had done it with me. I have already shut down my other feelings, now all i can feel is the painfull longing for him.

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  22. I feel exactly the same. So sad... but at the same time, so comforting to know that I am not alone. I´m still struggling to cope with that, but I´m sure time will cure my pain.

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  23. heartbreaking. i dont know if its better to feel that way, or to not feel anything at all?


    http://www.insidestoop.com/

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  24. For all those who commented that you are still in love with that one true love and that you try to hide it, you should go after it if that is how you feel. I experienced my first true love gone...forever...he is now a intangible and I will never get to tell him how I feel ever again. So do it before it's too late.

    nic hit is right on...that feeling that everytime you try to talk about...it evokes so much emotions and suddenly the world is just too big for you...

    chase the one you love.

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  25. I did... it's not that simple, it's not up to me. I never left, it was him, he made that decision eventhough we went through tough times, I always thought we would make it but he wanted out. He said: Even though you are all I ever wanted, I'm not in love with you anymore. I only wish it'd be as easy as just chasing your love and making it happen, I believe in that, always have and I've tried but it's not in my hands, that's way I feel so frustrated, I have nothing left to say or do. He knows how I feel, he knows me, he knows it all. Nothing's left unsaid.
    -Nic

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  26. It's funny when we found some words of someone else you bem don't know and, these words fit exactly for you.
    Reading these first text, I could see myself on it, by a period of my life that came to happen four years ago. And at the same time, it's interesting and weird to realize that, somehow, everybody feels or will feel this wat someday, for worse it can be.
    For some time, I just put in my mind that I couldn't trust love anymore, 'cause it'd cheated me once and I felt like my world wold crash. But, fortunately, life showed me I was wrong.
    I can tell you, all this thing called "love" isn't easy to handle. Sometimes all I wanted is to be alone, with myself, 'cause this way no one could hurt me and make me feel that way again.
    I had an experience a year ago and, as the most prepared person I thought I were, love cheated me again, and I got hurt again, and I cried again. And now, I'm fighting against this bad and painful feeling that insists being with me all the time, just to be the person that also "gave the second chance".
    I didn't regreat about doing this until now, but, it's not easy. Past and bad thoughts keep coming after me, even if I don't want to, and sometimes my wish is to disappear from this world, leaving all behind.
    But I think the reason I didn't do this yet it's because I still believe. Believe that people can change and that love still exists. I might be wrong all about this, but sometimes I prefer to think I'm not. 'Cause world, and people, and feeling are so devastated nowadays that a little of hope can't hurt nobody.

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  27. This can't really work, I believe like this.

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  28. I fully match with whatever thing you have presented us.

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  29. Howdy! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!

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